About Last Night…

Last night was a big night for Kyle and me.

Big Backstory:

1. I am really bad at winning awards. I mean, I do win them. I’m an ambitious, competitive, driven person. But I’m bad at the receiving of them. It creates a lot of psychological agitation and emotional anxiety for me to be in the spotlight and singled out for praise/accolades/prizes/accomplishments. Overshare: There’s a lot to why this is that I don’t want to get into here on the blog, but trust me when I say, it is a big struggle for me. I spent a year of very intensive therapy, at age 29-30, to try to deal with, in large part, some of the issues at the core of this problem for me (and made huge progress…), and I am constantly working on it, but (still…), I struggle. Anyhooooo………. onto #2–
2. As noted above, I’m an ambitious, competitive, driven person. I select goals for myself very carefully, and set them rarely. But when I do, I am decidedly driven to achieve them. I’ve done this for as long as I can remember (my mom can tell you some stories!! I’ve done this for my whole life and the stories date way back). When I arrived at Lehigh, I set two goals for myself: I) to get tenure, and II) to win the Deming Lewis Award.
3. Kyle is (fortunately and unfortunately) a lot like me, especially in terms of #2 above. In the way he resembles me in that arena he is basically my clone/mini-me/direct-offspring (never mind that he is not my biological genetic child… in this way he is just like his mama). He appears to (very fortunately) not be recycling my issues related to #1 above (thank goodness). He works really hard all the time at doing the best job he can at pretty much everything he does. And he enjoys to reap the benefits of his hard work and achievements. We are always seeking out ways to reward him appropriately for his superbness so that he knows we notice and value it.

Short Backstory:

• A couple of weeks ago I found out I was winning a big award– the Deming Lewis Award (the one that is noted in II of #2 above). This was a huge deal to me.
• Because of #1 above, it started to send me into a downward spiral of negative emotional energy and angst.
• I quickly realized that was happening and called a fast stop to it (at age 40 I flat out refuse to let it rule me anymore).
• One detail: the award would be presented at Lehigh’s annual Faculty & Staff Appreciation Dinner. I could bring one guest/date for the night.
• I made a big decision– a win-win for everyone!– I would bring Kyle.
• This is an untraditional choice. Award winners typically bring their spouse/partner. But I knew Kyle was the perfect choice.
• By bringing Kyle I could: a) avoid having to get a babysitter because Braydon could stay home with Owen and Meera, b) give Kyle an extra special night out alone with Mama, c) give Kyle the chance to see what winning awards like this in arenas like this are all about. I also wanted him to see that, d) big awards are given in lots of fields/contexts/environments… not just trophies/honors/awards in sports. By bringing Kyle I could also make it as interesting and different and fun for myself as possible (therefore helping to manage my issues related to #1 above).

The Story:

So, last night was the big night. And I think it was probably a Top 10 experience for Kyle. (And definitely a good experience for me, too, which really says a lot given #1 above). We got all dressed up, and we went. Of the 500 people in attendance, Kyle was the only person under age –I’m guessing– 25. Most people were –I’m guessing– over 55. It was unique (to say the least) to have my 8-year-old son as my date. It made what could have been a dull (or anxiety producing) night into an absolutely fabulous night. We had the greatest time.

Kyle enjoyed the experience as only someone new and truly open to such affairs can. He was delighted with the “open bar” (him: lemonade, me: white wine). He was super-impressed with the transformation of Stabler Arena from the home of his favorite basketball team to the venue for this huge awards banquet. He was mesmerized with the catering, the conversation, the cultural experience of being immersed in the world of an elite academic institution for a night (yes, he lives here, but going to an event like that is different). He ate every bite of his haute cuisine dinner (a very fancy salad and a filet mignon entree with all the accouterments). He ate the whipped cream and fresh blackberries from his dessert plate — and mine, and that of the woman sitting on the other side of him (the dessert was a rich dark chocolate cake, and Kyle is not a fan of dessert, let alone chocolate).

He had insisted we bring a camera (something that I would never normally do, given #1 above). He snapped photos the whole night. In fact, in looking through them tonight, I found that he took over 60 photos — including many of me on the stage receiving the award, photos of each page of the program, and several self-portraits. I also took some of him and us. Here’s a sampling:  

It was such a very special evening for my son and for me.

Postscript:

The Deming Lewis Award: “is given annually to one faculty member at Lehigh University. The award honors a faculty member selected by the 10-year class as having most significantly influenced its members’ educational experience. This award was created in 1982 in honor of Deming Lewis’ outstanding service during his tenure as Lehigh’s tenth president.”

I was so very honored and happy to receive it! The class of 2003 were juniors the year I arrived at Lehigh. It was the spring that they were graduating — May 2003 — that I sat at the Faculty and Staff Dinner (one of the only other times I’ve attended it; I went because I was receiving a big award that year for junior faculty), and watched as an esteemed faculty colleague won the Deming Lewis Award. I secretly set the goal for myself right then and there: the Deming Lewis Award was the one award I really wanted to get during my time at Lehigh. To me it meant the most because it was chosen by the alum themselves. It never would have occurred to me that I’d win it precisely 10 years later (the first chance I had since setting the goal). It is a source of great pride for me. To anyone who might be reading this, who might have played a role by voting: THANK YOU! You humble and honor me.

And now, because I’m feeling a lot of anxiety and agitation regarding writing a blog post about my winning an award (note: see #1 above), I will sign off. Thanks for reading y’all!~~~~~