Hi My Dear Blog Readers,
So, I’ve been MIA. The truth is, a lot has been going on (what else is new?!), but that really isn’t the main reason behind my lack of blogging. On Meera’s birthday (May 28) I posted a short post. I got a horribly nasty mean comment to that post from an anonymous person who used a fake email address to post the comment. It basically eluded to what a terribly spoiled little brat Meera is, and how awful it is that we have a racially diverse group of folks at her party. Of course, I trashed it immediately. But, unfortunately, sometimes these things hit me hard, and stick, and my feelings were bashed, and it took the wind right out of my sails. It is hard to blog knowing that very aggressive and mean-spirited people are out there scrutinizing every post with 100% anonymity.
People who don’t blog probably cannot imagine what this aspect of blogging is all about. We put ourselves out there, make ourselves so vulnerable, and then every once in a while we get slammed hard by someone out there in the universe who simply wants to hurt us. Granted, we have thousands of readers, who post positive things MUCH more often than the rare nasty comment. But still, those comments do come, and for me it is hard to get back up over and over and keep on blogging in spite of it. I’ve posted many times on this blog about this dilemma. And then I just keep going. I’ll do the same this time. But I’m just being honest: it ain’t easy.
Luckily I have my mom. She’s my #1 Blog Reader. And honestly, whenever I truly consider giving up the blog, I think of her, up there in New Hampshire, with her iPad, checking in to our site, and I decide to keep blogging. It is hard to have a long-distance mom-daughter relationship. It is even harder to have a long distance grandchild-grandmother relationship. One of the things that I think have contributed to having it work out a little tiny bit well for us so far, is my blogging. That’s the honest truth. The blog is for me, it’s for my bambinos, it’s for you (readers of all varieties, who get all sorts of things from reading here). But the honest truth is: the blog is in large part for MorMor.
She’s chomping at the bit to see a great big blog post showcasing Meera’s 5th Birthday Party in all its glory. I’m trying hard to get up the gumption to get over that horribly mean comment, force my creative juices to get flowing, and blog it. It is hard to put it out there knowing that the mean nasty person (the one who wrote such hurtful things to the May 28th post) is probably out there reading. But I’ll choose my mom over that person today and everyday.
So, today, while I’m sitting at Meera’s weekly 1.5 hour gymnastics class, instead of reading the manuscript I should be reading (I have a big review deadline looming), I will instead put work aside to begin to sort through the many, many pictures of Meera’s festivities. And I’ll start formulating how I’ll post about that amazing day in our lives. I know my mom, for one, will love reading it and pouring over each and every photo.
Thanks for hanging in there with me,
~Heather
Sorry you’re having to field hurtful comments- I haven’t had one on our blog yet, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time. I started my blog for the same reason- keeping in contact with long-distance grandparents (who have since moved closer), but have met people and made friends I wouldn’t have imagined as a result of it. I say brush aside the bad and keep the good. I love seeing pictures of your kiddos and read about your latest adventures- keep up the good work!
Don’t let someone with a the mean comment get you down. If you do, they win. Your blog is a bit of sunshine in my day and it’s great that people like you are parents and teachers. For any negative response you get, there are hundreds of us who think you are doing a great job and are uplifted by you and your family. I miss your blog when you go through a “dry spell”. I have a Haitian grandson, a mixed race son and four grandchildren who cover the spectrum of skin colors and I love them all and am so proud of all of them. Your children and my grandchildren who grow up in families where skin color is not a negative issue will make the world a better place for everyone.
“Isn’t it kind of silly to think that tearing someone else down builds you up?”
― Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
To go to all of the trouble of creating a fake email address, just to troll blogs? I feel sorry for this person, that they lack the imagination and motivation to do anything but spout hate and jealousy. Your blog is wonderful, and I hope that you continue to post, despite the haters and nay-sayers.
I just feel pity for that mean person. They obviously didn’t have a childhood filled with love, like what you’ve created for your children. I have a blog and I have turned comments “off” so that I don’t have to moderate or deal with mean comments from anonymous people. Yes I am probably missing some good comments, but it’s worth it to me to bypass that stress. In my imagination everyone loves what I have written and I never know any different :o)
And the children’s other grandmother is always out there too checking to see how things are going rather than only dealing with climate disruption. Your posts help to keep me working for you so forever thanks.
I do know how painful attacks can be (we activists sometimes even have them at our door fronts), but you can’t let that stop you. You’re doing important things and that includes your blog, so keep it up!
I am so grateful for your blog! I am a prospective adoptive parent and I have shared several of your posts with my fellow future moms; the posts about the ways you have shared the twins life stories with them at different ages especially were so helpful! And man, all the cute kid pics make my day every time you post
thank you for sharing your family’s stories!
Please continue to post for all of us who look to your blog for hope and inspiration. I found your blog when my daughter was dealing with a race issue in preschool. Another child told my daughter she couldn’t sit at the table because she is brown. Please don’t let someone like this win. Honestly, you have such a loving community around you and they don’t have the same so they try to tear you down. My 4 year old said it best, when we asked if she wanted to change classes …my daughter said “she is only one person.” I love the party picture posts!
There is a broad, and dedicated community of readers who follow your blog (for lots of reasons)–we have your back. I remember my first troll (who alleged that I fabricated the death of my firstborn child for the sake of attention), and how hurtful it was. Thank you for your willingness to share this part of your world with us, in spite of the trolls out there. You and your family are beautiful, and your blog is a bright spot on the Internet for so many people, within your immediate world (of course) and far beyond it.
Your mom is definitely not the only one who loves reading your posts and pouring over every photo. Thank you for doing what you do!
It always amazes me that people reading blogs think they “know” the people writing. I, as many, love your blog, the diversity in your life, the risks you take and the beauty of your family. As I watch my only daughter drift further and further from home (we are in the Midwest and her life may soon lead her to Seattle) I can only hope I will be able to open up my IPad and watch her life and that of my grandchildren happen via the internet and Skype.
I am another future adoptive parents from Haiti who enjoys every single one of your posts and reads your adoptive posts over frequently. Not only do those posts help me be a more informed mother to my future adoptive children, but your everyday posts also help me with the wait. As you know, waiting is hard, but seeing your children and your family’s experiences help remind me that our time will come someday. My hope is that I will be half the mother that you are. Thank you and know I am here in western MA cheering for you!
Heather, we are bereft without you, Braydon, and the kids. My little Haitian sensation is still complaining that he isn’t a twin “like Kyle and Owen.”
And because they’re only 30 days apart, he really likes to see what K & O are up to in order to measure his own progress. K & O play basketball? “I wanna get on a team.” K & O got new athletic shoes? “Oh my gosh, Kyle and Owen just like to copy me…”
Don’t give up on the larger world of your affined readership. There are no words to really describe the cowardly and medieval mindset of these internet trolls.
And even if Meera were spoiled, who cares? (Well, besides the mindless trolls.)
I’ve been reading since I found you with adoption blogs when your boys were first adopted. Meera was just a pleasant surprise… LOL Hang in there! Nasty people will get their day!
Please don’t stop blogging!
Dear Heather
I am a long reader of your blog and hope you continue telling about your family even if you recive some nasty comments of people that dont have another thing to do
Regards from spain
Isabel
I’ve been reading your blog for some time and I always look forward to the birthday posts. You do such a good job with the parties and your kids have so much fun. Don’t let that mean comment get you down- you’re doing great as a parent and your kids are wonderful.
HBJ, I love you, your family, and your blog.
I’m an aunt of 11 and great-aunt of 13. I don’t have children of my own, but I have always loved the role of being an aunt. Catching up on the latest news from your family just adds to the delight I feel about my own family. Just keep spreading the love.
You are so, so valued in the blogosphere, so of course it would make sense that someone would want to tear you down for being honest and out there and loved by your readers. But that doesn’t make it any less yucky.
To anonymous, who I imagine might be reading this, smirking, I hope that whatever is going on for you, creating a need to attack and spread negativity, sorts itself out soon and that you feel better.
But mainly Heather, we love you! xx Nicola
Love your blog, love your post! I love the pics, the stories , the parties and the ideas you give to me. Have my own Haitian son plus my brothers daughter married a Nigerian, and they have baby Eden plus they adopted Bebe from Haiti. My husbands brothers daughter adopted two children, Ketlove and Wisler from Haiti. Love love love my international family! Love love love to read about yours. Love love love that mother of yours!! Listen to her, moms are always right
Long-time reader here chiming in to the chorus to say that I truly enjoy and love your writing, your stories, your blog and all of you! I was also looking forward to the details of Meera’s party. I was looking at her tea party and used the idea of tea cups from the thrift shops for a favor at a friend’s bridal tea. I love that you go all out for parties! I hope you keep writing!
Love your blog, your family, and thoroughly enjoy your posts! Keep your head up. In life, as you know, there will always be one or a few who are hurtful, but it should not stop you from doing what you love. You seem to have a great support system. Meera, and both of your sons are blessed to have you both as parents. By the way, diversity is the spice of life! Surrounding yourself and your child with a diverse, loving group of people, will only enhance her life.
I am so sorry that you had to go through something so hateful. No matter how many times these things happen, it still cuts to the quick. Please don’t give away your “power” to someone who is so insignificant in your life. I love reading your blog. I’ve shared you with the people I work with. (One of my colleague’s daughter will be a freshman at Lehigh next year. I shared the post about finals week.) I admire how much you love and are in love with your family. Don’t give up. People like me look forward to you posts. I wish you and your family much love and happiness.
Keep going Heather! I’m glad you have this blog as a time capsule for your family. That is reason enough to keep on keepin’ on!
The internet is WONDERFUL for insecure mean cowards who have nothing better to do with their time. I’m almost positive that the authors of all the lame comments you’ve received over the years would NEVER EVER dream of saying what they wrote to your face. Please keep that in mind and don’t let unknown NON FACTORS get to you. People can only hurt us if we let them, right? God bless you and your family!!!
When I read your post, I immediately thought of student evaluations. I am also a professor. It’s great to get the compliments, and it hurts your pride a little to get the negative comments from students. However, this is even more disturbing, because this is your family. We can take criticisms about our work, but it’s hard to read or think about someone who just wanted to be mean. Well, mean people suck, so chalk it up to that and keep doing what you know is right. I enjoy your blog, even if when you need a break.
A very long time reader chiming in to say that I love reading your blog and watching your children grow up. Also I obsessively poured over your posts on Meera’s tea party birthday as the inspiration for my own little one’s birthday party. Your parties for her (and the boys!) just seem magical and you can feel all the love that goes into them. I so look forward to seeing what you did for Meera this year!
You write one of my favorite blogs, please don’t stop! Some people are just mean because they are unhappy. You have an awesome family and I am sure awesome friends. I always look forward to new blog posts about you and your adventures.
Heather,
Like you, I tend to allow minor insults to harm me more than a multitude of compliments encourage me. Please please push those mean voices out of your sphere of love. You and your husband create incredible memories for your children and you leave a lasting impression of inspiration upon those of us who read your blog. Truly you are a role model of mine as you honestly share your experiences balancing work and relaxation with the family, race and culture, cooking and party decorations. You are amazing and anyone who tells you otherwise is either ignorant or jealous.
With support,
Heather
Keep on doing exactly what you’re doing you fabulous woman.
I’ve been working on turning my blog into hardback books for our girls using Blurb, and the books are all posts and pics, no room for comments anyhow. When our girls are older and can look back at the story of their childhood, how awesome will that be? You might be doing a lot of this for MorMor, but it will be priceless to your kiddos one day too.
You inspire me all the time, Heather. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Kelly
I have read your blog for several years now, and I hardly ever (maybe once?) comment. But this post really got to me! You must have many readers like myself who come to your blog several times a week to see what you have to say. I’m a fellow adoptive parent, so that is how I came to your blog. However, I keep reading because you write so many thoughtful interesting posts well beyond the realm of adoption. I’m sure it is difficult to get such negative comments. I thought I’d de-lurk today to show you some support. Keep at it!
That mean comment sucks, and is absurdly inappropriate (not to mention inaccurate!!) but it did encourage me to leave you a little comment of my own when I don’t normally.
Seeing how wonderful and normal and happy your family is has cemented my decision to pursue fostercare and adoption of a child that will very likely have a different skin colour than me. Even though I know that of course there will be lots of challenges, being able to see darling photos of your happy kiddos is really encouraging for me.
When my boyfriend and I first talked about adoption, he wasn’t sure he would be able to have both adopted and biological children without feeling closer to his bio kids. It was so good to be able to show him your blog (he sometimes reads it now too!) as a real life family that is thriving. Thank you
Thanks for blogging! I get so much from it and absolutely adore the entire family!
Heather,
I’m so glad you’re back! I almost needed to buy a new book to get over the pause!
Press on as you’ve been taught.
Can’t wait to see birthday pics!!
xo
Cheryl
So sorry that you are having to deal with such hurtful comments! “Don’t let them bother you” is easier said than done of course, but I do hope that you can find ways over time to not let them get to you as much. I have enjoyed your blog for many years and hope for many more.
Thank you for continuing to blog. I love reading your posts and seeing pics of your beautiful family. My family is interracial and it brings a smile to my face to see you celebrating racial diversity in such a public forum. As always thanks for sharing and rising above!
Don’t let the haters take the joy! So many of us are here appreciating what you share! Keep going, you can do it! I can’t tell you how many time I mention something from your blog to my husband, or my kids look over my shoulder and see another family that looks similar to ours, and they get a smile on their faces.
Heather,
WE LOVE YOU — AND THE BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!! Without it, we wouldn’t feel nearly as connected to you and Braydon and the kids. You inspire me, you inspire us, and it’s pretty obvious that you inspire a whole bunch of other people too! Stay strong!!!! Love you!
Maggie & Eric
Don’t let them get you down! Love reading your blog 😀
I love your blog. It is so inspiring to read about your life and your life decisions. It inspires me to have kids one day. Keep on writing. Alyssa in Philly
Your blog is a favorite in our home – your posts make us smile, laugh out loud, cry a bit and, just as important, you have opened up conversation on topics that are important and thought provoking, but we are not necessarily exposed to in our little, sheltered corner of the world.
When I looked at the short post on Meera’s celebration, all I could see was an ecstatic little girl surrounded by love and joy. We should all be so blessed as little Ms M on her 5th birthday.
Thanks for sharing a bit of your life with the rest of us!
Dear Heather,
there are people who have been reading your blog for many years now and I am one of them. I am really sorry that that person hurt you and for some reason thought s/he had the right to judge you or your family.
I would like you to know that throughout these years of reading your blog you have taught me sooo much. You made me cry many times, happy even more times and other times very excited. I remeber checking the blog many times a day when you were about to have Meera.
Even though we have never met and we don’t know each other in person, you are one of those people who made me a better person and helped me see the world the way I see it today. One day, when I have my own kids you will be one of those who made me a better parent for them. So dear Heather, thank you soo much for having this blog.
You have been missed. The updates and photos of your beautiful family have brought me such joy. I am in awe constantly by how you seem to juggle the needs of your college students and three such adorable kiddos. Your posts make me smile and cry and think wistfully of one day when hopefully I, too, will be an adoptive momma. Please keep those posts coming.
Rare commenter here but long time reader. I can’t wait for the photos. Your kids have a joy that you manage to capture through your photography. You have a gift and your kids are a blessing. Thanks for letting strangers witness your journey through life.
Okay, I had to add one more thing….my family’s favorite blog post of yours is the one where the boys were two and stole the baby Jesus during the Christmas pageant. I have never laughed so hard in all my life.
And people in our little town of Freedom NH still refer to me as the grandmother of the kids who stole baby Jesus on Christmas Eve!
I will never understand this kind of thing but I just wanted to say I have loved reading for years and hope you continue blogging for a long time. Your blog is a total ray of sunshine!
Sorry to hear that someone thought it OK to be hurtful. I love your blog and am always appreciative on how you share your family, your ideas, your foods, your activities and make everyday/moment important. I take a lot from that for my own family!
Friends share their lives with you!
Thanks for sharing my friend!
Blanca
Screw that person! Heather, you are so amazing and so is your family. It’s rare that I get through a post without crying. I love your children and their bond. I love how much Meera cherishes them and how much they cherish her. I love what you do with your family and how you do it. Never stop! You are an inspiration to us all!
Much love from Boston!!
Sarah
Your kids so strike me as *kind* that I just can’t imagine why someone would say something like that. Poo on them.