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Some of you may be surprised to hear this, but we get quite a lot of anti-adoption ‘stuff’ thrown at us via this blog. Pretty regularly we get anonymous comments (funny how the horribly hurtful comments are always anonymous, huh?) from anti-adoption folks (before starting this blog, I didn’t even know there were such people– let alone so many of them out there). They say some nasty, nasty stuff. I refuse to even acknowledge it by repeating any of it here. I always just delete their comments before anyone ever sees them. But it is sad, really. Adoptive families — in all sorts of subtle and overt ways — get lots and lots of yucky stuff directed their way. And as with most things in life… we tend to hear a lot more negative than positive. Rarely do people take the time to send the nice messages (subtle and overt) — so much more often it is the mean junk that gets sent and received (subtly and overtly). National Adoption Month and National Adoption Day are meant to be times to celebrate adoption and all the good that adoption so often is (and can be). Adoption is something that Braydon and I feel really strongly about, obviously! If you are reading this, and you’ve been considering adoption, please do not hesitate to come to us and chat. We’re huge advocates but not ‘pushers.’ Leave a comment here with your email address and we’ll be happy to be in touch (if you’d like, just note “private” in the comment and we will not publish it on the blog). We celebrate and support adoption. If you’ve thought about adoption… think about acting on it.

7:40 a.m. — We catch Owen in a quiet moment. These moments aren’t exactly rare, but they are not exactly commonplace either.

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2:30 p.m. — Home from school, after lots of playing outside on a cold November day (it is finally starting to feel like fall around here), the boys and I (heather) make hot chocolate.

Just like Braydon says in the post below, K & O have been talking a lot about when they were babies, and talking a lot about when they grow up— or, in their own words, when they will be “a Big K” and “a Big O.” Right now we seem to be in a stage of them feeling compelled, to assert their independence. They like to do everything themselves, with “NO HELP!” They like to do “growned-up” things, like “REAL cooking! NOT pretend cooking!!!” They like to try to do things on their own (for example, yesterday morning they tried to get themselves their own milk in the morning — bad idea — but got somehow sidetracked and began taking every single item out of the refrigerator and placing them in random places around the house – a bottle of ketchup here, a jug of juice there… you get the picture… by the time Braydon and I came downstairs and realized what was happening half of the fridge had been dispersed all over the house). Anyway, the thing is, I think especially with twins– this sort of independence is such a relief. Twins are really hard to care for– just even physically/logistically speaking — when they are babies. Any parent of twins knows what I’m talking about. Just the simple task of lugging them both to-and-from the car, for example, is a major task. I think back on the days that I was mixing up huge pitchers of formula to make bottles by the dozen every morning and strategizing how to hold two bottles and two babies at once… I think back on the days of diaper-after-diaper-after-diaper (ask any parent of multiples and they’ll tell you the war stories– of course, just as you get one cleaned up and re-diapered, you have to start in on the next one, and this can just go on and on and on all day and all night)… I think back on the days when both of them would be throwing food all over the place, with bits of baby food smeared everywhere, and no matter how often we’d ignore it or scold them for it, there would be zero impact since both of them would be laughing like crazy at each other and getting the biggest reaction possible out of each other… I think back on all of these sorts of things and I feel so grateful that we’ve got these two guys in a whole new phase now. Now, rather than having food fights and apple-sauce-smearing contests at the dinner table… Braydon and I are looking across the table at each other and laughing at: #1) how much the boys eat, and #2) the fact that we literally [and I do mean, LITERALLY]cannot get a word in edge-wise during dinner these days. They boys dominate [and I do mean, DOMINATE] the dinner conversation. Kyle and Owen are a handful, for sure. Have always been, and I suspect they’ll always be. But man, life is so much easier now than it was then. But still, still, still, still, still, still…. oh how I miss the baby boys that they were. I thought it then, and I stick to it now (I know, I know, every mother feels this way — just indulge me here…) I swear, Kyle and Owen were the cutest babies in the whole wide world. This isn’t to say they aren’t adorable now. They sure as heck are. But my oh my were they ever the cutest little things back then. Apple-sauce-smeared and all.

Mondays are long days this fall semester. Today the boys woke up at 7:00am, left for school at 8:00, Alex picked them up at 1:00 and brought them home to play, Braydon finished working at 5:30 and relieved Alex, and I got home from work at 6:00 to find K & O & Braydon sitting at the table starting to eat supper. They boys were in bed at 7:15, and sleeping by 7:20. To go from 8am-6pm without seeing Mama (and only spending an hour together in the am, and another hour together in the pm) is a long day for K & O. Luckily we only have these sorts of long days 2-3 days per week this semester. I really feel for women who work in jobs with less flexibility (i.e., corporate jobs, jobs that require extensive travel, etc.). At least 2-3 days per week I can get home early to spend significant amounts of time with the boys (2 days I pick them up from school at 1:00 and am with them for the rest of the day, and I try to get home before 5:00 on one other day). Granted, most days I work after K & O go to bed (often working ’till midnight), but I feel very fortunate to have a career in which I can make these sorts of choices for myself relatively guilt-free. I do miss my boys when I’m at work, though. Especially on these long days like today. And everyday I tell them about how much I missed them while I was working. Tonight, after supper I was cuddling with Kyle at the table. I was holding him and we were snuggling tight, Kyle was just gazing into my eyes, and the conversation below happened. Recently there have been several occasions where this exact conversation has transpired between Kyle and me and/or Owen and me:

Heather: Ky Ky, I missed you today when I was working.
Kyle: You did?
H: Yes, I did. I was thinking about you when I was at my office.
K: You were thinking about me when you were at your meetings?
H: Yes, I was thinking about you when I was at all my meetings.
K: Oh.
H: And I was thinking about you when I was working at my computer too.
K: Oh.
H: Ky Ky, did you miss me today when you were at school?
K: No.
H: Did you miss me today when you were with Alex?
K: No.
H: O.k., baby! I love you!
K: I love you too Mommy!
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Honest to God, there can’t be anything that makes this working Mama happier than that. Pure three-year-old honesty is the best. And nothing –absolutely nothing– is better than knowing that your kids are happy and content during their days without you. Nothing. I’m sure K & O think about Braydon and I, and I’m sure that at some level they miss us. But I’m so very, very happy that they don’t miss us longingly or feel pain about us being at work. They are happy. Very happy. I am so grateful to finally have a childcare situation that is so good for our family right now. And I am soooo grateful to have such confident independent secure boys for sons! We’re in a really good place right now. It is a good phase. And we can really appreciate it since we haven’t always been here.

On Friday the RVWS had it’s annual Lantern Walk to celebrate the fall season. We had never been to one, but the school had been preparing – and the boys had given us a preview of the songs they had been working on.

The letter home about it had instructed us, under no uncertain terms, that the Lantern Walk is a quiet peaceful time; adults are not to socialize and chat, and there should be no cell phones or cameras or video cameras. All of which it turns out I was glad for (although I did break the rules).

They handed out lanterns made by the kids – in our case little glass jars with colored paper painted-on and hung from a short stick with wire. We sang a few songs as a group all about fall and winter. Kyle and Owen followed along – kind of – since they didn’t seem to know the words or the tunes too much, but it was super cute.

In typical K&O fashion they had to be the center of the action. And by center, I mean the center. They stood in the center of the fire pit (that would be lit later) while everyone stared at them. When the singing started, we made sure they came back to us.

Then everyone did a nice nature walk around the school, lit by luminaries and our lanterns. Kyle insisted on walking with Miss Kathy and holding her hand when possible, Owen liked to walk with the big kids as much as possible. Typical on both accounts!

After the walk we all had nice warm apple cider around the “bonfire” and everyone murmured and chatted (quietly of course).

All in all, it was really really nice. The boys loved it. So much in fact that as soon as we got in the car, Kyle said “Papi, you have to turn around and go back!”. Heather and I loved it too.

My rule breaking self couldn’t not take a few camera phone pics (double whammy!).

I’ve been thinking about this lately: all Owen and Kyle do these days are two things — eating and playing. At night they sleep. A solid 11.5-12 hours in a row. But during their waking hours they literally just eat and play. All day, every day. They play, play, play, play, play. Mostly outside. For long stretches of time they’ll play without any interruption. They stop only to eat. Braydon and I have a motto (that I know a lot of people share with us): Work Hard, Play Hard. K and O have a motto too: Sleep Hard, Play Hard (and Eat Up A Storm). Here are some scenes from our weekend (our first really cold weekend this fall).

Saturday Braydon took the boys to Philadelphia for a Retirement Party for Braydon’s father, who flew in from Atlanta. I couldn’t be there because I had to work. But all reports are that it was a great day that centered upon a leisurely lovely lunch. Even though Owen and Kyle don’t see him very often, they love their Grandpa Robert. And they finally got to meet their Great Uncle David and Great Aunt Sandy, who drove down from NYC for the party. A highlight, of course, was Auntie Sabrina– the boys, Owen especially, adore her.

Sunday lunch at one of our favorite restaurants.

Sunday afternoon playground scenes.

K & O’s Sunday night tradition: An early kids-only dinner for two (a late adults-only dinner for two comes after they’re snoozing).

I drop K & O off at school most of the time. I love it – it’s a great way to start the day – there is so much positive energy getting to school and walking in. And I am witnessing something wonderful about our boys.

K & O are already the most popular kids in their class, if not the school. Any by most popular, I don’t mean most recognizable, or token friend (although there is some of that too of course), but I mean most popular. And for someone who was not not not not popular as a kid – I can see it a mile away. This morning is a good example. On pulling up to school:

Me: come on guys, hurry hurry let’s go, we’re already late [ed: late is not typical, but I have to always usher them in]; grab your back packs, let’s go – vamanos!
K&O: big stretch, lazily get backpacks… Look – a sea urchin! [pine coney thing falling from tree as we walk in]Me: ok fellas – let’s go!
First person to see them: “It’s Kyle and Owen: good morning gentlemen!”
Second person to see them: Hi Kyle and Owen! Good morning!
Third person to seen them: Hi guys! High Five!
K&O: Good morning! [Kyle holds the door for the people going in; not sure where he learned that, but a good start]Me: come on guys – keep going!
K&O: [invariably] Papi – look! The fountain! [it is always there and either on or off]Me: ok guys [voice getting quiet as we arrive at their classroom], let’s listen for fussing [hold over from first days of school when O would fuss]K&O: NO FUSSING!

We go in and this is what happens:

KYLE, OWEN; KYLE & OWEN ARE HERE!!!! The shout comes from about 10 kids between 2-4 and they all (yes, all) run over to greet K&O. If the class were a boat, it would capsize at that moment. Some are grabbing and hugging them, some stand a couple feet away, some are wearing capes that stream out behind them.

Kyle and Owen react in course – they start hamming it up making all kinds of strange noises and faces. The kids all laugh and engage in it. Pretty soon both boys are jumping on my back as I try to put their slippers on. Then other kids are too and everyone is laughing and having a great time. I am trying to not get smooshed. Their teacher comes over and starts to redirect and the day is well under way. Lots of laughing. Kyle tells me he loves school.

Looking over, I see Kyle and Owen with a special friend of theirs. This friend has Downs syndrome and is 5 years old. I see them saying hi – the boy has a huge grin and K&O are laughing with him and holding hands. The three of them are a happy little crew and like to walk in the woods outside – Kyle and Owen on either side as they walk, hand-in-hand singing songs.

At some level I think they are aware something is different about him. I think there is more than just peas-in-a-pod friendship here – that they get it he needs a little something extra. And they give willingly, unassumingly, unreservedly with love. That is it right there – those are my boys; that’s the amazing thing.

The most popular kids in class, great friends with a kid needing a little more. Not much more; he’s not helpless, he’s not a problem. But we all know how it can be for people who need more. We’ve all seen what happens when someone is an outsider – it happens with kids and adults.

And that’s why this is a big deal.

Wednesday night Braydon did an impromptu little Puppet Show for K & O. They (all three of them) thought it was the funniest thing ever. K & O were laughing so hard they were falling out of their seats (literally). It was such a hoot to watch this whole scene. I was in the middle of getting dinner ready but stopped to quickly grab the camera.

Thursday was Johnson-McCormick Family Compost Day, which is, hands down, the boys’ favorite school-drop-off day because they get to bring our big compost bucket with them. We started composting this summer and the boys are waaaaaaaaay into it. The boys’ school has a compost collection site, so now we give add our own compost to the school’s compost each week. Braydon drives the boys to school each morning, but once a week they bring the compost for drop-off too. They take the compost we’ve collected that week, lug it to the compost heap at the boys’ school, and dump it out. I’ve done this only a couple times with K & O, but that’s enough for me to have the full visual of what Braydon tells me is now a full-blown-weekly-ritual. They love to watch our family’s compost get added to the pile, they are hugely dramatic with their yelps of “IT IS SOOOOO STINKY!!” and “IT IS SOOOOO SMELLY!”, and they take great delight in the whole entire process. Then off to their classroom they run to see their friends.