Snow Day on Campus (The Most Wonderful Time of the Year — Just Press Repeat)

 

{photo courtesy Lehigh University; for many more beautiful pics of snowy Lehigh during Fall 2013 Final Exams, click here}

You should see the stack of grading I have sitting on my desk right now. And you should see the Christmas To Do List I have sitting right next to it. This is such a tough time of year for Professor Moms. I really should just press ‘Repeat,’ and ‘Repeat’ again, and ‘Repeat’ again and again and again… year after year… because there is nothing new to say about this (that I haven’t said here, or here, for just two examples). I hate to be a broken record, but really: it is a very tough time of year for Professor Moms. I feel like I’m drowning.

So yeah, when the phone rang at 6am Tuesday morning, with the recorded “Due to weather, school is cancelled for today,” I thought I was going to lose it. A snow day. At the worst possible time. And yeah, when the phone rang again yesterday morning with the recorded “Due to weather, today we will have a two hour delay,” I thought I was going to really lose it. (Note: last week we had a snow day and two school delays so I’m already playing catch up and making up for lost time from that.)

I took one for the team Tuesday and handled the kids’ snow day solo while Braydon went to some important meetings in New Jersey that he couldn’t miss. Once you resign yourself to the fact that you just aren’t going to accomplish what you need to accomplish, then it isn’t all that bad. I mean, you feel like a total failure (especially if you have an over-achiever personality, like I — and I think most moms-with-careers do), but it isn’t all that bad once you get used to it. Once you resign yourself to the fact that you’ll be working very late for a bunch of nights, and that still a lot will fall through the cracks, then the very best you can do (for yourself, and everyone around you) is to just hunker down and enjoy what you can of the crazy ride — at least that is what I’ve come to at this point in my crazy-ride-of-this-phase-of-my-life.

While I definitely miss the fireplace at our old house, and all the space for the kids to play indoors, snow days are unequivocally much better on campus — for sure. I dragged all three bambinos, through the snow, across campus to my office so that I could attend an important meeting. I hooked them up with iPads and headphones, gave them a big bag of snacks, and pressed the following mantra hard into my weary brain: “It does not matter what your colleagues think, you have tenure, and you have kids, and they’re going to have to face the fact that this is how we roll in 2013” (if you say this to yourself over and over and over it does seem to slowly take root). It isn’t easy to do that (drag my kids into a sphere of life where they are definitely not eagerly welcomed in by most of the people who occupy that arena, and allow myself to be seen —overtly— as a mama in a world that has not historically accepted – let alone embraced – mamas), but I did it, and we all survived. The truth is, they don’t mind this set-up (they like it in fact! iPads! Mommy’s office! lollipops!). But I’m sure that not all of my colleagues appreciate it (I am, after all, entrenched in an institution where most of my colleagues — especially the older ones, but many of the younger ones too — are men with stay-at-home-wives whose jobs are in part to cover things like snow days). But you know what? Bonus of living on campus! I can (and do) drag my kids around with me. People don’t have to like that, but they do need to accept that, because it is, indeed, happening. I am, in fact, doing it.

So, anyway… After the important meeting we went to lunch at Rathbone (a student dining hall). Another bonus of Snow Days on Campus! Yes, the dining hall. I had grilled cheese and minestrone soup and a rice crispy treat for dessert. None of which I made, and all of which I enjoyed very much (while my kids enjoyed their own versions of comfort food). Did you know that “stressed” is “desserts” spelled backwards?

As we hiked back up to Sayre from Rathbone (for those of you unfamiliar with Lehigh, that is a long and uphill hike), the kids never tired of playing with the snow and ice, and I never tired of looking at my gorgeous sons with their long, thick eyelashes glistening with snowflakes. That simple sight — the ‘snowflakes that stay on their noses and eyelashes’ — was enough to make my whole day feel ok. [Cue The Sound of Music soundtrack’s “My Favorite Things” song.]

These are a few of my favorite things: getting to be with my kids on a snow day, bucking the status quo of our beloved campus, and bright white snowflakes on my sons’ dark eyelashes. Yes, these are a few of my favorite things, even at (especially at) the most wonderful time of the year.

So, yeah, we could just press ‘Repeat’ over and over and over. Or we could, instead, look for the nuances that do change things. I can’t say that I’m “getting the hang of it” (this Professor Mom gig) — not by any stretch of the imagination. And this time of year is just killer. No way around it. But I can say that I’m aware of the rhythms, and I know how it goes, and as time goes on I’m more able to be fully present and in awe of the beauty that is all wrapped up in it. It doesn’t get easier, but it does get different. It evolves over time. For the better. And we do the best we can.

To all the working mamas out there who celebrate Christmas (and who make Christmas happen for their families): I’m with you in spirit, my kindred sisters. And to all of you reading who are young and up-and-coming on this journey (I know there are many of you who read here): Take this post as a sign of realistic hope — not pessimistic negativity. Young women, let me assure you: the hope is there. If I can do it, you can do it too. And if you’re still feeling like this post is a big downer, just look at those eyelashes. Totally unedited perfect beauty and joy.

P.S. I should acknowledge— My optimism today has been helped along by the fact that I spent a few hours out with friends last night, drinking very good wine, and talking about motherhood, while Braydon did home-and-kid duty. A Moms’ Night Out is nothing if not a corner-turner. I highly recommend it. Hugs y’all!