Kyle, September 2005, age 16 months, home 8 months
Adoption. Have you ever thought about it? I know many of our readers are members of adoptive families. We also have many readers who aren’t connected in any way to adoption. And we have some readers who I know for a fact are in the process of considering adoption— either a first adoption, or another adoption in a family that’s adopted before. Has the thought ever entered your mind? You know, the adoption thought? Do you feel a slight tug to think about it? Or a strong urge to act on it? I’m going to share some of my own thoughts on the matter. Here is what I tell people who ask me about adoption [and I do get asked a lot]:
1. Adoption is not for wimps. It really is not. Adoption is hard and it stretches us in ways we could never foresee. Adoption is risky business, and a huge leap of faith. It is not for the faint of heart. Adoption in some places is even more complicated and challenging than in others. Haiti, for example, for all sorts of reasons, involves an especially tough adoption process. Adoption is not for everyone. And for those whose hearts, minds, and bodies aren’t fully compelled to do it, adoption is not the way to go.
- There. I said it:
- Yes, I believe that if adoption is not for you, then you shouldn’t do it. (For as desperate and dire are the needs for adoptions, it doesn’t help anyone for families who aren’t cut out for it to adopt.)
2. However… if it is in you to adopt… and you have a decent grasp of what you’re getting into, and still have it in you to do it, then… I fully believe… you should adopt. Because not enough people will adopt. So those of us who can –I believe— should.
- There. I said it:
- Yes, I do believe that those of us who can adopt, should. (With the caveats that: 1. we feel truly moved to do it, and 2. we understand—at least as much as possible—what we are getting ourselves into.)
3. And lastly, I always tell people this: For me, personally, adoption has been the greatest, hugest, best thing I’ve done with my life. Nothing else even comes close. Adoption is the truest miracle I know. It is far and away the most amazing experience I’ve ever had. And it –more than anything else— continues to fill me with awe each and every day.
- There. I said it:
- Yes, as a woman who has both adopted and ‘gone the biological route,’ I can tell you that for me adoption is unparalleled. (I absolutely loved and am grateful for every part of being pregnant, giving birth, nursing, and mothering Meera, but I will tell you that my own experience of adoption is that it is miraculous beyond compare.)
I do not push adoption on this blog. Nor anywhere else. I never will. But today I am asking you to think about it.
There are precious souls who need families.
On that note, here is what I want to share~~~ I am proud to call Tara Livesay my friend. If you don’t already know of her, you can find her blogging from Haiti here (click). A few days ago she emailed me to ask me to blog about a precious little boy that needs a loving family. I have been composing this blog post in my mind ever since. So, here it is folks: If you are reading this, and the door to adoption is open even the slightest crack for you right now, will you please consider searching your heart to help find a family for Moses? You can read about Moses here (click). Questions? Email me at hbj2 (at) lehigh (dot) edu.
Please help to spread the word via blogs, FB, twitter, on the playground, over lunch with a friend.
Let’s find a family for Moses ASAP.
The best day of my life— at the Port au Prince airport, about to board our plane home:
7 months later, our first summer together, thriving~~
I adopted my daughter domestically. She is now 4 months old and is the best thing ever. Though the adoption was fraught with issues and had already had one failed adoption – i would say if you are thinking of it – do it.
I hope they can find a family for that sweet boy. Unfortunately, we can’t adopt from places like Haiti since we are a same-sex couple. We have 2 children (through a donor) and are actually in the training program to adopt here in Canada. We’re very excited and can’t wait to see what the future holds for us. We’re hoping to adopt an older child or sibling set. I would also like to adopt a teenager when our kids are grown–a teen who is about to age out of the system without a family. I find that so incredibly sad.
The adoption process is definitely long and invasive. I like that it’s free here in Canada. Some of the international adoption costs are just insane. Haiti is more reasonable but China is over $30k!!
Following the story of Moses and reading along with the Livesay family for years, I think through a link I first found here, I have to agree. All around yes.
Heather ,you are just beaming in that photo with the boys ,getting ready to board the plane. Poor Braydon looks stunned like, what the heck did we get ourselves into! Ha! Too cute!
You made me bawl.
I am grateful that you’re helping spread the word. I want him in his new family so fast our heads spin … I pray that is what happens. He is such an amazing little guy. I did want to say that single women are also allowed to adopt from Haiti — the only single person Haiti won’t allow to adopt is a male. The woman on the dossier just needs to be 35.
Thanks so much for posting this.
Oh my gosh. I just looked at Moses’ link. What a precious boy! We would adopt him in a heartbeat, but sadly we don’t meet any of the three qualifications. We already have bio kids, have been married less than 10 yrs, and are both under 35. That stinks! Why do they have to make the rules so strict if they want to find good homes for these children? I will be praying for his forever family whomever they might be.
Heather, I think you and Braydon would be the perfect choice to adopt him!! Hope you consider it!
I have been a long-time follower (I found you through Livesay’s blog years ago), but this is my first comment. We adopted our son in January 2011 – infant, domestic, transracial. He is our fifth child – the other four are biological. I just wanted to say “YES” to all three of your bullet points, and especially your statement “Adoption is the truest miracle I know.” I also want to say “Thank You” for sharing your life on the blog. I am amazed at your resilience given some comments – you are much stronger than I. Your blog was so helpful and encouraging to us when we were considering adoption and throughout our adoption process. I know it will continue to be helpful to us as our son grows.
I’m spreading the word. I’ll put up a blog post today and I’ll talk to my Reece’s Rainbow peeps and get them to do the same. He is absolutely adorable!
We have two special need Afro-American adopted kids as well as 4 bio boys. I remarried almost 2 yrs ago and my wonderful husband welcomed all of us in. Even though he was 47 with NO kids. What a man. I love the livesay blog. I click on it as soon as I sit at my computer every morning. Moses melts my heart. I would take him and all the what ifs in a heartbeat. Every pregnancy, birth and adoption is a gamble. He will be a true blessing to someone. Kids with special needs optimizes courage and happiness. What we take for granted everyday is a challenge for them. It is like winning a olympic medal daily as they meet and conquer challenges. Love you for what you share with the world. You make me want to be a better mom, wife and person with each blog entry.
My Ethiopian-born son adopted 5 years ago at the age of 3 1/2 years has taught me more about love, honesty and being a fighting mamma than anyone ever could before he came into our family. Sadly he is our only child and will remain an only child, but I didn’t know the word cherish or adore before Abe (pronounced AB-EH) entered my life. He is the star in my eyes, the sun in my heart and the warmth in my soul….and bonus…he tells me I’m beautiful and lets me believe it too! I hope the rest of world will treat him with the same sweetness and love and warmth he shares with his parents and friends.
Adoption is not for everyone, and my husband and I participate in monthly adoption meetings with our adoption groups and are often invited by social services, our association/agency and the province’s social services to speak to future adoptive parents .. I tell them the truth…it’s the most beautiful, difficult journey I’ve ever undertaken but it’s the most worthwhile if you’re ready to deal with all the baggage that adoption brings even when your kids are adopted at a very young age.
thanks for the post, sorry for posting my reply so late…too many things going on in our lives and can’t keep up with my fave blogs.
Hey Heather Beth,
This was really touching to me, as an adopted child. I try to appreciate the struggles my folks went through to “get” me and Anthony, but I can’t, I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. Your blog really speaks that truth to power and I thank you.
However far away we are, and however apart we are I will always consider you a true person in my life, then and now.
Thanks.
Heather Beck (Briggs) Bachelder
Thank you for this Heather. This means so much to me — on so many levels. Thank you. your friend, Heather