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Feb 11
0

Snippets from the Weekend

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Saturday morning Owen woke up and the first thing he wanted to do was “Call MorFar.” So we did. Owen talked to my parents for a few minutes and then I got on the phone with my Mom. We were in Braydon and I’s bedroom, and I knew that Owen was in our bathroom, and I figured he was up to no good, but I decided I’d just cut my losses so that I could talk to my mom for just a few minutes. I was literally only on the phone with her for three minutes max before I went in to the bathroom to assess the damages. This photo shows what I found. He had pumped out a lot of moisturizing cream and had smeared it all over his face. He also had a mouthfull of cream, realized it tasted very gross, and was trying to wipe the cream out of his mouth with his cream-covered hands. Not sure if you can tell by the photo or not… he also had baby powder sprinkled all over him, our bath water was running, and his pajamas and his Lovey Lion were soaking wet in several places. Now that’s what we call a great start to the weekend! ;0 Braydon and I were just laughing and shaking our heads as we took this photo and then tried to clean up our boy and our bathroom before starting our day.

Saturday morning tradition at our house is that K, O, and H make smoothies together. We make yogurt smoothies and/or soy-tofu smoothies, loaded with fruit. Lately the boys insist that blueberries and honey must go in — all other ingredients are give-or-take. They like to “test” the end product with spoons straight out of the blender, before pouring into our cups.

Saturday was napless. We had Little Gym and then we met our friends the Kulps for a lunch date at McDonalds. For two hours straight the boys and Joy Lin went nutso in the indoor playground thingy at McD’s. K & O were completely spent by 5:00 (when this photo was taken) and Braydon was desperately trying to keep them from totally melting down by singing songs to them. Soon after this photo we fed the boys an early supper. Mid-way through his meal, Kyle turned to me and said, “I’m done. I’ve had enough. Mommy, your baby is so sleepy!”

Saturday night after the boys were in bed we finally got to have the Rum Punches we’ve been meaning to have since January 31. Rum Punch is our sentimental Adoption Day celebratory drink — and we had bought the ingredients to have them, but given all the sickness, ETC., Saturday was our first chance.

This afternoon, out for a walk in our neighborhood, Braydon pulling the boys in the wagon.

Feb 09
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Friday Night

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Used to be that Braydon and I would end our week by working late (shutting off our computers around 6:00 or 7:00), showering, and heading out for a late dinner out. We’d have a couple drinks, de-brief about our week, and unwind. Although it has been a whole two years since life “Post K & O,” I still can’t quite believe just how much our life has changed. A typical Friday night for us now is one like tonight. It includes things like this:
  • An early as possible pick up from daycare — Today’s pick-up time: 4:30
  • A frazzled end-of-the-week family of four with only the tiniest bit of patience left for anything trying to pick up just a few things to get us through the weekend at the grocery store
  • Twin boys with bright yellow grocery store “PAID” stickers on their foreheads being so silly in the grocery cart that even perfect strangers are laughing out loud in the isles
  • Soup (de-frosted from the freezer), salad crusty bread & good cheese (from the grocery store)
  • Red wine for H & B, Juicy Juice for K & O
  • Lots of playing on the floor (all 4 of us), lots of fussing (all 4 of us), mixed with a couple meltdowns and/or tantrums (all 4 of us)
  • A Dora the Explorer or Go Diego Go video — Tonight’s selection, K & O’s new favorite: Go Diego Go – Booboos on the Pygmy Marmosets
  • Bedtime books — Tonight’s selections, 3 of K & O’s old favorites: A Mother for Choco, How Does a Dinosaur Say Goodnight?, and Hush Little Baby
  • Mega-tantrum from Owen at bedtime… he’s just gotta get that one last protest in before he closes out his week

As much as I do sometimes crave one of those “Pre K & O” Friday nights, at the end of the day (and even at the end of the week), I still wouldn’t change a thing about our current situation. Not a thing.

Feb 09
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Quote of the Day: "We need another Mama!"

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Tonight Owen was having a mega-tantrum at bedtime (see above post). He was mad because he wanted me (Heather) to put his pajamas on him, not Braydon. We go through these Mama-Mama Phases from time to time, and we’re definately in one right now. Both boys want all-Mama all-the-time. With twins the Mama-Mama Phase is times two but with only one mama the intensity feels like it is about times ten: all Mama x 2 + all the time x 2 + only 1 Mama = 10+ on the Mama-Mama Phase Richter Scale. One time Braydon and I actually counted — in a 60 second span we heard the word “Mama” 41 times. Anyway… tonight Owen was kicking and screaming and pouring out tears and thrasing about on the floor as Braydon struggled to get his pajamas on him. Meanwhile I was getting Kyle into his pajamas about three feet away. In the midst of the chaos Kyle announces totally matter-of-factly: “We got only one Mama. Only one!?!? We need another Mama!“

Feb 08
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Pretty fields and donkey foot

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For a couple Haiti-born fellows, K&O are really getting a handle on rural Americana – even if they are not quite sure what the right words are.

Each morning that I drive them to daycare I go “Papi’s way” (as opposed to bearing left and going “Mommy’s way”) which takes us up over a little mountain. It also passes corn fields and horse pastures (so does Mommy’s way…).

Almost always the boys point out the various land marks as we pass them: “Papi – look – pretty fields!” “Papi – look – corn!” (well, not at the moment, but this summer they did that). “Papi – look – donkey foot down there!”

What is “donkey foot” you ask? Well, no matter how often we say “look at those horses!” the boys insist they are “donkey foots”. Horses = donkey foot go figure.

Last week on the way back from daycare we stopped to watch a woman riding a donkey foot. Now that was a treat!

Feb 07
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Post-Script to the Panera Post

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It is always interesting to me which of our posts seem to stick with people the most. Since Saturday I have received four separate emails from four different people regarding the story from lunch at Panera (click here to read that post). One thing that is interesting to me about that is that scenarios similar to the one I described in that post happen to our family constantly. For people in families who “blend in” better, it might be hard to get a sense of our vantage point. I understand that. And I have come to also understand that this blog is interesting to waaaaay more people — for waaaaaaay more reasons than I ever anticipated — and it isn’t solely the ‘let-us-keep-our-friends-and-family-up-to-date-with-the-goings-on-of-our-kids-kind-of-blog’ that we originally conceived it as. In fact, I have felt (and still do feel) quite conflicted about putting our lives “out there” like we do on this blog… but it is the reactions to posts like the one re: Panera that remind me that the risks involved in doing this blog are worth it. I feel like it is worth it because our blog seems to raise a little consciousness in people — intentionally or not. And to me, that consciousness is the key to changing the world. I’m not saying that I or my family are changing the world (believe me, I don’t have that much audacity) — I am just saying that I believe that consciousness can change the world. And without exposure, there is no consciousness. So, exposure — as risky as it is — is something we’re willing to do (at least for now).

Whoa. I didn’t mean to get that philosophical about this. I mean, it is after all just our family blog. A blog that just a relatively tiny number of people read. A blog about our tiny little foursome’s pathetic lives. O.k., don’t worry people, I’m back with my feet on the ground again. So, here goes…

The Panera we were in on Saturday is definitely predominantly white (at least at lunchtime on that particular day it was), but it is located in a fairly racially & socio-economically diverse area (it is by no means a very mixed area, but it is by no means an entirely homogeneous area either — we do, afterall, live within 1.5 hours of two of the largest urban centers in the entire United States). However, I think the thing that stands out about our family is not necessarily that we’re four visibly racially different people… but that we’re two white (very fair skinned) parents with two black (very dark skinned) children. Even when we’re in the *MOST* diverse places (when we’re hanging out, for example, in central Manhattan, Greenwich Village, SoHo, Inner Harbor Baltimore, downtown Philly, ETC.) we *still* stick out like a sore thumb. We seriously almost NEVER encounter families like ours. Black families, yes. White families, yes. Bi-racial families, yes. Adoptive families, yes (Chinese, Korean, Guatemalan mostly). But white parents of black children, no— almost never. I have come to understand that no matter how much we seek out “diversity” (and believe me, we do! we work hard at deliberately putting our family into “diverse” settings), our particular family is still virtually never represented.

Regarding what happened on Saturday — From what I interpreted, it isn’t that the kid in the Panera was noticing two “brown kids” (he’s surely seen lots of non-white — including dark skinned black– kids around these parts), but what he was so struck by was our clearly adoptive inter-racial — specifically, black-white, family. He articulated it very clearly: “Look! There are two brown kids! With two white people!” This is striking to people even in the most incredibly diverse contexts. What was noteworthy to me was not that the boy noticed us (who wouldn’t?) or explicitly pointed us out to the people he was with (remember, this kind of thing happens to us all the time)… What was so profound to me about it was that the mothers didn’t use it as a wonderful opportune moment to talk about how many different kinds of interesting families exist– and that they did not allow the young boy to be struck by seeing us and did not allow him (let alone encourage him) to be curious and open and embracing about it. Instead, in that moment in the Panera, the white women silenced a young white male who might have otherwise had an opportunity for a pretty awesome “first” experience with a family like ours. So, that, to me is the profound part (and yes, I’ll admit it, the very sad part too).

In our neighborhood we have five multi-racial families (four of which are adoptive families) out of the 12 houses on our immediate street. As a sociologist I can tell you that those are some pretty good stats re: “diversity” and adoption… but still — the black-white thing– I honestly believe that it is (for lack of a better way of putting it…) the final frontier.
Feb 07
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Two Years Ago Today: Home with Our Boys

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The email I sent announcing we were home from Haiti… Some of you might remember receiving this on February 7, 2005?!

““““““““““““““““““““`

Date: Mon, 7 Feb 2005 11:14:47 AM EST
From: Heather
To: [Do not show addresses – 62 recipients]
Subject: Home from Haiti!

All,

Kyle and Owen are home! They are the most adorable, beautiful, lovable babies imaginable!! We are all four head over heels for each other. When we arrived at the orphanage and held them for the first time Kyle and Owen snuggled up close, looked us in the eyes, and their attitude was basically, “what the heck took you guys so long?! Let’s get ‘outta here!” On the drive from the orphanage to the hotel (only a 5 minute ride) Kyle fell instantly asleep in my lap (despite that it was one of the only times he had ever left the orphanage) and Owen cuddled up close to his Papa. At the hotel they had their first bath and got fed good formula and got to wear cozy comfortable clothes. Slowly they started to smile and have a light in their eyes. Each day since they come more and more alive. They now like to snuggle all day long, they can play with toys (just a few!–more than a couple will completely overwhelm them!), they both smile a LOT, they gurgle and babble, and they love to eat eat eat eat eat. On Wednesday Owen cried for the first time. On Saturday morning, once we were home, Kyle cried for the first time at about 10am … and then later laughed for the first time that same afternoon. They now laugh all the time, especially when they’re eating! They are sweet, sweet boys. You are all gonna love ’em!

I could go on and on and on about their amazing personalities and incredibly resilient selves, but I am running on about 2-3 hours sleep per night and I can barely email. Braydon and I are 100% co-parenting these twins (Owen has a strong preference for his papa, Kyle has a strong preference for his mama), and we feel so great about our new life with our babies. Our trip to Haiti was intense (to say the least) — the most intense travel experience of our lives… To say that Kyle and Owen were real troopers is quite an understatement. We dealt with some pretty crazy situations while we were there (lots of stories for when we can see you in person!) The country is impossible to imagine until you’ve been there. Our hearts are just sick about the state of the situation there, and thinking of the orphanage experience our boys were in (and the millions of others are in) makes me cry now — sometimes several times a day. As we’re starting to really bond with them, thinking of what Kyle and Owen have gone through is very hard, but being with them is very easy. We have two Haitian-Americans here with us now who we’re sure will heal well and will have every opportunity we can possibly provide them. We feel blessed. Doubly blessed! They are just amazing, incredible little guys. And they are truly the happiest little babies you could ever, ever, ever imagine. [You’ll see for yourself soon enough hopefully!] Their only fears seem to be that they will run out of food (major issues re: food for them), or that we will leave them (or someone else will take them away). Kyle loves the bath. Owen loves standing up and working on his walking. They both love snuggles and kisses and the more affection the better! They also have an incredible connection to each other which is just amazing to witness. Tomorrow we will go to the doctor to have lots of tests done and we’ll make sure our boys are on the right track to get as healthy as can be.

So, as I said, I could go on and on but I really am blurry-minded and need to log off. I just want you to know our adoption is complete and we’re all safe and deliriously happy. I also want to tell you how much we appreciate your thoughts and support– we want to show off our boys (!), see you, talk to you, email with you but right now we’re totally consumed with getting these babies adjusted and on track. So– for those of you who can visit us—– for the time being, please hold off on visiting us — I will let you know when Kyle and Owen are ready for some company. My parents are coming for a couple days this week (we need help with laundry and dishes and coffee making!!), and we’ll see how that goes with the boys. If all goes well we’ll hope to start welcoming visitors next week or the week after. In the meantime, we’re doing INTENSIVE bonding here, working on our attachment to each other, and focusing on a lot of understanding about what a home is, what a family is, what parents are, what love is. We’re trying to respect our boys’ experience and do what is best for them right now. We know you can understand that.

This is absolutely the best thing we could possibly do with our lives. We’re thinking of you and we can’t wait for you to meet our new additions!

Love, Heather (and Braydon!)

Feb 06
0

Who is that???

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The next evolution in Owen’s linguistic development is beginning to emerge. Previously he regularly called out for “Mapi” (Mama+Papi) for something. It might go like this:

“Mapi, did you see that that?”

“Mapi, I want warm milk…”

“No, no, I want Mapi.”

Who steps up when he calls out “Mapi!” ? We both do of course.

Recently he’s added a new one: “Pami” [pronounced ‘pahmee’] = Papi+Mommy. Tonight at dinner we heard:

1. “I can’t have that hot dog Pami“

2. “Pami, I want pudding.”

3. “Did you see that, that Pami???

1 could have been for me or Heather – I sat next to Owen, but Heather makes dinner
2 could have been for me or Heather – same as reason one
3 could have been for me or Heather – just depends on the toddler antics of the moment

But ultimately, like Mapi – it makes me proud that our boy sees the care he gets from both of us as so equal that he mashes up the language into one call out.

That, or he’s just super super clever on how to get the maximum reaction for the minimum spoken word.

Feb 06
0

How Weird?…

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… How weird is it that Kyle has insisted on wearing a Dora the Explorer Band Aid (for no medical reason) right in the center of his forhead for the past three days straight (including at daycare, at home, and at night – he won’t even take it off for bed)???…

Sunday
Monday

Tuesday

Feb 05
0

MorFar Visits for the Superbowl!

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My dad has been doing some work-travel in our area and planned in an overnight at our house for Superbowl Sunday. The boys knew he was due to arrive “after nap.” Owen woke up from his nap first and was too excited about “MorFar almost here” that he just had to wake up his brother too. We were down in the playroom, he had finished his milk, and could hardly contain himself. He said, “I go get Kyle. Mama you stay here. Stay HERE!” I decided to just let him do it. I listened at the bottom of the stairs and heard Owen run into Kyle’s room and wake him up with “Kyle! MorFar almost here! MorFar almost here!!!” Within seconds the two of them were downstairs staring out the playroom windows just waiting for MorFar’s arrival. In perfect timing –within just a minute or two– my dad was strolling to the front door, and the boys were bouncing off the wall. Man, oh man, do they love their grandfather. His gift this time: Patriots hats! As some of you know, our boys are a rare toddler breed: they love wearing hats, will choose to wear hats, and will keep hats on for long long stretches (always have). MorFar put the hats on their heads and said, “Listen, no matter who is playing in the Superbowl, YOU ARE PATRIOTS FANS. New England Patriots. Got that???” — “Yup MorFar!” “Yup MorFar!” (truth is: whatever MorFar says, does, eats, breathes, sleeps is GOLD TRUTH 100% “YUP MORFAR” to K & O). After a couple hours of MorFar loving we headed to our next-door-neighbor’s house for a little Superbowl Party.
Sandy is a huge sports fanatic and is working very hard to indoctrinate the boys. They were more than happy to sit on her lap, eat pizza, drink juice boxes, and be mesmorized by the big screen.
They are, however, their mother’s sons… by far their favorite part was the Halftime Show! ;0
We got home just in time to watch it before the boys went to bed — in fact, K & O were so inspired by seeing Prince play guitar that they ran to get their guitars too.
Feb 05
0

Owen

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Owen has an incredibly long attention span for things that require a lot of patience and fine motor skills. This might suprise you if you know much about Owen — because Owen is also an incredibly spirited child who is extraordinarily physical and active. But he takes time to focus on things that he’s interested in; he patiently gets all of his trains connected by their magnets and moves them carefully along their train tracks; he quietly works on changing the diaper of his doll (Douglas James); he spends long stretches of time doing sorting games and puzzles; he figures out how things work and then operates them with calm and patience. In this photo he was playing quietly on the floor with a toy garbage truck. He is able to put the “dumpster” on and off the truck — which is not at all easy to do. This patience and concentration is something noticeable about Owen.