Mother’s day for Mothers

Motherhood is one of those confusing areas of life that people work really hard to categorize in simple ways or at least describe in one sentence. Some people say motherhood is love.  Some say joy. Some say it’s scary. Some say it’s hard work. Some say it’s rich and full. Or exhausting. Or heartbreaking. Or exhilarating. Or infuriating. Or maybe it’s about not doing what your parents did, it’s about giving your kids the ability to fulfill their potential. And maybe it’s about just getting through day-today.

And of course, it actually defies any kind of real categorization, since I know I have heard Heather say all of these things at one time or another (and I am sure I’ve missed about a million different things she has said or thought or that I have observed).  Motherhood and mothering are all those things and so much more.

Mothers are the key to life. They are how we all come into the world. And what they do at that moment determines everything.

Meera sometimes is confused and asks if she was adopted.  But what she has articulated is that although Heather is her biological mother – in some kind of interesting distinction between becoming a mother and motherhood – Heather also adopted her. Meaning, although Heather is her mother biologically, Heather chose also to be Meera’s mother.

To me, as a man, who has no right to assume anything about being a mother and has no real insight into what it takes to be a mother, I can only really see one thing.  I see Heather choosing Motherhood every day.  Every moment of every day. She chooses to face every aspect of being a mother, at every moment.  That is huge.

Not every woman can choose to go down the path of motherhood – even if they give birth and become mothers. Not all women who choose Motherhood can give birth either. For those who can give birth and who can choose motherhood, I have such tremendous respect, admiration and appreciation.  For those mothers who give birth, but are unable embark on the road of motherhood, I have a different kind of respect, admiration and appreciation and profound humbleness. For those mothers who can’t give birth but choose motherhood, I have total admiration and respect.

In years past, as we would celebrate Mother’s day, I tried to guess what Heather would like for a gift and surprise her.  I often did the traditional American, upper-middle-class things: jewelry, brunch, flowers, fancy thing.  9 years later, I now know it’s just better to ask.

Heather is not a “fancy things” kind of woman when it comes to Mother’s day.  This year she asked for three, very simple things:  1. a new watch band for a watch I gave her years ago (of course it got delayed)  2. a hike with a picnic with her family (we’re doing that today) and 3. a donation for mothers in Haiti.

The Livesay’s have put together something wonderful. It’s far more than just a way to honor a mother. It’s a way to help give mothers the ability to have a healthy birth and help them determine the best thing for their new babies.

We donated to Heartline in Honor of Mother’s day, and if I may be so blunt, so should you.  Every mother deserves a healthy birth and the help they need to determine the best options for their babies.  There are lots of ways to give.  You can choose your own – the mechanism is not so important as just doing it.  We chose Heartline since we have a tie to Haiti.  You can see how the Livesay’s put it together here.

Now – with most things related to children and motherhood, stuff does not go smoothly.  I wanted to capture a beautiful picture of my kids holding a picture of our donation.  Last night I tried to take the photo and to call it a disaster would be a huge understatement.  Many tears were shed (by mother, father, and all children). There was yelling and frustration and anger and exasperation and resolutions on how to be better. We even decided to give up on taking the picture all together.  Meera’s response was this drawing of me taking a picture of the three kids.  It broke our hearts.

So I took photo at the top of this post this morning.  It is my three beautiful children giving their mother the one thing she wanted.  A way to express the appreciation for mothers everywhere, the work they do, and the very difficult choices they have to make every day.  From our family to all mothers, thank you for the hard work you do and the choices you make.

And this is just a funny photo of my favorite mother on earth giving love to her dog.

 

Happy mother’s day to all mothers. And a big happy mother’s day to my one-true love, Heather.