A few years ago my mom moved to Arlington MA; a couple miles away from her sister Diana in Cambridge. Over that time, she has settled in and made a home for herself, including all kinds of work in the community, of which I am proud and happy. It also means that we make a point of stopping in whenever we’re in the area. Granted, as any traveling caravan of a family can attest, “stopping in” is a bit of a euphemism for “adding another couple hours to a trip, then ransacking a host’s home, leaving abruptly and exhausting the host”. All in good faith in the meaning of a family visit.
When we stopped in for a Christmas visit, she was fortunately ready for it (it also helps she’s got a great playground a short walk away), made a great visit of it, enjoyed it and asked for more. Cookies, playground, presents, a view of the lake.
When you’re an adult, your relationship with your mother changes. She’s always your mother, with all the good and bad of that, and you’ll always be a kid at some level, with all the good and bad of that, but there is far more to it when you’re an adult. When you have children of your own, you try your best to understand your parents’ perspective on your past in hopes it will unlock answers to how to raise your own children.
I suspect we all do this with our parents as we grow older; try to understand what they were/are/will be thinking.
The impenetrable game of what would I have done then, and what will I do now, and what will I do in 25 years?
I know I do it; over and over. I am sure my kids will do the same in years to come, as will theirs and theirs. But I am sure I can’t really know, just as I think I might be able to look into their thoughts and understand their decisions back then and now, but I can’t; not really. I’ll still try.
Maybe that’s why it’s important to stop in when you can.
There is something special and important about a Christmas visit. Over and over again, we learn all kinds of things from those we love.
Lovely post, Braydon. As co-chair of Sustainable Arlington, chair of our condo assn, and board member of various environmental organizations I still say that the MOST important thing in my life is, and always has been, my two children, and now their children.
Love,
Mom
Sounds like a lovely visit! Yes, I can appreciate that as an adult (albeit young adult) the dynamics between parent and child shift a little and stay the same…and I can imagine I’ll be doing just what you’ve written here Braydon when I have children of my own. Great post!
– Kate
I appreciated the humility of your post. We have been (or still are) there.
What a beautiful post. Sounds like there is still some pain associated with that relationship. Glad you were able to make the visit memorable.