This past weekend, after we went to the shoe store and before we went to the Macaroni Grill, we went to the Toys-r-us as an activity. This Toys-r-Us seems to do well for us – the first time we were there, we saw three other sets of multiples. The last time we were there we saw triplets. This past time we were there we were approached by a really cool black family who saw us in the parking lot and made a b line to talk to us. We chatted about locked hair – that was pretty great.

During our Toys-r-us excursion, Heather spotted two T shirts – one Thomas the Tank Engine and one Go Diego Go; both on sale, both boys favorites. Thomas for Owen, Diego for Kyle – Go Heather Go. And actually, I would have thought that Owen would have had a stronger preference for the Thomas shirt than Kyle for the Diego shirt.

Oh, if only it were so. For those regular readers, you’ll know that we really always need to buy two of the same things. We learn this lesson again and again.

This morning, Heather had picked out two cutie pie outfits with the choice shirts in the mix. As soon as Kyle saw he was wearing Diego, he was thrilled and excited to get dressed. As soon as Owen saw that he was wearing Thomas (or that Kyle was wearing Diego, not sure which came first), there was a total and complete tantrum meltdown. Owen really really wanted to wear the Diego shirt.

After much crying and kicking, Owen settled down and got his Thomas shirt on. However, he dissed the outfit Heather had picked out and actually picked out a shirt to go over the Thomas shirt. Wow does he have a sense of style already or what?

By the end of day care, he loved his shirt and wore it happily. A good ending to a day without the Diego shirt.

However, all is not settled. When I was putting Owen to bed, he whispered to me: “Papi, I want Diego shirt.”

O.k., another confessional from Heather. Things go through my mind on a regular basis that I am pretty sure do not go through the mind of most people. What I’m talking about here has to do with the day-to-day “challenges” of trying to be Mama to twin two-year-old tyrants. I find myself contemplating and scheming regarding things I never in a million years could have predicted. Sometimes, in the moment, I’ll suddenly catch myself in mid-thought and think “whoa! they are little terrors, but still, i can’t believe i actually just thought that string of thoughts!” Other times it will be long down the road that I suddenly realize the bizarre twisted nature of my mothering mindset. If you’re not a mother of twin boys and you are reading this post, then at the end of it you’re probably going to think either: A) I’m totally off my rocker/ I’ve lost my marbles/ I really am nutso, or B) I’m a terrible mother, or C) both A & B. If you are a mother of twin boys and you are reading this post, then email me immediately because girlfriend, for real, we need to talk!!!

Top Ten Things That Have Recently Gone Through My Mind as the Mother of Twin Two-Year-Old Whippersnappers:

1. “I need to cut their pizza, but I need to get them to look the other way before I grab the rolling-pizza-cutter-knife-thingy. They cannot find out where I keep that.”
2. “I wonder how much it would cost to have a wall built to close off Braydon’s tool area in the basement? It would need to be a wall that goes completely from floor to ceiling. And it would need a secure door. With a dead-bolt. That locks way high up so the two of them can’t reach it even if they work together. But they’ll figure out how to move something to it so they can get up on it and reach it. But couldn’t we use a padlock? Or maybe a built-in computerized security code thingy so that you’d have to know the code to get it to open? Yes! That would be perfect! I wonder how quickly somebody could build that?”
3. “I’ve got to wait for exactly precisely the right split-second-moment before I plug in the blender, or else they’ll see me do it, and then they’ll figure out how to plug it in. And that will most definitely be the beginning of the end with these two troublemakers.”
4. “We need to refill the birdfeeders. That would be a fun activity to do with the boys! But wait! We need to distract them before we get out the container of birdseed. God forbid they figure out where we store that.”
5. “We’ve got to change their bedsheets. But how can we do that without them watching? If they watch, then they’ll figure out that bedsheets can be pulled off of beds.”
6. “How can I get them out of the bathroom so they don’t see me apply my mascara? If they observe mascara application then life will never be the same again. They cannot find out about mascara. Or any make-up for that matter. Because then they’ll ruthlessly ceaselessly constantly attempt to put it on themselves. And my mascara is waterproof. Oh Lord. I have got to get them out of the bathroom before I put on this mascara.”
7. “Okay, if I sneak out of the room, and then tip-toe, and then close the door very very quietly, then maybe they won’t realize that I’ve let the poor cat back inside the house.”
8. “Is there some sort of door lock we could get that would allow only us to lock it??? That way I wouldn’t have to worry about the two of them locking me out of the house with them inside it. Where’s our list for the next time we go to Lowes? I have got to add this to that list.”
9. “Unfortunately, they already know that cheese is kept in the fridge. But maybe if I don’t let them see me open the cheese drawer they won’t figure out where in the fridge. If they figure that out then there will be absolutely no stopping them.”
10. “Do they make those dog ‘Invisible Fence’ things for children???”

Two Quotes today, both from Kyle, both regarding Mama and Papi’s “work” —

Today, on the way to daycare we were having our typical chit-chat in the car. I’m driving, the boys are in the backseat. They were wearing their new sunglasses (see photos below). And they were looking oh-so-much-cooler-than-any-two-year-old-should. Braydon had left early for work today — before the boys had woken up — so they hadn’t seen him. I had explained that Papi had gone to work early today. Since Braydon works from home so often we differentiate between him working at the “home office” and him working at the “other office.” We’re driving along and Kyle says: “Papi’s workin’?” I said, “Yes, he’s working.” Kyle says, “Papi’s workin’ at the other office?” I said, “Yup.” He said, “What’s Papi doin’ at his workin’ at the other office?” I was kind of stumped. I mean, I barely can understand what Braydon does for a living. How do I explain Fortune 50 Internet Technology Management to a two-year old when I don’t even fully understand it myself?? Really, I must confess, my first thought was “Honey, God only knows what your Papi is doing at that other office!” As I sat there driving in the silence trying to figure out what to say, Kyle says: “Mama! I know! He’s talkin’ to ‘da Man. HE’S TALKIN’ TO ‘DA MAN Mama.” I said, “Yes! Kyle! Papi’s talkin’ to ‘da Man!” ~ ~ Conversation turned to other topics (like the garbage truck we saw on the side of the road, for example)… and a few minutes later Kyle says, “Mama, you droppin’ off your babies?” I said, “Yes, sweetie pie, I’m driving to daycare to drop off my babies!” Kyle says, “Then you goin’ to Mommy’s Office?” I said, “Yes, after I drop you off at daycare I’m going to Mommy’s Office.” He says, “You be workin’?” I said, “Yup.” He said, “Mama, what you doin’ at your workin’ at your office?” Hmmmm… Again, I was kind of stumped. I mean, geesh. In this case, I obviously understand what I do for work. But how do I explain academic sociology to a two-year old who slobbers me with wet drooly kisses all over my face 100 times a day?? As I sat there driving in the silence — again — trying to figure out what to say, Kyle says: “Mama! I know! You be checkin’ your emails. You checkin’ very many emails. YOU ‘GONNA BE CHECKIN’ YOUR EMAILS Mama.” I said, “Yes! Baby! That’s exactly right!”