“There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.” ~Josh Billings
In a strange twist of fate (or faith?), I had always dreamed of having twins, even as a teenager. I have always found twins to be absolutely fascinating. My dream has come true. And I’m more and more fascinated each day I spend with them. I did a lot of reading on twins before we brought Kyle and Owen home. And I’ve done a lot since. And I’ve spent countless hours interrogating anyone and everyone I come across who is a twin, has twin children or grandchildren, or has twins for siblings. Still, nothing could possibly prepare me for raising them. It is a huge joy. And a huge challenge. Every ‘normal’ parenting decision, however easy or complicated, is made abnormally easy or complicated by the fact that we’re raising twins. (Add K & O’s life history [or twinstory? is that a word?] to the mix, and it makes it all even more complex.) Not a day goes by that their twin-ness isn’t factored into the equation… whatever the equation is.
One thing that never ceases to amaze me is their physicality with each other. Still, at age six, they sleep completely entwined each night. Going in to check on them sleeping is a daily treat; just watching them breathing in unison, as physically close as close can be, virtually inseparable, is something I never take for granted. I know that not all twins are like this, but mine are, and always have been. And it is breathtaking sometimes. And all day they find each other too. They go in and out, back and forth, but always checking in. From what I can tell, they are not conscious of it. And when you spend enough time with them, you get kind of used to it, and you begin to not notice it too. The spats and ruckus wrestling and all-out-brawls –although (lucky for us with our particular twins), far outnumbered by playful togetherness– demand your attention. But then, you turn and look, and see them touching, leaning into each other, holding hands, so physically close that they are practically one, and they are doing it for absolutely no obvious need or reason whatsoever, and you remember that this is not how it is for most all other siblings. Twins are special. It is remarkable. There is no denying it. Nor should there be.
They have something that the rest of us don’t have.
They have a whole host of unusual life challenges that come along with being twins. Yes, they do. And, they have the amazing gift that is their twinship: they have each other. It is a unique sort of way to live. And it is, very often, just as beautiful as it is fascinating to witness.
Kyle and Owen are largely unaware of how unusual their bond is. That is partly what is so awe-striking about watching them. Because it is just so clear that for them, it simply is what it is. With no questions asked or thoughts spoken. They just are. But they are, together.
Amazing coincidence that you should write this– close twin friends of mine turned 21 this weekend, and the thing I most noticed about them this summer was the fact that they unconsciously still reach out and touch eachother…
Not sure if they were doing it more after being seperated at college, or if I just noticed it for the first time and theyve always been doing it… but it is strange/amazing to see two big, athletic african american men with one hand resting on eachother, some of the time it turns into play fighting, but a lot of it is just a physical touch thing… twin thing i guess
I had all of 24 hours to prepare for my twins, but since my younger brother and sister are twins I thought I had it covered. I didn’t. Parenting twins is a unique challenge as you try to individuate them while maintaining that bond they have. Mine don’t sleep together but they always need to know where the other one is. Separating them for first grade was a good thing for them (they were getting competitive with each other) but also a very sad thing as they were caught several times peering into each other’s classrooms. The truly odd thing is that each of them has a best friend in their class who mirror their twin so they did manage to find some sort of in-school substitute.
My brother and sister (now 44) continue to have a very strong bond and spend most holidays together despite living six hours apart. During their growing up years they were very close and you’d often see them on the couch reading together with my brother twirling my sister’s hair.
Amen.
My favorite is when our girls are both squatting, playing with something on the ground, and get closer and closer until their heads are touching. And they stay that way for the longest time, not even noticing.