Telling Our Story: A Family Forever

As a gift for our first Adoption Day, on January 31st of 2006, I gave Kyle and Owen a handmade book that told our family’s story. They were 20 months old, and had been home for one year. I used an actual baby board book (one that we happened to have two copies of), covered each page with new text and photos/images, then laminated each page by covering it with clear con-tact paper. The goal was to give them a baby-friendly board book (i.e. a book that could stand up to the wear and tear of two babies biting on it, etc.), that would tell our story in an age-appropriate way. We began reading it to them right away and continued to do so on a regular basis. So, from the time they could talk, they knew their own Adoption Story. We read it frequently and continually. As time went on –through the toddler years– they asked more and more questions about the story and pictures on the pages of this book. This was a great way for us to be in constant conversation about their history and our family’s story. The book has stood up remarkably well (all things considered!). We have read this book literally hundreds and hundreds of times. Kyle and Owen now know it by heart.

I feel really strongly that it is critically important for kids who were adopted to be able to know — and tell — their story and their family’s story. I am a firm believer in the telling, and re-telling, and re-telling, and re-telling of these stories. I have seen what a huge impact this has had on my own boys. Today, at age seven, I will often hear them quote this book (literally) when answering someone’s questions about their history. There are certain pages that are especially meaningful to them, and certain photos that tell stories in and of themselves.

Over the years of my blogging I’ve had many people email me questions about how we approach our kids’ stories and histories (mainly questions about how to talk with adopted kids, with histories of trauma, about their own stories in a respectful but also age-appropriate way). I am sharing this book (and an updated version that I did for our 6th Adoption Day — see post below), in part as a long-time-coming-response to all of those questions. Sometimes it is hard for me to put this stuff out there (I feel vulnerable) — but I think it is really important for adoptive families to share these sorts of things with each other. I had very little to go by when I made this book six years ago. I don’t think this book should be used as a “model” for anyone else (it is unique to our family), but it will hopefully get the juices flowing for other adoptive parents who are struggling with how to approach their story with their own kids.