The week before this past one I was away for a couple of days on a work trip. I’ve been thinking about it a lot since. Actually, I haven’t been thinking much about the work trip itself (in my current phase of life, which seems to zoom at an exponentially-ever-increasingly fast pace, a work trip that took place 10 days ago is like ancient history and I have moved on), I have, though, been thinking about the reaction to the work trip. And in an interesting twist, it isn’t my own kids’ reactions that have me thinking, it is the reactions of the other “kids” in my life — the students we live with on campus.
I have posted about my feelings about work trips before (read here for just one of many examples). But to sum it up: it is a love-hate thing for me — the lump-in-the-throat sinking feeling of leaving my bambinos juxtaposed with the exhilarating thrill of having pure-sweet-glorious independence!
I look out my airplane window and think about all the things I’ll miss when I’m away and I wonder what on earth Braydon will feed them all for dinner and how they’ll possibly manage to function without me (miracle of miracles! they always seem to do just fine! lol!). As ridiculous as it is, I just miss them so much, even if I’m only gone for a night or two. But then, luxuriating in the beauty of Room-Service-For-One, eating whatever the heck I want for dinner (nobody to please but me!), watching whatever the heck I want on tv (note: ‘Say Yes to the Dress!’ is something Braydon would never go for), sipping a glass of wine and loving-every-beautiful-blessed-blissful-minute-of-total-and-complete-peace-and-quiet (nobody saying “Mommy! Mommy? Mommy,” every-other-second, no laundry, no backpacks or lunch boxes or sports’ bags to unpack and repack and unpack again… the list goes on)… to have a little tiny break from all of that… it is just awesome. Working Moms need work trips!
(On the way there I had a manuscript to read, but on the way home I could indulge in the rare treat of non-work-related pleasure reading. Again, there it is– the yin and the yang all wrapped up together in one nice little work trip package.)
I am smart enough to always bring home something for the bambinos. This time it was Delta airplanes for K & O and a pink poodle for M. I totally rocked the Work-Trip-Gifts this time! These gifts were big hits.
So, I’ve kind of got it down. I never have anything totally down, but I’ve got the whole work-trip-thing figured out for the most part. Except this time, I had to come home not just to my kids, but to a whole bunch of LU students who wanted to know where I had been. It prompted some very interesting conversations.
Mainly the work-trip discussions with students centered on the bambinos’ gifts. For my first 48 hours home, Meera walked around everywhere with that pink poodle, showing it to anyone and everyone who would stop to look. “I got it from my mommy!” she’d say proudly, “she brought it for me from her work trip!” Students would then — most often — react by fondly recalling all the work trip gifts they had received when they were younger.
As you’d expect (most of the students are from upper-middle-class backgrounds), many of them grew up with dads who travelled for work. Some students talked about dads who traveled extensively and internationally. Others talked about dad who travelled infrequently and not-very-far. Some spoke of parents who never took work trips, but most had some experience with it. The big difference, though, was that it was always their dads. Not their moms. I haven’t heard from one student yet about a mom who travelled– always the dad. Some moms worked, but none travelled at all for work. And this raised questions for them (and for us): ‘What is it like to have a mom who travels for work? What would that have been like? What would it be like to someday be a mom who has to travel for work? What would it be like to have a wife who travels?’
I can relate. My mom never travelled for work, and honestly, I cannot even imagine it. I was so attached to the idea of her being a total rock solid 100% consistent always-present pillar-of-a-presence in my life… I cannot fathom a childhood that involved her going away on work trips. My dad travelled for work a ton. It was just how it was and for the most part (except for the occasional missed field hockey game or school event of some sort), I didn’t resent him for it or begrudge it. But I think it would have been really different if my mom had travelled for work too. And the students I talked with all thought that too— so, my work trip raised some big thoughts for a lot of us.
I know there are many mothers who travel much more extensively and frequently than I do for work. I respect them for the mind-bogglingly-complex-strategies they must employ to make that all mesh with their family life. I am lucky to have a job that requires what I feel is just the right amount of travel, and with a lot of flexibility for me to determine if/when/for-how-long I will go. But still… it raises questions.
The Lehigh students watched Meera love that poodle, and they watched Kyle and Owen fly those planes overhead running around outside in circles around us as we talked about work trips of the mommy variety.
The truth is, when I was growing up, it wasn’t just my own mom who didn’t go on work trips, it was all the moms around me. I knew of women who worked, and some who even had pretty big careers, but as far as I knew, they didn’t travel for work (maybe they did and I was just totally oblivious?). So, it is interesting for me to see not just my own kids, but now the Lehigh students too, see me do what I do. I know they notice. I know they think about it. And I’m thinking about it too.
So I grew up in a family where my dad always worked nearby but my mom worked for the navy and would have to travel for conferences and meetings. I can remember the things she would always bring back for me. I still have a few of them. I too travel for work but am not in a place where I can bring things back. I have started mailing post cards to my son and he loves to get his pictures in the mail. I even give my husband the stamps so he can send them when he travels as well. He has a little mailbox and will look at all the cards people send him. I always feel a little guilty about the amount of travel that I have to do especially when he just says mommy wasn’t there for that she was on a work trip.
This is so interesting because I think about this A LOT with my colleagues (mostly women) who travel. And we travel all.the.time. Many have young kids and these kids have grown up only knowing that mom travels, often to funny places. One colleague always gets her kids t-shirts (and has been successful finding them everywhere), and it’s fun to see pictures with her kids in Bulgaria, Finland, or South Africa shirts. Another colleague gets “special hotel gifts”– meaning her daughter really likes the bath soaps and gels from hotels.
I think Skype has really changed the way families are able to stay connected when parents travel (especially internationally), and I routinely see parents (moms and dads) Skype with their kids during dinner or before bedtime. But all my female colleagues who travel highlight the same outcome– their kids have unique relationships with their dads. And because these kids have grown up with this as their normal, they don’t think anything of the fact that their moms travel the globe. Now, the parent at home for 1-2 weeks might feel differently…
My dad travelled for work, and he would bring back gum packs and hotel soaps
We loved it. My mom was a SAHM, but sometimes she would go with dad on his trips (if they were to a fun place, I guess!) and we would stay with my sainted grandma who would run our house and us 3 kids without batting an eye. I don’t travel much for work, actually, I don’t think I’ve traveled in the past 3 years! But it really does take a village when I do, making sure schedules are posted, transportation is arranged and all the nitty gritty details don’t fall through the cracks… My children have grown up with a mom-who-works, but I am so grateful I get to stay close to home most of the time – it just gives me a headache thinking about going off and leaving them behind (although I know they would do.just.fine!!) 
I’m an at home freelance writer/author. One week a year I go to writer’s conference and one week I go to book convention. I try to take my oldest daughter to conference and at least two children with me to book convention, and they get loads of free books from that. I used to always bring thing back–especially when we were in England and I flew to FL. I’d load up on everything from Walmart. Now it’s mostly books.
I grew up with a working mom that traveled at least once a year, for weeks at a time. She was an insurance claims adjuster, so every time a hurricane hit, she was off to save the day (i.e. hand out checks to the natural disaster victims). I don’t remember any particular gift she brought me back, but i do still have a t-shirt from Hurricane Andrew. I was always very proud of my mom, in her business outfits.
That was a fun memory i hadn’t thought about in a long while. Thanks!