If you read this blog you know about our incredible babysitter/nanny Alex. Almost exactly one year ago Alex started caring for our boys. Her official “start date” was May 22, 2006. She has been a steady loving centerpiece of their lives for the entire past year. As a working mother I can honestly say that Alex has been my solace — my saving grace — for the entire past year. Last summer she babysat 20 hours a week so that the boys could cut back to part-time daycare for June-July-August. This past fall semester she babysat every Wednesday afternoon and stayed late on Wednesday nights so that the boys could get a mid-week break from daycare and Braydon and I could have one late night (either working or out on a date). And this spring semester she has picked up the boys from daycare early every Tuesday and Thursday, and babysat every-other-Saturday night for Braydon and I to go out. Today was her last day of the spring semester daycare-pick-up-babysitting schedule. I am beyond thrilled knowing that she will soon begin babysitting for us full time for the months of June-July-August so that the boys can be out of daycare for the entire summer. Alex is the perfect nanny for my boys. Today I am so grateful in my heart for this incredible young woman who has become such a central part of our family’s life. On Monday Alex graduates from Lehigh (with, by the way, academic honors and about 100 awards from the university for leadership and community service). She will begin graduate school at Lehigh in the fall. We are so incredibly fortunate to have her. Thank you Alex for being a major part of raising Kyle and Owen. These photos are for you… taken just after you left the house today, the boys wearing the bead “bracelets” (which soon became necklaces!!!) that you helped them make. Owen loves you. Kyle loves you. Braydon loves you. And I, especially, love you.
Rocking Kyle to Sleep, Friday May 11, 2007
Last week my ‘Love Thursday’ post was about my lover-of-life-Owen (click here). This week it is about my sweetie baby Kyle. I love both of my boys fiercely and equally, but –surely, as all mothers and their children do– we have very different relationships with different kinds of bonds. For Kyle and I, the bond was instantaneous, and it was deeply profoundly loving. From the first moment I held this child he was Mama’s Boy. Sitting with him in the orphanage the first day, he had no interest in playing with me or even examining who I was, he simply took one look at my face, snuggled in tight, and within 20 minutes was fast asleep on my lap as we drove away from the orphanage — the only place he had ever known. He showed absolutely no signs of grieving the loss of the people who had cared for him from the time he was born, he showed absolutely no signs of anxiety over leaving his home never to return, he showed absolutely no signs of losing everything he had ever known. He never looked back. From the second we met, all he seemed to care about were two things: 1) that his brother was o.k., and 2) that his Mama did not leave his side. He clung to me with an intensity that is impossible to describe. I’d hold him for all of his waking hours, and yet the second he awoke he’d frantically reach for me. I vividly remember the plane flight from Port-au-Prince to Miami. I held Kyle on my lap in a Baby Bjorn front-carrier. He did not sleep a wink. He cooed endlessly, and drooled all over me, and could not stop rubbing his face and lips all over mine. I remember actively trying to fight off the urge to feel self-conscious of what the people on the plane around me were thinking — the scene was so completely over-the-top… This eight-month-old baby boy and I were fully in the throws of an intense love-affair in an isle seat right in the middle of the airplane. Kyle did not cry for the first week we knew him (and Rock, the Director of the orphanage, told us that no one at the orphanage had ever heard him cry). I remember thinking that this baby was so broken; that he had not cried meant that my mothering with him was going to have to be all about healing his ability to cry for his needs. I remember telling Braydon that “we have to be prepared– this baby might only cry a little bit at first, but we have to respond right away and dramatically!” Or, I feared, “maybe we won’t even recognize it as a cry?” But the first time he cried it was a wailing, heart-breaking, soul-wrenching sob that seemed to just drain all of the pain this baby had endured for the first eight months of his life. For more than twenty minutes straight he sobbed and sobbed, and I sobbed too, rocking him in the sunlight sitting in the pale blue rocker in the babies’ room. It was the morning of our first day home from Haiti. He had slept in his own house for the first time the night before, and had just eaten two full bottles of fortified baby formula. He was happy, and content, and full of grief. He was only about 13 pounds, and his belly was so distended that I remember feeling like it was hard to hold him close enough. But I held him as tight as I could, and speaking in English –the only language I could speak, but a language he had never heard prior to that first week with us– I told my baby that it was all done, I’m so sorry it took me so long to get to him, he was home now, and I was his Mama. Owen and Braydon were right there, sitting on the floor. Owen was bewildered and concerned (he had rarely, if ever, heard his twin brother cry), Braydon was struggling to hold back the tears in his own eyes, and we all four made our way through that moment in time. My Ky Ky eventually stopped crying, looked up at me briefly, and then fell fast asleep in my arms. Every time I rock him now I think of that experience. This boy is the sweetest thing I have ever known. His love just pours out of him. And he absorbs love like a thick love sponge. Kyle loves love. He loves to give it and he loves to receive it. People who know him well know this about my Kyle. Kyle loves with a rare, extraordinary intensity. Happy Love Thursday everyone.
Owen in New Hope
Owen Asleep in His Bed For The Night
Alex Gives the Boys a Bath
Kyle at the Golf Course
Kyle Gets Sprayed by the Hose in Our Yard
For back-story to this post, click here.
The boys have not seen Q since he babysat for them a month ago. But from time to time they bring him up. For example, lately they are really into trying to learn the letters of the alphabet. They look for K’s (“K for Kyle!”) and O’s (“O for Owen!”) and H’s (“H for you Mommy!!!”), etc. everywhere we go— on street signs, store fronts, park benches, etc. Every once in a while they will randomly ask me to help them “find a Q for Q!” Last night when I as I was tucking Owen into bed, the following happened. It was totally and completely100% out of the blue—-
Owen: “Mommy, Q is funny.”
Heather: “Oh, Q is funny?”
O: “Yes! Q is funny! I want to see him.”
H: “You do? That would be nice. Do you want me to ask him to come visit?”
O: “Yes, please tell him to come visit me.”
H: “O.k. baby.”Also, a few days ago the following happened in the car. We were driving along and it had been quiet for a couple of minutes. Kyle was just staring out the back window from his carseat, and then totally and completely100% out of the blue he said—-
Kyle: “Mommy, Q plays football.”
Heather: “Yes! Q does play football.”
K: “And Ashley plays football too?” [Ashley is Q’s girlfriend]H: “No, baby, Ashley does not play football.”
K: “Why?”
H: “Um, um” [eeks, I was totally taken off guard… strangely we have hardly had to deal with any gender stuff whatsoever. Although they regularly bring up race, so far K & O have almost never brought up anything related to gender. In fact, the extent to which they both seem utterly oblivious to gender has been noticeable, and frankly, shocking, to Braydon and I…]K: “Why Mama? Why Ashley not play football just like Q?”
H: [the pressure was on, and believe me, as soon as I let this slip out of my mouth I fully regretted it—] “Um, um, because Ashley’s a girl. Only boys play football.” [eeks! cringing!!!!!]K: “Why Mama? Why only boys play football?”
H: [at this point I was looking for any out…] “Um, because baby, that has historically been the way it has been. That is just how it has been.” [eeks! cringing even more, and kicking myself, thinking that I need to start getting on the ball {so to speak!} with my age-appropriate answers to 3-year-olds’-gender-related questions!!!!!]K: “But why Mama? Why Ashley not play football?”
H: “I don’t know sweetie. We will ask her next time we see her.” [my pathetic cop-out]…Then…. it had not come up again until about two days later… Braydon and I were sitting out in the lawn watching the boys ride their scooters in the driveway. Kyle rode his over to us, stepped off of it, and totally and completely 100% out of the blue said to me—-
K: “Mama, what do girls play?”
H: “What?” [this was so out of the blue I literally had no idea what he was talking about]K: “What do girls play?”
H: “Oh!” [miraculously, somehow it clicked in my mind and I understood where this was coming from–] “Oh, like, what kinds of sports do girls play?”
K: “Yes!”
H: “Oh! Girls play soccer! and golf! and baseball! and basketball! and field hockey!…” [Braydon and I both then proceeded to list every single sport we could think of until finally Kyle seemed satisfied, and interrupted us—]K: “Oh! O.k.!”
…and with that he took off again down the driveway on his scooter!…How things change and how much they are the same….
Today I checked my cell phone and there was a MMS from Alex. She was babysitting the boys, snapped a picture of them and text’d it to me. How cool is that? How sweet is that? How nuts is that? I remember we had a rotary dial phone in our house with the four-prong plug when I was a kid. I am sure there are others reading this blog who remember far more changes. It was a super big deal when I got my 110 camera that had 24 shots on it. I loved walkie-talkies, but they didn’t send pictures. I am so psyched about this though – I got to see a snap shot into their day – at the moment it was happening.
But somethings never really change I am coming to realize. And if any one is timeless in their jubilant approach to life, it’s K&O. Two boys, a fountain and a beautiful day. They love that thing and they know how to find fun where ever they go!
If I had been really cool, I would have actually noticed when she sent the message, and would have replied back with something like: lol – 2cute -thx 4 the pic – ttyl! But I’m not – I missed it by an hour and a half.
O.k., I’ve been postponing posting something about this because I’ve been in semi-denial that it is true. But it is time to come clean. My kids are officially food snobs. I don’t know how this happened. Braydon and I are soooo not food snobs. Yes, we like our gourmet foodie specialty items. For sure. But we’ll also jump right in line at a McDonald’s drive through with the best of ’em. In fact, over the years, we’ve actively and conscientiously and purposefully avoided food snobbery. Yes, we’ve plunked down our fair share of a large chunk of change at some of the finest dining establishments the world over. And yes, of course we have filled our cart many a time at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods and Wegman’s and the like. But my bonus card is loyal to the local Giant Supermarket and I’m not ashamed of having a bag of Cheetos in my cart from time to time. Kyle and Owen, however, are a different story. Despite our attempts to instill our food-values into our children, they are exhibiting rebellion in this arena early on. Food Snobs they are (with a capital “F” and a capital “S”), and they don’t like mucking it with the rest of us when it comes to their dinner plates. At the age of just-barely-three, I think you definitely qualify as a food snob if you…
————————-A) Prefer Stonyfield Farms’ All Organic, Whole Milk, ‘Yo Baby’ Yogurt products… and…
… turn your nose up at Yoplait Kids yogurt, even when it is covered with images of Diego?!!!!!
————————-B) Will only eat ‘Annie’s Homegrown’ Organic Shells & White Cheddar… and……refuse to eat the classic Velveeta Shells & Cheese, telling your Mama that it is “stinky” (quote unquote).
————————-C) Regularly chow down on ‘MorningStar Farms’ All Natural and All Vegetarian Soy ‘Chik’N Nuggets’… and…
…won’t even touch the all-American Kids Food: McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets, even when they come specially packaged in a ‘Happy Meal’ and they are dunked in sweet and sour sauce??!!!
————————-————————-————————-Yup, Food Snobs they are. Kyle and Owen both. I should have known it early on when we discovered that at the age of 16 months they both strongly preferred fine hand-made chocolate truffles from a specialty chocolatier to your basic household Hershey’s M&Ms. What the heck?!!!!!!Kyle & Owen in the sandbox this morning
This morning before daycare the boys were playing outside in the sandbox while I was inside getting my work-bag together, coffee into my travel mug, etc. I walked onto the back deck and yelled down to them that it was time to go to daycare. Kyle yelled back to me: “Mama, I was crying for you!” I said, “Oh no! I’m sorry! I didn’t hear you!” (I wasn’t worried — it couldn’t have been too much crying or too loud or I definately would have heard him.) He yelled back, “But, I was crying for you.” I said, “I’m sorry, Ky Ky, are you o.k.?” And he yelled back, so chipper and cheerily, “Yup! I’m o.k. Mama! My brother helped me!”One of my best sister-friends here in PA is Corey Waters. Many of you who read this blog have met her or have heard me talk about her… or at the very least you’ve read my posts about our families-friendships (click here for a post from January, click here for a post from December). Over the time that we’ve known them, Corey and Jason have adopted five kids from Haiti. We’re proud to be able to call this family our best-family-friend. The Waters have made a video, “Hungry in Haiti,” and posted it to YouTube. As hard as it is to watch, please watch it. Click here.
For months and months throughout the entire winter the boys were sleeping until 8:00 or even 9:00 a.m. But for the past two weeks a disturbing trend has begun in our home: They have both been waking up around 6:30 a.m. Braydon and I had been seriously spoiled by the late-sleeping. This morning 6:30 felt waaaay too early. Kyle crawled into bed with us but Owen was already ready to start the day and wanted nothing to do with morning cuddles. We heard him go downstairs and thought, “Well, let’s just see what happens. Maybe he will just play by himself down there.” Of course in our hearts of hearts, Braydon and I both knew better. Truthfully, I’d never let Kyle go down there by himself. I know better… based on prior experience. Kyle is 100% untrustworthy. But Owen is perhaps slightly more trustworthy, and in my mind I thought, “Let’s just take the risk and see what happens. We won’t let it go long.” It was quiet down there (a bad, bad, bad sign). At about 6:34, Braydon got out of bed and said, “I better go down there.” Before he could get out of our bedroom, however, Owen appeared. Braydon said, “Hey buddy! What were you doing down there?” Owen responded cheerfully, “Hi Papi! I was making ICE CREAM!!” In my own mind I thought, “Oh good Lord!!!!!!!” Then Owen came over toward the bed, looked up at me, and told me: “Mommy, I was making ice cream down there.” “Oh, you were??” I said, skeptically. “Yes!” said Owen. And then, quite calmly and matter-of-factly, Owen looked me right in the eyes and said, “Mama, you will be mad.” I immediately told Braydon to get down there ASAP and assess the damage. Turns out Owen had taken a container of ice cream out of the freezer, managed to get a bowl out of the upper cabinet (I have no idea how he reached that), and a [very large] spoon out of the drawer, and had found the jimmies/sprinkles. Braydon and Owen quickly re-appeared upstairs. Braydon was trying hard not to laugh. “I left it for you to see,” he told me. When I got down there I had to take a picture. Owen watched as I snapped the shot. “You are not mad?” he asked. “No,” I said. “But do not do that again.” “O.k. Mama!” he said. And he proceeded to chow down on some sprinkles.
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