Kyle, Patrick, Owen ~ May 5, 2013 ~ Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
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We have the most wonderful maintenance guy at Sayre. Kerry keeps all of Sayre in tip-top-shape, and he’s been such a huge help to us in so many ways this year. In addition to making sure everything is in perfect order for us, he’s also become a good friend to our family– often taking time to stop and chat with me and/or Braydon, and even more often taking time to stop to play one or two minutes of hoops with K & O… which goes a long way in making two boys feel very much at home and cared for. He’s been great. And we’re ending the academic year on a very high note with Kerry– he went way above and beyond to provide us with not just an outdoor faucet hook-up, but a hose and sprinkler too. We used it for the first time this weekend! It made the five J-Ms very happy (especially a certain 4-year-old-girl).
I am so glad that living on campus doesn’t have to mean sacrificing this simple spring/summer childhood pleasure.
And who says it is just a “childhood” pleasure? Turns out… yup!… our Sayre (20-year-old) friends enjoyed-the-heck-out-of-it too! (a great study break during final exam week!)
Last night was a big night for Kyle and me.
Big Backstory:
- I am really bad at winning awards. I mean, I do win them. I’m an ambitious, competitive, driven person. But I’m bad at the receiving of them. It creates a lot of psychological agitation and emotional anxiety for me to be in the spotlight and singled out for praise/accolades/prizes/accomplishments. Overshare: There’s a lot to why this is that I don’t want to get into here on the blog, but trust me when I say, it is a big struggle for me. I spent a year of very intensive therapy, at age 29-30, to try to deal with, in large part, some of the issues at the core of this problem for me (and made huge progress…), and I am constantly working on it, but (still…), I struggle. Anyhooooo………. onto #2–
- As noted above, I’m an ambitious, competitive, driven person. I select goals for myself very carefully, and set them rarely. But when I do, I am decidedly driven to achieve them. I’ve done this for as long as I can remember (my mom can tell you some stories!! I’ve done this for my whole life and the stories date way back). When I arrived at Lehigh, I set two goals for myself: I) to get tenure, and II) to win the Deming Lewis Award.
- Kyle is (fortunately and unfortunately) a lot like me, especially in terms of #2 above. In the way he resembles me in that arena he is basically my clone/mini-me/direct-offspring (never mind that he is not my biological genetic child… in this way he is just like his mama). He appears to (very fortunately) not be recycling my issues related to #1 above (thank goodness). He works really hard all the time at doing the best job he can at pretty much everything he does. And he enjoys to reap the benefits of his hard work and achievements. We are always seeking out ways to reward him appropriately for his superbness so that he knows we notice and value it.
Short Backstory:
- A couple of weeks ago I found out I was winning a big award– the Deming Lewis Award (the one that is noted in II of #2 above). This was a huge deal to me.
- Because of #1 above, it started to send me into a downward spiral of negative emotional energy and angst.
- I quickly realized that was happening and called a fast stop to it (at age 40 I flat out refuse to let it rule me anymore).
- One detail: the award would be presented at Lehigh’s annual Faculty & Staff Appreciation Dinner. I could bring one guest/date for the night.
- I made a big decision– a win-win for everyone!– I would bring Kyle.
- This is an untraditional choice. Award winners typically bring their spouse/partner. But I knew Kyle was the perfect choice.
- By bringing Kyle I could: a) avoid having to get a babysitter because Braydon could stay home with Owen and Meera, b) give Kyle an extra special night out alone with Mama, c) give Kyle the chance to see what winning awards like this in arenas like this are all about. I also wanted him to see that, d) big awards are given in lots of fields/contexts/environments… not just trophies/honors/awards in sports. By bringing Kyle I could also make it as interesting and different and fun for myself as possible (therefore helping to manage my issues related to #1 above).
The Story:
So, last night was the big night. And I think it was probably a Top 10 experience for Kyle. (And definitely a good experience for me, too, which really says a lot given #1 above). We got all dressed up, and we went. Of the 500 people in attendance, Kyle was the only person under age –I’m guessing– 25. Most people were –I’m guessing– over 55. It was unique (to say the least) to have my 8-year-old son as my date. It made what could have been a dull (or anxiety producing) night into an absolutely fabulous night. We had the greatest time.
Kyle enjoyed the experience as only someone new and truly open to such affairs can. He was delighted with the “open bar” (him: lemonade, me: white wine). He was super-impressed with the transformation of Stabler Arena from the home of his favorite basketball team to the venue for this huge awards banquet. He was mesmerized with the catering, the conversation, the cultural experience of being immersed in the world of an elite academic institution for a night (yes, he lives here, but going to an event like that is different). He ate every bite of his haute cuisine dinner (a very fancy salad and a filet mignon entree with all the accouterments). He ate the whipped cream and fresh blackberries from his dessert plate — and mine, and that of the woman sitting on the other side of him (the dessert was a rich dark chocolate cake, and Kyle is not a fan of dessert, let alone chocolate).
He had insisted we bring a camera (something that I would never normally do, given #1 above). He snapped photos the whole night. In fact, in looking through them tonight, I found that he took over 60 photos — including many of me on the stage receiving the award, photos of each page of the program, and several self-portraits. I also took some of him and us. Here’s a sampling:
It was such a very special evening for my son and for me.
Postscript:
The Deming Lewis Award: “is given annually to one faculty member at Lehigh University. The award honors a faculty member selected by the 10-year class as having most significantly influenced its members’ educational experience. This award was created in 1982 in honor of Deming Lewis’ outstanding service during his tenure as Lehigh’s tenth president.”
I was so very honored and happy to receive it! The class of 2003 were juniors the year I arrived at Lehigh. It was the spring that they were graduating — May 2003 — that I sat at the Faculty and Staff Dinner (one of the only other times I’ve attended it; I went because I was receiving a big award that year for junior faculty), and watched as an esteemed faculty colleague won the Deming Lewis Award. I secretly set the goal for myself right then and there: the Deming Lewis Award was the one award I really wanted to get during my time at Lehigh. To me it meant the most because it was chosen by the alum themselves. It never would have occurred to me that I’d win it precisely 10 years later (the first chance I had since setting the goal). It is a source of great pride for me. To anyone who might be reading this, who might have played a role by voting: THANK YOU! You humble and honor me.
And now, because I’m feeling a lot of anxiety and agitation regarding writing a blog post about my winning an award (note: see #1 above), I will sign off. Thanks for reading y’all!~~~~~
This moment in the season is so short-lived, but so incredibly gorgeous. The campus is in full bloom!
This year Meera has been in pre-school. It is a M-W-F program, so she has been home every Tuesday and Thursday. For the fall semester we had the wonderful Niomi as Meera’s Tuesday-Thursday babysitter (she was mentioned a few times on the blog). This spring semester we’ve had another fabulous babysitter— Cristina.
Cristina has been such a great friend/big-sister/babysitter to Meera. Today was her last day (this is the last week of classes at Lehigh). This morning she sent me the photo collage above. I think it captures so perfectly what a great time these two have had.
One of Meera’s favorite things to do is to go with Cristina to visit her sorority house. Photo below (another photo from Cristina!) is Meera in Cristina’s room:
One day Cristina let Meera try her lipstick (a novelty for Meera since Mommy has no lipstick!). Photo below (yes, another photo from Cristina!) is them on that day:
I hope posts like this one serve to jog the memories of my kids when they are much older.
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Dear Meera,
You were an amazingly happy child. You formed real bonds with special people. They made you so happy, and you made them so happy. As a result, your childhood was overflowing with happiness. That’s really the only good way to describe it. These people are part of the foundation of you. Look at these photos, and know you were loved by so many.
Love, Mommy
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Dear Cristina,
Thank you for being such a wonderful spring semester babysitter for Meera. You never cancelled once! You were never late! You cleaned up the apartment every time Little Miss M made a mess of it! You were a great friend and role model to Meera. Most of all, you made one 4-year-old girl very, very happy (and thus, made her working mommy very, very content). That is invaluable.
Love, Heather
Dana (a Sayre Senior) and Meera. Dana gave Meera the tiara; Meera gave Dana the daffodils
We have made so many good friends all over campus this year. But for sure our Sayre friends are the most special. We simply see them the most, and spend the most time together. We live together. We have a real community going on here. There are certain students we see just about every day, and others we see from time-to-time, and some of those we (especially K, O, and M) have really tight connections with. In moving to campus it truly never occurred to me to think too much about how it was going to be for us to get really close with certain students, and then watch as they move out and/or graduate. It is something I’m now thinking a lot about as we quickly approach the end of the school year and commencement.
To be honest, I’m worried about this.
I know the bambinos are tough, and they’ll be ok. But I also know their hearts will hurt and there will be a lot of emotions wrapped up with the move-out of our neighbors as the semester closes. I’m sure, too, that commencement will take on a whole new meaning this year. These past few beautiful spring days I find myself watching my kids (my children and my students/neighbors) playing together outside at Sayre and I can’t help but think of what is soon to come. This time of year, on a college campus, is not just a time of wrapping things up and final exams, but it is a time of goodbyes too.
When the relationships are real the feelings are real. I know that I will struggle a bit in the days to come, as I watch the Sayre students move out (and the seniors graduate). I know that the bambinos will need to find ways to get their minds and hearts around that too. And I also know that some of these students will feel it in very real ways. It is what we signed up for. But still. That doesn’t make it easy.
Kyle and Owen this morning
Today was Opening Day. The First Game of the Season. The South Side Bandits vs. the Fountain Hill Hoseys.
The newcomers on the team. The youngest on the team. The only non-Hispanic/Latinos on the team. The only non-Spanish-speaking on the team. For the first time in their baseball careers– not the best on the team. Entering a whole new world: Hard Core Baseball.
But…
Just as scrappy as the other South Side boys. Holding their own (mighty well). Heads held high. Catching on quick to the important Spanish phrases (and slurs). Willing to work their tushies off — on, and off, the field. And, lucky for them (and us), gifted with pure raw natural athletic talent. Not the best on the team, but definitely right up there and major contributors. Not to be messed with. Two to be watched.
A few weeks ago we took a chance and they tried out for the 9-10 Year Old Team for our new locale: South Side LIttle League. They took 15 boys. K & O were two of them. After two weeks of practice they cut the team, with no apologies, from 15 to 12. K & O made the cut. They’re hanging in there. And hanging in strong. Today their team won the season opener. The final score was 10 to 9. It was a Nail Biter. We watched as K & O made some big impressions.
So proud of my boys today.
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