Owen, Karen, and Kyle this morning before daycare
We (but especially I) often hear from people “I don’t know how you do it!” or get asked by people “How do you do it?!” They’re referring to the whole 2-career-working-family-with-young-kids-somehow-managing-to-hold-it-all-together-thing. Even other working mothers sometimes say it to me when they learn I have *TWINS* or when they realize how *ACTIVE* Kyle and Owen are. People seem to want some profound explanation from me and I often feel like I’m disappointing them when I reveal that I haven’t come up with one yet. So far, I just kind of laugh and shrug and say, “I don’t know how we’re doing it either!!!!” or “We’re just doing it — and it is sooooooooooooo hard!!!” But the truth is, there are at least two keys to the whole-ball-of-wax that we’re very aware of here at the Johnson-McCormick homestead: 1) superb help, and 2) relinquishing all control. The ‘relinquishing all control’ part was really tough for me at first… but I’ve become an *EXPERT* at it!!! People have a hard time understanding, for example, how it is that I can let our babysitter Alex go off and running to who-knows-where with my two toddlers in her car every Wednesday afternoon and have no idea where they are. I can see how that’s perplexing to a lot of parents. But our life as we know it (including all the really rich and amazing experiences and relationships that Kyle and Owen have) literally would not be possible if I was hung up on the details and in control of it all. This is why #1 (‘superb help’) is so critical. Superb help requires a lot of research and work and time to find. But once we’ve got it — we’re set. We have an exceptionally superb daycare, an exceptionally superb babysitter, an exceptionally superb lawn/garden/outdoorsy guy, and an exceptionally superb housecleaner/housekeeper/indoorsy gal. Our housekeeper (we call her that because we believe 100% that she literally KEEPS our house operating!) is Karen. Karen’s been taking care of Braydon and I since before we adopted Kyle and Owen… and now she’s taking care of all four of us. She comes one morning a week. In the first six months home from Haiti Karen saw the boys more than anyone did other than Braydon and I. She has a special bond with our boys. They adore her. I know people say this a lot, but in this case it is really true: Karen is like part of our family. (I could go on and on about her but I’ve gotta pack for our trip to New Hampshire for Christmas so I’ve got to keep this brief — I’ll put it this way: Karen and Braydon and I have had a LOT of really deep conversations together about how absolutely critical her work is to our work and how absolutely critical her life is to our life, and about how the working class are the foundational centerpiece to middle class “achievement,” and about how housecleaners and childcare workers are the exploited pillar of upper-class “success” in every arena of life including work family, etc., etc., etc. Like I said, I could go on and on and on…) Anyway, this morning when Karen arrived for her regular Tuesday-morning-visit-with-the-boys-before-cleaning/work/daycare, we had a little Christmas “Party” and exchanged gifts. So, at 8:00 this morning, here was the scene: First Kyle and Owen opened their gifts from Karen…
…Then Kyle and Owen opened Karen’s gifts from us (?!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!):
Then we were all off and running! Thank you Karen for all that you do!!!
In this holiday season of excess it’s easy to overlook some basics. There always seems to be delicious food around, and during the time from Halloween to New Year’s we all have the sense that we’re going to put on a few pounds. Even if we try not to.
Last night at dinner, Heather had made this awesome spinach and shrimp curry over rice – really really great (and amazing she had the gumption to actually pull that off, but that’s another story). K & O were not so keen on it. I think most parents can remember when they struggled to get their kids to eat a full dinner and experiment with different foods. Kyle wound up only eating a little of the rice; they both switched to yogurt, but in the end Owen ate only 1/2 a yogurt. Just delightful.
About an hour after we put them to bed, Owen woke up screaming and scared that there was a tiger in his bed (vaguely reminiscent of the doggie in his bed) – he had been playing with a little stuffed tiger earlier that day. We got him settled and back in bed. After that, Owen proceeded to wake up and cry a little about every thirty minutes. We would go get him settled – and eventually gave him a little warm milk. He still was very unsettled, restless and would cry and fuss every 20-30 minutes or so.
Around 2 AM Heather and I started to become very very worried. He was not settling down and he was not sleeping (neither were we). We brought him into our bed (which we never do) and tried to get him settled. He was squirming and squirming; he would settled down for around 30 seconds to a minute and then fidget, and kick and sometimes moan. He would pull his legs up to his chest and then shoot them out straight. While he progressively got worse and it became apparent this was a lot more than having a bad dream, we became progressively more worried.
At 2:30 AM we turned on the light and woke him up fully. We asked him what was wrong. He said ‘owiee in there’ and pointed to the left side of his abdomen. In our sleep deprivation we couldn’t figure out what that meant and of course jumped to the worse possible conclusion – appendicitis. Fortunately the appendix is on the other side of the body, but at 2:30, who could be sure. We asked him if he had another owiee, he pointed to his leg, his chest and his arm. In our worry we started to think he was having some type of full body system failure.
We asked him if he was hungry and he vigorously nodded his head. What did he want? “Grapes” and “Crackers” and “Milk and “Snacks”. Ok – we all went quickly downstairs. Heather got him the requested “snacks” and I held him on the couch. She came back with the snacks and I fed them to him one at a time. After a bunch of grapes, a bunch of cheese and a cup of milk (the crackers went untouched), he said “I’m done” and tucked his head onto my chest. He sucked his paci and cuddled his lovey lion. He wanted to go to sleep.
We realized that he had been hungry – nothing more, nothing less. We put him in his bed, tucked him in and let him fall asleep. That was a complete relief – he was ok, just hungry.
It’s not easy to forget where they came from. It’s not easy to forget how special our family is. But sometimes there is a visceral reminder of the truth of a life history we’ll never fully understand – of being hungry.
And we can’t ever forget that even though they were only hungry for the first 8 months of their life, it never fully goes away.
Owen and Kyle are 2 years + 7 months old. Since they were 8 months old they’ve been hearing us tell them “I love you” numerous times every single day and even in the night when we watch them sleeping. When they first started talking I taught them to respond to us saying “I love you” to them by saying back to us: “I know!” It was very, very cute. It was so darn cute! People who would hear it got such a kick out of it — hearing a parent say “I love you” to their 20 month old and having that baby confidently respond “I know!” I taught them to say “I know!” instead of “I love you too” in response to our “I love you”‘s because I conscientiously did not want them to be “trained” to say those precious-“I-love-you”- words before they were ready. I wanted them to say it on their own terms, when they understood what it meant, and when saying it to us (or whomever they’d say it to) would really mean something for them. I knew someday it would mean something for them, and I wanted for them to be able to wait until they were ready to say it, with no pressure or expectation from us. Some of the people who overheard these “I love you”–“I know!” intereactions on a daily basis were the daycare staff. At drop-off every day we give the boys lots of hugs kisses and snuggles and always-always-always say “I love you” (often multiple times) while we are saying goodbye. Many days over the past year or so Kyle and Owen have cheerily and confidently responded: “I know!” to our “I love you”‘s at drop-off. And some days they just hug and kiss and giggle and coo and don’t say anything at all in response. But never did they say, “I love you” back. Until today. Today at drop-off, as always, I was giving my snuggles and cuddles and saying goodbye to my sweet bambinos. I rubbed my cheek to Kyle’s cheek and said, “I love you baby” and he said, “I LOVE YOU.” I whispered quietly into his ear: “Thank you sweetie! Thank you for saying ‘I love you’!” Then I went to find Owen to say goodbye. I rubbed my cheek to Owen’s cheek and said, “I love you baby” and he said, “I LOVE YOU.” I whispered quietly into his ear: “Thank you sweetie! Thank you for saying ‘I love you’!”
KyleWe got a new camera today (our Christmas present to ourselves!). Here are some pictures from Braydon’s first whirl with it!
It was 70 degrees here today! The boys played outside in their shed, “cooking” and “making coffee”
Owen riding his motorcycle in the basement wearing my hard-earned New Orleans beads (from days long past – – – remember that *fun* trip Jen & Anthony?!?! ahhh! my son has no idea what I did to earn those beads… and god-willing he never will!!!!)
Although they absolutely cannot do it whatsoever, the boys really like to try to open nuts with nutcrackers
Owen kisses Kyle
Kyle kisses OwenRight after this shot, we overheard Owen say to Kyle, “I love you” — this was the first time that we’ve heard either of them say this to each other unprompted. I got choked up in that moment.
Kyle in a quiet moment
Owen fascinated with the early Christmas gift that came in the mail today from Roxann & Catherine… A Bob the Builder Christmas Special Video!!! We’ve never actually seen a Bob the Builder show before this arrived today. Can you tell by Owen’s face that he LOVED it?! (Thank you Auntie Roxann!!!)
End of day, snuggling on the couch, watching the video before bedtime
This afternoon, after nap, Alex and her roommate Esther (and of course Cyprus the dog) came over for a little Christmas party with the boys. With Kyle and Owen around you can have a
very short invite list and still have a
very lively party! The boys gave Alex a special gift: a photo book filled with photos of times spent together with Alex over the past year. Alex gave the boys a special gift too: smiley face ice packs for when they get boo-boo-owies. (!!! LOL! she knows them toooooo well!!!). We ate Braydon’s famous parmesan artichoke dip, drank sangria, and heard K & O say “Merry Christmas!” about a billion times.
This afternoon when Alex was here, her dog Cyprus was running around the yard and driveway with the boys. Kyle came peddling out of the garage on his tricycle and said, “There’s Cyprus, my doggie!” I said, “Kyle, Cyprus is not your doggie, Cyprus is Alex’s doggie!” Then Kyle, loudly but quite plainly and emotionlessly, announced to us all: “I got no dog!!!” And rode off down the driveway.
We have a monthly get together for dinner with the Waters family and tonight was our date for December. I know this sounds corny, but seriously, these get-togethers are a major highlight of my/our month every single month of the year! When the Waters kids and the Johnson-McCormick kids get together it is totally mayhem and totally magical. It is absolutely beyond words in regards to the profound-ness of it all. To see seven Haitian-American kids, all of whom were adopted from orphanages, all of whom are THRIVING in their own unique ways, all having a heck of a time together with the most INCREDIBLE and INSPIRATIONAL Big-Sister IMAGINABLE: Jessica Waters…. well, I can’t put words here to do it justice. It just is a sight. Maybe it is just something you kind of have to see to really “get”? I don’t know. The only way I can think to describe it is this: it just really warms the soul. Plus (and this is a big plus), it is sooooooo so so so so so so soooooooooooooo soooo so so so sooooooooo rare (did I say “SO” rare? it is just so so rare) to be able to just be with another family even semi- like ours. And for our kids to be able to just play with kids from another family even semi- like ours. And for us parents to be able to just chat with other parents from another family even semi- like ours. Now that stuff really warms the heart and soul for all 12 of us! And it is quite a scene too. You should just see the dozen of us all collected together to eat supper in one place! (did I mention yet that 8 of us are under the age of 12?!) Tonight was extra special because we got to celebrate Erica Water’s 4th birthday with the Waters Family. The greatest/ funniest/ wackiest/ awesome-est moment of the night was when Erica opened her birthday present from us, immediately ran upstairs to put it on (see photo below), and then made a grand entrance for the whole group to clap and cheer. Owen immediately stripped off his shirt (??!!), and insisted on coming down the stairs to make his own grand entrance… at which point he (topless) proceeded to push through the crowd to make a bee-line straight for Princess Fairy Erica and give her a huge hug and kiss in the center of the family room while all of us cheered and laughed so hard that we (the four adults at least) almost peed our pants! We always joke because since day-one of their meeting each other, Erica and Owen have seemed like little love-birds almost pre-destined for a big huge dramatic white wedding someday… perhaps we shouldn’t joke?!!!!!! Other highlights of the evening (see photos below) included: watching Dora the Explorer together, seeing (and holding) the new tiny puppy, and eating loads of chips and hummus at the kids table.
Introducing…
Our Third GUEST BLOGGER!!! ——– Gamma!!!
Gamma writes:
What an amazing experience, visiting The Little Gym with Braydon, Heather and the boys. Kyle was instantly able to walk the balance beam side stepping, a remarkable feat for a child many years older. And Owen was a fearless jumper, walking the beam without assistance and leaping off the end. The boys love their new guitars, Kyle in particular. He grasped how to hold the instrument by watching Braydon and sat by himself singing and strumming. One has to wonder what will happen with these boys. They are simply amazing!
Braydon and Heather continue to be wonderful parents. How they cope with everything in their lives in addition to two of the most active children I’ve ever seen, is beyond belief or reason. What a fortunate family!
Gamma (Braydon’s Mother) and Uncle Guy (Braydon’s Uncle) and Ita (Gamma’s/Sabrina’s “little doggie”) came to visit! They arrived on Friday afternoon, and left on Saturday afternoon. It was an exciting, fun-filled, GIFT-filled 24-hours! Gamma came with loads of Christmas presents for the boys and she brought them their gifts from Auntie Sabrina too! Sabrina gave them a whole “marching band”-worth-of-musical instruments. Sabrina wasn’t here, so K & O gave “thank you’s” and kisses to her photos on the photo collage wall. THANK YOU SABRINA! K & O must have marched around the house a zillion times on Friday night banging and crashing and blowing and drumming and shaking those instruments! Uncle Guy said, “It was exhausting just watching them!” (He was asleep before K & O were Friday night!!!) The highlight of the visit was the very special presents Gamma gave to the boys on Saturday morning… “real guitars”!!!!! My oh my! Kyle, in particular, LOVES his guitar. It is going to take a lot of hard work and will-power on Owen’s part to not destroy his guitar. But, he (Owen) is really really motivated to try to “not break it” because it is “delicate!” Kyle seems to have a real passion for strumming. It is really sincerely special to see Braydon and Kyle and Owen play their guitars together.
Conversations from today on the drive home from daycare – me driving, K & O in the backseat:
Heather: Kyle, who did you play with at daycare today?
Kyle: {no response}
Heather: Kyle, did you play with Jackson at daycare today?
Kyle: Yes!!!
Heather: Oh yay! Kyle and Jackson are such good friends!
Kyle: Mommy! Jackson has baby brother.
Heather: Yup! Jackson has a baby brother.
Kyle: Mama, where’s my baby brother?
Heather: You don’t have a baby brother.
Kyle: Mama, why???
Heather: {no response — didn’t know what to say to that one…}
Kyle: Mama, why???
Heather: Because you just don’t have one.
Kyle: Kyle want baby brother.
Heather: I know Ky Ky, I know you want a baby brother. But you do have a twin brother- Owen is your twin brother.
Kyle: Oh man!
LATER:
Owen: {out of the blue} Santa, Bob the Builder Truck Front End Loader please Santa! Please!
Heather: Owen, did you ask Santa for a Bob the Builder truck?
Owen: Yeah, I want a Bob the Builder Truck. I want a Bob the Builder Truck Front End Loader.
Heather: Wow, a Bob the Builder Truck Front End Loader?!
Owen: Yes!!! A PINK one!
Heather: A pink one?
Owen: Yes! Yes! Yes! A PINK Bob the Builder Truck Front End Loader! Pink! I want a pink one!
Heather: You know what sweetie? I don’t think they make pink Bob the Builder trucks.
Owen: Oh man!
Re: the two photos above — I picked the boys up early from daycare today so that we could play outside for awhile before it got too dark. After a “long bicycle ride” (everything is relative!) K & O swang in their swings for awhile but then had a hankering for some “hot coffee!” They went in their play shed and got all their supplies, then they got all settled in their little adirondack chairs. For about 30 minutes straight they “drank coffee!” A lot of the time was spent “pouring milk into the coffee!” (from the empty milk jugs they play with), and talking about how “hot hot hot!!!” the coffee was.
~~~
Tonight we went for our 2nd annual Christmas outing to the “Big Hallelujah Lights” (a very festive and fun light display at a place near us called Peddler’s Village). Last year we wore our baby backpacks and walked through it with the boys in the packs — and they LOVED it. We promised ourselves that we were going to try to go every year. And tonight was the night. At the end of a long work/daycare day, as we were frantically packing up (diaper bag, snacks, sippie cups, hats, coats, etc., etc, etc, ) and heading out I said to Braydon, “I hope this is worth it!” Within about two minutes of our arrival at the “Big Hallelujah Lights” Braydon turned to me and said, “It was worth it!” For an hour straight the boys ran around in their glory, exploring the entire village, petting (and riding) the lit up reindeer, running through all the winding little paths, touching every tree they could reach, throwing pebbles into the meandering streams, and running back and forth over the little bridges. They were a delight for everyone there — for some people we encountered, in fact, it appeared that Kyle and Owen were more thrilling to take in than the actual lights displays! We had a blast.
At the end of the day, as we pulled into our driveway at about 8:00, Kyle and Owen did their usual pointing out and oohhing and aahhing over all of our neighbors’ grand “Hallelujah Lights.” Kyle mustered, as cheerily as he possibly could: “I have one Hallelujah Light!” And Braydon and I laughed our tushes off!
Owen, Karen, and Kyle this morning before daycare
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