Today we’ve received a few emails and phone calls from people saying that they saw K & O in the The Morning Call, our local newspaper! We don’t even get this newspaper, so we never would have even known it was there. The photo was taken yesterday by a newspaper photographer— when Owen, Alex, Kyle, and Cyprus (Alex’s dog) were out taking a long walk. CLICK HERE for link to the newspaper photo w/ small blurb!
So… the scoop about “Baby Sister”!!! I’m at 21 weeks; halfway through the pregnancy now. Mostly what I remember about the first trimester was it being one long, 3-month, delirius-blurry-hazey-fog of nausea mixed with desperate exhaustion. (The two photos below, both from late September, pretty much sum it up for me: napping as much and as often as possible, sometimes with K & O… and seriously blurry mornings). Obviously I knew that everyday millions of women around the world are pregnant under extremely much worse circumstances than me, and I reminded myself of that multiple times a day, but those first 10-12 weeks were just plain rough around here nonetheless– me working more than full-time (with my tenure case decision in the middle of it), Braydon working waaaay more than full-time, two rambunctious 3-year-olds running us ragged, and me just hoping that: 1) I’d get through each of my lectures and meetings without having to run out of the room to puke, and 2) I’d be able to get through the day without falling asleep at the wheel [literally and figuratively]. I remember thinking to myself often, “If Tara Livesay can do this in Haiti with lots more kids than I have, then I can do this here without complaining about it!” (Hi Tara!) I also remember the first trimester being exciting too. Suffice it to say, it is strange to go through a first pregnancy, but with two kids already! Being over 35 I’m considered a “high risk pregnancy” so I have been getting the best of everything plus tons of extra attention and appointments from the best doctors in our area. Knock on wood— it has been really a terrific experience so far.
I think so often of what it must have been like for Kyle and Owen’s birthmother when she was pregnant with them. She is on my mind a lot anyway, but during this pregnancy I think of her pretty constantly. And I talk about her at just about every doctor’s appointment I attend. I tell the doctors how grateful I am for what we have, how appalled I am at the disparities of the medical systems across the globe. They surely think I’m nuts. But I can’t help myself. I am in awe at the medical establishment we have. Every time I’m hooked up to an ultrasound machine (even though I’m 100% healthy and the baby is too, because of being “high risk” I’ve already had four!), every time they draw blood, every time they test my urine, every time they put me on the scale, every time we listen to the heartbeat, I think of K & O’s birthmother. I wonder what it would be like to be in Haiti, in Cite Soleil, on the streets, with nothing—not even a mattress—and to be pregnant. Not to mention, to be pregnant with twins. No doctor. No tests. No pre-natal vitamins. No ultrasounds. And I think of other things too— like what it must be like to be pregnant in a place where there is extremely limited (if any) clean drinking water available, and what it must be like to have to struggle to find food—and to be forced to survive on only rice and beans (on a good day) and/or mud cakes (on a bad day) and/or absolutely nothing (on the worst days). I am so spoiled with my cute new wardrobe from GapMaternity, and my snuggly Boppy Pregnancy Pillow (the best invention ever, by the way! and the best “Happy Pregnancy” gift Braydon ever could have given me!), and my mega grocery store 10 minutes away where Braydon can run to at any time of day or night to get me anything – absolutely anything – I could possibly need or want. It is shameful – not because of what we have here, but because of what they don’t have there, and because of how the two go hand-in-hand. I wonder what it would be like to be her. I ache in my chest for her. I wonder what it would be like to be a baby (or two) growing inside of her. The baby inside of me has been sucking on her hand during our past two ultrasounds. She’s swimming around happily in there without a care in the world. The contrasts are almost more than my mind can bear.
We found out Friday that it is a girl! We didn’t care whether it was a boy or girl, but I was hoping for a girl just to switch things up around here a bit. (Plus, I’m Woman enough to admit it: I can’t wait to dress a girl!!!) We had waited until then to tell K & O about the baby—we wanted to get through Christmas before the real countdown-to-baby began. We also wanted to be able to tell them if it was a boy or a girl—thinking it would make it much less abstract for them. I’m so glad we waited. It has been such a joy to share this with them!
They are beyond thrilled. They seem to understand it all much more than I expected that they would. I was worried that they’d be asking 100 times a day about when the baby was coming, but they aren’t—they understand she’s coming in the spring, in May. We told them the baby is going to be born “after their birthday” and they totally get it (I am praying that she waits until then!!! Their birthday is May 8 and Baby is due May 15). Kyle immediately made the mental leap: “I’m having a baby sister when I’m four!!!” he announced. “Yes!” I said. And he’s been repeating that over and over since. True to their word from previous months and years of their begging for a baby, neither of them seem to care in the slightest about the gender—they’re happy to have a sister and have never even hinted at questioning that. They know her name but we’re keeping her name quiet, something just for us to know, until she is born.
Owen is nothing but ecstatic about this new chapter unfolding. He comes to me numerous times a day to press his head and cheeks to my belly. His favorite thing to do is to ‘zerbert’ the baby (by zerberting my belly). If I laugh he reprimands me very seriously: “Don’t laugh Mommy. I’m not zerberting YOU! I’m zerberting BABY SISTER!!!!” He has many, many questions about how she’ll get out. We answer every question (and believe me, there are many!), trying to be as up-front and age-appropriate as humanly possible. His biggest concern is that I will “pee” on Baby Sister when she is being born. He tells me many times a day “Be careful you don’t pee pee on her! Mommy, you can’t pee pee on her when she’s getting born!!!” He also asks a lot about how she got in there. One of the first things he asked was, “You swallowed her?” We struggle with answering these questions, but we’re trying the best we can. It is so complicated with adoption added into the mix—they’re just starting to comprehend the reality of their birthmother… the idea of entering a man into the mix just seems overwhelming at this point. I’ve told Owen that “a man and a woman grow the baby –so tiny at first you can’t even see it- inside the woman’s belly.” He just looks at me dazed and confused. And then rams his head into my belly to zerbert Baby Sister again. Owen tells us about all the things he will do with the baby. He will “change her poopie diapers!”; “teach her to crawl!”; “read books to her!”; “help give her a bath!”; and of course… “HOLD HER!!!”
Kyle, as I totally had predicted, takes everything to a whole other level. He is very happy about the baby. But he articulates often his sadness about not having grown in my belly. “I don’t want to be born in another lady’s belly, I want to be in YOUR belly, with Owen.” I feel deeply sad for him; his grief over this is so genuine. He tells us that “it was scary” to be in another lady’s belly. We assure him that his birthmother was “so special” and that she was “so careful” and that he was inside growing with Owen. The solace this (that he and Owen were together in her belly) gives Kyle is truly indescribable. He is so comforted with hearing about this over and over—how two twin babies grow together in one belly. This seems to be the only thing that gives him relief- and it is a true deep relief for him. Most of the time, though, he’s grinning ear-to-ear about the whole thing. He cannot wait to get out his old crib from the attic and set it up in what will become the baby’s new room. He wants to know when we can do this. The sooner the better as far as he’s concerned. I’m not sure how long we’ll be able to hold off on it because he wants to do it so badly. Kyle tells us about all the things that he’ll make sure the baby does not do. He is very clear about the rules! “She can’t play with our toys!!! Because she might try to eat them!” and “She can’t eat our food!!! Because she might choke!” and “She can’t read our books!!! Because she’ll be too little!”
We took them for our first baby clothes shopping at Baby Gap in Doylestown on Monday. It was so symbolic because this is where Braydon and I went to buy our first clothes for K & O the day after we got our referral. That seems like just yesterday and I can vividly remember exactly what we picked out for them. It was a sweet, sweet moment to go buy Baby Sister’s first two outfits with the Big Brothers. They each picked out one outfit. Kyle spotted a jean jumper and was very excited about it: “OVERALLS!!!” and that was it— he couldn’t look at one other item in the store (overalls are K & O’s favorite things to wear), so a tiny jean-overalls-dress with a pink t-shirt was what he bought her. Owen found literally the most expensive dress and sweater set in the entire store. It is an absolutely precious white summer dress with embroidered flowers, and a beautiful pale green cardigan that goes with it. What can I say? The boy has good taste! I found it very interesting that they both chose dresses – very girly outfits – and seem to totally embrace the potential girly-girly-girly-ness of Baby Sister. At age three I would have expected that they’d try to find clothes that they would like to wear, or that seemed familiar to them. But no, it was all about the dresses.
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Driving home from the Gap on Monday I brought up for the first time what she might look like. “What color eyes do you think she’ll have?” I asked. They thought about this long and hard in the backseat of the car. Kyle said, “She’ll have brown eyes, just like me and Owen.” Owen thought even longer about that. “I think she’ll have dark blue eyes. Not light blue. Dark blue.” He said. “What color hair?” I asked. They answered this quickly. Kyle said, “Red.” Owen agreed: “Red.” (?!) “And what color skin do you think she’ll have?” This had them seriously stumped. Owen finally said “Yellow!” And Kyle thought that sounded right, “Yes, yellow!” he said. I pushed it a little. “Do you think her skin will look like Mommy and Papi’s? or like Kyle and Owen’s?” They thought and thought about this but never answered. “Yellow” they repeated… and then I understood (or at least I think I do)… yellow is sort of a mix for them, halfway between their brown and our white. So there you have it. The scoop on Baby Sister.
Baby Sister Due May 15, 2008!It felt really strange to go from the New Hampshire Winter Wonderland to this (still greenish grass Pennsylvania… land of year-round golfing and biking for K & O!… these two photos taken on Friday):
But boy oh boy do our boys love coming home! We all four love to go– and we all four love to come home again too. We came back from New Hampshire late Thursday night. Our final days of 2007 have been fun and full! Friday we had a previously scheduled big doctor’s appointment and K & O got two hours of non-stop-crazy-frenetic-playtime with our 16-year-old neighbor and one of her friends (the boys LOVE it when they babysit because these girls have soooo much energy!). Saturday we had Zoe’s birthday with a fabulous trip with our friends we love, the Petch’s, to Chuck E. Cheese’s (our very first time there but if K & O have anything to do with it it will definitely not be the last!!!). And Sunday we got a visit from Auntie Sabrina and Dave (the boys were in Heaven! and we even got to have lunch together at Panera with them). Today, our final day of this year, we spent as just a foursome… lunch out and a trip to one of the boys’ favorite playgrounds. Tonight the boys were in bed at 7:00 with no real clue about New Year’s Eve. Braydon and I have big plans for our first New Year’s Eve ever as just the two of us… We’re having take-out from our favorite sushi place and watching as many episodes of 24 as we possibly can before we zonk out. It is sad to say goodbye to such an awesome past year. But we’re looking forward to an amazing 2008.
We were in New Hampshire for eight days and seven nights — a magical Christmas trip jam-packed with tons of wintery–Christmasy-wonder-wonder-land-fun with the Johnson side of the family. My parents had planned an incredible itinerary for us; each day was absolutely loaded with surprises. The boys were way over-stimulated and it was a long time away from home for us, but it was an absolutely fabulous time filled with more memories than I could possibly blog about. The snow was piled higher than the boys had ever witnessed in real life! Braydon and I didn’t have to cook or clean up or worry about a thing! And every detail of each day’s activities was thoughtful and special. This was a Christmas we’ll never forget. And we have more than enough photos to keep the images fresh in our minds (see posts below for some of them!). Just a few of the biggest highlights included~~~~~ the boys’ first time skiing (a dream come true for Braydon! and for me really special too: my mother taught me to ski at King Pine when I was age three and now she’s taught K & O to ski at the same place at the same age); a truly magical evening ride to visit Santa in the North Pole on the “REAL!!!” (and I do mean, REAL) Polar Express (absolutely no kidding, even I thought this was the real thing); a day-trip to Portland Maine with a New England seafood lunch to die for; the Portland Symphony Orchestra’s Magic of Christmas (a Christmas Concert that my parents have brought my sister and I to throughout our entire lives); a private horse drawn sleigh ride through Freedom Village with family and friends; a winter bonfire in my parents backyard– complete with K & O’s first toasted marshmallows and s’mores; a special visit from Santa to MorMor and MorFar’s house on the afternoon of Christmas Eve day (and yes! K & O got exactly what they had been wishing for: “toy airplanes that are just like real airplanes”, and their cousin Sadie got exactly what she had been wishing for too: a cheerleader costume!); the boys were angels again (not literally… believe me!… but figuratively and in costume) at the Christmas Eve Nativity Pageant at the Freedom Church (nothing nearly as eventful as last year happened, but it was a near-miss… Owen was determined to use the stage to perform “stomping dance” in his angel costume, but luckily he told me about this plan a few minutes before the pageant started, and I was able to successfully divert this crisis by using a bag of Peanut M&M’s to bribe him not to do it); MorMor’s incredible traditional Christmas Eve Swedish Smorgasbord & tin upon tin of at least a dozen different Christmas Cookies; a magical Christmas morning (including stockings and presents of course, but also including Braydon’s favorite, and Owen’s favorite now too– my mother’s Danish Butterhorns); Christmas Day pork-roast-dinner made by MorFar; hours spent splashing in, and diving into, my parents’ outdoor hot tub; a trip to North Conway (including a fabulous lunch at an earth-oven pizza place); and last but not least… on our final night before heading home… Braydon and my dad took K & O for two straight hours of Night Snow Tubing (the boys still can’t decide what they love more– skiing or tubing!!!). And, as always, the plane flights to-and-from were major highlights for Kyle and Owen who seriously love to travel more than any human being I know (and this time got a special surprise– on the trip home the pilots invited the boys up to the cockpit to sit in the pilot’s seats and “drive” the plane!!!). There were zillions of little highlights that happened in-between all of these big highlights too (like, K & O lovin‘ my dad’s snow-blower and following him around in the snow like little puppy dogs!; Swedish Christmas culinary traditions for me like eating Limpa Bread Toast and Korv for breakfast; the four of us cozied up sleeping all together in one room– K & O seriously cuddle tighter together than you could even imagine!; sledding; shoveling; jingle-bells-singing; fun playing with “cousin Sadie”; MorMor and MorFar’s Santa Train under their Christmas Tree; beautiful wonderful heart-felt presents given and received; etc., etc., etc.). We are so blessed to have all that we have… materially for sure… but what is most important to us (and what we are by far most deeply grateful for) is how truly blessed we are with all that we have experientially. It is easy for us to live every day to the fullest when we’re with Kyle and Owen. That, in itself, is the biggest gift that they have given us. We’re back from our trip, and we’re now officially ‘returned’ from our Blogging Break!
As part of our Christmas celebration, we’re officially taking a blogging break. Our plan is to cozy up with our boys and savor every moment with our two Christmas-loving three year olds. We hope that the magic of this season is real for you. And we hope that the spirit of it can transcend across all boundaries. We dream of peace on earth. And we dream of a world where each individual’s personal potential is unconstrained.Holiday wishes everyone!
We’ll be back to the blogosphere in a week or so!
I snapped this photo at 7:30 this morning. Kyle was dressed for school, Owen was still in his pjs. I took it because I get a kick out of how they want to wear these Santa hats all the time. But after I took it, when I was downloading it to the computer, I noticed how close the boys are sitting to each other. They always are. And always have been. They are always right next to each other, usually with their bodies touching. I find it peculiar and special all at the same time. Even though I have twins, I’m still fascinated by them. Can you imagine wanting to be that close to someone, all the time? It must be really something being a twin. Also, for some reason, when I look at this photo I can just imagine Kyle being a 16 year old young man some day. Scary, but amazing, all at the same time.
Saturday we hosted a Christmas Party for all of our Haiti-adoptive-families-friends from the state of Pennsylvania (or nearby Pennsylvania!). This was a mid-year-reunion of the families from the summer PA Haitian Adoptive Families Reunion (click here, here, and here), and people made the trip from all over to be here. I cannot articulate what this group of people means to our family. Because we knew they’d be incredibly excited about it, we held off on even telling Kyle and Owen about the party plans until just a few days before. Still, K & O were “counting the sleeps” and asking 100 times a day “when is the Haiti Party going to come?!” In all seriousness, their anticipation for this Christmas Party was almost equal to their anticipation for Christmas itself. And their wildly high expectations were beyond met. It was easily one of the best days of their lives. Easily. Throwing this party was probably the very best Christmas present we could give to Kyle and Owen. There is just nothing — nothing — like getting together with other families like ours. For five hours the house was overflowing with laughter and chaos (51 people — 30 of which were kids under the age of 12… and when these kids get together they play hard!!!). Highlights included Corey’s fried plantains and rice & beans; pass-the-present; Owen’s long-awaited reunion with “Tavika”; camaraderie; contentment; solace; and a special kind of friendship. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a group of adults bond so quickly as this group does. And I know I’ve never seen a group of kids play so hard as this group does. This group feels like kindred spirits. Kindred spirits with hearts for Haiti. It is rejuvenating to be in the midst. The four of us are now counting the sleeps until the summer reunion. To all who were here: Merry Christmas, and thank you so much for making the trip! More photos in the two posts below (click here and here). And, as always, click on any photo to see it larger.
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