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Braydon

Sep 16
0

My sensitive boy Kyle

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We had an awesome day today. And I rediscovered something about my Ky Ky today – he is a good boy – and a very sensitive boy. You wouldn’t think it from the outside: rough and tumble, swimming, playing, scooters, golf – laugh out loud – crazy – trumpet & drum boy – head shaking fun – flop all over knocking himself on the table – emergency room – boy. But he most definitely is.

I believe we all work hard to be good – everyone on Earth. And when we leave Earth, we want to be remembered as good. It’s true some are misguided – and some don’t have enough strength to be good, or the strength to turn it over to someone who can help – but we all want to be good. The world is a big place with many people who want to be good. We all look to someone to show us the way.

After a lot of playing this morning and generally having a fun time at home, we went to the grocery store for the weekly food shopping. Most of the time we do not go as a family since it’s mostly mayhem when we do. But this time we did – thinking it might go more quickly if we split up the boys between us and split the grocery list. It did go quicker, but the check out line was a disaster (of course). In the course of shopping, K&O wound up each eating 3 cookies. ‘nuff said.

When we got home we did our normal ritual – Heather goes inside to field inbound groceries, I stand at the back of the car distributing while K&O run in the loads. The boys are easily distracted of course and I constantly call out “Kyle – Owen, come on – come get more!” And they (mostly) dutifuly run out to get more.

As they have gotten older, I give them more “delicate” things (read: eggs and glass jars) – with the stern warning – “do NOT drop this – it will break and that would be very sad”. They do well – so far nothing broken that I can think of.

Over the course of bringing the groceries in today (this take about 20 minutes), both K&O were tripping on the stairs quite a bit and I was beginning to get frustrated. I handed K a cantaloupe and admonished him to be careful and not drop it. He very carefully and proudly at his careful way headed in. And tripped on the stairs. The melon dropped and rolled into the kitchen from the garage. I exclaimed (I should have been more gentle): “Kyle – I just told you to be careful.”

That was enough for my baby boy. He burst into tears. Real tears. Heartfelt torn tears. He went upstairs to find Honey Bunny. Heather went up and found him on our bed (where he had left it – but Heather had moved it) sitting there forlornly, sucking his thumb with tears streaming down his face. And he couldn’t find Honey Bunny.

When I came up stairs, I found Heather rocking K in his rocker in his room. His tears were drying and I told him I wasn’t mad, I knew it was an accident – it’s ok. To which he said very quietly:

“I’m not strong enough.”

There are so many kinds of strength not the least of which is just that. And he’s only three.

I believe that Kyle is a born leader. That does not mean that people will necessarily follow him, that remains to be seen how he develops. But he will carry his flag – of his own design – out in front of anyone at any time. His flag will be emblazoned with images of his life, thoughts, opinions, formations, notions and emotions. His flag will dip and rise, but in the end he will carry it without reservation. He does it now.

And if he is able to be not strong enough, he will be stronger than I am; and I hope that for him. If there is anything that tells me that while he might not know it right now – it’s this image from playing at the castle later in the day – when he had just come out of a 30 foot blackened tube slide that curve around and around.

Sep 13
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Little red oven

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Kyle is obsessed (as he is with many things) with Mac & Cheese.

Heather makes the boys lunch for school each day, but had not given him Mac & Cheese (despite repeated requests). However, when he came home yesterday describing in depth how another boy had Mac & Cheese, and it was clear he was enormously jealous, Heather had to act.

According to Kyle, the Mac & Cheese was “streaming” and they made it hot “in a little oven” and the “little oven is red.” He really really really really wants Mac & Cheese now because “I love it soooo much.”

Heather dutifully made the requested delicacy and put it in both boy’s lunches. When I dropped them off, I sidelined the teacher and told her about his m&c obsession – she knew about it. I told her that he had m&c for his lunch, and asked her how they heated it up – and that K had explained about the little red oven.

She smiled and said – we don’t have anyway to heat it up – the other little boy had brought it in a thermos!

Next item on the shopping list: Thermos.

Sep 12
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The popular kids

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It looks like my boys are going to be popular kids -and it’s starting early. Of course it remains to be seen – they are still “cute” in many eyes. What ever happens, this happened at school drop off today:

We walk in – and as usual (well – day 6 usual anyway), we’re greeted at the door with a big welcome. There are kids everywhere – ages 3 – 15 all hustle and bustle -time to go to class. Backpacks, slings, books, shoes, bumping and laughing and trying to not get in trouble for whatever it is you might be doing. Generally enjoying the morning before it’s time to start the day.

K & O stride down the halls with their own back packs on – “Papi – look at the fountain! Owen – you see the fountain???” “Yes, Kyle, I see it, I SEE IT!!!” Owen has to run his hand across every single thing as he goes past it, whether that’s a kid, a teacher, a door knob or wall – everything. Kyle just looks around in wonder at all the kids and tries (mostly successfully) to not fall down.

As we near their classroom, I hear “High five!” Then – “oh maaan!” Then again “high five! – yes!”

I turn to look and Kyle has just given a kid (who might be around 10 years old) a biiiig high five. Owen was too busy touching things and didn’t notice him; he turned back and gave the kid one too. I have never seen this boy before, and I can’t imagine that K or O have or know who he is – they don’t seem to.

The kid then turns to his friends and says in this most prideful way – I just got a high five from Kyle and Owen!

Sep 09
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A lovely day

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Lovely combined with active, fun, nutty and the other normal modifiers of our life.

Went to the bookstore, got some important books including, of all the crazy things: Little Einstein’s “June’s New Shoes”. This was Kyle’s selection, although it seems that Owen is the one with some kind of June infatuation (note, June is one of the characters, not the month). Also went and got a new trash can for recycling – just recycling Matt and Stacey’s idea – love it. We’re also now composting – which we’re dropping off weekly at River Valley Waldorf School – love it.

Dropped HBJ off at the grocery store and K, O and I went for some much needed stone throwing in the river. Overheard:

O: “Kyle, watch this BIIIIIIIIIIG SPLASH! Do you see it Kyle?”
K: “Yes Owen, I see it, it’s a BIIIIIIIIIG SPLASH OWEN!”
K: “Owen, watch mine skip. You see it skip Owen, you see it?”
O: “Yes I did see it skip, yes I did!”

Note: in both cases, there was neither a big splash nor a skip. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Speaking of…. We had never been down to this particular river and when we went, I thought we had entered another land – lost in some fin de sic era before cars took hold. Since I didn’t have my camera, I whipped out my cell phone to photograph this time before digitization with two cutie pies throwing rocks.

Needless to say, they loved it and there was no problem burning 40 minutes while HBJ shopped. Then we went and tried to do doughnuts in the parking lot behind the grocery store before HBJ came out. Note: you can’t really do doughnuts in a 4×4 on dry pavement, but our 3 year olds sure thought it was fun to try.
Sep 03
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Open Book Answers – Part 10 (by Braydon)

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Braydon’s LAST answers!

vy said… Hi! I’ve been lurking forever, enjoying your stories and pictures of your family.I have a soon-to-be 3 year old daughter adopted from China. My hubby and I have been approved for our next adoption but I’m leaning towards Ethiopia and my hubby towards China.I have 2 questions for you. 1) We do not live in a multi-cultural area. (1 hour outside Copenhagen, Denmark) The only Asian people around are at the local Chinese restaurant. We have friends that came home with their daughter from China 1 week after us and the girls see each other at least every other week. Do you have any suggestions for Asian exposure? Eating Chinese food every once in a while just isn’t enough.2)Any comments on pros and cons of siblings with different race/culture (Chinese & Ethiopian) vs. same race/culture (both Chinese)??Love to hear your thoughts! Thanks!-Violet

Hi Violet –

I think there are two questions here, one of race and one of ethnicity. They are both intertwined and not easy to answer. In general, as you’ve already said, going out to eat is not enough – what that means to me is that you want to have more exposure to both racially and ethnically diverse people and events.

Now, before I go further, I think it’s important to note that what I just said sounds very strange and uncomfortable – it sounds like a white family attempting to exploit another people for their race and culture. That is not my intention at all. As I see it, in our case, our kids are black; we are white. Since we don’t know about being black, and can’t help our kids viscerally understand it, it’s our obligation to make sure they have exposure to other black people. It’s not for us, it’s for our kids. It’s not about taking advantage, it’s about making sure our kids have what they need to grow up happy and healthy.

So, in our case that means we have actively sought environments and relationships with black people and also Haitian people. We are also looking seriously at where we live and working on deciding to live in an area where there are more black people.

Heather, of course, is a wealth in working on this. Her work is race and class in the US, so she has incredible knowledge about the topic. That said, implementing it in our life is challenging. So – she has been able to tie into the black community of students at Lehigh which is great. We also make an effort to go to events that are black focused. We have also built a strong network of Haitian adopted families – that has been fantastic.

So – I am not sure how you might go about it in terms of Asian or Ethiopian, but I do think it’s important for kids to spend time with others of their same race and ethnicity. But it is a struggle, and we struggle with it too.

lori said… We are a transracial adoptive family (my husband and I are white and our daughter is bi-racial) and our daughter loves to look at the photos of your boys. Sadly, due to the area we live in, somedays your boys are the only brown faces she sees (we’re working on moving as I type). Thanks for that. My question is: What do you do when you are confronted with racist/innapropriate comments in front of your boys? We need some help in this area. thanks for sharing your journey.

Hi Lori –

Strangely, we don’t get much in the way of overt racist comments. Most people who are not friendly stay clear of us. I also practice wearing the protective veil (the one that says “I don’t see you, don’t want to see you and won’t see you even if you speak to me, so don’t bother”). We do however get many good intentioned, but racist comments. And when it does happen, Heather and I tend to take similar approaches, and it depends on the situation.

With our families, or close relatives, we tend to call them on it, duke it out and then move on. We’ve explored it together and by and large everyone is good with it. With friends we tend to ignore the comment and switch the subject. Friends we find are the toughest ones – you don’t want to alienate, but you don’t want it to happen either. Sometimes we gently correct with appropriate language, if they friend wants to discuss, we discuss.

With strangers, we tend to do one of three things: 1. ignore it completely and ignore them (just keep walking), or just answer. 2. Gently correct and NOT engage in any dialog about it. We never engage in dialog about it – we have found it’s just not worth it. I was not put on this earth to educate every person out there about black people, black kids and adoption. I just wasn’t and my kids were not either. They should not have to be “ambassadors to their race” 3. Smile, nod and play dumb. “What do you mean?” “I don’t quite understand”. 90% of the time that makes them backtrack. And it’s fun to watch.

We’re trying to teach our kids that the world, while beautiful, rich, and wonderful, is also totally insane. It’s not them, it’s the world. They hear and see and experience things that are just nuts. Don’t let it get to them and don’t let it rule them. Just move on and plow ahead.

We’ve gotten more quotes that I can remember, but here are some of my “favorites”:

1. “I assume those are *your* children????” – Park ranger who pulled us over in a National Park for the boys sticking their heads out the window to gwak at the ponies. My answer: “Yes, that’s correct.” We got a $50 ticket. Race, or justice. You decide.
2. “You just wrote your ticket to Heaven.” – Co-worker who thought it was great that we adopted from Haiti. My answer: totally ignored it.
3. “Black people all love friend chicken” – friend at dinner. My answer: ignore it but only because we were in total shock and went numb — we could barely even comprehend it actually happened until after the dinner when we then discussed it (and all the things we coulda/shoulda said) late into the night.
4. “Dave Chappell is so funny. He says “n—– this and n—– that”. – an acquaintance. My answer: ignore it and leave the room (in an obvious display of disgust).
5. “We used to call those [brazil] nuts ‘n—–‘ toes.” – a very old relative. My answer: Ignore it and debrief with the rest of the family later and get really angry and confused. Then celebrate how far we’ve all come… despite the fact that even just one generation ago it was commonplace in our white families to use the ‘n’ word.
6. “Move away from those boys honey, they are too rough.” – a playmate’s mother. This doesn’t seem racist, but there were other kids just as rough and there was no problem with them. My answer: “go Kyle! go Owen!, great job, now do a jumping forward roll!”
7. “They are going be football stars!” – we get a lot of that. If I have to explain it, then you won’t get it. My response: “Kyle is a great golfer, Owen is great swimmer, they both have an aptitude for music and reading.”
8. “Do they speak English?” – somebody – when they were 8 months old. My answer: “I don’t think so, they are only 8 months old.” We get that now too (they are 3). My response now: “What do you mean?”

A & B Baxter said… Sorry this question is coming in late- hope you’re still taking them? We’re in the process of adopting a baby (probably 6-12 months old when we bring her home) from Ethiopia. What’s your advice for the transition and attachment related adjustments when we get her? I’ve been reading books but it would be really wonderful to get a “real” family’s perspective (a family who has actually gone through it). Did you let people visit right away? How long did you wait to leave the house? Etc.? Thanx. Alicia & Bob Baxter, Burlington Vermont

Hi Alicia and Bob! Hope the adoption is going well – hang in there! In terms of adoption, Heather read a ton, and she found that “Attaching in Adoption” by Deborah Gray was the best. CLICK HERE. But this is what we did:

1. Fed them bottles, many bottles. Stroked their cheeks and palms while feeding. Made sure they looked us in the eye.
2. Cuddled as much as possible. Skin to skin (like with no shirt on).

We did not let people visit. We actually had a VERY strict policy (that our folks hated). No visitors at all for the first few days. Then only after a week, Heather’s parents came over. But we didn’t let them feed K & O and we did not let them hold the boys much. They basically stayed downstairs and cooked and cleaned (thank you again Janet and Don!). We stayed upstairs in the boys’ room at all times, we only came out to go to the kitchen or family room to feed the boys’ bottles. Slowly we started to expose the boys to other rooms in the house. Until eventually they were living in the whole house (we did this over about 4 weeks time). Starting around Week 2, we had visiting hours (couple hours each day max). We also didn’t go out much at first, except to take walks in the stroller, which we did all the time. Slowly we eased up and gradually we acclimated into a ‘normal’ routine. Within five weeks we were going out and about and doing a relatively normal-family-life.

Mayhem said… I’d love to read about how you met and decided to marry.

Hi Mayhem – thanks for asking! Here is the scoop – Heather and I both went to Colby College in Waterville Maine. We were in the same class, but even through it’s a very small (1,600 students) college, we didn’t meet until senior year. The day before classes started, I walked into a party in a dorm room basement and there Heather was. I saw her across the room, she saw me, we walked up to each other and started talking. We left holding hands and never stopped.

After being together as a serious couple for 8 years, we decided to get married. We actually debated it for a long time. Not that we weren’t in love, but because of the inequality in the world – so many people who can’t be married – even ones that want to and deserve to. And there are so many gender problems with the institution of marriage, we were not sure we wanted to support that.

Ultimately we decided several things: 1. That it’s not wrong to be married – it’s wrong that others can’t be. 2. There are problems (as we see it) with the traditional marriage structure, but we could make it as we saw fit 3. We knew were were going to adopt and not being married would make it that much more difficult and also challenging for our kids.

After processing all that, one night, a day or two after Heather had gotten her tonsils out at age 27 (very very painful), and Heather’s mom had left and I was left caring for her – and I did it, she realized she wanted to get married. And a little after that, I did too. And on September 15th, 2001; we did. And I am so glad we did.

Sep 03
0

Open Book Answers – Part 6 (By Braydon)

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Here are some more Q&A from the open book challenge!

Siri said…
Hello Johnson-McCormick Family and greetings from a blast-from-your-past Colby classmate. Been a lurker for quite some time (am addicted to your blog) and figured it was time to step up. Two questions about adoption (although both related):1. What do you know now that you wish you knew when you started the adoption process?2. What is the one piece of advice you would give those considering adoption?Boring questions, I know. But ones of particular interest…Thanks for such an honest and inspiring blog. Your boys are absolutely precious (and hysterical).Siri

Hi Sirichka – really wonderful to hear from you – would love to connect offline and catch up! Here are the answers:

The one big thing I wish we knew when we started to adopt (some people will disagree with this, but it’s my opinion): The kids you adopt are your kids, they are not someone else’s kids. There’s nobody going to go to bat for them – other than you. Go to bat for them, go early and hit hard. They need an advocate to get through the adoption and you are it. Do what ever it takes to bring them home as soon as possible. And that does not mean waiting for someone else to take care of things.

I guess that is also my advice, but the other thing I would recommend is connecting with people who are also adopting – from wherever you are adopting. People in the same shoes are an incredible resource and lift you up when you are low. Think of it in biological baby terms: you wouldn’t not go to the doctor or your mother(figure) for support, right? Don’t skip out on the adoption community – they are simply amazing.

Cindy from central NC said…
Question: Why do you think that we, as Working Moms (and esp as Working IA Moms who have most likely waited–and gone through hell and back waiting–for a family) get a decent amount of pressure from the “non-working-full-time” front? And it’s not just SAHMs but just people in general. Maybe a better way to ask the question is why do we (as confident know-I-should-be-working-Moms) allow ourselves to feel defensive over it? What’s up with that? How do you feel about that? And then…then…put that whole DayCare taboo blogging thing on top of it cause it’s all related…

Hi Cindy: Clearly I am not a working mom, but I know, love and support one who struggles everyday. Any by struggles, I mean she constantly feels guilty, she constantly feels criticized, and she constantly stands up for her self (which is hard and tiring to do).

Without getting to philosophical/cultural/political, I firmly believe these things that she feels are external social pressures she has internalized. In a rather immediate and simple example, when you watch the Today show and the working women there (how ironic is that) are sending the message that women should stay home; and 15 million women are watching, absorbing and repeating that message, how can you not feel defensive? I mean – sheesh – you’ve got so much of the world telling you it’s wrong. I’m a pretty tough guy when it comes to believing in what I do, but frankly I am not sure I am tough as the working mothers out there who put up with the daily constant barrage of negative messages telling them to stay home.

As for daycare, there is definitely a taboo: “giving your child to someone else to raise” is one of those common phrases people use – the language is antagonistic around it, and people perceive it negatively. And that’s really sad, because for people who work and don’t have extended family to take care of their kids, it’s a necessity. So – I would ask, instead of just creating additional angst for anyone relying on others to help care for their children, why not help us make it better?

Of course that begs the whole “work is a choice” thing – which by the way – as a man – not only is it not really a choice, nobody would ever say that to me (“Braydon – why don’t you stay home with the kids?”). I am not going to get into work as a choice here – I just think that using that way of thinking as a means to keep women staying at home is ultimately derogatory to the work women do.

I currently have 8 women working for me and I at MetLife I work for an astounding woman. The work these women do is a tremendous contribution, As both an employer and an employee, I would have it no other way.

Quick note to stay at home mothers: I am sure you get messages of guilt that you should work and that staying home is bad. I am not commenting on that one way or the other, nor commenting on actually staying home and I am criticizing staying home. I just know what Heather goes through and the women I work with go through, and I firmly, unequivocally and resolutely support her and them, encourage and defend them as a working – and awesome – mothers.

So – in short – Heather feels it too. Everyday, every minute, every hour. She finds friends who are like minded and support her. In the face of intense pressure, she recommits everyday to being a strong, powerful, contributing working woman. You don’t need me to tell you it’s hard, but I definitely acknowledge it.

The Fry Family said… from Kristie–
What drew you to Haiti?

Hi Fry Family! We actually often say – as many people do – that Haiti chose us. As we looked for from which to adopt, we had some things we knew: we wanted to adopt black kids; we wanted to adopt internationally; we wanted to adopt from a place that had tremendous need. Of course there are many places that fit that bill – and we did look at Africa. But when there are 1.5 million orphans less than 1,000 miles from Disney World, the choice became obvious. And after Haiti picked us, it got under our skin. After getting out boys, it has stayed under our skin.

As far as I know – our experience is very similar to other people who are involved in Haiti in some way.

I have a bio daughter and we are still trying to decide how we are going to complete our family (choices: are we done? or where will we adopt from?) My question is: how do you decide what information is too personal to share? Do you keep everything that you know that happened before you adopted your kids just for O&K to know? We are having this conversation in our fanily right now.Of course, if the question is too personal, just delete! :) Thanks for a great blog, Alejandra

Hi Alejandra – glad you like the blog – it’s become a large part of our lives! Ok – here’s the answer:

Like any photo album, our blog is a story that we tell about our lives. It’s a construct, and it’s really only part of the story. While it often feels like it’s the whole story, there is soooooo much left out. We rarely talk about our work (other than that we do work and our schedules), we almost never talk politics (other than working/non-working and adoption), we never post about our families, we never talk about our personal history.

We decided early on that many things were not going on the blog and that some things were off limits in general. For the blog that list is longer than in person, but that’s the nature of a blog (and you can see some of that list above). In terms of what we don’t share at all, with anyone (other than the boys), here is it:

Information about the boys’ birth parents; many details about their life in the orphanage; some details about their adoption.

There is no general rule we follow, we take it on a case by case example. The only litmus test for a topic is – would this be something the boys would rather communicate than us.

Anonymous said…
You seem pretty experienced; pretty fun-loving; pretty capable. But…how would you handle the situation if you came home to find your 12 year old K & O on the computer…wearing only their underwear…playing poker???Guess Who

Hi Guess Who: This is a tough one. I would say that we have a certain friend who is a State Trooper who would love to deal with that one directly; since he claims to know about that kind of thing. 😉

Anonymous said…
I too have an “active” 3 year old boy. Not clinically hyperactive or ADHD, etc., but very very “active” just like yours. That’s why I like to look at your blog. Honestly, I cant even imagine having two of them (the exact same age????!!!!!! OMG). My question is if you could do one of your top 10 lists on activities or ideas or TIPS for how to handle very active little boys. You seem to have a lot of ideas. I don’t know how you come up with all of them. But what are your favorite tips up your sleeve???

Hi – Frankly Heather is a ton better than I am at coming up with stuff. But here is the biggest tip I can think of: Go outside as much as possible. Get them running around. Playgrounds are best. Rainy days are very hard. Jumping on the bed is good.

Heather has also implemented “Ten Deep Breaths”. Often the boys will get waaay revved up. To calm them down, we sit on the floor and do this funny yoga-esque (neither of us do yoga – so it’s really funny): Sit cross legged; put your arms out to the side; take a long deep breath and bring your hands together, palms together; breath out slowly and move your arms back out to the side. Do this ten times. 9/10 times this works like a charm to calm them down.

Plan things in advance and communicate with them the details of the plan. I know for us they do a lot better when they know the plan in detail. Even if it’s “we’re having breakfast, then we’re going outside to play. We will get the mail, then we will run around the house five times. Then we will come inside and play a game. Then we will have lunch, then we will go to the park. If you are very good and behave, then after the park we can get ice cream” [yes, to the chagrin of many, we’ve learned to bribe].

Anonymous said…
Have been reading for a long time. Love your blog. Our famiy is addicted to your blog. Read it every day. Our question is what does Braydon do for work? Also, can he post more videos? His videos are our favorite. thanks.From The Jacksons in Newbury California

Hi Jackson family! For work I am a technology executive. At the moment I run a technology team at MetLife that designs and controls how software development is done for the $300 million Institutional Technology software practice. I am also building an internet startup company that is making an online social networking and music service. You can check it out at http://www.rvibe.com/.

I’m working on the videos! I just got Adobe Premiere Elements. You can get it bundled with Adobe Photoshop Elements for $149. It’s not as full featured as premiere, but it’s really enough for me. Now that I have it, I can get back going on more videos, more quickly!

Anonymous said…
Hello. Our question is: do you ever feel famous? Because of your blog? Like- does anyone ever come up to you in public and recognize you, etc.? To us you are like celebrities!!! We’d be more excited to see you in an airport or restaurant than we would be to see Paris Hilton!! Does anyone ever recognize you? Thanks for the great blog, the Brown Family in North Dakota

Hi Brown family- thanks for reading! It’s funny you ask that – we wonder the same thing about the Livesays. No, we don’t feel famous, but I can see what you mean! And while I don’t think anyone recognizes us from our blog, our family is unusual enough looking that we certainly get many, many stares. And sometimes it feels like the paparazzi are all over us, when random strangers start blatantly taking our pictures. When that happens, Heather has taken to walking up to them, handing them her business card and asking them to send us the good shots. No body has sent anything yet.

Anonymous said…
Why did you adopt? Also, why did you want twins? Did you have a choice for boys or girls? If yes, why boys?

Hi – we always knew we would adopt. In fact we never actually tried to get pregnant, and don’t know if we could. We also always knew we wanted to adopt multiple kids – we just were NOT expecting twins. But then again, anyone with twins – do you ever?!?!? It was a total shock, and now we couldn’t be happier that it worked out that way (even if it’s challenging).

As for boys versus girls: we wanted the youngest children possible; period. Since there is typically greater demand for girls than boys, we figured that meant that we would get boys, but we did not specifically pick boys. We just got very lucky we got K & O.

Anonymous said…
HOW DID YOU CHOOSE THEIR NAMES TO BE KYLE AND OWEN?

Hi – When we chose their names our thinking went something like this:

1. Twin Haitian boys adopted by white US family
2. Over achieving, crazy active parents who do tons of stuff
3. Last name Johnson-McCormick (try growing up with that)
4. Black boys in the USA
5. First names need to be very simple, strong, and confident without being overbearing, confusing or strange.

Oh, and when we said “Kyle” and “Owen” out loud, the names just clicked, which probably had more to do with it than anything else.

Aug 29
0

It’s arrived: Heather’s 35!!!

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It’s Heather’s 35th Birthday!

It’s a special opportunity to celebrate Heather in all her wonderful roles; as wife, as a friend, as a daughter, soul mate, mentor and mother. She illuminates all our lives in amazing ways and connects to us like no one else. She is a treasure and I know I am not alone in thinking of her that way.

But it’s not just her roles in our lives that we celebrate: it’s also the center of her being. The who she is part. The person she is part. The brilliant, funny, loving, energetic, thoughtful, soulful, generous, fighter and giver that she is part. The person who was the youngest tenure track hire at Lehigh. The person who was All State in Field Hockey. The person who did the wonderful prints on our walls, expressing amazing things. The person who married me and adopted twin Haitian boys who nearly match her in energy.

I am so happy she is 35. She is not of course (she told me this morning). But, I like and love her more and more each year that passes; she is just getting better and better.

Happy 35th Birthday, Heather!!!
Aug 27
0

Open Book Answers Part 2 (by Braydon)

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In keeping with the goal of answering all the questions this week, I am taking a crack at the ones I thought were easiest too…. Here we go!

The Fry Family said…
1. What drew you to Haiti? 2. What software program does Braydon use to create those fantastic videos? Blessings,Kristie
We’ll answer what drew us to Haiti in another post…
Thank you for the nice complement on the videos – glad you like them! Some are definitely better than others, I am trying to increase my consistency and pacing. In any case, I had been using Adobe Premiere, but my trial version expired (*sheepish shrug*), so now I am using Ulead Video Studio 11 Plus. It’s ok; I was much happier with Premiere, but since it’s prohibitively expensive and I am not thrilled with Ulead, I am going to try Adobe Premiere Elements. We’ll see how it goes; I might have to break down and get the full version of Premiere. For those interested, our video camera is a hard drive based camera – Sony DCR-SR200 (note that the price on the website is waaay off). For me, I couldn’t stand transferring tape to computer, drag and drop is so much better.

Do you have any photo tips? What kind of camera are you using? Thanks,-Teena
I did a lot of home work before settling on a camera. I knew we needed point and shoot capabilities for Heather (who has an aversion for technical detail) and a lot of control for me (who likes to exercise those kinds of things). I also wanted to make sure it was pretty fast (startup to shot time, and shot to shot), could handle low light fairly well and was pocket able. We didn’t need video on it, or interchangeable lenses or anything like that.

I settled on the Canon Powershot G7. Our good friend Stacey (who is a great photographer) swore by her G4 and now I swear by our G7. I only wish the telephoto was better.

We get almost all our photographic stuff at Beach Camera – they have the lowest prices by far – and for us, the store (for what it is) is about 15 minutes from my office (no shipping). If you do buy anything there, don’t get accessories, they are way over priced.

As for photo tips, this is what I have discovered: Heather is an amazing editor. If I cram as much as possible into the picture, get the lighting right and play with the controls, she can work wonders. But here is what I think in general (file under for what it’s worth):

1. 2/3 rule: I like highlights of things to to be 2/3’d to the left or right and up or down – almost never in the center of the picture.
2. lighting: I find that black people are best lit from an angle – not above. Deep afternoon and early morning lighting are far and away best – very different, but the best. White people are better from above, but not directly from above. In general, lighting from the side is best for everyone.
3. For portraits, tilt the subject’s head forward for a more flattering shot. It elongates the face and adds angle to the chin.
4. Capture a moment, not a portrait: It’s better to sit off to the side and catch an event as it unfolds rather than set it up. This could be personal, I hate having my picture taken.
5. Always remember you’re not capturing a moment, you are creating an image. You select what goes in the little box, and where it goes. Prep for a moment to happen before it happens.

Rob and Mandy Brelsford said…
I love someone elses question about how you and Braydon met! ~Mandy :)
Heather and I met in college. We went to a small liberal arts college in rural Maine with 1,600 students. We never met until the first day of our final year (which is crazy and just shows how popular she was and I wasn’t). I showed up at a party in the basement of a dorm. I spied Heather across the room, she spied me; we met at the chair in the middle and started talking. We have not stopped talking since, and I am sure we never will – thank goodness!

jazzmoh said…
My question is not really profound but why doesn’t Braydon post more often?
Why don’t I post more…. that is actually really tough. I could blame time, that I am working full time, and starting a company. But Heather has just a demanding schedule and she finds the time. Frankly, I don’t have a great answer, I wish I could blame something, but only I am to blame. I love our blog and love to contribute, I am now starting to do a little better with doing more. I have never been good at the regular communication work like this, but I’ll work on doing some more.

Aug 26
0

Eddy

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There are many types of stones and rock ranging in hardness and density and color and texture. All across the world different stones show up at the surface of our planet. And when they do arrive, coming up from the depths of the earth, they are fresh and new – even when they are extremely old. Their form and substance is shaped from the passage to above; their fundamental nature is imposed before we ever even toss a single stone in the river.

But once they emerge in to the light, weathering begins. It can be a deluge, it can be a mist, or sunny. In all cases, the elements have an immediate effect to harden, to carve, to wash away and to bring out different characteristics: on the way to the river, the rocks’ shapes start to shift and change, to undergo metamorphosis. And sooner or later, all stones are brought to one river or another in some manner: in padding, skidded or bounced, tumbled down an embankment or tossed in by able hands.

And while there are many rivers in the world – wide and flowing; with boat traffic; little more than a trickle in a nearly dry stream bed – some are truly wild. It’s up to a captain to ensure safe passage on any river. But I suppose you can never can tell about the captain until you get there.

And there are so many forces in any river – current, flood, drought, silt, other rock or even a dam now and again. It can be difficult to navigate for even the most competent oarsman, it can demand and shake the very confident of the most worthy seafarer. We are all ultimately lost to the sea; it’s passage that we enjoy and relish.

Heather and I found and were tossed two rocks which we gently placed in our river. We know that as we navigate the ever changing tides in our little boat, it’s important to moderate the flow over our boys, keep it in check. Keep if from overwhelming them, from undermining them, from carrying them away.

Our river is beautiful and we love it. Our boys love to skip stones in it, we love its flow. But like a good whitewater rafter, we also do everything we can to keep K & O tucked in the eddies of our own quickly weathering stones; keep them safe while we quickly, deftly and jointly work to build their boats and teach them to sail. We know that some day, and we don’t really know when, they will captain their own vessel on their own waters.

We have pretty intense schedules and lives. Things tip our applecart, things knock us off our rails. It’s mostly our own doing and we make the most of it. Every opportunity that has come our way by luck, work, or birth we have leveraged. It sometimes results in strife, and difficulty and tremendous speed; often it results in reward. We always do our best to keep our boys in our eddies until their boats are ready.
Today we visited our friends Matt, Stacey and Ben. While there, Kyle locked-in on a Hess firetruck. He played with it for an hour, pushing it around the floor, turning the lights on and off, making the sirens blare. He played mostly by himself, but at one point he took me into a darkened bathroom to see the trucks lights. While laying on the floor eyes fixed on the toy he joyfully whispered to me: “Papi, it’s soooo beautiful“.

Our little stone played and played. For now both are safely in our eddies.

I hope we navigate well.

Aug 13
0

Boys night out

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Heather is at the ASA conference today and tomorrow. She should really be there more than that, but in the constant struggle to balance work and life, the full conference got sacrificed. So she has one night away from home.

Which means…. BOYS NIGHT OUT! Yahoo!!!! So here is what we did:

Alex finished up at 5, and we hopped in the “big red truck” and went straight to Miniature golf. This was a new one for the boys. I had planned to go to the driving range, but Kyle insisted that he wanted to go to a “New Goff Kohrs” so he could get it in the hole. As you may know, we watch golf in the morning when I get them their milk. We have been seeing Tiger Woods hit it in the cup and the boys (Kyle in particular) really really want to hit it in the hole. So – I found a miniature golf place and off we went!

They LOVED it. There were water hazards, hills, bunkers and most importantly for K &O – FLAGS! “Papi – look – anudder flag!!!”

Owen consistently overpowered the ball. Man did he just want to hit that thing. However, in an interesting twist – not only did he really work at it – I found out that he can really really aim. Many times from several feet away he would hit the cup. But because he hit it too hard, it would bounce right out.

Kyle hits it right on from a power perspective, but just like with his driving, he just doesn’t look where he’s hitting. Instead, he’s looking all around – at the water, at the cars, at his brother, at the bird flying by. But, if he’s lined up correctly, it doesn’t matter – it goes right in.

After 18 holes – yes, my boys first 18 holes – I did the unthinkable. And for loyal readers out there – or anyone who has kids you’ll see where this is going…. they had no nap.

So – we went to Red Robin for dinner. Just me and K & O. Awesome. Chocolate milk, Organge Juice and Killian’s draft. Cheers!

Then to top it off – we went and got the car washed. What a night.

Of course, by the time we got home Owen had a total and complete melt down. Threw everything off his bed and clocked me in the head with his paci. But I should have expected nothing less.

All in all, even considering how much we miss HBJ, it was perfect night.
Jul 23
0

Recently overheard

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I am working from home today. It’s raining here and a little chilly. That of course, means everyone is inside. That of course means it’s gets a bit hairy – – fast. Oh – and Alex has the day off. That means that Heather is giving up another day of work. Thank goodness she planned to take it a little easy this summer.

So, Heather has been valiantly attempting to keep the boys noise level in check during my conference calls. She has made muffins with them and had them playing upstairs. Then they went to the basement to play. Things got a bit rough and much crying ensued (on the part of the boys). Then I hear the following exclamation in addition to the scampering of little feet:

“Both of you go to your room nooooow! There is absolutely NO hitting your brother with your drill!!!!”

Now that is not something you hear everyday….

Jul 16
0

The apple cart

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We have an apple cart; a very beautiful, solid apple cart. Maybe it’s maple, maybe it’s oak. An apple cart a collector would love. An apple cart many people would love to have, but most will not. An apple cart people dream about. It’s our apple cart and we built it from scratch.

It took help from family and friends, and taking advantage of materials that came our way- both found and given. And when we had what we needed, we set our hands to build the best one we could. After many a splinter, bent nail and splashes of paint we got it into some reasonably good shape and ready to carry a load.

We’ve filled our cart with tremendous bounty of all types and where ever we go we try to share that bounty and be thankful for it. What we carry is live and thriving. It has a clean scent and a crisp sound like laundry on a windy line. It has substance and heft – like a sun-warmed river rock. It’s many things in many ways and has many meanings. It’s rich in spirit, in life and in love.

It can get heavy and it overflows sometimes, but we try to remember that most people don’t even have a cart, let alone a full one. We try to always be happy with our cart and what we put in it. Generally we do ok with that.

We try to remember to do regular upkeep on our cart. Occasionally we oil the wheels, and put some paint on the sides. We leave the handgrips untouched, they are worn, woody, and smooth. But they are warm to the touch and have a sense of trust and ease of being held.

Sometimes we forget to do the maintenance. When we’re running with a load, and sharing and giving, and filling and enjoying, sometimes we just forget. But we trust the hard work that went into building it, so we’re confident it’s still solid. Occasionally we give it a hard knock, but so far it just gives a sharp crack when you rap it with your knuckles – not a soft thump. Like a fresh, ripe apple.

There is another little thing about our apple cart though. Our apple cart’s on rails. Thin train track rails. Smooth rails. Strong rails. But it’s very hard to keep the cart on these rails all the time. We do a pretty good job of it, even in inclement weather, or up hill, or down hill. We focus together and keep it going. One person often guides while the other pushes, and then we switch places. But it really really takes both of us to keep it on the rails. Sometimes we feel we could use help – but there are only two handles and it’s hard to have more feet pushing forward.

You might ask why we put it on rails, when we could have it on stable ground. The answer is only that our path is on these rails and the stops to our destination are on these rails. Any other path and we would be who we are, nor would we be as fulfilled with life as we are. It’s just like that. For us, these rails are our rails.

And from time to time, our cart goes off the rails and the front wheel gets mired and stuck. It just happens. It happens to everyone in any circumstance of course, and it happens to us too. Contents in the cart shift dangerously, things tip precariously, and more contents in the cart fall off than usual. Sometimes it tips over completely and everything is dumped out. Sometimes it’s raining and everything gets muddy – the earth clinging in an attempt to reclaim what’s rightfully hers.

And in our case, because we are on our own rails, most of the time there is no one around to see it or help. We’re never sure if we should call out for help, and so we don’t. Maybe it’s the pride we’ve put into building the cart, I am not sure. And it doesn’t matter really, that’s the way we are.

So, after we make sure no bones are broken, we shake ourselves off, right the cart, and put everything and everyone back in. We then look around, find a branch to lever our cart back onto the rails and push forward. It can take 5 minutes, it can take 5 days. It has never yet taken 5 weeks. Let’s hope it never does, I feel deeply for people who take even longer, and some never get back on – for all kinds of reasons. Maybe they didn’t have help. Maybe their foundation was not strong enough. Maybe they didn’t have the strength. Maybe others wouldn’t let them.

We work so hard to keep our cart on the rails. And it’s completely worth it. The extra effort, the tired arms, legs and backs. It’s worth it and we’re glad we have a full cart and rails on which travel.

I do worry that we will get tired. I do worry that we will slip off and need some help, but we will be to far for that help to arrive. I do worry that we are too far from help now. Right now it is just a worry, but we see glimpses of it from time to time.

Although Owen was only sick for 36 hours, and the clinic visit only took a couple hours this time, there was something that really struck me. It was Heather, scrambling to check her email and put out a fire at work. It was the first time she had been able to work at all that day, and she had about 15 minutes in between Kyle going down for a nap, getting Owen down, and trying to get a shower, eat something, clean up and get ready for the next round of Sick Toddler.

I could see the stress and anxiety. Our babysitter was on vacation, I am flat out on work and we have twin three year olds. Work wouldn’t wait, but neither would Owen. Of course there’s not even a choice there – Owen comes first. But I could see the strain. The apple cart had slipped off and took a bounce. We caught it and got it back on the rails, but in that brief moment it made me worry about a blind trussel that could be around the corner.

It’s a beautiful, full apple cart, I treasure it and everything in it more than anything else and I want to make sure it’s safe for my family.
Jun 30
0

Water acrobatics

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As you may recall from posts about our recent vacation, we went snorkeling with the boys – which was AWESOME. And as you have probably seen from the pictures, we’re having a great summer in the swimming pool. But it’s not just a great summer enjoying the cool refreshing waters, it’s a great summer for water acrobatics.

Here is the list of things that the boys like to do and can do in the pool at the moment (they are 3 yrs, 2 months old):

  1. Float underwater looking at the bottom. Max breath hold time to date: 12 seconds.
  2. Swim from me to Heather underwater – across the pool (yes, swim – kicking and with a “breast stroke” kind of thing).
  3. Pop up and catch a breath.
  4. Jump off the side of the pool and go under in the shallow end.
  5. Dive (Owen – head first, Kyle – belly first) in the shallow end; pop up and swim to us.
  6. Run and jump off the side and swim over.
  7. Run and dive off the side and swim over.
  8. Run and twisting – spinning jump and swim over.
  9. Do the same in the deep end and swim to us underwater. Owen can swim about 20 feet under water from a dive.
  10. Dive off the side, swim down, touch the bottom.
  11. Dive off the side, swim down, touch the bottom and grab diving toys.
  12. Dive/jump off the side and swim to the steps.
  13. Forward flip dive off the side of the pool. Legs go all the way over in the air with head hitting the water first (this is mostly Owen and a little scary to watch).

It’s really true. I will try to catch some video of it soon.

Owen is a total natural in the water. He is to water as Kyle is to golf. Oh – I forgot to mention – Kyle hit the ball 55 yards last week with his 5 wood.

We sometimes joke about how it’s clearly not our genetics that give them this amazing physical ability. Even if people tell Heather regularly how much they look like us. All we can do is encourage it – not that we really have to do much to do even that.