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Phew! It Is Officially Summer! …and now mommy is TIRED.

Posted by | June 08, 2010 | IMBALANCE | 7 Comments

Meera yesterday morning, about to head off to her last day of Garden Gate

Oh my God– seriously– Meera just keeps getting cuter and cuter. Even when she’s having a Terrible Terrific Two’s Tantrum Meltdown Moment (which she’s having about once every-other-day on average now), she’s still cuter than heck. Anyway… yesterday was Meera’s last day of Garden Gate (or, as she calls it, “Baby Day”) at River Valley Waldorf School. She and I have been going every Monday morning for this past spring semester and it has been an absolutely lovely (and lovey) experience for us both. We will miss it over the summer, but plan to start up again for the fall semester. She felt like such a big girl getting her “last day of school” photo taken. And she loved going off to school with Mommy while Kyle and Owen stayed home with Margie!!! (role reversal heaven for Baby Sister who sooooo often is the one left in the dust!) Meera’s last day of Garden Gate really officially (at least in my own psyche) marked the end of a long stretch of even-more-than-usual-intensity around here. A long, long stretch of big-ticket items that — ultimately — for better or for worse, and much to my chagrin, wind up being planned-for, prepped-for, coordinated, managed, and pulled-off-by ME.

Last spring we used a calendar on the refrigerator to help K & O keep a mental grip on our goings-on during this intense period.* It really helped a lot. So, we did it again this year-- and once again it was really a God-send in keeping them from falling over the edge.

*click re: K & O’s spring fridge calendar from last year

These bouts of intensity come in waves here, and they are very much patterned. The start of the academic year (September) is an intense time for us. The end of the fall semester/holiday season (December) is an intense time for us. [note the obvious correlation between mommy’s professional calendar’s hot spots and the family’s hot spots.] But, by far the biggest wave comes in the spring; for about ten weeks around April-May we have an annual BIG KAHUNA wave of even-more-than-usual-intensity roll in around here. The good news is, we’re aware of this pattern. The bad news is, it kicks me in the butt every time. There seems to be no way to prepare for the sheer stamina required, on my part, to ride us all through it. No matter how consciously aware I am, no matter how much I attempt to hunker us down in preparation, no matter how much I warn everyone around us of this impending rush, no matter how much that helps everyone (everyone but me) weather it quite well, still– come early June– I am left flailing on the frothy edge of the sandy shore like a beached whale. The calendar on the fridge for Kyle and Owen is very minimalist–  it notes the biggest things for them– Easter, their spring school break, their birthday, our vacation, Meera’s birthday, last day of school, etc.  It barely even resembles my own calendar which has literally hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of entries in and around each of those things ranging from work meetings, end-of-year dinner events, final exams and grading, reports due, deadlines for projects, letters of recommendation due, conference calls scheduled, etc., etc., etc.— to home stuff (the million details required to pull off things like To-Die-For-Easter-Baskets and 128-Guest-6-Year-Old-Birthday-Parties and international family vacations to tropical destinations)— to everything else in between (doctors appointments! pool opening! spring/summer clothes and shoes for three growing kids! drop off dinner for sick friend! make end-of-year-presents for teachers! bring flowers to my office coordinator! send graduation gift! do the bills! plant the summer flowers! do the grocery shopping! schedule play date! send thank you note! clean the toilet!). I know, I know, what is there to complain about??? Nothing really– and, let me be clear: this is not a complaint. My life is wonderful. And I do it all (every single ounce of going-over-the-top) by choice and out of my own free will. And I must say, one of my greatest prides is that I do a darn good job of protecting those around me from my inner stress (seriously, I have almost perfected that craft). I make a lot of good stuff happen for a lot of people (first and foremost those in my little tiny family). But the toll it takes is on me. I have not had a hair cut in over six months. I have not gone running in almost a year. I have not had a date night alone with my husband since January. The last time I took a bubble bath was in 2007. Seriously, it takes a toll.

Yesterday I took Kyle and Owen to our family doctor for their six-year-old annual physicals. They are, yet again, off-the-charts (literally) for height and weight, and thriving in every possible physical/medical way. But while I was there our doctor had a little chat with me about some symptoms I’ve been exhibiting for the past ten days… and… now, for the 4th time in the past six months, I’m on another round of antibiotics– this time for a pretty serious sinus infection. I’m physically depleted, my immune system is shot, I’m burning the candle at both ends, I’m totally sleep deprived, and I’m completely utterly deeply exhausted. Don’t get me wrong– it is all worth it. There is no doubt in my mind about that. I will only live once, and I’m going to live this life fully. But I do recognize the price that I pay for that. I know I’m not alone. This is the case for so many women like me running themselves ragged out there. We know, so well, the richness and fullness and joy of our kind of living. And we know, too, the toll we pay. Mommy.Is.T.I.R.E.D. We’ve had a great run of it these past several weeks. A really great run of it! And now I’m just totally, totally, totally tired.

2010 Summer Family To-Do List

Friday night we made our Summer To-Do List. Of course, my own To-Do List looks nothing like this (!), and there is much I will have to be responsible for pulling-off this summer. But– still– it is nothing compared to the these past ten weeks of our yearly spring Big Kahuna. These next three months of summer will hopefully set a slower pace and involve some simpler pleasures. We will exhale and blow bubbles and I’ll have a few minutes to lie in the sun. This afternoon I even have an appointment for a long-awaited hair cut! The summer goals are always the same: to live it up, soak it in, and use the time wisely to refuel for another year. We’ve accepted the fact that we’re on an academic calendar year. We’ve accepted (well, mostly — still with spurts of kicking and screaming every now and then) that Mommy bears the brunt of this life we lead. We’ve resigned ourselves to what it is– and what it is not. We just haven’t quite accomplished figuring out how to make it through without massive burn-out for Heather each June. Maybe some day (like when the bambinos are in their 20s?), we’ll get that figured out. For now, it just is what it is. And though the blog probably makes it appear effortlessly perfect— well, the fact is, it isn’t. It isn’t perfect. And it definitely isn’t effortless. But it is all real. And no one can ever claim that I didn’t live life to the fullest. For that I am proud. And exhausted.

This is what happens when we try to pose them for photos

This past weekend — our first weekend of the summer season — was a splendid combination of living it up and laying low. We had a pool party to go to on Saturday (photo above taken just before we left to go to it), which was just so, so much fun. And then on Sunday we got to go to an awesome huge block party that friends of ours threw. Both events were so great, and so summery, and we had such a blast! But in between those two parties there was time for sitting around the playroom and hanging around the pool. We are off to a good start. Still, Mommy’s got quite a bit of catching up with herself to do. And it will be a major challenge to see if now — over the next 10 weeks — I can actually pull off pulling myself back together.

random shot of a mundane morning moment

7 Comments

  • kate.m.vickery says:

    Hi Heather,

    Wishing you and the rest of your family a wonderful relaxing fun-filled summer – you deserve it! Thanks once again for sharing your life with me and many others around the world – inviting complete strangers into your lives in such an intimate way. Kyle, Owen and Meera will most certainly grow up recalling how loved they felt thanks to you and Braydon's efforts in giving them your undivided attention and consciously parenting them. I am so grateful for all the opportunities and time spent during my childhood with my parents, and like you the little traditions such as sitting around the dinner table together in the evenings, going for walks together on weekends, splashing in the bath with my brother, Mum or Dad reading bedtime stories (poor Dad often due to his busy work schedule used to fall asleep while reading!), family vacations to beach resorts, birthday party treasure hunts lovingly organised by my parents and many conversations in the car while going here and there, will always be cherished memories.

    You inspire me to strive for my dreams and hopefully I will also have an egalitarian division of labour in my home.

    Happy summer days!

    – Kate

  • anne.konarski says:

    Such mixed feelings reading this! I am so sorry you feel burn out and exaustion and simply feel tired (and this is something I hear from a lot of moms!!) But I am glad to know that everyone goes thru periods of just being TIRED of doing it ALL- I know I do! Coordinating a family is an invisible job and requires just so much inner stamina. "Effortlessly perfect" indeed…How do we still fall into those old gender traps, being such educated and progressive adults!? LOL.

    Here's to time this summer to have unplanned and relaxed fun, and not some ferenetic activity that just exists to fulfil inner perfectionist goals!

    Of course, I will try to follow my own advice 😉

  • kvitek says:

    I can so relate to your schedule and being the point.person.for.EVERYTHING! Right down to collecting the dog and cat stool samples for the vet! I know much of it is a choice I make but take it from someone who was stopped in her tracks and forced to slow down: really, really try hard to carve out some time for yourself at least once a month. I have taken to planning my hair and nail appointments for 4 months at a time. My salon is great and for an hour I'm pampered and destressed- at least until the 16 year old tells me at 10 pm that he needs pancake syrup for a school breakfast at 7 am the next morning!

  • islandbaby22 says:

    Whew I'm tired just reading about all your duties!!

    Is there any way you can try delegating some of it to your hubby and/or nanny so that you can be freed up a bit? That's A LOT for one person to deal with!

    Perhaps one of them can at least do the grocery shopping or some cleaning for you.

    My husband and I split most of the household duties and some we just end up doing together.

    Remember you are no good to your family if you are burned out and exhausted! You,too, need your rest so you can be there for your family and enjoy.

  • tgr101 says:

    Thank you for the validation that I am not the only mom who is stretched way too thin, balancing a way to be everything to everyone and finding time for me, AND really loving my life.

    Like you I'm tired much of the time (although I recently made it a priority to get 7 hours of sleep each night and it has helped, so you might try that if you're not already doing it) due to parenting, writing (my career), volunteering, finding time for friends, chauffering, etc. etc. — but I really am proud of my family and how we act as a unit. I'm proud of my ability to sustain us.

    I like to say that I live in the leap of joy, but WOW when things fall, they fall HARD.

    Summer is a little easier for us, too, as I am much more in control of our schedule, but the calendar is already pretty busy and I am SERIOUSLY looking forward to a vacation in August to a place where we get no Internet and sparse cell service.

    I have learned to find ways to rejuvenate in small chunks of time — like a 15 minute meditatation before bed or a 10-minute dance around the living room with my husband — but still think we should add another hour to every day, just to relax!

  • junieB says:

    I laughed out loud when I got to the part about no bubble baths since 2007. You and me both, sister, and I only have ONE kid!

    Hope you have a great, rejuvenating summer!

  • maggiebrandow says:

    Heather, as always, I completely relate to you and deeply appreciate your articulation of what you are going through. I hope you can get a couple of nights away by yourself at some point this summer–silence, sleep, reading, food…you need it. Great job getting through the Big Kahuna. Only you and women like you/me know what that really entails!!

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