We actually have two cats, but one of them has been in hiding ever since the boys came home from Haiti in January 2005. We rarely see her and the boys have only made actual physical contact with her maybe five times EVER. Shockingly, the other cat (Cooper is his name) hangs around the boys a lot. Perhaps this is because they are constantly trying to feed him treats? But still… it is totally beyond my comprehension why this cat is ever voluntarily in the presence of Kyle and Owen…

Top Ten Recent Cat-Related Quotes
from the Parents of the Johnson-McCormick Twins:

1. “Take the stickers off the kitty!”

2. “No! The kitty does not eat hummus!”

3. “No! The kitty does not eat yogurt!”

4. “You know what? The kitty does not want to ride in your truck.”

5. “Kyle, just let the kitty be alone in there — he does not want your head sticking inside his kitty litter box!!!”
6. “Owen, I’m not going to say it again — do not pull the kitty’s tail.”

7. “O.k., boys, that’s enough. When he hisses like that it means he wants you to stop that!”

8. “No, those are his whiskers. They don’t come out!“

9. “Guys! Guys! Guys! Stop chasing the cat! Leave him alone!!!!!!”

10. “Put the cat down RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!”

We talk a lot about adoption in our family. Kyle and Owen know their story (or at least a very simplistic version of it). But it is not clear how much they understand their story (even the very simplistic version of it). Tonight, as I was getting Kyle into his pajamas he pointed to a picture on his wall (a framed map of the Caribbean Islands). He said, “Mama, what is that? You say it.” I said, “You know!” He said, “No, you say it.” I said, “That’s the Caribbean Islands and Haiti.” He then pointed to the other picture on his wall (a frame surronding two photos of the boys when they were infants and an image of the Haitian flag), and said, “Mama, what’s that one? You say it.” I said, “That’s you and Owen when you were little tiny babies. In the orphanage in Haiti.” Kyle said, “Yes. Let’s see it.” I lifted him up and he looked quietly and closely at both pictures on the wall. I pointed to Haiti and said, “See, that’s Haiti island. That’s where you were born.” He said, “Born.” It was silent for a minute, then he said, “O.k. Mama.” I then laid him back down on the floor and we continued to get his pajamas on. And this is the conversation that occurred:

Kyle: Mama, me and Owen, me and Owen, where was my mama and my papi?
Heather: We were here, waiting for you. We were waiting and waiting to get our babies.
K: But we needed a mama and a papi.
H: Yes, you needed a mama and a papi. You did. You did! And we went on a big airplane to Haiti to get you! And we adopted you!
K: Yes, adopted.
H: Yes. And now you have a mama and a papi.
{…then, we cuddled and snuggled for a minute… Kyle giggling…}
K: Adopted.
H: Yes, you and Owen were adopted. Who else was adopted?
K: {smiling ear to ear…} Ben!
H: Yes! And who else?
K: Um, you say it!
H: Ambika and Nate were adopted!
K: Yes! Ambika and Nate adopted! And who else?
H: And Joy Lin was adopted!
K: Yes! Joy Lin adopted!
H: Yes! And who else?
K: And you! You adopted!
H: Yes, I guess in a way, you and Owen adopted me! Our whole family was adopted! We adopted each other.
K: Yay adoption! YAY! Let me pick out a book.

{He then picked out I Love You Like Crazy Cakes (click here)… an adoption book that he has never, ever, ever before picked out as a bedtime book…}

The building next door to my office is Grace Hall — a beatiful historic old gymnasium which has been converted into a combination Student Center and modern sports/events venue. One of the things that Kyle and Owen love to do whenever they’re on campus is to go into Grace Hall and explore. They love to explore the charming dimly lit hallways, and peek out the ancient tall windows, and ride up and down in the elevators. We’ll often run into students mingling about, or shooting hoops, or practicing volleyball, and the boys (and the students) get a big kick out of spontaneously interacting with each other. The boys also love to go inside the main center of the building and climb up and down the bleachers. We do this often. It has become a little ritual for Kyle and Owen every time we’re leaving “Mama’s Office” to head home. Students have often told me that they “love it when the twins come to Grace Hall!” They are fun to watch as they explore and climb.

Yesterday afternoon I had the boys on campus with me. Of course we had to go into Grace Hall before we got in the car to go home. The boys were doing what they always do — exploring and climbing up and down the bleachers. I noticed a middle-aged white woman in a Lehigh Athletics uniform watching us through a window. Then I saw her enter the big room where we were, and she started to approach me. Here is what transpired:

Woman (W): Who are these children?
Heather (H): What?!?
W: Are they with you?
H: Yes.
W: You’re watching them?
H: What do you mean?
W: Are you watching them?
H: Like, am I watching them climb? Or, like, am I watching them? [as in babysitting]W: You know what I mean. Are you watching them? [as in babysitting] Are they with you?
H: Yes, they are with me.
W: Who are they to you?
H: Excuse me?
W: Who are they to you?
H: They are my children. They are my sons.
W: Oh. [long awkward pause] Well, who are you? Do you work here?
H: Yes. I am a professor here.
W: Oh.
H: Is there a problem?
W: I, um, um, I don’t want anything to happen to those children.
H: What do you mean?
W: I wouldn’t want to see them get hurt.
H: Well, neither would I! I’m their mother!!?! They’re perfectly fine.
W: Well, the building is officially closed.
H: My office is right next door. I know the building is not officially closed. I know the building is open.

There are lots of different schools of thought on parenting, and it does seem like some people out there are absolutely confident about their own parenting techniques, but I surely am not one of them. However, in regards to this one specific thing — Owen’s paci — I actually feel really sure that our approach is the right approach. It is funny how I can feel so unsure so much of the time in the grand universe of all-things-parenting-related, but then every once in a while there will be some tiny molecule in the grand universe about which I feel 100% certain that I’m doing the right thing. The decision making about Owen’s paci is one of those things. When we first met our baby boy Owen he was eight months old and had not one possession in the world to call his own. He had never had a shirt of his own, or a shoe on his foot, let alone a toy, or something so completely frivolous as a pacifier. Bottles and formula were sparse in the orphanage. Pacifiers were nonexistent. During our eight months of waiting for the boys to come home I did a lot of reading. Baby books are all over the map about pretty much everything, but in regards to pacifiers they were actually totally consistent. All of the baby books I read said the same thing — if a baby begins using a pacifier in his first three months then he has a good chance of getting “hooked” on it; but if a baby hasn’t had a pacifier before age 3 months then he’ll never take to one. Given that Kyle and Owen were way past that 3 month mark we never even considered bringing a pacifier to Haiti with us. However, I knew after our first night in the hotel with the boys that Owen should have been a pacifier baby. I even remember saying that to Braydon in Haiti: “Man, if only they had pacifiers in Haiti! This baby would have really liked one!” Owen loved to suck on the bottle. When the formula ran out he would scream. For sure, this was partly because he had been starving. It is a very normal behavior for infants coming from such situations. But my gut told me, right from the start, that Owen also really liked to suck. And for whatever reason — unlike Kyle who sucked his thumb round the clock (and still does) — Owen just never got any satisfaction out of the thumb. We got the boys home, and started getting settled in. During my parents’ very first visit to meet the boys (we had only been home for a few days), my mother had the same feeling I did — that Owen should have had a pacifier. I told her about all the books I’d read but she went out to the store and bought a pacifier anyway. I remember saying, “Mom, he won’t take it!!!” But then I watched as my mom put the pacifier into my baby’s mouth, and then we all watched as he sucked on it contentedly. It was as if he was just a few days old. And that was a good thing. It is good for a baby who has been deprived to get to go back (even if only figuratively), and “re-do” some of those early stages and phases. Our baby Owen loved the paci. Soon he couldn’t sleep without the paci. We were never big on using the paci all day long, but when he needed soothing, or when he needed sleep, the paci did the trick for our boy. Kyle never showed any interest. And interestingly, Kyle never seemed to care that Owen had this possession that he did not. He seemed genuinely happy for his brother to have found some contentment. Even now Kyle will often find Owen’s paci for him and put it in his mouth at bedtime or naptime. Owen’s paci is Owen’s special thing. Even though Owen is about to turn three, he still shows almost no signs of giving up the pacifier. And this is something I feel good about: We made the decision long ago that we’re letting him keep it until he decides he’s ready to be done with it. And we’re sticking to that. I did ask our pediatrician about Owen’s paci at Owen’s two-year-old-check-up. We’re fortunate to have found a pediatrician with a specialty in orphanage/adoption medicine, and she fully understands the scope of our situation. She told me that in her opinion we were making the right decision to let Owen keep the pacifier as long as he wants. Her theory is that because he hadn’t had enough sucking satisfaction as an infant, he is keeping the pacifier longer than usual (of course, as she pointed out – plenty of kids suck their thumbs far into childhood!). I asked her about what all the books say – that using a pacifier past age two is bad because of the damage it can do to the teeth. She said, “Well, what do you think?” I said, “Well, I think I’d rather deal with mega orthodontist bills in a few years than mega psychiatrist bills!” (not that letting him keep the paci will necessarily avoid and/or pave the road to either). But our pediatrician looked me in the eye and said, “I agree.” Interestingly, at daycare Owen stopped using his paci around age 18 months. When he naps there (5 days a week!), he has no paci. But at home, he still wants his paci to sleep. Just a few nights ago Owen told me he doesn’t want the pacifier clip on his pacifier anymore. I’m not sure if I’m reading too far into it or not– but I feel like this is his first step toward giving up the pacifier. I asked him last night if he wants to try going to bed without his paci. He said, “That sounds like a good idea!” But then when bedtime came, he changed his mind: “Mommy, I want my paci,” he said to me. “I need it Mommy.” And I said, “O.k., my baby, here’s your paci.” And he snuggled up tight with his paci in his mouth.