We have a rich, full life. And on so many levels it is an intense life. Braydon and I are up at 6am and we are going, going, going until we drop into our bed, exhausted, around midnight. The sleep that we get is usually interrupted-sleep, with Meera’s continued insistence on a bottle in the night (and our absolute insistence on not doing what we’d need to do to break this habit), Owen’s regular appearance in our bed, Kyle’s early-rising, and our crazy cat’s determination to wake us up to go outside each and every single night. This all amounts to very little sleep. Our days are jam-packed with our work (we both work really hard at work), our kids (we both work really hard at parenting), our ‘second shift’ (we both work really hard at managing the household: cooking, cleaning, lunch-packing, laundry, home projects, errands, the list is endless as anyone who manages an active home/family well knows), our ‘third shift’ (we both work, on most nights, from about 9pm-11 or 12pm). What little is left is devoted to our semi-pathetic social life and this little bitty blog and whatever volunteer projects we can cram in (lately, a pretty big project we’re both working on with our boys’ school). Our days are long and involved. We feel it. Our kids feel it. It is a crazy pace that we keep. We have come to understand ourselves as needing breaks to bond. We need to be alone, just the five of us. We need to be away, from the craziness and intensity that is our regular life. We need to be adventurous, to remind ourselves of who we really are — outside of the ‘normalcy’ (as wacky as our ‘normal’ often is) and the grinding routine that is at home. We need to explore, to see first-hand how big the whole world really is. We need to have fun, together, experiencing things as a unit, and re-grouping. And, perhaps most important of all, Braydon and I need these getaways for rejuvenation, each of us independently, and both of us together as a partnership. We need it to keep going. We need it in order to recuperate from time-to-time. And we need to have solid chunks of uninterrupted quality time with our kids. Time with no school and no childcare and no birthday parties to attend or errands to run. We have made our travels a very top priority in our family life. Not because we’re into collecting experiences, but rather because we need breaks in the pressure in order to keep thriving. This is a formula that we know now. We’re investing heavily in it. And we’re heavily invested in continuing it as long as humanly possible. Going into this Chesapeake Bay trip we knew what we needed to get out of it. And driving home, we knew it was everything that we had hoped it would be. We came back refreshed and renewed and energized. And, most importantly, we came back re-cemented as a solid-rock family.
I’ve known Jessica since 2006, when she came to campus for a weekend as a prospective student (being recruited by Lehigh). She was in a seminar that I led for prospective students, and I can still remember her coming up to me afterward. We talked for awhile. The following fall when I walked into Intro to Soc on the first day of class, I was surprised that there she was, sitting right up front— In a sea of over 200 faces she stood out in the crowd because I remembered her as that talented bright kid who had been in that seminar the previous spring. Quickly she became my unofficial advisee. She was a stand-out student, a great young woman, and I had an extra special love for her once I found out that she’s Haitian. Right away (and I admit here, this was in large part for selfish reasons!), I got her an on-campus job working in the Lehigh Daycare (where Kyle and Owen were in childcare at the time). She was a huge asset to the Childcare Center, and all the kids there loved her immediately, but K & O adored her, and they had quite a bond. She still works there to this day. In the spring of 2007, when we took Kyle and Owen out of that daycare and enrolled them in our Waldorf school, I made a conscientious effort to keep the boys in touch with Jessica. She has babysat for Kyle and Owen (and now Meera too) throughout the past four years, sometimes at our house, and sometimes on campus. Lately she’s been doing a lot of babysitting for us at home in the evenings when Braydon and I need to be at meetings. The boys have always called her “Jessica Stomping Dance” because she –in addition to everything else she does (like being heavily involved in the African-Caribbean Cultural Club)– has been a member (currently the Captain) of the Lehigh Step Dance Team. (The boys have seen a bunch of their performances at Lehigh, and they also performed at their 3rd Birthday Party, etc., etc., etc.) Just in the past couple of weeks I’ve noticed that they’ve started to call her by her full/’real’ name, using her last name instead of saying “Stomping Dance” afterward. It is one of those cute things that I’ll miss about their Little Boyhood— the cute names they’ve had for people in their life– those names that are slowly but surely disappearing as they approach Boyhood and leave Little Boyhood. Jessica was here last night babysitting while Braydon and I were attending two different meetings. I snapped the photo above just before I headed out, as the three of them were hanging out in the playroom together (Meera was already in bed). Jessica has been such a blessing to our family and I am so grateful that we have had the opportunity to embrace her her into our life. She’s a Senior now, and will graduate this spring, so we’re going to try to savor these last few months with her around.
Please read this post on our friend Corey’s blog and spread the word however you are able. We know this little boy, and he has been heavy on our hearts for many months now. We will rejoice gladly if the Waters can find him the right, loving, compassionate family that he (and they) so desperately need. Please help. Thank you.
I am crying, standing at the kitchen window, looking out into the yard at Meera in her pink baby swing with Margie watching her, swinging her and raising her hands up in a sprinkle of fingers to entertain the baby; I know she is singing. Heather is standing there crying with me, we’ve just dropped the boys off at the bus stop, they’re off to school. We’ve been up for a couple hours, we’re about to go to work.
Meera had her bottle at 2 AM. I am stressed out about cash flow for the company and am awake for 2 hours, but Meera sucks down her bottle and I feel her breathing ease and she’s asleep in my lap; I put her back in the crib, she rolls over on her side, content, sleeping. I remind myself to be with the baby, not with work, this time is precious. I go back to bed, Heather reminds me to relax and let myself sleep. Owen wakes up with a nightmare and he finishes the night in bed with us. Kyle is up early as always, excited to get to school, he comes in dressed and ready, it’s 6 AM.
Heather and I have a glass of wine, talk about the day, try to get centered. We can’t figure this life out, as much as we try. Our children are slipping by so quickly, they are growing with out any regard for our desire to slow down. I see them so clearly, every little bit, but then the moment is gone. But I fell like I am missing them every minute of the day. Heather is missing them every minute of the day. Is this just how it is to be a parent, or is it something else?
We have a rich life, full of meaning, intimacy and love. I know we are beyond lucky, beyond privileged that I can even think about these things. I look out at the people in the world doing good works, struggling, filled with desire, filled with angst, fear and hope. Of all the many things we are concerned with, right now, this feels the most pressing in some ways. In some ways not, but on my heart, is is the most pressing.
We are looking for an answer I think. Or we’re looking for some kind of grace. Or maybe, we don’t even know what we’re looking for yet.
Yesterday Braydon and I took a few hours off in the afternoon alone with Meera. We went out to lunch with her and then we three went shoe shopping. She had outgrown all but one pair of sandals and was desperately needing new Fall shoes. At the shoe store she was absolutely into it. She tried on about five different pair, some multiple times. She loved every second of it, couldn’t get enough of it, and had a very strong preference for a certain pair of shoes which just happened to be Braydon’s and my least favorite. Of course, those were the ones she walked out of there with. And so it begins. But her adorableness made it completely irresistible. And the result was a strikingly obvious new-found sense of confidence in walking all over the place when we got home (photos below taken then). In just 24 hours she’s suddenly experimenting with running and she’s just everywhere in the new shoes. Margie says that she thinks Meera even starts talking more when she’s wearing the new shoes. You’d never know it from these photos below, but Meera has been under the weather with a cold that she hasn’t been able to kick for over three weeks. Today I finally took her to the doctor and she’s now on a 10-day antibiotic. She was not thrilled about the pricking and prodding of the doctor today, but she was thrilled about showing off her new shoes to everyone who would pay her any attention at the doctor’s office, and then again showing off her shoes to all while picking up her prescription at the pharmacy. As you can imagine, Meera’s big brothers usually steal the show when they are around. So it is fun (and important) to give Meera opportunities to be in the limelight all by herself. She definitely feels like the star of the show with her new shoes.
Thanks to MorMor and MorFar visiting, the boys, and Meera too, have been flying high – on Cloud 9 – for the past “5 sleeps!!!” It has been awhile since they visited just for the sake of visiting (i.e., no birthday or holiday, etc.), so it somehow seemed extra special to not have anything extra special on the agenda. It is always incredibly sweet to see the grands (g-children and g-parents) bond bond bond. Meera is just as smitten with her MorMor and MorFar as her brothers are. Highlights of the visit included MorMor and MorFar picking the boys up from school on Thursday and Friday; a river canal excursion (a long bike ride for K & O and a long walk for MM & MF) after school on Friday afternoon; my mom helping me to re-learn how to use a new (actually old second-hand, but new to me) sewing machine to mend my children’s clothes and toys all by myself; me helping my mom set up an online way to sell her handmade baskets (look for exciting info on that soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!); MorFar indulging the boys in baseball and football and all things Red Sox until their hearts’ content; a football game on Saturday (Lehigh vs. Harvard); Peace Valley on Sunday; and great food, of course… including dinner at Carrabbas on Friday, lunch at Tabora Farm on Sunday, a couple of trips to OwWowCow for ice cream, an Algerian Lamb Dinner (that Braydon and I got in our school’s auction months ago and we delivered to us on Saturday night by another school family), pancakes for breakfast a la MorMor, and even a couple of pretty nice dinners made by moi. A grand old time was had by all. They left today. Bittersweet. Bitter because it is hard for all five of us to see them go. Sweet because of course we’re a happy little Party of Five all on our own too. But as soon as they leave we can’t help but start talking about when we will see them next. I am so grateful for a life-long good and strong relationship with my parents. I always dreamed that my kids would know their grandparents in a real and true way– it is such a blessing to be able to see that unfolding now.
My parents are here for a few days so the days are jam-packed with trying to savor every second of having them with us and cram as much in as we possibly can. We LOVE MorMor and MorFar.
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