Little Miss has morphed into quite the little Girl (capital G). Braydon and I talk about it everyday– ‘How did this happen?’ We say it with some level of disdain and disgust, but most of all — with sincere awe. It is bewildering to watch it develop right before our very eyes. With the boys we could always blame it on genetics (ha! ‘this just HAS to be nature over nurture, right???’ right?!), but with Meera… well… we don’t know how, exactly, to explain her girly girl ways. Is it possible that all three of our children are already rebelling against our attempts to raise them as gender neutral as possible (without going overboard)?! I mean, seriously, in a home where boys are encouraged to play with dolls our boys wind up the quintessential Boys’ Boy. And in a house full of trucks and hand-me-down overalls, our girl –already at age 21 months– is the Classic Girl. What the heck?! I’ve been thinking that it might be reverse psychology. Is that possible at such a young age???? Now, in all honesty, we conscientiously don’t go over the top with this stuff (because we’ve always thought that could backfire too). So everything is (or at least we try for it to be) within reason. But Meera has just proven to us that something seriously funky is going down with gender in this world of ours. Meera has become very particular about what she will and will not wear. She has definite ideas about it all: which clothes (always a dress, if at all possible!), which shoes (always her red rain boots or her black paten leather mary-janes, if at all possible!), which coat (the dressier and fancier the better), and how to accessorize (always accessories! always! if at all possible! necklaces, bracelets, scarves, hats). And her hair! Those french braids! She loves them and will sit patiently for as long as it takes for me to braid them in. Oh my gosh, that girl. She is her own self. And oh my gosh, how I love her. I had absolutely no idea I could love a girly girl the way that I love mine.
Love the new blog! I was just thinking a few posts back how I absolutely LOVE Meera’s red rainboots with her red coat. She is definitely girly, but not over the top frilly! Love it! Although I think you may be forgetting about K and O’s tutus =)
I am convinced that kids are simply who the are in spite of any attempt on our part to make, or not make, them something else.
I provided dolls and trucks, trains and tea sets. The girls have bikes and a Barbie Jeep. But no matter what I’ve provided, they have turned out to be total girly-girls. Not prissy. Not uptight. Just 100% princess-loving, fairy flying, think-they’re-super-hero girls.
Heather, just you wait. My daughter is 13. She was just like Meera when she was a toddler. A few months ago she had a spontaneous sleep over and asked me to pick out clothes for her to bring to her friend’s house for the next day. I went to her closet and realized I had no idea how to match her clothes as well as she did. I ended up choosing several pieces that I thought “went” together. Apparently I passed the test, but man, is my girl stylin’!
I'm 23 and while I don't think it was my parents intention (i.e. they never sat down and said it would be this way), I was raised in a gender neutral house. My brother played house and with Barbies, I played with Matchbox cars and Legos. We didn't care, we just played! And my parents had no issues with it at all. Although my brother never was seen outside the house with a girl toy… But we always played together and didn't give two thoughts as to how girly or boyish something was. I don't know if it's because my parents share roles in the house (they both worked, both do housework, both cook, etc.) and so we realized girls and boys can all do the same things and it not be a big deal or what, but we still have that mindset. We are all on an equal playing field.
And yet, we are both SO stereotypical of our genders. I am and always have been crazy girly. I always wore a dress and earrings (stick ons and clip ons until I was 5), played dress up and with my mom's makeup, and have always loved shoes. And I'm still that way. And my brother is very much a guy's guy and always has been.
I definitely think it's nature v. nurture!
I think the same thing about Liv all the time. She can be so totally happy playing in the dirt, but she’ll be doing it with her favorite necklace and flip flops on, or BEG to wear a dress for the day. One day I went into the bathroom to find her sitting on the sink soaking her feet in water and trying on my earrings by hanging them over the tops of her ears. It was totally cute. The funny thing is that I have to TRY to be more girly because most days it just feels like too much work for me. It’ll be fun to watch her grown up and see how she works that out
I always wanted boys, boys, boys, and Chris just wanted girls. I have to admit, girls can be pretty fun.
I sometimes think it has something to do with hormones. Last year I read the book The Female Brain, and there is a lot of information in that book about developing fetuses and hormones. Little girls have a huge flux of estrogen up until the age of about 1.5-2, and that might explain the inclination to carry baby dolls, etc. One friend of mine is gay (and strikes me as someone with a lot of testosterone), and ironically her foster brother is also gay, and as kids they had the exact opposite tendancies of what you’d expect for a girl or a boy. When they went to family holiday parties and she received a doll and he received a truck, their mother would tell them they could switch when they got home if they behaved in the meantime!! Too funny.
I constantly think about this. As a sociologist-before-kids, I figured nurture was more powerful and if I offered trucks and wore jeans, my kids would play with trucks and consider wearing jeans. As a sociologist-after-having-kids, I figure that nature/biology/hormones/genes/chromosomes are way more powerful than I ever imagined. My girls could not be girlier and they are definitely not getting it from watching me. I am not even convinced they are getting it from their preschool friends.
No wonder sociobiology is such a hot subfield right now.
She is a gorgeous little girl … I have an urge to squeeze her.
She sounds so sweet and nice … not mellow or boring … but peppy and the good kind of ornery and opinionated. I need her to work with Lydia sometime soon. Lydie just screams lately.
Meera, can you start writing an advice column of sorts? Other toddlers write in with their questions … think it over.