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Twinny Clothing, Turning a Corner

Posted by | October 17, 2012 | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

different outfits

Anyone who knows Kyle and Owen in real life, and anyone who has read this blog for any substantial length of time, knows this about their clothing choices:

  1. Kyle and Owen have never cared much about what they wear. With only one exception… that exception being…
  2. Kyle and Owen have — from the time they could express an opinion — insisted on dressing as identically as possible.

That they have always dressed in matching outfits is no secret. Look back on this blog over the years of photos posted and you’ll see it over and over: matching outfits. I’ve been all over the map with this in my own mind. I’ve gone through phases (especially when they were toddlers) of thinking it was super cute; I’ve gone through phases of trying hard to get them to individuate with their clothing choices; I’ve tried to understand their deep desire to dress identical; I’ve tried to not think or care too much about it; I’ve worried about it; laughed at it; pondered it; and let it roll off me. Ultimately, I always let them do it, and helped them to do it, by buying the double-sets-of-clothing to make it possible.

I remember the year they were in kindergarten. They were six years old, getting really tall, sporting some pretty long dreadlocks, and wearing super-twinny-identically-matching outfits every day (down to the socks and underwear). I went through a phase then of feeling self-conscious, as their mother, about their clothing. I was worried that people would think I was some sort of crazy-psycho-twin-mom who insisted on dressing her (way too old for it) twins in matching outfits. I could only imagine the things that other mothers were saying behind my back when I went to pick them up at school. Who knows? Maybe none of them noticed, or cared, but for awhile that year I was feeling really self-conscious (read: paranoid) about it.

I decided to talk about it with their kindergarten teacher. She was/is one of the most insightful and gifted teachers I’ve ever known. She’s also a mother of twin boys herself. She’s also a Peurto Rican woman who is very in tune with minority kids at the school. I asked her, “So, what do you think the deal is with Kyle and Owen insisting on wearing matching outfits?” And she told me, point blank, “I think it is because they feel, so much, their minority status, and they feel stronger if they ‘match.'” Wow. It hit me hard. It hit me hard because it resonated with me so strongly. “I think you’re right,” I said. I told her that my inclination had always been to just let them dress this way until they no longer wanted to. I asked her what she thought. She agreed– “Just let them do it,” she said, “eventually they’ll figure it out and outgrow it.”

Ever since that conversation I’ve seen Kyle and Owen’s twinny dressing through that lens– at least partially. I’ve never drawn much attention to it with them, have bought the matching clothes to oblige them, and haven’t pushed them to dress otherwise. But I’ve always wondered when they’d let it go. And I’ll be honest: I’ve laughed inside my own mind imagining them going to prom in matching outfits– going off to college in matching outfits– starting their first jobs in matching outfits–

Until…

Drumroll please…

Get this! —-

Everything was chugging along as usual with their matching outfit thing. The night before we moved (August 17, 2012), before bed, they picked out — as usual — their clothes for the next day. And — as usual — they laid out identical outfits for themselves. They wore those on our moving day, Saturday, August 18, 2012.

The first priority on our moving day was to set up Meera’s room and K & O’s room. By the time Kyle and Owen went to bed that night (their first night in our new home), their room was completely set up, including all of their clothes in their dresser/closet. The next morning, our first day of living on campus, Kyle and Owen got themselves dressed. When they appeared in the kitchen I had all I could do to play it cool— they were dressed in completely different outfits. I did not let them see that my jaw just about hit the floor. I didn’t say a thing, and neither did they. We breezed through it like we had the years of matching outfits.

But I marveled at it, and wondered what would happen the next day.

The next day, they woke up and did it again— dressed themselves in completely different outfits.

They seemed totally 100% unselfconscious of it. In fact, they seemed unaware that they were even doing it.

They did it the next day, and the next, and the next. After a week or so I asked them, for the first time: “Guys, I’ve noticed that you’ve been wearing different outfits. You used to always wear matching outfits. Why the change?” They looked at each other, both sort of shrugged, and then said, completely nonchalantly: “We don’t need to do that anymore.” And that was the end of that.

It has been 8.5 weeks now and Kyle and Owen have not chosen matching outfits once. We’ve had a few conversations about it, but they have been short, and the boys have only reiterated that they “just don’t need that anymore.” When we went shopping for their First Day of School outfits, they picked different outfits. Last weekend we went sneaker shopping, and they picked different sneakers. Today I finally did some fall clothes shopping for them (it is finally getting too cold to wear shorts to school), and I was confident in picking all sorts of clothes that were not at all matching. Tonight, after dinner, I showed them everything I had bought for them. They were thrilled with it all.

They still share clothes, and like the same things. They just don’t want to dress identical anymore. And I think it is here to stay. We’ve turned a corner.

2 Comments

  • Kate says:

    Wow really powerful! Never even thought about it that way! I noticed Kyle and Owen were dressing less alike but didn’t realise that was out of their own choice. Also noticed more “sporty” clothes ;)!! Great that Kyle and Owen have turned a corner and express it so clearly, so great that they turned this corner in a new environment as if solidifying that you and Braydon made the right decision to move. Keep rocking Kyle and Owen!
    – Kate

  • Heather says:

    Wow – congrats!

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