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Warning: this post very well may offend some people – particularly if you love The Jersey Shore (which many, many people do, particularly around where we currently reside). Please just skip reading this post if you’re a JSL (Jersey Shore Lover).

Despite the fact that we love the beach and it is the closest ocean/beachfront to us, we’ve only been to “The Shore” a couple of times (note: around our parts “The Shore” refers to ‘The Jersey Shore’). One was summer of 2007 when the boys were Meera’s age (click here). Another was in March of 2010 (click here). Both of those experiences were pretty good, but neither of them were on a weekend at the height of summer. We’ve always been too afraid to attempt a day at the beach in New Jersey on a weekend at the height of summer. It has a reputation. Not a good reputation. We were scared off. And for good reason. 

That all changed this past weekend. We were motivated to go, and we went. To make a long story short (we had plans with good friends from Delaware to meet at the beach to spend the day together, one of their kids got sick and they had to back out, and we J-Ms decided to go it alone)… we spent Saturday (during a heat wave in the middle of July) at Sandy Hook beach on the coast of New Jersey.

One thing we learned: despite our valiant efforts to be glass-half-full/optimistic/bloom-where-you’re-planted/make-lemonade-out-of-lemons people in all circumstances, after our experience Saturday we could not find a way to put a positive spin The Jersey Shore (i.e., we are not always positive-happy-rainbows-and-unicorns people). Another thing we learned: despite our deep desire to not be snobbish about our love-affair-with-the-beach, we have – whether we like to admit it or not – become terribly spoiled rotten where all-things-beaches-are-concerned (i.e., after Turks & Caicos, Virgin Gorda, Anguilla, etc., and most recently, South Carolina… it is impossible to not feel a bit turned off by the contrast of those places with The Jersey Shore; it is sadly true that not all beaches are created equal and once you’ve walked a gorgeous white-sand-turquoise-water beach with nobody but your loved ones in sight, it is pretty hard to keep your chin up as you set up your umbrella amidst thousands of others all within just inches of each other on a not-so-postcardish-strip of designated-swimmable-seacoast). Within five minutes of arriving, Kyle was asking to leave (seriously). Meera wanted absolutely nothing to do with the “dirty rough water” (her words), and struggled to make due with the coarse and grainy sand. Owen was beyond miserable about the state of the horse-fly infestation and was totally annoyed by the fact that I wouldn’t let him eat raw the mussels he kept finding (he was also compulsively obsessed with picking up people’s cigarette butts and kept pointing out to us how many people were drinking beer out of cans). Braydon and I tried hard to make it work but finally admitted to each other that we basically thought the whole thing was just kind of gross. We put our best foot forward. We really did. But by lunchtime we were all very ready to call it quits and head home. We were so glad our friends weren’t there, because it meant we could just pack up and leave when we wanted to… which was much earlier than we’ve ever left any beach anywhere ever.

The day was still fun in a lot of ways— an adventure that we could bond over (our communal discovery that we really don’t like the Jersey Shore); a road trip (all five of us love a road trip); an excuse to let the bambinos eat Oreos and an opportunity for Dunkin Donuts iced coffee for Braydon and I; and a lot of food-for-thought which prompted many deep and important conversations over the course of that day and the days that have followed.

All in all, though, it was just sort of deflating. And more than anything it reinvigorated us to get planning for our next grand beach vacation—wherever that may be (we’re just sure it won’t be in Jersey).

We are in the middle of a massive heat wave. It is so hot outside that if we’re not out and about then our spoiled little selves are basically either outside in the pool or inside in the air-conditioning. We’re not complaining about this – it is summer after all, and we wait all year long for this stuff – but we do recognize that we’re spoiled as all get-out by having: a) a pool, and b) central air. Yes, we know we’re lucky. So, this morning Ryan shows up to babysit with grocery bags in hand. She tells me that her grand plan is to make cupcakes with the kids today, and she’s got all the ingredients. I looked at her slightly cock-eyed and told her that I thought she was “adventurous” and that I personally would probably never attempt such a feat (let alone on a record-breaking-hot summer day), but that I couldn’t wait to hear how it all turned out. The kids were beside themselves with excitement over this whole impending culinary adventure. I left for work wishing I could be a fly on the wall and wondering what my kitchen was going to look like at the end of the day. Later, at work, I got this email~~~

from: Ryan
to: Heather
date: Thu, Jul 21, 2011 at 12:11 PM
subject: Pictures of the day

Hello Heather,

It has been a hectic day. We successfully made the cupcakes and Owen is using everything in him to not eat them before they have cooled. I have attached pictures of the finished results. Additionally, Owen helped Meera tatoo herself with her name, there is a picture of that as well. I will wipe her down before putting her down for her nap. 

Enjoy the day and pictures,

Ryan, Owen, Kyle and Meera

I knew that their plan was to frost and decorate the cupcakes after Meera woke up from her nap. I could only imagine how that was going to go.

I got home to some happy sugar-hyped kids running around like crazy maniacs, and Ryan with dust-buster in hand desperately trying to vacuum up sprinkles from the floor. Turns out that the marker Owen used to “tatoo” Meera was not washable, and she has her name stained into her skin in numerous places all over her body (I could plainly see this since she was running around happy as a clam and 100% naked upon my arrival home). She is thrilled about this. The cupcakes were over-the-top masterpieces of synthetic summer colors and the threesome could not have been prouder of their projects (both the cupcake creations and the tatoo artistry). Miraculously, even Ryan had a smile on her face and seemed – as usual – undaunted by the whole scene and unfazed by the insanity that defines the Never-A-Dull-Momentness of our existence. I’m still finding bits of frosting in the most random of places imaginable… and tiny cupcake decor in crevices and corners all over the place…  but I am able to just kind of laugh inside with each piece of hardened frosting or sugary decoration that I find. This is exactly how I want their summer to be.

from: Heather
to: Ryan
date: Thu, Jul 21, 2011 at 10:09 PM
subject: just have to share

Ryan,

OMG, I just have to tell you— we always say prayers every night before bed. Tonight this was Owen’s prayer (I kid you not) —   “Dear God, I really love my family. And thank you for frosting. Amen.”

I had all I could do to not bust out laughing. 😉

Goodnight,

Heather

Meera and Jewel, playdate yesterday, at Jewel’s house

There are some posts that are hard to write. This is one of them. Because how can I put it down in words? And what more can I say that I haven’t already said in years past (click)? This was our family’s 5th annual year of attending our “Haiti Families Reunion.” I want to re-name it: HAITI FAMILY REUNION. It feels like a family reunion. Except that in this family you always fit right in, no matter who you are, and no matter how different you are from every single other family/person there… because you’re all in this really special and unique boat together: this Haitian Adoptive Families Boat. This is a wild and wonderful boat—a boat that is tipsy turvy; a boat that sails on a tumultuous and thrashing, crashing sea; a boat that is hard to navigate; a challenge to keep on course; but this is a beautiful awe-inspiring life-affirming full-of-miracles boat that you wouldn’t trade for the grandest yacht ever made. This boat, while at moments crushing under the weight of the massive burden that it carries, is also brilliant and centered and somehow (amazingly, assuredly, unquestionably) on course.

This year what struck me most was what a treat it is to spend a weekend feeling “normal.” We always feel “weird”; we always stand out; we’re almost always “the only one” (because we can be in the most “diverse” place in the world—and we may even see many black-white bi-racial families there, yet we almost never see families that look like ours)… but… twice a year we get together with this very special extended family where we actually are just like everybody else in the most obvious way. That is a gift that each of us five J-Ms cherish in our own unique ways. It is a special, special, special treat. It is like your favorite kind of ice cream on a hot summer night (which, by the way, we actually have at the Haiti Reunion: ice cream sundaes on a hot summer night).

What also struck me this year was the reminder of just how amazing each and every one of the people is in attendance at this reunion. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Each family represents miracles. Each Haitian-American child a SURVIVOR and a precious gifted soul. Each non-adopted sibling is a rock-star! Each parent has moved mountains to make their family. It is amazing. It is awe-inspiring to be around. It is a reminder that it really is what it is, and it is special. Sometimes in our day-to-day we forget that. It is good to remember.

Kyle and Owen can be around Haitian people at other times of the year, but it is really only during our reunions that they have the chance to be around other adopted kids who lived part of their lives in Haitian orphanages. Meera can be around other biological siblings in adoptive families, but it is really only during our reunions that she has the chance to be around other kids whose siblings are the special dark-skinned-brown-eyed beauties that are the Haitian Sensations. And Braydon and I… well… we can be around lots of different people/parents/peers, but it is really only during our reunions that we can have that cosmic connection that comes only with others who have spear-headed a Haitian adoption (Haitian adoption is tough, it is gritty, it is a unique journey). This reunion is special. It really is. And it is so, so, so important to the soul of our family.

And so, we hope, that this one was our fifth of many.

Thank you to all of our dear friends who join us in this Haiti Family Reunion year-by-year. We’re together in this boat. You know who you are. We love ya! ~the J-Ms.

************************************

Each year I buy new Haiti t-shirts for the bambinos to wear to the reunion. This year, for the first time, K & O picked out the design and wanted Meera to wear the same. To mark our 5th anniversary of the reunion, here they are in their shirts, on the morning of the reunion, for the past five years!

2011                                                            2010

2009

2008

2007

photo above: Ryan, Meera, Owen, Kyle – painting last week in the garage

One of the huge perks of being a university professor is the incredible pool of babysitters I have right at my fingertips. Lehigh is a great school, and many – many – of the students there would be terrific babysitters. So, when we are going to hire a babysitter we set out to find the very best of the best. Here is the job ad that I circulated (widely!) at Lehigh this past spring semester:

HELP WANTED: SUMMER BABYSITTING

Job Description: Giving three kids the best summer of their lives!

We are looking for a part-time summer babysitter for our twin 7-years-old sons and our 3-year-old daughter.

Basic Duties Include:

• focused time each day devoted to reading with each of the three kids
• playing basketball, baseball, soccer, etc. and supervising tons of outdoor time
• creative imaginative play and some coloring/painting
• preparing simple lunches
• possibly changing some diapers (our 3-year-old may not be 100% fully potty trained by the start of summer)

Requirements:

• Must have a reliable car and provide your own transportation to-and-from our home 20 minutes from the Lehigh campus.
• Must be an energetic, fun-loving person who enjoys spending time with rambunctious kids!
• An actively progressive, anti-racist mind-set is an absolute requirement for the job; must be consciously devoted to instilling self-confidence in three young children within a multi-racial family.

Lifeguard/swimming-safety training a huge plus but not necessary.

I made sure that lots of people saw this job ad and asked them all to forward it to lots more people. I got lots of interested potential babysitters. I narrowed it down to seven, and then interviewed each of them one-on-one. We had great options. But one stood way, way, way out— in my mind she was perfect. Everything we were looking for. I invited her to come meet the bambinos. They all loved each other. We hired her on the spot.

Fast forward to now.

Ryan has been babysitting for us for three weeks now. For where our bambinos are right now in their lives, Ryan is perfect. And for all the wildly high hopes and ridiculously over-the-top expectations that we have for a babysitter (not just a superb and enriching caregiver, but a central-person-in-the-raising-of-our-children and a spectacular role model), Ryan exceeds them all. She is stellar. And so… we are all very, very happy.

One thing I’ve learned about being a Working Mother is this: I cannot focus on my career when I’m distracted by not feeling wholly comfortable about what/where/with-whom my kids are when I’m at work. I need to know that my kids are content in order for me to be productive. And I can say this: in the past three weeks I’ve been able to get a lot done. Thanks to Ryan.

The looks on my bambinos’ faces tell me that all is right in their world (which means all is right in mine). Exhibit A: Photo taken today, by Ryan, while she was at the Crayola Factory with our crew-of-three~~~

It is shaping up to be a really great summer… Maybe even the best summer of their (our) lives!?!

Yesterday Calvin came for the first swimming lesson of Summer 2011 – this is our FOURTH SUMMER of swim lessons with Calvin! When he started teaching swimming to Kyle and Owen it was the summer between Calvin’s senior year at Lehigh and his first year as an MA student at Lehigh; he was staying in the area for the summer; and it was not a huge deal for him to drive to our house each week. The boys were four years old that summer and Meera was a newborn. Now Calvin is a PhD student in NYC and this will be his second summer of driving all the way out to our house just to do swimming lessons for our boys. I am so amazed at Calvin’s commitment and dedication to our sons and our family. It is incredibly humbling to me that he’s still willing to do this.

Kyle and Owen were so happy when Calvin walked in the door yesterday. The looks on their faces could have lit an entire city for an entire week. And they had a great first lesson.

But it was a big day for Meera too! Her first swim lesson ever! After the boys’ lesson I took Meera down to the pool for a short and sweet swimming lesson with Calvin (15 minutes! The perfect length swimming lesson for a just-barely-3-year-old!). I think she loves Calvin as much as her brothers do— she could not jump in the pool fast enough!

Although I’m not always successful, I try really hard to schedule one weekend per month as a “Family Weekend” – nothing on the calendar at all; a whole entire weekend with just the five of us at home doing ‘nothing’ (i.e. everything that is really important). These weekends are in some ways very challenging; they are hard to fit in, hard to stick to once we’ve got them on the calendar, and hard to abide to once we’re in the moment (the five of us have a hard time sitting still… each of us in our own way). But once we’re doing these weekends of “nothing,” we always deeply appreciate them. The rest of our July is jam-packed (you should see our calendar!), but this past weekend was our Family Weekend for this month. It was a quintessential Summer Weekend.

We don’t have t.v. service (no cable, no nothin’!), but Braydon has hooked up a computer to our television. Just this month, for the first time ever, we have subscribed to MLB.TV and the boys (Kyle, especially) are beside themselves with excitement over this… the chance to watch Red Sox games live in our own home!!! Kyle and Braydon watched the entire game on Saturday afternoon (Kyle’s attention span for baseball is amazing; he watches the entire game absorbing every single second of it). Meanwhile… outside at the pool (while Meera napped), Owen was perfecting his flip-from-the-chair-into-the-pool-routine. I watched him and watched him and watched him and finally broke out the camera.

The weekend was just full of times like this. The best of summer. And nothing says “Summer” better than meals on the porch.

(FYI: above was our dinner Saturday – but I want it to be noted that for lunch on Sunday Owen ate 1 cheeseburger and 2 hot dogs. All in about 10 minutes flat. He was hungry again within two hours and I watched him eat three –yes three—nectarines in a row. This is just one example; they eat like this non-stop. By Monday morning our refrigerator was basically empty. Staying home all weekend long = a shocking amount of food production for Mama.)

There were a few tantrums (M); there were a bunch of “GO TO YOUR ROOM!”’s (K & O); there were some low moments (H & B). But those were just peppered amongst the good stuff. And a little spice never hurt anyone. It is the pepper that punctuates. Without the ‘ugh!’ the really good wouldn’t be so really good. And there is just a lot about summer that is really, really good.

After the Red Sox game on Saturday the boys (all three of them) were inspired. There is something about seeing my boys (all three of them) play baseball in the front yard that just screams SUMMER to me in an over-the-top ridiculously quintessentially summerish-beyond-summerish way. There was a split-second when a ball flew within an inch of my camera lens—almost hitting my camera (and thus, probably my face too) in a way that just might have been seriously damaging (and not just to the camera). It was a close call. A near miss. But the rest of the time it was just sort of blissful – to be standing there, in our front yard, with just my little family, taking pictures of my boys play ball in their bathing suits. Life isn’t perfect, and there are near-misses and low moments all the time. But really—it doesn’t get much better than this. This is summer. To the Nth degree.

So, I broke down and bought Gwyneth Paltrow’s new cookbook (My Father’s Daughter: Delicious, Easy Recipes Celebrating Family & Togetherness). I don’t typically buy ‘celebrity cookbooks’ – in general I find them annoying and unhelpful, and I usually avoid them – and, believe me, I did not intend to buy this one either. But I was curious about it. I’ve always been intrigued by Gwyneth’s highly public foray into macrobiotic eating and whole-food cooking, and I’ll admit that I do like her PBS food show with Mario Batali (Spain: on the road Again). So, when I saw the cookbook on sale the other day, I picked it up out of curiosity, wanting very much to dislike it. The problem was that I quickly became engaged in it (the writing is good), and the even bigger problem was this: I found myself thinking “I’d totally make that!” for just about every single recipe on every single page. For years now I’ve had a rule for myself— I’ll only buy a cookbook if I go page-by-page through the first 1/4th of the book and think “I’d totally make that!” for almost all (if not all) of the recipes. Well, darn. It happened with Gwyneth Paltrow’s cookbook. Making matters worse: the cookbook is filled with light, fresh, healthy, family-friendly recipes — perfect for summertime— and I just so happened to be looking at the book at the start of our summer, just ripe for inspiring meal ideas, and feeling invigorated to try some new things. Dang.

I bought it. And it is one of those (many) cookbooks that I couldn’t wait to read cover-to-cover— a real page-turner for me. I really like this cookbook. Last night I made Gwyneth’s “Spaghetti Limone Parmeggiano” (click for recipe here). It was a big huge hit with us five.

The boys were insanely hungry (what else is new?), so I put out some good bread, olive oil with herbs for bread-dipping, and hard salami. The rest of my family gathered around the kitchen eating that, and drinking Pellegrino (I swear, Pellegrino always makes a meal feel special!), while I made the pasta and a simple green salad with tomatoes. The whole entire meal took me less than 30 minutes (for real!) to prepare from the moment I cracked open Gwyneth’s cookbook to the moment that we sat down to devour the dinner. Literally, the most time-consuming part was waiting for the pasta water to boil. It turned out to be absolutely delicious— a really nice summer supper. I highly recommend it! (and I’m pretty sure this will become a Regular around here.)

Yesterday morning, before I left for work, I was cleaning up the playroom when I spotted Meera with a pair of sharp “grown up” scissors that she is not supposed to have access to. I took them away from her, gave her a stern and quick Scissors Lecture, then headed to the kitchen to put the scissors away. I was only a few steps outside of the playroom when I noticed a clump of hair on the floor. I thought it odd and reached down to grab it, thinking it had been pulled from one of Meera’s dolls. But when I picked it up off the floor I realized it was actually real hair. Real, blond, beautifully silky, soft, long, baby-thin hair. Obviously, Meera’s. Before I could even gather a thought, I spotted another clump about a foot away from me on the floor. And then another. And another. By the time I had picked it all up I had collected a huge overflowing handful of my sweet darling child’s gorgeous hair. I yelled out for Meera to come right away, and immediately assessed the damage. She had cut noticeably big blunt chunks of hair from all along the front left side of her face. The entire back and the right side all remained fully intact. It could have been a lot worse. Nonetheless, it was not pretty. When they heard me call out to Braydon, “Meera cut her hair!” the boys came running. Owen took one look at Meera and said, “Meera! Why did you cut your beautiful golden hair off?!?!!” Meera looked up at him, started to cry, and said, “I was doing like Mulan.” The boys knew exactly what she meant and proceeded to explain to us in full detail how in the movie Mulan, Mulan cuts her hair short to make herself look like a boy. Once we calmed everyone down, I launched into a full-blown on-the-spot Family Meeting right then and there, with Rules of Scissors and Hair Cutting as the only two items on the agenda. The meeting was adjourned, I went and added “Make Hair Appointment for Meera” to my day’s To-Do List, and we all went on with our regular business. But I had a pit in my stomach on-and-off throughout the day, including when I called to make the hair appointment and had to explain that my three year old had given herself a not-very-professional-looking haircut. This photo, by the way, does not even come close to doing Meera’s self-cut justice (but I didn’t have it in me to try to capture the real extent of the damage):

This morning, I dragged all three kids to a nearby hair salon for Meera’s fix-it-upper. This was Meera’s second haircut of her lifetime— the first being a sweet little trim from MorMor in our kitchen this past February. After consulting with the stylist we agreed that it would have to be ‘layered’ along both sides of the front in order to even it out and smooth over the damage Meera had done. For the record: this ‘layered’ ‘chunky’ ‘styled’ look is not at all a look I’d ever voluntarily choose for my 3-year-old daughter, and I was heartsick as I watched the snipping take place.

Kyle and Owen waited, considering themselves super duper lucky to have a little sister who cut off her own hair yesterday, since it allowed for them the great opportunity to play with their beloved but not-much-allowed-to-be-used iPods today.

Here’s Meera just a few steps out of the hair salon. Again, not a look I’d have chosen for her. But again, it could be a lot worse too.

In the end, we have to chock it up to yet another never-a-dull-moment life experience, roll our eyes, and laugh it off. But today’s a day when I’ll be anxious to get the kids to bed— as soon as they’re down Braydon will make martinis and we’ll sit in the family room sipping them while I cry a river over this latest saga and he assures me that it is all o.k. Then, tomorrow, I’ll start experimenting in new ways with barrettes and clips and brand new ideas for doing Meera’s hair. Ugh.

Up until this summer we have purposefully held off on organized/team sports for Kyle and Owen. Don’t get me wrong, the boys have had plenty of exposure to sports (1 sports camp each summer, gymnastics, ice skating lessons, golf, swimming, and tons and tons of fun with sports). But overall we’ve really held back on what we’ve signed them up for. We have done this very deliberately, much to the chagrin of many sports enthusiasts we know. The pressure has been on us for years to get Kyle and Owen into the local sports leagues—baseball, soccer, basketball, swim team, etc., etc., etc. People who love sports love our boys— it is love at first sight when they spot the raw unbridled giftedness of Kyle and Owen’s athleticism. And the Sports Lovers of the world have not held back in sharing their opinions with us: basically, ‘Get these boys on track to the NFL/NBA/MLB/Olympics ASAP. There is no question that Kyle and Owen are mightily talented in the sports arena.

Braydon and I are not in any way against sports. In fact, for lots and lots of good reasons we very much want our kids (all three of them) to play team sports and be involved in organized athletics. But with Kyle and Owen we’ve held off thus far for a few reasons. 1) Kyle and Owen are so good at so much of the sports that they try that they attract coaches/trainers/advocates/etc. like magnets and we have not wanted to pigeon-hole them early into any particular sport – or even into athletics more generally. 2) It is important to us that first and foremost Kyle and Owen enjoy playing sports and feel as little pressure as possible to excel/perform/achieve in regards to organized play, so we have conscientiously encouraged them to just “play” and not be bogged down in the “organized.” 3) this is probably the biggest…  we have been very certain that once we begin we’ll never end… in other words, once our life of organized sports with Kyle and Owen begins, we know there is no turning back. There is a sense we have that once we let the gates open we’re going to be semi-dominated by our boys’ sports for many, many years (the driving to their events, the schedules, the purchasing of all the equipment, etc., etc., etc.). And so, we’ve held off. And we’re so glad we did.

But now, with our boys at age 7, it is time to begin. We’ve felt it coming for awhile now. They are just chomping at the bit. And they’re verbally asking us to do it. They want to be on teams. They want to be coached. They want it as serious as it gets. They are ready.

And so, we begin. We go into it with our eyes wide open.

This summer K & O are signed up to do a lot of organized/team sports. First up was last week— a week of Baseball Camp for Kyle and Owen. Kyle did this camp last year and loved it. This year they both did it and it was Heaven For a Week times two.

So, the day after returning from our trip to South Carolina, Kyle and Owen began a week of immersive baseball day camp. And the camp ended the same day our houseful of 4th of July guests arrived. It was a crazy start to the Summer of Sports. For Kyle and Owen it was nothing but CRAZY GOOD.

P.S. Just for the J-M Family Record: at the end of the boys’ week of baseball camp the head coach pulled me aside and told me that he sees “one or two” truly “naturally gifted athletes” each year in his baseball camp—and that this year there were two—my two boys. It was very flattering and nice to hear, and I’m really proud to have such stand-out sons. But I also suspect I’ll be hearing the same story from their coaches of the other sports they’ll be doing over this summer.

We have a pretty well established annual tradition of hosting my side of the family for a 4th of July extravaganza. I go all-out for this, hoping that it will make the long trip to Pennsylvania worth it enough to them that they’ll make the trip again next year. And, importantly, for us J-Ms, the 4th of July is a big deal. It has become one of our very favorite holidays (Kyle told us last night that for him the 4th of July ranks as a close 2nd to Christmas, with Halloween coming in 3rd for his Favorite Holidays of the Year.) We had a fantastic 4-day-weekend of festivities for the 4th.

Today is Kyle and Owen’s last day of school and yesterday was Meera’s last day of daycare; we have eleven whole weeks of break-from-the-school-year-routine. And we don’t plan to waste even one little bit of it. HELLO SUMMER!

We’re taking a 10-day blog break to kick off summer glorious summer~~ we’ll check back in with y’all on June 28. Cheers!