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I’ve known Jessica since 2006, when she came to campus for a weekend as a prospective student (being recruited by Lehigh). She was in a seminar that I led for prospective students, and I can still remember her coming up to me afterward. We talked for awhile. The following fall when I walked into Intro to Soc on the first day of class, I was surprised that there she was, sitting right up front— In a sea of over 200 faces she stood out in the crowd because I remembered her as that talented bright kid who had been in that seminar the previous spring. Quickly she became my unofficial advisee. She was a stand-out student, a great young woman, and I had an extra special love for her once I found out that she’s Haitian. Right away (and I admit here, this was in large part for selfish reasons!), I got her an on-campus job working in the Lehigh Daycare (where Kyle and Owen were in childcare at the time). She was a huge asset to the Childcare Center, and all the kids there loved her immediately, but K & O adored her, and they had quite a bond. She still works there to this day. In the spring of 2007, when we took Kyle and Owen out of that daycare and enrolled them in our Waldorf school, I made a conscientious effort to keep the boys in touch with Jessica. She has babysat for Kyle and Owen (and now Meera too) throughout the past four years, sometimes at our house, and sometimes on campus. Lately she’s been doing a lot of babysitting for us at home in the evenings when Braydon and I need to be at meetings. The boys have always called her “Jessica Stomping Dance” because she –in addition to everything else she does (like being heavily involved in the African-Caribbean Cultural Club)– has been a member (currently the Captain) of the Lehigh Step Dance Team. (The boys have seen a bunch of their performances at Lehigh, and they also performed at their 3rd Birthday Party, etc., etc., etc.) Just in the past couple of weeks I’ve noticed that they’ve started to call her by her full/’real’ name, using her last name instead of saying “Stomping Dance” afterward. It is one of those cute things that I’ll miss about their Little Boyhood— the cute names they’ve had for people in their life– those names that are slowly but surely disappearing as they approach Boyhood and leave Little Boyhood. Jessica was here last night babysitting while Braydon and I were attending two different meetings. I snapped the photo above just before I headed out, as the three of them were hanging out in the playroom together (Meera was already in bed). Jessica has been such a blessing to our family and I am so grateful that we have had the opportunity to embrace her her into our life. She’s a Senior now, and will graduate this spring, so we’re going to try to savor these last few months with her around.

Please read this post on our friend Corey’s blog and spread the word however you are able. We know this little boy, and he has been heavy on our hearts for many months now. We will rejoice gladly if the Waters can find him the right, loving, compassionate family that he (and they) so desperately need. Please help. Thank you.

I am crying, standing at the kitchen window, looking out into the yard at Meera in her pink baby swing with Margie watching her, swinging her and raising her hands up in a sprinkle of fingers to entertain the baby; I know she is singing. Heather is standing there crying with me, we’ve just dropped the boys off at the bus stop, they’re off to school.  We’ve been up for a couple hours, we’re about to go to work.

Meera had her bottle at 2 AM.  I am stressed out about cash flow for the company and am awake for 2 hours, but Meera sucks down her bottle and I feel her breathing ease and she’s asleep in my lap; I put her back in the crib, she rolls over on her side, content, sleeping. I remind myself to be with the baby, not with work, this time is precious.  I go back to bed, Heather reminds me to relax and let myself sleep. Owen wakes up with a nightmare and he finishes the night in bed with us.  Kyle is up early as always, excited to get to school, he comes in dressed and ready, it’s 6 AM.

Heather and I have a glass of wine, talk about the day, try to get centered.  We can’t figure this life out, as much as we try.  Our children are slipping by so quickly, they are growing with out any regard for our desire to slow down.  I see them so clearly, every little bit, but then the moment is gone. But I fell like I am missing them every minute of the day. Heather is missing them every minute of the day. Is this just how it is to be a parent, or is it something else?

We have a rich life, full of meaning, intimacy and love. I know we are beyond lucky, beyond privileged that I can even think about these things. I look out at the people in the world doing good works, struggling, filled with desire, filled with angst, fear and hope. Of all the many things we are concerned with, right now, this feels the most pressing in some ways. In some ways not, but on my heart, is is the most pressing.

We are looking for an answer I think. Or we’re looking for some kind of grace. Or maybe, we don’t even know what we’re looking for yet.

Yesterday Braydon and I took a few hours off in the afternoon alone with Meera. We went out to lunch with her and then we three went shoe shopping. She had outgrown all but one pair of sandals and was desperately needing new Fall shoes. At the shoe store she was absolutely into it. She tried on about five different pair, some multiple times. She loved every second of it, couldn’t get enough of it, and had a very strong preference for a certain pair of shoes which just happened to be Braydon’s and my least favorite. Of course, those were the ones she walked out of there with. And so it begins. But her adorableness made it completely irresistible. And the result was a strikingly obvious new-found sense of confidence in walking all over the place when we got home (photos below taken then). In just 24 hours she’s suddenly experimenting with running and she’s just everywhere in the new shoes. Margie says that she thinks Meera even starts talking more when she’s wearing the new shoes. You’d never know it from these photos below, but Meera has been under the weather with a cold that she hasn’t been able to kick for over three weeks. Today I finally took her to the doctor and she’s now on a 10-day antibiotic. She was not thrilled about the pricking and prodding of the doctor today, but she was thrilled about showing off her new shoes to everyone who would pay her any attention at the doctor’s office, and then again showing off her shoes to all while picking up her prescription at the pharmacy. As you can imagine, Meera’s big brothers usually steal the show when they are around. So it is fun (and important) to give Meera opportunities to be in the limelight all by herself. She definitely feels like the star of the show with her new shoes.

Thanks to MorMor and MorFar visiting, the boys, and Meera too, have been flying high – on Cloud 9 – for the past “5 sleeps!!!” It has been awhile since they visited just for the sake of visiting (i.e., no birthday or holiday, etc.), so it somehow seemed extra special to not have anything extra special on the agenda. It is always incredibly sweet to see the grands (g-children and g-parents) bond bond bond. Meera is just as smitten with her MorMor and MorFar as her brothers are. Highlights of the visit included MorMor and MorFar picking the boys up from school on Thursday and Friday; a river canal excursion (a long bike ride for K & O and a long walk for MM & MF) after school on Friday afternoon; my mom helping me to re-learn how to use a new (actually old second-hand, but new to me) sewing machine to mend my children’s clothes and toys all by myself; me helping my mom set up an online way to sell her handmade baskets (look for exciting info on that soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!); MorFar indulging the boys in baseball and football and all things Red Sox until their hearts’ content; a football game on Saturday (Lehigh vs. Harvard); Peace Valley on Sunday; and great food, of course… including dinner at Carrabbas on Friday, lunch at Tabora Farm on Sunday, a couple of trips to OwWowCow for ice cream, an Algerian Lamb Dinner (that Braydon and I got in our school’s auction months ago and we delivered to us on Saturday night by another school family), pancakes for breakfast a la MorMor, and even a couple of pretty nice dinners made by moi. A grand old time was had by all. They left today. Bittersweet. Bitter because it is hard for all five of us to see them go. Sweet because of course we’re a happy little Party of Five all on our own too. But as soon as they leave we can’t help but start talking about when we will see them next. I am so grateful for a life-long good and strong relationship with my parents. I always dreamed that my kids would know their grandparents in a real and true way– it is such a blessing to be able to see that unfolding now.

My parents are here for a few days so the days are jam-packed with trying to savor every second of having them with us and cram as much in as we possibly can. We LOVE MorMor and MorFar.

Our swimming pool was closed on Friday afternoon. This is our official marker of the J-M End of Summer and Start of Fall. Here’s the 2009 End of Summer Swimming Report:

Meera:

• holds face, face-down, in water
• blows bubbles
• go completely under water, submerged, for up to 3 seconds (or as long as her parents can stand it!)
• walks/jumps off edge of pool into water
• “dives” off of pool steps into water
• when holding her on her belly, she’ll kick and kick and kick

K & O:

• jumps of all kinds of crazy varieties from side of pool and (…their favorite…) from a chair positioned at side of pool
• full forward flips into pool from side of pool or from the chair
• 3 kinds of dives: Swan Dive, Racing Dive, “Streamline Dive” (thanks to Calvin, who is teaching them not just how to swim, but competitive/racing swimming)
• all 5 strokes: freestyle (or as I’ve always called it, “the crawl”), backstroke, back crawl, breaststroke, butterfly (they are really good at the butterfly– this is their strongest stroke)
• can swim underwater for width of pool, and about 1/2 of length of pool
• can tread water for long periods of time
• can retrieve multiple objects in one dive from deepest part of bottom of pool
• can do racing “flip turns” underwater off of inside wall of pool
• forward and backward rolls (somersaults) underwater
• handstands underwater
• snorkeling with full gear (masks, snorkels, and fins)

As promised (they’ve been asking for many months now), to mark the Official Start of Fall, we finally got the boys a ramp for the driveway. We set it up today and they tried it out for the first time with their bikes, then their scooters, then their skateboards. We’re moving on to a new season. Out with the old and in with the new—– Fall has arrived!!!!!!!!!

So much to blog about, so little time.

• I love doing Meera’s hair. Love it. Have always loved doing little girls’ hair. I have loved doing K & O’s hair for the past 5 years too, but there’s something about little girls’ hair… you know, it is just so so fun. Anyway, yesterday I braided Meera’s hair for the first time! I must admit, it is gosh-dang adorable!

• Here’s Meera today (below), out for a walk with Braydon and the boys while I worked late. Hair in a braid again today. The great thing about the braid is that she can’t figure out how to get it out (as opposed to any kind of ponytail, barrette, etc.– which she loves to pull out). So, the braid lasts all day long. She still loves the backpack. And spends a ton of time in it.

• Tonight, as we were putting the boys to bed, I was saying some loving things to the boys about how they are “our precious boys” and “we dreamed about them before they were even born” and “before they were even born we wanted our beautiful twin boys with brown skin and black hair and dark brown eyes” etc etc etc (my typical whispering sweet nothings in their ears at bedtime). Out of nowhere, in the midst of it, Kyle says to Braydon, “I am the only one who’s black in the Star Room” [his class at school] Braydon affirmed that yes he was, and then asked “How do you feel about that?” He said, “Good!” Right now K & O have so much pride in being black boys. I spend countless hours obsessing over how on earth we can keep it that way as long as humanly possible. It is a top priority in our parenting, and a constant challenge we’re trying to step up to every minute of every day. Semi-somehow related……. A couple nights ago I made “Indian Food” for dinner. I put that in quotes because this is tikka masala made with a paste from a jar (Patak’s) and store-bought saag paneer and naan… so seriously, this is *not* the real deal… but anyway…. So, we were eating it (all three of the J-M kids love any chicken tikka masala that has ever been put in front of them… who doesn’t???)… and Braydon said something along the lines of “…When I was a kid we never had anything like Indian Food…” and Kyle was suddenly like, “What? Indian Food? This is Indian Food?” And I said, “Yes, Indian Food, like from India.” He said, “Like we’re from Haiti. So, who is from India?” I said, “Well, like, next door, Ambika and Nate, they are from India. They were born in India. Just like you were born in Haiti.” Later that night, getting ready for bed, Owen says, kind of questioningly, like he’s asking it as a question– “So, Nate and Ambika were born in India, and Kavya’s mommy was born in India?” I was STUNNED. Seriously, I don’t know how he knows that our friend Shalinee (their friend Kavya’s mommy) is Indian (obviously, I know that he notices that she’s dark-skinned, but I have never referred to her as “Indian”). I said, “Yes, my friend Shalinee was born in India.” And he goes, “Yeah, just like we were born in Haiti. Was Kavya born in India?” And I said, “No, she was born in the United States.” So, he says, “So, is she Indian?” And I was kind of dumbfounded about how to get into this whole thing. So, I said something like, “Well, you guys are Haitian-American because you’re from Haiti but you’re also from the United States. And Kavya is Indian-American because her mom’s family is all from India but they’re also from the United States” and then it all sort of veered off—- We proceeded to have a whole conversation about which place is further away– India or Haiti, etc., etc., etc. Anyway, there is no real point to this, but I just thought it was totally fascinating that they (or maybe just Owen?) was putting that all together in his head, or at least trying to (asking big questions, that’s for sure). They are getting more sophisticated about all of this stuff and it is just crazy to see how it all starts to come together for them.

• Summer is quickly coming to an end. It is warm out still, but we’re pretty much done with summer and moving on to fall. The boys are anxious for pumpkin-picking and Halloween-planning and we’re already eating apples and pears instead of strawberries and blueberries. We’re at the tail end of that late summer phase and tromping headlong into the early fall phase. Dinners like gazpacho are no longer– dinners changing– the true sign that a season’s changing.

• Braydon’s business is –seemingly– taking off. After years of heartache and struggle we seem to finally be getting somewhere with it. We are not out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination. But finally, finally, there seems to be some traction happening. Here are K & O sitting at my home computer watching Braydon do a live business presentation that his company streamed –in real time — over the internet. This picture is so symbolic to me because so much of Braydon’s business start-up has always been ultimately motivated by his desire to provide for his sons. He started this company the same month we began our adoption process (January 2004). If you’re a reader and you have any interest whatsoever in live video streaming (of music, of presentations, of workshops, of seminars, of whatever), please email us! hbj2 (at) lehigh (dot) edu

• Meera is developing quite the little personality. She’s suddenly busy all the time. With K & O this age (age 15-16 months all the way up to age 2) was sooooooo tough. They were both running/climbing/jumping in opposite directions all day long. Meera is completely different. Her energy is so different. Her time is spent on totally different things. And, big sigh of relief… there is only one of her. Whereas with K & O this was the most difficult phase of their childhood so far, with Meera this phase is such sheer pleasure. Every moment with her is pure bliss. I know that sounds crazy, but it is honestly true. She is a little gem. She’s talking up a storm (although we understand hardly any of it), and she’s all over the place.

• I’ve got a big post about gender percolating. So look for that sometime in the not-so-distant future. Gender gender gender. It is huge. Here’s Owen one day as he appeared after “Rest Hour” (photo taken by Margie, God love her!– note the shoes– {old bridesmaid shoes of mine} This photo is Classic Owen)

• Kyle and Owen play that they are skydiving every day (ever since MorMor’s skydiving weekend). This is their current play of choice. Mostly it involves them swinging on the swing set as high as they can possibly pump themselves into the air, and then, with dramatic flair, propelling themselves through the air until they land on the grass. It is scary to watch. I continue to think it is amazing that we’ve managed to get away with so few trips to the Emergency Room. I love this photo of Kyle (below). This photo is Classic Kyle.

• We’ve been eating pancakes and bacon for dinner every couple of weeks or so. Not my favorite dinner, but definitely a favorite for the boys (all three of them). A good way to end the day.