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Twinny Back To School Shopping… and On Being Conspicious

Posted by | September 04, 2011 | Uncategorized | 11 Comments

 

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Last week I took an afternoon off from work to take Kyle and Owen back-to-school shopping. This was a first for us— in past years there was no chance I would have gone school shopping with them. For one thing, they were totally disinterested in shopping of any sort and wouldn’t have wanted to go (but lately they’re starting to show –granted only the tiniest bit— slight interest in what they own/wear). For another thing, I wouldn’t have wanted to deal with the insanity-producing experience that surely would have been involved with attempting to do school shopping with my off-the-wall-rambunctious-two-balls-of-energy-twin-boys (but lately they’re starting to show –granted only the tiniest bit – signs of maturity and a little mellowing out). In the past it would have been so much better for everyone involved if I just did it myself. This year, though, I really wanted to give it a try, and I thought they might enjoy it, so off we went.

First stop: Staples for school supplies.  Their teacher had sent them each a list of necessary items. They each got a cart and we went aisle-by-aisle until they had everything crossed off of their lists. About halfway through I was already thanking my lucky stars that I had brought them with me, because what they were picking out was not at all what I would have chosen for them. If given the choice of 3 or 4 types of pencils, they both, in a highly coordinated effort, deliberately chose the exact same pencils. If shown an entire wall of 3-ring-binders, they quickly and efficiently went into peaceful deliberations to determine which one color they would both choose. I attempted to get them to consider different choices – “since you like both notebooks, then how about one of you get the one with skateboards on it and the other gets the one with peace signs?!” But there was no convincing them. In the end, we walked out of Staples with two boys carrying two bags of school supplies containing identically matching items. No variation whatsoever on anything. And they were happy.

Second stop: Dicks Sporting Goods for the first-day-of-school outfits. I purposefully don’t buy fall/winter clothes until much later in the season (it is warm here deep into the fall, so they can still wear much of their summer clothes for the first part of the school year), but I want them to walk into school that very first day feeling like a million bucks, so a special spiffy new first-day-of-school outfit is always a must. I really wanted to try to get them to pick out their own outfits (something they had never done in a store, and something they almost always refuse to do even in their own closet). And I had determined that if I was going to let them pick out their own outfits, then I was really going to let them do it all the way; I vowed to myself that I would interfere as little as humanly possible no matter what happened.

Dicks is their favorite store on the planet for any and everything, including clothes, and so there we went. We walked through the store to the youth section, me in the middle with the two of them on either side holding my two hands. It felt huge for me, like we were treading into significant new territory on our life journey together. When we got to the youth section I got down to their eye level and I explained the situation to them: “Boys, this is the area for kids. I want you to look around and see what you like for your first-day-of-school outfits. I really want you to choose your outfits yourselves— find something you love— anything you want! It just has to be short sleeved shirts and shorts because it will be warm out on your first day of school.” They took off perusing the racks. I started to look too. I was seeing gorgeous little golf shirts in beautiful colors and nice fabrics with matching khaki shorts with tiny Nike logos hidden on the hemlines. “Wow!” I thought to myself, “I should have been shopping at Dicks for them all along!” I could hear K & O a couple of racks over engrossed in excited chatter. It seemed to be going well! I pulled a seriously cute royal blue shirt off the rack, thinking I’d show it to them as an option, but stopped myself, quickly put the shirt back on the rack, and tried to mentally re-commit to being hands-off. “I need to try to let them do this themselves,” I thought. Right then I heard their voices: “Mommy! We found it!!!”

I spun around to face them. And there they were, faces beaming, eyes lit up, massive smiles, proudly holding up their choice outfits. I tried hard not to stumble upon my first sight of it; tried hard to keep a straight face and normal tone of voice. “Wow! Guys! That’s…. awesome.” The outfits were: identical. The colors were: fluorescent. The fabrics were: synthetic. The ‘style’ was: glaring, ‘I could not be more self-confident,’ in-your-face, ‘I-am-a-sportster-ROCKSTAR,’ look-at-me-look-at-me-look-at-me-now! In a nutshell: Nothing about the outfits was anything I’d ever have chosen for them. But, at the same time, everything about the outfits screamed KYLE AND OWEN. If anyone could pull this look off, it would be them. “Alright, then. Let’s try them on!” The dressing room experience was maniacal. They could not get enough of themselves in the mirrors. There was dancing, jumping, air-hoop-dunking, chest-thumping, and dramatic-shows-of-pretend-home-run-hitting and soccer-goal-scoring. In those outfits they were large and in charge. Fueled by the outfits they were even louder and prouder than usual (which is a lot). They filled up not just the dressing room, but the entire Dicks Sporting Goods with their two huge personas in identically matching neon athletic attire.

Tears sprung to Owen’s eyes when I told him he had to take off the outfit so that we could buy it. Kyle begged to wear it once we got home, but I told them they had to wait until the first day of school. At the register, an older woman was checking us out. K & O proudly told her that they had picked the clothes out themselves and they were going to wear them to their first day of first grade. She smiled at them and then winked at me. She said, “Even if it isn’t what you would have chosen, you’ll be so glad you did this.” I know she’s right.

And so we walked out of there with two boys carrying two bags of back-to-school-clothes containing identically matching outfits. Outfits I’d never have chosen. A huge step forward. And a lot of food for thought.

Now, a few days later, I think what strikes me the most is that the outfits K & O chose are about as conspicuous as it gets. And as a white adoptive mother of twin black (and additionally, gorgeous and self-confident) sons, I spend a lot of time thinking about our conspicuousness and attempting, at times, to make our family as inconspicuous as possible. What seems remarkable to me is how loud the outfits K & O chose are.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about being conspicuous. For several weeks now I’ve had a big blog post rattling around in my head about my experiences of us being a conspicuous adoptive family. And then a few days ago I read a blog post that articulated so many of the same thoughts I’ve had on the subject. So, instead of re-writing my own (similar) version of it, I thought that instead I’d just link to it. So… if you have some time, and you’re curious, you should definitely read this blog post (click here for link) from Claudia at My Fascinating Life. It pretty much precisely sums up most of my own perspective.

con·spic·u·ous Adjective/kənˈspikyo͞oəs/

1. Standing out so as to be clearly visible.

2. Attracting notice or attention

Twinny Back to School Shopping... and On Being Conspicious

11 Comments

  • BumbleMama says:

    Oh! Love the post and LOVE the outfits! Never would I have chosen them either, but you summed it up perfectly! LOVE THEM!!

  • Kate says:

    Oh WOW! I loved back to school shopping (as does my Dad!). Enjoyed reading this post and glad the boys are super happy with their purchases! It’s great that they have such confidence and are happy with who they are. Those outfits sure are bright but I can actually see K & O in them, not only do they look like they match their personalities but the colours with their skin tone would look so wonderful too! Hope they have a fab first day of school!
    – Kate

    • Kate says:

      P.S. Thanks for posting that link – really interesting read and gave me a lot of food for thought…a greater understanding and compassion for my mother’s perspective and also contrasting it with my own views as a transracially adopted child.

      Also thinking again about Kyle and Owen’s outfit choices and your comment: “And as a white adoptive mother of twin black (and additionally, gorgeous and self-confident) sons, I spend a lot of time thinking about our conspicuousness and attempting, at times, to make our family as inconspicuous as possible. ” I think I get this and can imagine the reasoning behind this but just wondering if you mind elaborating a bit about your thought process behind choosing what your boys wear? Sorry if this is too inquisitive of me so please feel free not to answer.
      Thanks and take care,
      Kate

      • Heather says:

        Kate, for a long time I’ve been wanting to write a post about the boys’ clothes (and the many, many thoughts/theories/discussions that Braydon and I have always had in very conscientiously choosing their clothes)…. I will eventually do it one of these days, I promise!
        Thanks for reading– I know you’re a very loyal reader!
        ~Heather

  • Jess says:

    I think blacks look great in bright colors and clearly Owen and Kyle know it. Rock on, K&O! You will look great on your first day of school!

  • Julie says:

    I love the outfit(s). Exactly what my 20 yo daughter might have choosen…both now and 13 years ago!

  • Kelly says:

    Love it. I was reading and couldn’t wait to get to the picture. When I saw it, I laughed out loud in my kitchen. My son (also black and adopted) wore a bright orange t-shirt with red plaid pants to the skate park the other night. He too is over the top all the time and great at whatever he tries. I tell him all the time to “blend in” but sometimes I let his spirit shine (and I stay close by, just in case).

  • Taylor says:

    Hi Heather,
    Love love the boys’ new outfits! As you mentioned, so very Kyle and Owen! I, too, have a set of twins (plus 3 singletons), and they are now very into picking out their own clothes, but everything has to be separate. They just turned 8 yrs old. Sniff sniff, no more matching outfits. I miss that stage!
    We recently made these mini caramel apples for a back to school treat. My boys had so much fun making them, and they came out super cute! Thought you and your kiddos would enjoy making them, too. Here’s a link to the very easy recipe:

    http://familyfun.go.com/recipes/mini-caramel-apples-688916/

  • Karen says:

    Conspicuous. Kyle and Owen seem to have the confidence to be themselves; no need to explain themselves or their family. Conspicuous, maybe, but in a very good way. I can’t wait to see the pictures of them wearing their awesome outfits!

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