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After what felt like a longer-than-usual winter, and a barely-existent spring, we got the gift of a gloriously-sunny-record-high day today to remind us that summer is just around the corner. Our weekend visitors were here this morning (Auntie Sabrina, Gamma, and Grandpa Robert), and the boys had t-ball until 2:00, but after that we had a string of unusually-blissfully-perfect hours in a row where it felt like we were living in our own little version of heaven on earth. There was a little something for everyone — buckets of water for M, free reign of the hose (and lots of mud) for K & O, gin and tonic for H & B. And there was spectacular sun for everyone. One of our neighbors, our favorite teenager Lindsey, even stopped by for a bit with a cute little abandoned baby squirrel that she found and is trying to nurse to health (we gave her a baby bottle and some baby formula for it). At the end of the afternoon Braydon turned on the television for the boys to watch Wynton Marsalis and the Jazz at Lincoln Center Orchestra on ‘Live from Lincoln Center on PBS’. I had to snap the last photo (see below) when I noticed that not only had the boys moved their chairs to be as close as possible to each other, but Owen had his arm around Kyle too. The boys were muddy, Meera was sweaty, Braydon and I were sunburned, and we were all exhausted, but that little side-by-side-arm-around-your-brother moment… well, it sort of captured the feeling that we were all having in that moment. Not often, but sometimes, it all just clicks and everything feels right… which is what it felt like for a few hours here today.

Saturday Braydon’s side of the family came to visit so that we could all celebrate Sabrina’s birthday together. Even though it was for Sabrina’s birthday, Kyle and Owen were so excited about it that you would have thought it was for their birthday! As usual, they could not get enough of Sabrina! And it was really special to have Grandpa Robert (all the way from Georgia), and Gamma (all the way from Massachusetts) with us. It turned out to be an incredibly beautiful summery day… so much so that we got to sit outside on the porch of The Cafe (Sabrina’s favorite is Thai, which gave us a great opportunity to go to our favorite local Thai place!). We had the porch to ourselves and it was truly about as wonderful as it could possibly, possibly get. Kyle and Owen were especially-ultra-adorable and pulled out all of their best-moves to charm the socks off of everyone around (including waitstaff, hostess, manager, etc.)… but especially Sabrina. They ‘secretly’ (with just a little help from their mommy) snuck inside the restaurant after dinner to arrange to have candles (that they ‘secretly’ brought from home by sneaking them into Meera’s diaper bag) put on Sabrina’s dessert… and then they proudly walked out with the server to present the dessert surprise to Sabrina, singing ‘Happy Birthday.’ I don’t know who the moment was more sweet for — Sabrina, or Kyle-and-Owen. They were so into it. The whole drive home they serenaded Auntie Sabrina with impromptu love songs made up on-the-spot just for her. They have a knack for making somebody feel like a million bucks. Happy Birthday Sabrina! Oh, and I’ve just to squeeze this in somehow—- Meera shared Braydon’s pad thai with him… and loved it (very cute to see a 10 month old eating pad thai by the fistful!)

Early this evening Meera took her first step! Her first independent, not-holding-on step. She’s been working on it for awhile now, and still has quite awhile to go before she’s running around… but tonight she’s one step (literally!) closer to being able to keep up with her brothers (which, we think, is ultimately the goal she has in mind). This picture is not of the actual step, but was taken just seconds after when Braydon called me to come running because she had just done it! I’m so glad that we were both home and that Braydon was the one with her to witness it firsthand.

This aquarium toy was Kyle’s favorite when he was a baby. He played with it for hours. Recently we dug it out and cleaned it up for Little Miss. She loves it just as much as her big brother did when he was her age.

On Sunday night we discovered that Owen knows how to tie a knot when suddenly, out of the blue, he proudly held up a piece of his spaghetti tied in a perfect knot. We have no clue how he learned to tie because we’ve since asked around and neither Margie nor his teachers claim to have taught him. And we sure didn’t. However he learned it, it turns out our boy can tie!

Last week the boys were on spring break from school. I stayed home with them on Friday and our top priority agenda item was to finish off their birthday party invitations and get them in the mail. During Meera’s morning nap, K & O painstakingly applied the stamps to every single invitation. For these boys a task like this does not come easy. And working with them on a project like this, at least for me, is a serious exercise in self-control, patience, and ‘letting-go-of-any-and-all-tendencies-toward-perfection.’ Challenges included things like– a] getting each stamp removed from the paper without the stamp ripping in two; b] despite the apparent very strong temptation (personally, I don’t get it at all)… not sticking the stamp all over oneself, one’s skin, or one’s clothing over and over and over until the ‘stick’ is gone and the stamp will no longer stick to the actual invitation; c] sticking the stamp in the correct spot without the sides of the stamp reaching so far off the edge that it would definitely be rejected by the postal service; d] generally containing the b-day excitement enough to sit still long enough to complete the stamp-sticking-task. Anyway… I affixed the mailing labels and they affixed the stamps and the project was completed. We then went to the post office and mailed them off. This was, according to each of the boys, their “high” of the day. And of course, in true K-and-O-style, while at the post office they proceeded to invite the Durham Pennsylvania PostMaster to their birthday party. When she politely declined by telling them that she couldn’t make it because she was “going to be busy that day,” they told her, with genuine emotion, that they “are going to be very sad if she doesn’t come.” She handled that perfectly, quickly re-directing by suggesting they “might want a lollipop?!!” That sufficiently changed the subject and then we went on our merry way. The b-day excitement continues to build. The latest topic of constant conversation is “The Cakes.” Tonight I asked Owen to describe to me what he wants his cake to look like. And this is what he said: “It will be a cake with a little tiny button on it. The button will be very small, but I will be able to push it very delicately. And when you push it very, very, very delicately all of a sudden a big, huge, giant ‘5’ pops out of the cake!!!!!!!!” O.k. then. After I gently explained that this simply will not be possible —period— he thought about it awhile and then took it down a few notches, telling me that he would very much like the cake to be “chocolate cake with vanilla frosting with a big huge orange ‘5’ on the top of it with purple and green and blue bumps on the edges.” O.k., this might be do-able. I’m not exactly sure what he means by “bumps on the edges” but I’m sure I can figure something out. When I proceeded on to Kyle they both looked at me like I was absolutely nuts. After a pause with dumbfounded looks on their faces, Kyle said, “I want exactly the same, of course.” “Oh, you do?” I said, “Why? Don’t you think it would be better if your cakes were different??? I mean, at least different colors or something!???” Kyle said, “I’ll have it be vanilla inside, actually, but then everything else exactly the same– vanilla frosting with a big huge orange ‘5’ on the top of it, and the same bumps as on Owen’s. Exactly the same.” Before I could get a word in edgewise Owen jumped in, “YES! EXACTLY THE SAME! We want them EXACTLY THE SAME!” I knew there was no point in arguing, but just for the sake of argument I did ask: “Why the same?” Once again looking at me like I was a crazy person, Owen said, “Because we’re twins, and we look exactly alike.” Well, there you have it.

K, O, M tonight on the deck after dinner

Lately I’ve been thinking about gifts. All sorts of gifts. Big gifts, little gifts, simple gifts, complex gifts, ‘good’ gifts, and gifts of challenge. The boys’ birthday is coming up (something that looms large around here; something that Kyle and Owen– Kyle especially– remind us of many times each day). They’ll receive lots of gifts from lots of people. As is our tradition, Braydon and I will give them each one gift. They’ve asked for remote control airplanes. They have been ordered. They will wake up on their birthday to open that special gift. They will get what they’ve wanted.

For a long time now I have thought of Kyle and Owen as a gift. A gift to me in my life; a very special gift. Adopting them was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. Adopting them is by far the best way I’ve ever used my life. They are such a gift in so many ways, ways that range from the most simple to the most complex. They’ve filled my life with such intense richness; they are everything —and more— that I hoped for and longed for and wished for and asked for. But sometimes we receive gifts that we don’t ask for. We didn’t ask for Meera. And yet every single night, as I put her to bed, I rock her in the stillness of her bedroom and I think — sometimes even whisper outloud — “My God, what a gift this baby is.” She is a pure joy; a sweet indulgence; an angel baby that makes me feel on top of the world. I wonder, ‘how could I be so lucky? What a gift!’ If I could have known to ask for her, I would have: she is the gift I never even knew I wanted.

And sometimes gifts are received that we’d never ask for. Gifts can be questions that push us in new directions, experiences that deepen our souls, challenges that we’d never ever seek or that we actively try to avoid. A few days ago I found out that one of my students from a few years back killed himself. He did it in a gruesome way that turns my stomach to think about. This was a kid that I was very close with; a student I worked hard with; someone I put a lot into. On Thursday I’ll teach my last class of this semester. And like every semester, I’ll end that class telling my students what I always do: “Once a student of mine, always a student of mine.” It is sincere for me, I really mean it. I am not a stereotypical professor, and I get very close with my students. This particular student of mine graduated in 2005 but I’d been in touch with him off and on since then. He was a beautiful, brilliant, complicated young black man with rippling muscles and glaring eyes and a rough, rough history. He was tough. He challenged me. And he will now, forever, challenge me in some of the most profound ways imaginable. This is a gift. A gift I would never ask for. And yet a gift still the same.

I’m reeling from finding out that this student of mine took his life. And I still feel nauseous if I think about it too much (it does not help that this is now the second person in my life who, in the past six months, has committed suicide). But last night, sitting in the rocking chair with baby Meera, it suddenly was so clear to me: yes, what a gift she is. Right now, she’s a simple, pure, joyful gift — a gift of almost intoxicating sweetness. I am grateful for this gift that she is in my life. But I am grateful too, for the more challenging gifts that I have had the honor of receiving. The wild and crazy boys who we had to work so hard for to adopt, who push my buttons daily, and keep me on my toes and never let me rest and always make me question every single one of my parenting strategies. I would not want it any other way. The gift of Kyle and Owen is the truest miracle I’ve ever experienced. And as I near the end of the school year and begin to wrap up another year of being a Professor who actually cares… well… I am reminded that I wouldn’t want every one of my students to be the stellar-make-the-Professor-proud-shiny-happy-straight-A-go-on-to-graduate-school-always-striving-to-please ones. Those ones are gifts, for sure (I’ve had the pleasure and privilege of calling many students like that my own). But there are other gits too. The students who push me and compel me to question everything I’m doing… those students are gifts. It is not a compare and contrast. It just is what it is. And Howard Ward, as hard as it is to see, is a gift to me.

He is no longer on this earth but I can remember him well. I remember hugging his rigid body and working hard to look him right straight in his glaring eyes. I bought a painting of his– the first piece of artwork he ever sold– and it has had a home in our house ever since, and always will. I watched him on the football field many times as he aggressively slammed his hard body into the players of the other team. And more than once I watched him cry sitting on the couch in my office. I remember when he came to me to tell me that his girlfriend was pregnant and keeping the baby. And I remember when he emailed me to tell me that his first “real” art gallery show had been a huge success. I remember when he stood up and did a ‘rap’ once during a class discussion (and every other word was the ‘f’ word). What a gift all of those things have been. He never was one of the ‘easy’ ones; he always had a way of making me feel a bit uneasy, a bit unsure. But I am sure that is a good thing for me. To me, he was a student who pushed me to question and challenged me to rise to the occasion. He was tough. And still is. And what a gift.

Gifts given, gifts received.

So as the gift of spring is blooming all around me right now — making me feel as if I’m living in some sort of fantasy land with blooming trees and birds of bright colors flying all around us (literally! it is that beautiful here!)… and as the school year is winding down again– making me feel as if I’m being pushed to the max for this final crunch, yet again… and as we prepare to celebrate two boys turning five and one girl turning one and as I remember being pregnant a year ago and getting our adoption referral five years ago and as I watch my students get ready to graduate and remember the ones that have graduated in years past… and as I think about gifts given and gifts received… as I reel and spin in the vastness of it all… I am grounded by the gifts. And I take solace in the three in the photo above.

Guest Blogger: MorFar

When you travel with Owen and Kyle, you better be prepared to get tired (i.e. exhaustion). Kyle and Owen are two of the happiest, friendliest, curious, energetic people you will ever know. The key word here is energetic.

We left our Easter Weekend rendezvous spot (Camp Bement in Charlton, MA) at about 2:30 pm on Sunday. The 3-hour trip to Freedom, NH was extended a bit by a brief stop to drop in on their great-grandmother who lives in a mansion (a retirement home in Methuen, MA). As is typical for them, especially for Owen, they wanted to see everything, touch everything, smell everything, taste everything in this big, big house. I’m not too sure what they thought about their great-Nana. But I do know that you could get exhausted just trying to keep up with both of them exercising their curiosity to know everyone and everything in that big house.

Finally, the arrival at our house in Freedom, NH, provided an opportunity for two little boys to stretch their legs after watching videos on the DVD player in the car.

You could also get exhausted by trying to keep up with Neptune, our 9-month old puppy who is big enough to give even Kyle and Owen a run for their money. Finding ways to give Neptune creative ways to expel his energy in ways other than jumping all over Kyle and Owen is a challenge, indeed. Owen loves to find ways for Neptune to run around, so throwing a tennis ball for fetching as we walked around the pasture worked pretty well. All the while, Kyle was helping his best buddy Mormor get organized for supper.

Supper was later than Kyle and Owen are accustomed to. So was bedtime. Bedtime for Mormor and Morfar was a little earlier than usual.

Monday dawned bright and beautiful. There’s nothing quite as nice as a beautiful spring day in northern New Hampshire. And nothing quite as beautiful as Kyle and Owen making the best of it. A hike up the “big mountain” of Jackman’s Ridge at Camp Calumet was followed by throwing sticks to Neptune in Lake Ossipee and that of course ended up with two boys taking off their shoes, socks and pants so they could get as submerged as possible, themselves. Ice out on Lake Ossipee had taken place just two days earlier! A quick lunch at home was followed by a not so quick baseball practice at Constitution Park on the other side of Lake Ossipee. Quality of batting goes roughly in this order – Owen, Kyle, Morfar, and then Mormor. Zestfully eating Mormor’s lamb stew for supper went roughly in this order – Kyle, Morfar, Owen, and Mormor. All of this was capped off by Kyle, Owen, and Morfar accompanying Mormor and Neptune for the weekly dog discipline class in North Conway. While Mormor and Neptune were totally immersed in discipline for an hour, Morfar tried to keep up with Kyle and Owen in and around the elementary school where the class takes place – gymnastics in and around the playground, more baseball on the beautiful baseball field, Frisbee tossing on the other field, and exploring all around the whole exterior of the school. Needless to say, by the time bedtime arrived, it was very late for Owen and Kyle. Why did they seem so unready for bed and Mormor and Morfar were ready for bed right now?

Tuesday started shortly before 6 am with two boys thundering into Mormor and Morfar’s bedroom. They were ready to go. And go we did. A hike through the snow from the Kancamagus Highway brought us to the beautiful Sabaday Falls. Kyle thought they were bigger than Niagra Falls and we tried not very successfully to dispel that notion. Lunch (macaroni and cheese, what else?) at Friendly’s, and then the highlight of the whole trip – swimming most of the afternoon at the indoor pool at Purity Springs Resort.

During this whole time, one of the things that Kyle and Owen, especially Kyle, were constantly reminding us of, was the upcoming flight to Philadelphia with Morfar that would take place on Wednesday. So during the latter part of Tuesday afternoon, I took some time to get myself ready for my business trip the would ensue from the flight with Kyle and Owen, while Mormor took them for a visit to our neighbors, Mary and Bob, and their son, Jonah.

It’s a two hour ride to the Manchester Airport. We left shortly after 9 am for our flight scheduled to take off at 12:30 pm and arrive in Philadelphia at 2:00 pm. Everything went like clockwork until…arrival at the airport and the announcement on the terminal monitors that our flight would be delayed until 1:30 pm. Then the announcement that it would be 2:15 pm. Thankfully, Mormor was still on the scene to do heroic service of helping with lunch, bathroom visits, etc. But sooner or later the inevitable would take place: Morfar by himself with Owen and Kyle to the other side of the airort security. So here’s Morfar alone with Kyle and Owen in a very crowded gate area. But miracles do happen and Morfar learned that even little boys get exhausted. Here in the midst of total noise, crowdedness and confusion, Owen pulls lovey-lion out of his backpack and lays down on the Southwest Airlines gate area carpet and decides to get some peaceful rest. Kyle likes the looks of that and he pulls honey-bunny out of his backpack and cuddles up to Morfar soon to be joined by Owen on the other knee. And there we stayed until it was time to board the 737 (Kyle always knows exactly what kind of plane he’s dealing with). Thanks to the miracle of DVD players, all was quiet and peaceful through the whole flight – even the extra hour of the flight circling around Philadelphia while that aiport was closed because of high winds. Kyle and Owen were perfect travelers and as predicted, knew exactly what to do at all times and moved much faster than Morfar through the security zone.

It was a very happy reunion that Owen and Kyle had with Mommy and Papi and Meera on the other side of the security zone at Philadelphia Airport. Morfar was pretty happy too. Morfar slept very well that night.

Guest Blogger: MorMor

Don and I were so excited when Heather and Braydon agreed to let us have the boys come home with us after Easter weekend for a few days. Don was heading out for a business trip via Philadelphia mid-week so it was all arranged for a three sleep stay.

Kyle and Owen are great car travelers. Give them a video and some snacks and the hours fly by. We stopped by for a few minutes at Halcyon House (the home where my mother lives) and the boys met their great nana. She has Alzheimer’s so she didn’t understand but they met her nonetheless. We were home by 6:30, played a little, had supper and it was time for bed. They both shed a tear or two and expressed they “were missing mommy”. I let them know that was good and that she missed them too but wanted them to have a special visit to MorMor and MorFar’s house. I rubbed their backs and they fell asleep together in the guest room double bed.

At 2:30 am Owen came into our bed because he’d had a bad dream. He was ok just needed to snuggle up. Minutes later we heard Kyle calling out that he’d just thrown up… oh no. (All I could think of immediately was that Meera had had a stomach virus the week before and what if Kyle and Owen both got it while they were with us this week. OMG Please God no.) He did throw up a bit but was soon feeling ok. I headed into bed with him, leaving Owen to sleep with a snoring MorFar. (I could hear MorFar snoring with the door closed when I was in with Kyle so I got up to check on poor Owen but he was fast asleep next to his very, VERY loudly snoring MorFar. That kid sure sleeps deeply!) Kyle ended up going back to sleep without any more stomach problems. Thank you God!

At 6 am on Monday they were up and ready for a fun day. We gathered together in our bed to talk about the day ahead. Of course the boys had to contend with our 9 month old golden retriever, Neptune, for space on the bed! Before we could head out for the day I got the crock pot going with Kyle’s request of lamb stew or “lamb suet” as he sometimes calls it. Our first event of the day was a morning hike up Jackman’s Ridge in Freedom for a beautiful view of Lake Ossipee and then a swim in the lake – YES – a SWIM. This was totally unplanned for sure because the temperature was 42 degrees and the ice went out on the lake 2 days before AND we still have snow piles here and there. They were supposed to be wading in their undies and shirts… well you can guess the rest! We went quickly home for a warm up in the hot tub, had lunch and spent the afternoon playing baseball at a nearby field. Boy can those boys hit and catch. Owen this time hit best and Kyle caught the ball best. Next time it will probably switch! MorFar is always in his glory coaching and playing baseball with his grandsons. After supper we all took Neptune to Dog School. What a riot, active twin 4 ½ year olds and a rambunctious puppy. Oh my! MorFar took the boys out to play on the school playground for the most part so Neptune and I could concentrate on doggie class. Soon it was home to bed, prayers and talk of missing mommy again but also their stories of a great day. (I’m sure they missed you too Braydon just mommy more I guess!)

At 5:45 am the boys were up and in our bed so we could all begin a busy Tuesday. Our main event of the day was going for a hike up to Sabbaday Falls off the Kancamagus Highway. We were not prepared for all the snow and ice still on the ground. It didn’t allow us to get as close as we’d have wished for fear of slipping and falling into the falls but we did get to see the beautiful waterfall just not quite as close as the boys would have liked. Kyle wanted to know which waterfall was “biggest” and so we told him about Niagara Falls in NY. (I hope we’ll be taking them on a trip there sometime in the future!) The car ride to Conway for lunch was occupied mostly with the boys counting backwards from 100. (Is it usual for 4 ½ year olds to count backwards from 100?) Adding and subtracting numbers and singing songs, along with silly antics and loud laughter. What smart, beautiful, adorable boys they are. (I’m not prejudiced really!) After lunch we went swimming at an indoor pool and afterwards played with my friend’s son Jonah for a little bit. We had supper followed by a shower and they were in bed at 6:15. Kyle could hardly keep his eyes open after 5 pm!

Wednesday 5:50 am two adorable, loveable boys jumped into our bed all excited about flying on an airplane “SOUTHWEST” home. The morning left time for one time to watch the video “Tinkerbelle” as Don and I got everything all set for the drive to the airport and flight. We’d planned on me driving them so I could help Don up until they went through Security. Thank goodness that was the plan because we discovered the flight was delayed for 2 hours. Although honestly, Don did just fine and the boys were angels. They are such experienced fliers; they know just what to do and how to behave in an airport. It’s unbelievable how good they are. Don reports they circled Philadelphia for 45 minutes waiting to land. Heather, Braydon and Meera were there anxiously waiting. Don called me to say they arrived and the Johnson-McCormick’s ran into each other’s arms and were so very excited to be together again.

What wonderful grandsons we have. We are so grateful that our lives have been so enriched by these two little guys. Kyle and Owen are FULL of life, FULL of excitement, FULL of energy, FULL of love. Thank you Heather and Braydon for adopting and parenting these two little boys and thank you so much for allowing us to have had three sleeps with them all by ourselves. We love you all.