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Photos from Today

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We have just a few patches of snow left. One of them is right outside the garage — where the snowplow pushed the snow into a shady spot. This afternoon the boys spent a long stretch of time playing on that little snow pile. At one point they were “cutting the snow” with their chainsaws. “Just like MorFar” they’d say. “And Bob the Builder” they’d say. Yup– “Just like MorFar and Bob the Builder” we’d say. And they were lovin’ every minute of it.
Inside we got yet another after-dinner-“African Drumming”-Performance. We’re fortunate enough to be getting these performances multiple times a day ever since Braydon bought the djembe drums for the boys. They are waaaaaaaaaaay into it.

Kyle feels the spirit.

Owen feels the spirit.

And tonight… a brand new activity! Braydon dug out two of his old conducting batons. And now we’ve got two conductors. As you can see, we’ve got two very, very serious conductors.

"Beautiful Black, Black All Around"

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Today is the first day of spring. This morning before daycare/work I was reading books to the boys. Braydon had left for work already, the sun was streaming in the windows, the house was completely quiet. Both boys were on my lap, both were sucking their thumbs, and both were enthralled in the moment. At first they had me read The Little Mouse, the Red Ripe Strawberry and the Big Hungry Bear (click here for Amazon.com link) four times in a row. Then it was finally time for a new book. Kyle looked through all the books until he found the one he wanted: Black All Around!. He brought it to me, and we read it. This is one of my favorite books. Although I’ve probably read it to the boys over a hundred times, this one just never gets old. If you have black kids and you don’t have this book, I highly recommend you get it (click here for Amazon.com link).

The first page opens with:
“Look high,
look low,
look everywhere…
The wonderful color black is there!
Sleek and jazzy,
warm and cozy.
Beautiful black,
black all around…”
~
As I held my boys tight on my lap and read Black All Around! to them in the first-day-of-spring-sunlight I couldn’t help noticing their little black hands juxtaposed with my white ones, turning the pages of this poignant book. In that moment I found myself doing what I find myself doing so often — trying with all of me to pour self-confidence into my beautiful black boys’ souls; trying with all of me to infuse their little hearts and minds with a deep dark bottomless beautiful black self-esteem; trying with all of me to will it to be so; saying it calmly but firmly, trying with all of me to have it flow as a steady sturdy stream of blackness into their little brown ears — “beautiful black, black all around…”
When the book was done it was quiet. I kissed their beautiful black cheeks and told each one of them, like I do every day, that they are a “beautiful, beautiful boy.”
And then I drove them to daycare, and dropped them off, to face the world.
As I was driving out of the daycare parking lot my mind wandered to last night. Last night before we went to bed ourselves Braydon and I checked in on the boys sleeping in their beds, like we do every night. Since January the boys have been sleeping with their baby dolls (click here to read the post about Kyle’s “Donald” and Owen’s “Douglas James”). Kyle’s Sheep and Honey Bunny, and Owen’s Lovey Lion and paci are still their main loves (and “fish” from Beth is a permanent fixture for Owen as well), but the dolls are always in bed with them now too.
Kyle’s Donald, Honey Bunny, Sheep

Owen’s Douglas James, Lovey Lion, Paci, Fish
~
Last night, as we peeked in on Owen, the little sweetie pie was curled up in his bed peacefully sleeping with both of his arms wrapped tightly around his doll. He was hugging it in his sleep. He had this beautiful black baby doll just wrapped so snug into his arms and his whole body was embracing it. Braydon and I stood there watching him sleep like this, and I had all I could do to not started crying — crying a mixture of love, adoration, joy, pride, empathy, compassion, concern, fear, angst.
~
As I was standing there looking at Owen— I was thinking about the video “A Girl Like Me” that the high school student made (click here for link). The video shows several young black children strongly rejecting black dolls and choosing white ones instead, saying that the black dolls are “bad” and “ugly” and “not nice,” etc. As I stood there with Braydon watching Owen embrace his black baby with his whole self this is what I was thinking: “Thank you God for my beautiful black baby boys — Thank you God that my babies are still embracing these black dolls — Thank you God that they are almost three but they still embrace their blackness with all their heart and soul — Thank you God that so far their self-confidence is fully in tact and their self-esteem is solid to the core.”
~
We do everything we can think of to convey to Kyle and Owen that they are loved, that they are smart, and that they are beautiful. These are things that we desperately want them to know. Things we desperately want them to know deep down inside in the darkest core crevices of their souls. In the places that are so deep and so dark and so black that no one (not even Kyle and Owen) can see them.
~
I’m sure some people think we are “excessive” in our attempts to instill a ‘Black is Beautiful’ sense of pride in our children. Do we go overboard? Probably yes. Would I be parenting the same way if I had a biological child? Probably not. Are we spoiling them? Maybe. Am I willing to take the risk for the sake of their own black pride? Absolutely yes. Is all of this different when you’re raising black kids? Heck yeah — especially when those black kids’ parents are white. It is one of those things: until you’ve tried to do it, you really can’t know anything about it.
~
Frankly, it is easy to buy books and toys for Kyle and Owen that are meant to instill black pride. It is easy to buy artwork for our walls and music for our stereos that is meant to convey an appreciation of Afro-Caribbean culture. It is easy to tell my sons that they are loved (they are!), that they are smart (they are!), that they are beautiful (they are!). The hard part is knowing what they are up against… knowing that even if everything goes as well as possibly possible, down the road they will each need to tap deep into this beautiful black pride for all the wrong reasons.
~
So for now we pour the pages of books like Beautiful Black, Black All Around! into their souls, desperately wanting them to know the beauty of their blackness. Because us knowing it is minuscule in comparison to the importance of them knowing it.
~
The book ends like this:
“The cozy night
when there is no light,
when the dark breathes deep
and you drift to sleep…

dreaming your dream
of beautiful black,
black all around.”

One Last Post for Today

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Just had to mention that tonight my darling Owen ate 4 whole Pillsbury Crescent Rolls with his dinner. Yes, that is exactly one half of the entire package. And yes, that is in addition to the rest of his dinner which included (among other things) about 1/4 pound of cheddar cheese and about 1/2 a container of fresh cherry tomatoes. For dessert he had a yogurt. He asked for another yogurt after he finished one whole one, but alas, I had run out of them (since Kyle had eaten two for his dessert). Owen scraped the inside of the yogurt container clean and then when he couldn’t get any more out of it he licked it clean. I know I mention this a lot, but I just have to say it again: If they eat like this when they’re two, what on earth am I going to be feeding them when they’re sixteen????

Quotes of the Day: "Don’t Worry…" & "I Love You…"

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Kyle’s Quote: This afternoon Kyle came up to me, patted me on the back, and said: “Mommy?” and I said, “Yes?” and he said, “Don’t worry, be happy!”

* * *

Owen’s Quote: Tonight Kyle finished his supper first and ran off to play in the playroom alone. Owen was still eating at the table with Braydon and I. After a few minutes Owen yelled into the playroom — “Kyle?” Kyle shouted out to the kitchen — “Yes Owen?” Owen yelled back: “Hi Kyle! I love you Kyle!” and then he kept on eating. It was so cute the way he had said it. And of course it just about melted the hearts of both Braydon and I. The lovey-dovey-ooh-aah-aren’t-our-son’s-just-precious-moment was quickly turned on it’s head when, within just a few seconds, Owen looked down at his plate and said: “Hi food! I love you food!” then looked at the candle on the center of the table and said, “Hi candle! I love you candle!”

Snippets from a "Work Trip" Weekend

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I work really hard at limiting my work-related-travel. When we got the boys I vowed to myself to only commit to three away-events/speaking-engagements/work-travels per semester. So, I’ll agree to do three in the fall, three in the spring, and three in the summer. I force myself to say “no” to any other invitations/offers/requests that require me to travel away from home. This weekend I was away for two nights and three days on a “work trip” (when either Braydon or I go away for work-related-travel, we call it a “work trip” for K & O). I had to go to a conference, and as much as I hate leaving the boys overnight (all three of them!), it definitely has at least two major benefits (in addition to the obvious career benefits for me). ONE: I get a break (granted, going on a “work trip” is not really a real break, but it is a break from the cooking-cleaning-and-childcare part of my life). TWO: The boys (all three of them!), get a break from me — which does wonders for their male bonding. When I returned home yesterday the three of them were like three peas in a pod and the intensity of their without-mama-bond was clear as day. As hard as it is for me to go away (even just for very brief trips), it is always sooooo good for everyone involved when I do go away. “Work trips” are a good thing. This morning I downloaded the photos from the camera and I was curious to see what was on there… to see what Braydon had captured of their boys weekend. Here are some of Braydon’s photos…

We’ve had a virtually snow-less winter. And then Friday we got hit with our biggest storm yet. Very weird since just two days earlier we had 75 degree weather and were eating supper on the porch (click here to see Wednesday’s post). Now the porch is covered with snow.
When I called Braydon from my conference on Saturday night he told me that he and the boys had “pizza, grapes, and bananas” for supper. He reported that he had bought a medium pepperoni pizza thinking that would be enough for the three of them (a medium from our local pizzeria is really big), but that he “should have bought a large!” He said the boys ate 1/3 of the pizza each and that if there had been more they would have eaten it. When I saw this photo from the camera I laughed out loud because Braydon had not mentioned to me that the three of them ate the pizza sitting on the family room floor in their pajamas watching videos! :) I can just imagine the scene a few years into the future when I’m on work trips and the three of them are taking advantage of the situation — eating three medium pizzas and watching all the sci-fi videos that I can’t stand to watch with them!!!

Braydon had told me that the marching band obsession had continued on through the weekend (will it ever end???!!! this has been going on now since this past fall!!!), and that at one point the boys were playing their trumpets on the stairs pretending to be the marching band playing in the football stand. On the camera I found this photo which obviously captured that moment.

The other latest obsession (and really, I do mean obsession) is “African Drumming.” What the boys mean when they say “African Drumming” is specifically, drumming with a djembe drum (click here if unfamiliar) The boys are completely obsessed with this ever since we took them to the ANNUAL CELEBRATION OF AFRICAN CULTURES at the Penn Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology last month (click here to read that post). Braydon has been researching djembe drums and has been considering buying the boys djembe drums. All it took was me going away for a weekend for the purchase to be made. !!!! He took the boys to an instrument store and bought each of them a djembe. The first thing K & O wanted to do when I got home was to show me their “African Drumming.” (and they have been “showing” me their “African Drumming” on and off since then!!!). The drums are too heavy for the boys to be able to hold them in the traditional way between their legs, so Braydon has taught them to lie the drums on the floor so that the bass reverberates loudly enough to satisfy them all (K, O, and Braydon). They also play the djembes upright on the floor. The boys slap the djembes like they have been playing them forever. It is really something to see it. Which I’m sure anyone who visits will see. And hear. :)


So, as you can see, the “work trip” was successful on all fronts. This morning Braydon got up early to get ready for work. Kyle woke up and found his way to me still sleeping, crawled into bed with me, and cuddled with me in the morning sun for about twenty minutes before we started our day. Lying there he looked at me and said, “Mama home from work trip?” I said, “Yes, my baby, I’m home. No more work trips for a long time.” He said, “O.k. Mama. You did good job on your work trip. Good job Mommy!” Later this morning before I brought them to daycare the boys were pretending that they were going on a work trip. They rode around on their wooden train set pretending it was “the white car” and waving and saying, “Bye Bye Mommy! We’re going on a work trip!” I’d say, “Bye Bye my babies!” and then they’d pretend to park “in the parking lot.” They’d get off the trains, and then hold hands with each other. As they’d walk off they’d call out over their shoulders to me “Don’t worry Mommy! We’re holding hands in the parking lot! We’re at the work trip!!” Then, in between re-doing this same scenario over and over and over they’d run over to their djembe drums, announce that they were doing “African Drumming” and instruct me to “Clap and say ‘yay!'” And I’d clap and say “YAY!”

Boys’ night out-ish

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Heather is at a conference in Philly this weekend – doing an “Author Meets Critic” session at ESS for her book (I know, shameless plug by me); and though it’s stressful for her, can you say super proud husband?

That also means it’s boys’-night-out-and-day-out-and-night-out here at casa de la J-M. Except that we have 7 inches of ice and snow, so it’s more like Boys’-night-making-sure-we-don’t-go-nuts. Which we didn’t.

After I got the call from the daycare that it was closing in 10 minutes (we live 20 minutes away on a good day), and I rushed over (it took me 30 minutes) and got them, we came home, got into snow suits and made the most of the freezing rain while we had light.

Got out the sled and the boys got a ride up the hill and down the hill. Then we got out the fast sled and they went flying down the hill – and loved it. ‘again!’ ‘again!’. What a riot. They also did a great job of helping me shovel, even with Owen insisting on using Papi’s shovel (since his full size one clearly was not good enough).

We ate supper (an awesome shrimp in pesto cream sauce over penne – left overs from dinner Heather made last night – can you believe we get to eat like that, and that she can do that as well as everything else?!?! You might, but it really amazes me.) and watched videos.

Got ready for bed (which by yourself is no mean feat), read books and said prayers. During prayers, K&O sat on either side of me and tried to peek around me to get the other one to laugh. Then Kyle kissed Elmo good night while Owen played with Thomas as I said good night to Kyle.

In my book that’s a good boys’ night out-ish.

Now I’m going to watch a movie and hope we don’t lose power.

Another Blogger on "Maddy"

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There are a few blogs I read whenever I can. One is the blog Our Kind of Parenting written by “Mrs. J.” I hadn’t read her blog in a couple of weeks and wanted to check in on it and see what she had written lately. I’m sitting here with a few extra minutes to spare because the student I am supposed to be meeting with right now is late for our meeting. As soon as I logged onto Our Kind of Parenting I discovered this crazy coincidence— today “Mrs. J” and I both blogged about Disney’s First Black Princess (see my post below). Of course mine is just a little tiny announcement and hers is an articulate, well-crafted, thought-through essay. But still, that’s just all the more reason to read her post about it! Click here to read it.

Oh Thank God!!!!!!!

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Finally! Disney is announcing their first black princess! That’s right, FIRST BLACK PRINCESS! “Maddy” will be making her debut in 2009 — to read about it click here!. Now let’s just hope it is a good movie and a good representation of/for black women/girls/people/communities. In the meantime… Hallelujah!! It is about time!!!

Love Thursday

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This past Sunday we went to the ocean. It was an absolutely stunning day on the Jersey Shore. The top photo is me with Owen. The bottom photo is me with Kyle. I’ve always loved the ocean and it makes me so happy that my boys now love it too. Love is all around. Happy Love Thursday everyone!