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{by Heather}

Q: What do your faculty peers ask you about, Heather? What do they think of your living arrangements?

A: Honestly, I’m not entirely sure. I can tell you what they say to my face, can only guess what they say behind my back, and can only imagine what they think in their own heads. Here’s what they say to my face — about 80% of them look at me and tell me, point blank, that they think I’m absolutely crazy and that they (and/or their spouse) “wouldn’t move onto campus even if somebody paid them a million bucks.” In other words, they think I (and/or Braydon and me) are raging lunatics and they would not touch this experience with a ten foot poll. You wouldn’t even believe some of the things people have said, right to my face, along these lines. My perspective on this is that at a place like Lehigh (a research university with a 2:2 teaching load and relatively high expectations/demands for scholarship), most professors, I think, don’t really want a lot of interaction with their students outside of class and/or the lab and/or their office hours. Most professors, I think, feel overwhelmed with how much they already have to accomplish, with the pressures they are under, and with the expectations for them to do “service.” The last thing they want is to do more non-scholarly work. The scholarly work, alone, requires much more time/energy/attention than most full time jobs. The rest (the teaching, the service) feels like two or three other full time jobs layered on top of the first (and foremost) one. So, they see what I’m doing and probably think I’m absolutely absurd for taking it on. Thus, I can only imagine what they say behind my back… perhaps insinuations that I’m not “serious enough” about my scholarship (their logic: ‘who in their right mind would do what I’m doing if they were “serious”/hard-core about their scholarship?’)… perhaps they discuss how I’m sabotaging my career and my chances at ever getting Full Professor (I have tenure, and was promoted to Associate Professor in 2007, but will be expected to get serious about going up for Full Professor in the not-too-distant-future)… perhaps they gossip about whatever would provoke Braydon and me to do this (OMG! Are they bankrupt?! OMG! What happened that would lead them to this?! OMG! What’s the real story as to why they’d be doing this? because they can’t possibly be doing it truly by choice, as they claim to be!?!). I think the bottom line is that for many, it is hard to believe we’d do this by choice, voluntarily, of our own free will. If we were doing it because something absolutely horrible happened to us (Braydon lost his job and we had to foreclose on our house, declare bankruptcy, etc…) then, maybe, they’d just be able to feel sorry for us. But as it stands, I think it is just hard for people to wrap their minds around why on earth we’d so dramatically downsize and move onto campus. On the other hand, about 20% of my faculty peers seem to really ‘get it.’ They immediately understand the positive ramifications for work, home, and self. I’d say this is especially true for younger women, particularly younger women with young children. And about 5-10% of them will often go so far as to ask me if Lehigh plans to expand the Residential Fellows Program, and will tell me overtly that if they could convince their spouses to do it, they’d jump at the opportunity. They ‘get’ the positives (the much more seamless and balanced work-home lifestyle, the ability to put the kids to bed then go out to a campus event, the luxury of being a 5-minute walk from your office, etc.). And there are definitely professors, like me, who — even at a school like Lehigh — truly enjoy students and would really like to find more ways to connect and engage with them outside the purely academic realm. So, there you have it… in a nutshell (I could talk for hours and hours about this question).

Q: Do you guys have a timetable of how long you’ll live at LU?

A: Yes. We have committed to two years, renewable for longer if we choose to stay after Year 2. Right now, we’re trying to get through Year 1. In September we’ll begin discussing the sustainability (or lack thereof) and potential future of this situation. I’m guessing we’ll stay for at least three years, but we shall have to see what happens.

Q: I’d be interested to hear how your cooking/meal times have changed. How much do you guys still cook in the scaled down kitchen verses eating on campus?

A: Breakfast and lunch have not changed for us at all. We eat at home for breakfast everyday. During the week we pack lunches for the kids’ school days. Braydon I do a combination of packed lunches and — mostly — working lunch meetings (I have lunch meetings at least 2-3 days/week, if not more). Weekend lunches are sort of just catch-as-catch can, and always have been like that for us. Dinners are really the main thing that have changed. We now eat dinner in the dining hall 1-2 times/week. We get take-out or eat out as a family about once a week. We have leftovers or something super simple (something like macaroni and cheese or tortellini and pesto for the kids, something like sandwiches or salads for Braydon and I) about once a week. And we eat a real full-blown homemade sit-down dinner 3-4 nights a week. I used to cook a full-blown homemade sit-down dinner at least 5 nights/week. So, that has changed a bit. Even though it isn’t a huge dramatic change, it feels very big for me. It has been a huge relief for me and has made my cooking-dinner-burden feel so much lighter. It feels like a weight off. Also, with a much smaller (TINY!) kitchen, I do feel limited. I don’t go quite as crazy as I often used to where dinner menus are concerned. This has been in part good, and in part bad, for me. I like having less pressure on myself to make grand meals. But I don’t like the lack of inspiration; I feel less inspired to be creative and try new recipes, etc.; It just isn’t as easy to whip up something fabulous. My tried-and-true dinners that my family loves are in full rotation. I still make the things they enjoy most, but often the meals are scaled down a bit. Our dinners at home are a bit more simple, but we are still eating very, very well. I am hoping to start back to my “Food Friday” posts on the blog soon. I miss that part of blogging a lot and am feeling ready to get back to that. (Photos below– top: Meera makes banana bread / bottom: our kids still eat a ton of fresh fruit and veggies daily.)

Q: Was it difficult to make the switch from LOTS of stuff to the necessities? What was it like to adopt such a new mindset? How did you decide what to keep?

A: It was difficult to make the decision to switch from LOTS of stuff to the necessities. That was years in the making for us. We had been pondering it for a long while, but we started thinking and talking very seriously about it in summer 2007, after getting home from the best trip of our lives and having stayed in a tiny simple bare-bones villa (the trip was to Virgin Gorda with Kyle and Owen when they were three years old; this was before Meera was born). It then took us four years of intensely deep (and ridiculously repetitive!) conversations and soul-searching (individually, and as a couple), before we were able to fully make the decision in a concrete way. All of that was very difficult for us. But then the rest came super easy. It was like once we had gone there in our minds, it was very easy to go there in a pragmatic way. It took a full year of process to actually do it (the sorting and ditching and giving away took a full 12 months). But we had — as you say in the question — “adopted the new mindset,” and it felt painless, good, cleansing, cathartic, and right. We decided what to get rid of and what to keep by simply just doing it. No way around it, over it, or under it: we just had to decide. When there are millions of decisions to be made, and a deadline looming, you simply cannot linger on very many of them. I did the huge bulk of it, and there were a couple of months there when I felt like I was making — literally — about 1,000 decisions a day (keep with us? save in storage? ditch? give? give to whom?). It was grueling, but not difficult. There were many moments (and even whole stretches of time) when it felt (and still does feel, even now) liberating, freeing, and sometimes almost ecstatic. I have felt all along, and continue to feel, that it was — for us and for our three kids — absolutely the right thing to do. I can’t explain it more than to say that I feel very much that what we are doing right now is exactly the right thing for us, and just what we are supposed to be doing. That is a really good feeling. Especially because for so many years we had a nagging feeling that we weren’t doing what we were supposed to be doing. Oh, and by the way— now that it has been six months, we’ve fully adjusted to this new lifestyle– so much so that, actually, I now (in the past month or so), often feel overwhelmed with how much we have. I look around and think of how excessive it is, and how we have so very much more than we need (or even want). Crazy! Once you get started on this road, it is a pretty incredible journey. I highly, highly recommend it!!!

{By Braydon}

Some of the recent questions that came in just needed to be answered. Thank you for asking (you know who you are)!

Q: Do you see changes in the munchkins that you attribute to exposure to more adults/college age young adults?

A: Since they are evolving and growing so rapidly, it’s really hard to know what the influences are. They are having a ton of interaction with students all the time, so there must be an influence. Wait – I think the influence is on the students!  

We tend to say that the Lehigh students have really “stepped up to the plate”, and they really have.  At the same time, our kids have too. They have begun to get a good handle on social interaction and social boundaries in a way that we didn’t have before. Even in their extreme social-ways, they don’t run up to everyone they see to interact, whereas they did before. They are more cognizant of their interactions and the limitations of what is appropriate.

Similarly, they have become ultra-aware of how much the students work/study. When we first came on campus we thought there was going to be a lot more hanging out, down time and partying, but we are constantly struck by how much Lehigh students study and work (academically). So much in fact, that when asking students if they want to do something (play basketball, watch a movie, hang out, whatever), they now ask first if they have to study or if they have time.

At the same time, they seem to be more free to be kids. Maybe because Heather and I are clearly so much older than the students (how was it that 40 became old???), and they are clearly so much younger than the students, but whatever it is, there is no one-upmanship on who is older, or cooler or anything. Which I think is very freeing.

One of the many times K & O get some bball on with our neighbors.

Q: One “management” area I’ve been watching for is an explanation of how you dealt with your photographs. Are they on DVDs, on a hard-drive, in boxes, with back-ups elsewhere? Did you reduce your collection as well before you packed, given the transitory nature of moving and storing for periods of time?

A: After 2002, we went fully digital with all our photography, and we have a pretty robust backup system for all our 100,000 digital images (we could do better digital house-cleaning I suppose!). However, before 2002, we had all normal photos, in boxes, in albums and in their original paper-1-hour-development sleeves, and we had to make some pretty tough decisions when we moved. We kept all our wedding photos and some key sentimental photos, but we tossed – literally – hundreds of photos.  We felt it wasn’t worth scanning and archiving them – often we found we didn’t even know what they were photos of – so why bother even archiving them?  Of the ones we kept, some wound up in our storage unit in a couple boxes of memorabilia, some (like our wedding photos) came with us in the apartment. We didn’t really become massive photographers until we had kids…which I suspect is pretty typical.

Over the years I have spent a ton of time on our technical setup (which in recent years has finally become far more simple), and if there is interest, I’ll outline that in a separate post.

The Lehigh “sculpture garden”. This photo just needed a little artistic help.

Q. I was just wondering if you would be writing any more about how you helped the kids come to terms with the idea of letting Quinn and Hudson go prior to the move? Given how you described it, “We know it was the right decision for the CATS, but WE miss them a lot” did you feel there were parallels to adoption and if so, did that impact how you discussed it with your bambinos both at the time and now?

A. I am sure it will keep coming up on the blog as we continue to figure things out. And lately I’ve noticed quite a bit of discussion of wanting pets (and interestingly, not just from the kids, so I am not sure what that foretells!).  When we originally started talking about it with the kids, I don’t think we really drew any lines to adoption, but we were very worried about how they would take it that the cats were going to take an “extended vacation” in NH.

Amazingly, they all handled it really well. I don’t know if it’s their general ability to just roll with things or what, but they have not really had much difficulty.

Tangentially, for the kids whole life we’ve noticed that when we get in the car for a road trip, they are the most settled of almost any time. I think it’s that they just happy we are all together, noone is going anywhere without everyone else and they don’t have to worry about separation. I believe that for these three, that as long as they have their brother, sister and parents, then anything else is pretty much a non-issue.

Little miss with Quinn at the lake this summer. Of all of us, she misses the kittens the most, but she’s alright.

Q. Just curious, are there any real downsides/things to be wary of when a family like yours (with young children) considers moving on campus? Do you have nightime fire drills? Or rowdy neighbour issues? Or other things to contend with/bear in mind?

A. As much as I tend to see only the upside, there are things that are less than ideal – especially with kids.  Fortunately they only do day-time, 2x/year fire-drills (which is not how I remember some late night drills in -10 degree weather in college), and the neighbors have been very quiet. But we do have to worry about smoking (and there are a variety of kinds of smoking of course) and drinking, although not so much where we live, but in generally on a campus.  The kids also must have their ID’s with them anytime they go outside (so they can get back in). We have also set the rules that they can’t go by themselves into anyone’s room alone. There is no banging on the ceiling or floor (anyone in an apartment can get that, but in a single family home you don’t realize how much stomping there is going on at any given moment).

Having just come off spring break I’ve noticed when students are here, there is quite a bit more (often unconscious)  pressure to be “on”. Keeping kids quiet and in-line is more on our minds. You can’t quite ever just totally let it “all hang out”, if you know what I mean.

The beautiful Lehigh stained glass in Linderman library.

This sign has been on our neighbors’ door for the past two weeks. It cracks me up every time I walk by it!

Here, too, are some other things you don’t see everyday on a college campus:

Lightsabers.

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Four-year-olds riding the campus shuttle bus.

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Professors playing with their kids — in sun or snow.

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Kids playing bball in fraternity parking lots.

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Anyone asleep at 10:50pm!

One of the things I’ve noticed most about living on campus is that it has totally reinvigorated me. Not that I was lifeless before (I wasn’t at all), but in the past six months I’ve felt a increased sense of youthfulness and enhanced mindfulness in my living that is definitely noticeable. It is almost like you cannot help but become more energetic and enthusiastic about life when you’re surrounded by young people who are just absolutely thriving. The experience of living on campus is fully immersive; we are literally immersed in the lifeworld of hundreds of young adults just overflowing with energy and enthusiasm. It is contagious.

On Saturday night Braydon and I went to an A Capella Invitational on campus (while the bambinos stayed home with a babysitter). We both have always loved college a cappella groups. There is something about a college a cappella group performance that makes it just impossible for me to not grin ear-to-ear the entire time I’m watching/listening. I know that in reality these kids’ lives are complex, confusing, and often very troubled (believe me, I know that now more than ever). But watching them on the stage, with nothing but a microphone and themselves and each other, just belting it out, usually with huge smiles on their faces… well, I’m just a sucker for that. It just seems like the best version of them. I can’t help but love it.

So, Braydon and I loved every second of that concert. When it was over my face hurt from smiling so hard. They did a grand finale where all four of Lehigh’s competitive a cappella groups got together for one big song. The song, and the entire scene of those kids all singing it together, has been stuck in my head and heart ever since. It was captivating. How can this sort of energy not be contagious?! This is one of the reasons that we just love living on campus!

All day I’ve known I was going to write this post tonight, and all day I’ve felt melancholy just knowing it was coming. In the spirit of blogging truthfulness, this post is my Top 10 List of Things I Miss. When we made our move, we did two things at once: radical downsizing and moving onto campus. Each is a lot. Both together is huge. While the pro’s definitely outweigh the con’s, and while I don’t regret our decision at all, and while I’ve never in my life felt more sure that what we’re doing is exactly what we’re supposed to be doing (that is the truth of it), like most things in life, it is a mixed bag — and there is real sadness for me around the things I miss. So, with a lump in my throat as I type this post, here’s my list~~~

TOP TEN THINGS I MISS (in order):

1. I miss my parents being able to live with us for relatively long stretches of time. This is the thing I miss the most. (It is hard not to cry typing this…) This is a raw-open-sore-topic for me that I’ve never blogged about… but, in a nutshell: for years I have desperately wished my parents would move in with us (or at least, move real nearby). Part of our move was spurred by the realization that it just was never going to happen. But having a big spacious guest room, an extra bathroom, and lots of space to spread out in, made them visiting super easy. They could stay over as long as they wanted, they could work out of our home, and it was super comfortable for all of us. We could say, “Come! Anytime! And stay as long as you want! The more you come, the better! The longer you stay, the better!” And it was 100% genuinely truthful. Now, it is not so easy. We can’t accommodate comfortable, long stays for them. And it is the thing that is hardest about our new living situation. It was something we knew would be part of the whole package– we went into it with our eyes wide open, and it was one of the trade-offs, but still, it is really painful for me. I especially miss my mom coming for 5, 7, or 10 day stretches. I deeply appreciated that part of our old house while we had it. And I deeply miss it now. It is still great when they come, but it isn’t the same. And I very much look forward to a time in the future when it can be like that again. Here is a picture of my Dad with the boys, at the “Star of Bethlehem” at the top of South Mountain (the mountain we live on at Lehigh), taken this fall shortly after our move:

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2. Our kitchen table. We got that table right after we got the boys home from Haiti (there is a funny story as to how we got it, but that will have to wait for some other post). In preparing for our move, I did not anticipate how much I’d miss the table. In fact, I’ve been kind of blind-sided by it. It is the only thing on this list that I hadn’t anticipated missing so deeply. I knew I’d miss it, but I thought it would be tolerable. And honestly, it is barely tolerable. Within 24 hours of our move, I knew I desperately missed that table. It was the center of our family life. We ate almost all of our family meals there, we did homework there, we colored and painted and carved pumpkins and decorated Easter eggs there. We talked there. It was the sun of our solar system. We have no space for a table like that now. It is in storage. And I think about it every single day. I am all choked up as I type this. I miss that table so much.

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3. Our swings. Ok, this one is a real tough one for me. For Kyle and Owen’s 2nd birthday we got them a swing set. Braydon and I have vivid memories of sitting in the yard with the boys, watching as the swing set people installed that swing set. It was an awesome swing set, and our kids loved it. Unlike so many kids, ours actually played on that swing set just about every single day of their lives — rain, snow, sleet, hail, winter, spring, summer, fall. Just as Meera began to love it, the boys were sort of starting to outgrow it. Meera was a baby/toddler and is now a 4-year-old-girl who has ALWAYS LOVED SWINGING. When we moved, Meera’s love affair with the swings was in full tilt. It kills me that we had to give that up. Tears welling up in my eyes just thinking about this. Gosh, I miss that swing for Meera (and the boys too), but gosh, I miss that swing for her. And so many good memories for Braydon and me of hours upon hours spent pushing our bambinos on those swings.

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4. The kitties. Those kitties were so loved by our bambinos. I already posted about this, so I won’t say much here. But, man do we miss those kitties. Meera especially. It breaks my heart to know how much she misses having a pet.

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5. My grill. For a long, long time (literally, since I was in middle school), I’ve grilled. I started grilling as a kid because my dad travelled a lot, so my mom would have me take over the grill when he was away. I never did any other cooking growing up (none at all), but the grill was my thing. Over the years, as I’ve come to love cooking, the grill has always remained my favorite form of culinary arts (!)…   I have always grilled a ton, and grilled year-round. My Weber gas grill at our old house — despite the fact that it was on its very last legs (falling apart at the seams) — was one of my most valued possessions. It killed me to give it away. I thought a lot about the fact that I’d have to sacrifice my grill in making this move, and I knew it would be a tough one for me. And it is. I so miss my grill.

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6. The huge kitchen. Well, if you’ve been reading this blog for more than a year, you know about my love affair with cooking. So, you can imagine how much I miss my old [big huge] kitchen. There was space for everything, and everything had space. It made cooking up a storm, being creative, and being spontaneous, super easy. I try to think of this phase of our life as a semi-break from hard-core cooking for me. I still cook a ton, I’m still a little bit creative, and still a tiny bit spontaneous, but it all dulls in comparison to what I was able to do at our old house in that huge kitchen. The new tiny kitchen has forced me to be creative in a whole new way. But man, oh man, do I miss the freedom of that big huge kitchen. Below: a random, but symbolic picture (the drawers I had designated for tupperware — separated by containers and lids — in our old kitchen). I never took that kitchen for granted. Not even for one day. And I sure do miss it now.

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7. The garage. Again, we knew how spoiled we were at our old house, and we knew how much we’d miss it. But, yes, we sure do miss it. Our cars are now parked a short walk away. It makes lugging groceries, etc. a huge annoyance (I use cart that I keep in my car trunk, but still…. ugh!). It also means having to deal with snow and ice removal. And getting wet when walking to the car when it is raining outside. I also miss having the space of the garage for the kids to play in– they could be out there (and they were, often) in the dark, in the snow, in the rain, etc. It was a covered space, ‘outside’ of the house, but still attached.

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8. A mailbox. It is just a little thing. And I try hard to not complain about all these little things… but I’m just being honest here: I miss having our own mailbox. We now have to get our mail at the campus post office. Which isn’t all bad. But I miss the kids running to the end of the driveway to get our mail, or greeting the FedEx driver as he pulled into our driveway, or being able to put something in the mail to be sent off (without a trip to the post office). It is something special about home-ownership: that whole mailbox thing. And I miss it.

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9. The trampoline. I had a love-hate relationship with that thing. I always had a low-level fear pulsing through me, worrying that somebody was going to get paralyzed from some sort of horrible trampoline accident. But at the same time, I loved sending the kids out to jump away their excess energy. And the kids loved the thing. So, I miss it mainly for them (Owen, in particular). They say they don’t really miss it much. But I miss it enough for all of them.

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10. The pool. Anyone who has ever owned an inground pool knows how much of a time and money sink they are. But wow, if you are a pool-loving person, there’s nothing more awesome than having your own beautiful pool right in your backyard. I loved that pool beyond belief. We haven’t had to face the reality of our pool loss yet (because it was starting to be fall when we sold the house), but I anticipate huge pains to come as pool season begins and we don’t have that swimming pool to luxuriate in. It is #10 on this list now, but I fully expect that come June it will move quickly to #1 on all five J-Ms lists of what we miss most.

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There is good and bad in everything. And I try hard to keep everything in perspective. But yes, there have been real sacrifices, negatives, and down-sides in making the decisions that we have.

I also want to point out that this list is perhaps most interesting because of what is not on it. I do not miss all our stuff; I do not miss our huge bedrooms; I do not miss our old neighborhood; I do not miss our privacy; I do not miss home-ownership; I do not miss the huge yard. I do not miss most of what we had. But I do miss some of it.

In addition to the things I’ve already blogged about (Dining Halls & Campus Events) there are many, many real benefits to living on campus as a family. Here are some:

A great big huge beautiful back yard. The adventures and explorations seem endless. So many trees to climb; so many green spaces to play in; a mega-size-“sandbox” right outside our front door (it is actually a sand volleyball court, which Kyle and Owen LOVE!, but according to Meera it is a sandbox); and so many extreme sports for the boys to attempt (!). The whole campus is our play-yard.

Babysitters. Oh my gosh, the babysitters! The excellent, trustworthy, great-role-model, highly qualified, energetic, enthusiastic, eager-to-babysit babysitters! Right at our fingertips! At any moment! Literally, hundreds of them. Thousands! It feels like a luxury to the Nth degree. (Note that Meera is in a Cinderella dress in two of the three photos below! Not a coincidence. This is typical attire for Miss Meera, and will surely be how most students remember her years from now.)

Walking paths. We’ve always been an active family. But now it is so easy. So many walking paths within such close proximity. Lehigh’s campus is huge. We could walk for days and still not cover all the walking opportunities that exist.

Mountain biking. Right outside our door is South Mountain, which is part of Lehigh’s property, and which is covered with mountain biking trails zig-zagging throughout the woods. Braydon has renewed his love for the sport, and has been teaching his boys to love it too.

Always something going on — outside and in. We are loving living in a thriving, youthful, active environment. Photos below (in order left-to-right/top-to-bottom)— K & O join in a soccer game that has picked up on the lawn outside our front door; Kyle is intrigued with the formulas on the white board in the lounge, and gets the student studying for his chemistry exam to take a few minutes to give him a crash course; after school one day the bambinos listen in as two students in our hall practice for a duet performance they’re preparing for an Open Mic Night.

The Cup. Meera would want me to include this (!)… A major win-win-plus-plus for Meera is that we now have the campus ice cream shop right nearby. The Cup is right next door to the campus post office in Campus Square. We go there at least once a week (if not several times a week) to get our mail. We get our mail, the kids (or, at least, Meera) gets ice cream, Braydon and I sometimes get coffee, and… in nicer weather… we sit outside and chat with whoever happens to be walking by (there are always students we know passing through). Meera, our little Ice Cream Lover, is loving this.

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And there is the regular life stuff too. Everything isn’t all new, of course, and much about our family life has stayed intact.

We still make dinner~

We still have the daily grind of the school-lunch-making to attend to (below: a Meera lunch)~

We still do homework~

We still do hair~

And we play games~

And we continue traditions. Like our monthly First Friday tradition. Below: two First Fridays with Mommy— Meera and I went for Thai food / Owen and I went for Japanese food~

We still hang out together at home (Meera still paints, almost daily)~

We still have pizza and a movie many Friday nights~

In so many ways, or life is different. And in so many ways, it is the same. That is our new life on campus.

Our friends the Petschs and the Womacks joined us today for an LU basketball game. So much fun!

In the past six months of living on campus we’ve attended more events on campus as a family than we did in the prior eight years combined.

We had always gone to some sports events each year (especially football and basketball games), and we’d try to attend a few other things too– Step Team performances, Black History Month celebrations, or concerts we thought the kids would enjoy. But it was hard to do… it seemed like a big outing to gather us all up and get us out the door… and what if the event was a total flop?–then we’d have wasted a whole weekend night-or-afternoon-or-whatever-it-was-for-nothing… and I felt like I was dragging my family to my workplace (which often felt weird)… and I felt like I had to make sure my kids looked presentable and acted well-behaved… and… and… and… Lots of little reasons that added up to us not attending very much on campus.

Part of our decision to move to campus was in deciding that we wanted to take full advantage of me being a professor here; we wanted to start attending many more — and a much wider variety of — events on campus; we wanted it to feel easier to do. A university offers so much for people of all ages. I felt like we were forgoing a major perk of my occupation in not maximizing upon the huge array of events on campus that were open to us. And so, when we moved onto campus, it was with every intention of taking our kids to anything and everything that might be even remotely interesting or eye-opening to them. And I’m happy to say — six months in — that we’ve really lived that out.

We’ve continued to go to football and basketball games, but many more of them! We attended just about every home football game this fall– usually inviting all sorts of various family friends to join us for tailgating and game-going. And we’ve attended just about every home basketball game held on a weekend (weeknights have been off limits because they typically go much later than the bambinos’ bedtimes). But in addition, we’ve gone to athletic events that we never did before. Soccer games, lacrosse games, etc. And, in the past six months, two firsts for us: our first wrestling match (vs. Harvard), and our first swim meet (vs. Army). This spring we are looking forward to baseball and softball and tennis and track & field, and whatever else we might spontaneously drop in at. My student athletes love having us show up at their game/match/meet. And we don’t necessarily have to stay for the entire thing– it isn’t a huge commitment– we are just right here on campus anyway.

As I looked back at my pictures from the fall I was shocked to see that I had none of all the non-athletic events we’ve been attending. Often they are performances, so we are not allowed to take photos. Or they are cultural or religious gatherings, and it just wouldn’t be appropriate. So, in this case, the photos (or lack thereof!) just really don’t do it justice… but suffice it to say: we’ve attended a ton of stuff on campus in the past six months.

We celebrated Sukkot having dinner with the Director of Jewish Life in a Jewish Sukkot; we celebrated Eid with the Muslim Students Association; we went to the Diwali celebration put on by the Indian Students Association. Our kids have had the most amazing direct exposure to world religions!

We’ve attended a Cappella concerts and piano concerts and all sorts of performances of a huge variety.

We went to a gingerbread house making contest near Christmas, a Valentine’s Day chocolate tasting, and a whole ton of other things too.

This is just a sampling of what we’ve been able to do. I cannot even imagine the impact that all of this will have on our kids. But I’m imagining it will be pretty amazing in the long run. They’re growing up with an incredible perspective on the great big world around them. They are connecting with all sorts of people. They are learning so much. And having so much fun. And Braydon and I are too (connecting, learning, and having fun). We’re doing all this as a family of five. This, for sure, is one of the most major benefits of living on campus.

K & O meet up with an old friend at a basketball game

M makes a new friend at a football game

A favorite photo of mine: Meera at a basketball game (note: pearls, plastic princess shoes, and much more interest in the stickers and toy than in the game itself) — this girl is a hoot!

K & O, on the other hand, are fully enthralled with the game itself

Hudson & Quinn at their new home with the Ogren Family in New Hampshire

[photo credits: all photos in this post thanks to Jen, who is our Guest Blogger today]

People have asked about our cats, Hudson and Quinn, who some remember from posts about them on our blog. The kitties had been with us for almost a year when we moved. We had raised them as indoor/outdoor cats before we realized that we would be moving. We did not have the heart to keep them because they’d be forced to be indoor cats only (our current space does not have an exclusive door to outside, so they would not have been able to go in/out). We felt it would be cruel to force them to become indoor-only in SUCH a very small space after what they had become used to. Plus, where would we put the kitty litter in such a small home? It was a super hard thing to do but we decided early in our moving-decision-process that we’d have to let them go. They went to my parents’ house in NH at first (on a “vacation in NH!”), but then my mom found a great family with 2 young kids for them (family friends of ours). They have a good life– with a family, with kids, and able to be indoor/outdoor cats. However, it has been sad for us to have them go. The only other time that Braydon and I haven’t had a pet was the one year we went between when our cat Cooper died and we got Hudson and Quinn. I really miss having a pet! And Meera, especially, terribly misses Hudson and Quinn. We know it was the right decision for the CATS, but WE miss them a lot. Letting go of Hudson and Quinn, and missing them, has been one of the hardest parts of moving to campus for us.

Today we have a Guest Blog Post from our friend Jen Ogren. Her and her family have taken in Hudson and Quinn to their home/family in New Hampshire.

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When Janet (Mormor) called and asked if we were interested in having cats again, I was not sure. We had a cat that had come to an unfortunate end a year ago and it was hard on my boys. Janet explained why she had Hudson and Quinn. I am a long time reader of the Johnson McCormick Blog and had knowledge of Hudson and Quinn. I knew they had been well cared for and loved. When I asked the boys what they thought, they were all for it. So, off we went to meet the kitties. I have to say for the boys it was love at first sight. No matter what my husband and I thought, the boys were sold and the cats were ours. We had a few transitional bumps in the beginning. Growing pains I like to call them. Now though it is like they have always been here. Quinn loves the boys. She sleeps near them and is always around them. Hudson is the man. He prowls about and definitely protects us from all real or imaginary threats. They are sweet, funny, loving cats. We adore them. We hope they are as happy with us as we are with them.

Meera came to see them at Christmas when she was up visiting MorMor and MorFar. Our family has been friends with the Johnsons for a long time. We live in the same town as MorMor and MorFar. It was clear that especially Quinn knew who she was. They both seemed happy to see her. We let her know she was welcome to visit with them anytime. We are very grateful to have these two as part of our family!

Kyle and Owen hanging out in Rathbone with one of their favorite LU Basketball players (K & O still in their own bball uniforms after a game)

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The thing that seems to astound people the most about our life on campus is the fact that we eat, as a family, regularly, in the dining halls. People are very curious about this experience and are also often shocked (and dismayed! lol!) that we do this. Eating in the dining halls is definitely the topic I get asked most about.

The thing is, at most boarding schools, and at some residential colleges/universities, it is a regular occurrence to see faculty families eating in the dining halls. But at Lehigh, a place that historically has not had faculty living on campus, and a place that has not — until now — had faculty families eating in the dining halls (at least not in recent decades), it is truly unheard of for a professor — let alone with his or her family — to be eating amongst students in the dining halls. You just don’t see it; breakfast, lunch, dinner, it just doesn’t happen.

When we moved to campus we had every intention of taking full advantage of the dining halls as a way to ease up our often-very-frenzied-and-harried evening routine. We also knew that if we were going to do this (live on campus), then we were going to jump in with both feet to the deep end of the pool. Eating in the dining halls is part of that for us. I think that eating in the dining halls — with students, where students eat — takes the residential campus experience to a whole other (deeper, broader) level. It is symbolic: it means, ‘we are the real deal, we are in this fully, we are even eating with you!’ There is something very humanizing and humbling about eating together.

Meera, so proud of her developing chopsticks skills, eating dinner at Rathbone

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And so, despite the unprecedented nature of the Faculty-Family-Eating-In-Dining-Hall act, despite the sheer social awkwardness of it, despite the stares and quizzical looks and whispers from the students and the dining hall staff– “who the heck is that?! and why on earth are they here?!”… despite all that we plowed forward as a family of five and proceeded, right from the start, to eat in the dining halls 1-2 times per week. We’ve done that for the past six months.

The first few times we ate in the dining halls were CRAZY. For one thing, we were trying to get a lay of the land. But the biggest challenge was to rise above the awkwardness about the fact that everyone — from the students to the cooks to the dishwashing staff — noticed us, looked at us, stared at us, or (best case scenario) just came right out and asked us what in the world we were doing there. I’ll be honest, as a faculty member it was very challenging for me to hold my head up high and just plow forward.

We’d bring a booster seat for Meera, get situated at a table, get our food, and eat. But it was impossible to not feel totally 100% out of place, and in a fishbowl, and under the microscope. It took some serious OOMPH to go back again and again the first several times. I probably would have chickened out, but Braydon was adamant that we plow forward, and the kids were always chomping at the bit to go to the dining hall (they love it).

Gradually, though, over time, we’ve become less of a curiosity, and it seems that most students and staff have come to not bat an eye at seeing us around. So, now it is becoming more normalized for us to eat in the dining halls each week. I think most students and dining hall staff have seen us by this point, they’ve heard through the grapevine who we are, and the stares have turned into cheerful smiles and nods of acknowledgment. It is now totally comfortable for me to eat in the dining halls with my family. We are still, however, virtually the only non-students doing it. In the past six months I have only seen one staff person (a Resident Assistant {hello Brandon!!!} who lives on campus) eating in a dining hall, and I have never once seen a faculty member.

Owen’s dining hall dinner choices mimic precisely what he observes the football and basketball players eating: pasta and cereal / Kyle is more adventurous and will try lots of things most nights (I don’t have any idea what he is eating in this picture)

*

Before living on campus, I never ate in a dining hall at Lehigh (had never even seen one). Why don’t faculty and staff eat in the dining halls? There are surely a whole host of reasons. But one of them, definitely, is that people presume that the food must be horrible.

I’ve been really surprised by how non-horrible the food is. In my opinion, the food is mediocre (which is not horrible). But for institutional food (remember, I am familiar with institutional food; I grew up at a camp!), I think it is really good. There is a huge variety, always a fresh salad bar, lots of vegetarian and vegan options, and relatively healthy offerings. These are the things that make me comfortable having my family eat there. But the issue with institutional food is that it is institutional food — it is generally not the highest quality ingredients — and there is just no getting around the mediocrity of it.

The thing about our family, though, is that we are not above eating mediocre stuff (and I have a philosophical problem with anyone who thinks they are). Yes, we like our fancy food, and yes, most would quickly label us (especially me) Foodies, but we can chow down on the basics just like anyone else. And we can also be creative– a couple nights ago I got some rice from the Asian station, a grilled chicken breast (minus the bun; it was supposed to be a chicken sandwich) from the grill station, and some stir fried veggies, and made a nice plate for Kyle. Being creative at the dining hall is something my kids will excel at early I suspect! (This is an important and relatively invisible skill of some people who have lots of experience with institutional food! You can always spot a kid who has been to boarding school because they are so creative mixing-and-matching to come up with a dinner in the dining hall!). The other thing is this: through the dining halls my kids have been exposed to all sorts of Non-Foodie-Foods that they otherwise would not have been– jello, “Chinese noodles” (those thin hard crunchy noodles that are sometimes on salad bars), a variety of canned fruit that they never knew existed, and all sorts of other things. Granted, they have discovered they don’t like most of these things. But still, I’m glad they’ve tried it. Honestly.

And for the most part, the dining hall food is good. We can always find something decent to eat. This isn’t the school cafeteria of the past. This is a modern version of eating on campus. Schools like Lehigh go all out with their student food services.

above: a typical dining hall dinner for Meera (salad with ranch dressing; roast beef; penne pasta with alfredo sauce; milk)

below: a typical dining hall dinner for me (Heather)

Meera ALWAYS gets ice cream after dinner in the dining hall

*

From the start we established a dining hall routine. Here’s our deal:

1. First we find a table. We sit alone, as a family of five. We don’t (except for a couple of rare exceptions to this rule) invite students to eat with us at our table.
2. We all go to the salad bar first. Everyone gets a salad, and we sit down to eat it together before proceeding to our main entrees.
3. The only allowable drinks are milk or water. Period. No exceptions. Ever.
4. You can choose anything for your main entree (everyone always chooses different things and we inevitably always try everybody’s choices). If you eat pasta and cereal for dinner, that is fine (O). If you eat a hot dog and fries for dinner, that is fine (M). If you eat a waffle for dinner, that is fine (K). This is all fine because we already had a big salad!… and we’re only eating in the dining halls once or twice a week. (And, if truth be told, the bambinos are making better and healthier dining hall choices all the time as the novelty of the pasta-bar-&-bottomless-fries-&-Belgian-waffle-maker begin to wear off.)
5. If you eat a good dinner you can have dessert. (Meera is the only one who consistently opts to have dessert anyway.)
6. After you’re done eating a good solid dinner, you can go socialize. (The bambinos know how to work a room… I am telling you!… They know more people on campus — by far — than Braydon and I combined… And there are always lots of people they want to chat it up with after dinner in the dining hall. This is their main incentive for wanting to eat at the dining hall.) p.s. You should see the way they can light up a student’s face, just by hanging out with them while they eat.

This routine has been working for us.

Owen, the Master of the Post-Dinner-Socializing, in (above) Cort Dining Hall, and (below) Rathbone

above: hanging out in Rathbone (left), and hanging out in Cort (right)

*

Last week we had a first. Thursday night I had to teach a graduate seminar 4-7pm, and Kyle and Owen had to be picked up from a basketball game at 6:00. We didn’t want Braydon to have to drag Meera out on a school night to pick up her brothers, so we got a babysitter (sooooo sooo so ridiculously easy for us to get a babysitter now!). Our regular babysitter Kathryn (she is in photo below, far right, with white headband) was available, so we planned for her to watch Meera. So, we arranged for her to take Meera to the dining hall for dinner. I’m sure this was the first time in the history of Lehigh University that a four year old ate in the dining hall without parents. Meera had dinner with Kathryn and a couple of her friends. All reports were that they had a great time (of course they did). I get a kick out of this whole thing every time I think of it — Meera, at age 4, having dinner in the dining hall, with a bunch of her 20-year-old friends. What a hoot!!!!!

*

Our kids do not love the dining hall food. Braydon and I don’t either. We’d choose a meal made by me, or a lovely dinner out, most any day. But the dining hall is convenient, relaxed, and relatively healthy. So it works. It works in a big huge way. Here are some of the best things about it:

• On a busy work night, it is such an immense and huge relief to me to not have to get dinner on the table. Oh my gosh. Huge. Immense. Relief.
• At the same time, it is such an immense and huge relief to me to not have to: a) go to a nice restaurant that will be very expensive and where the expectations for our family members’ behavior will be unmanageably high, or b) eat at McDonalds, or some other such place, that would make me feel horrible [physically], from eating it, and would make me feel horrible [emotionally], from having my kids eat it
• The expectations for behavior are very low at the dining hall. It is loud and noisy. Lots of people are rowdy and lots of people are grumpy. My kids (and me! and Braydon!) fit right in at the end of the day when they/we are hungry and tired and just being the not-always-perfect-people-that-they/we-are. Just like the students we are sometimes rowdy and sometimes grumpy. That is all ok at the dining hall.
• If you try something and don’t like it, it is ok. It isn’t like we’ve just wasted $25/plate for a restaurant meal, or hurt Mommy’s feelings that we don’t like what she just slaved over the stove for the past hour making. This is an all-inclusive, all-you-can-eat buffet. If you don’t like it, try something else. We try to be cognizant and verbal about food wastefulness in the dining halls. But at the same time, it is ok if the kids try something, don’t like it, and then get something else. It is really ok.
• We wouldn’t want to eat in the dining halls every night, but once or twice a week we like to do it– it is fun to see students we know, to touch base with folks, to have a good laugh, or to chat it up with a football player (Kyle), or learn a new tidbit of inside info from a basketball player (Owen), or play chase-me-around-the-table-100-times-giggling (Meera). And while the kids all work the room, Braydon and I have that amazing luxury of just sitting there, the two of us, catching up on our day. No, it is not completely relaxing (we are in a college dining hall!!!), but it is very, very nice for us.
• No clean up. No dishes. No nothin’! Folks, that — in and of itself — is worth it!

We’ve done breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the dining halls. But the only thing we do regularly is dinner. There are two main dining halls on campus that we eat in regularly (for LU folks: Cort and Rathbone). We ate last night in the Upper UC Food Court for the first time (we were coming home late after K&O’s basketball game).

However, by far our favorite place for on-campus dining is the Faculty and Staff Dining Room (Asa Packer Dining Room) in the UC. This is a whole other league. The food is very high quality, it is waited tables, and it is all-around-the-polar-opposite of the regular dining halls in setting and atmosphere. It is only open for lunch on weekdays. And you rarely see students eating there (unless they are invited by a faculty or staff member). It is filled with faculty and staff Monday-Friday. The bambinos LOVE the food there, and consider it a real treat to be able to have lunch there any time they don’t have school.

above & below: eating at the Asa Packer Dining Room on President’s Day a couple weeks ago (the kids did not have school but LU did)

above: my current favorite picture of all time– Kyle with MaryAnn (my absolute favorite LU employee — I adore her — I’ve been sitting in her section for years) — he was having linguine with sun-dried tomatoes

below: Meera gets a brownie with pink sprinkles for dessert (super exciting!), Owen’s lunch was, according to him, “absolutely delicious!” (he asked MaryAnn to please tell the chef he said that) — he had Greek spinach strudel (he had 3 helpings of that), herb crusted cod, and grilled lemon chicken

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So, there you have it. Eating, as a faculty family, in the dining halls. Not for everyone, for sure. Definitely not for the faint of heart. But a real benefit of living on campus for us.

O, M, K at Rathbone

*

{By Braydon!}

Let me surely call out this truth: while we have downsized, others have downsized (and done other radical things) even more than we have. And for much of the world “downsized” is the way life has always been and having less is not desirable.  In the western, privileged world, needing and choosing to downsize is quite a luxury. And maybe in part our attempt to rid ourselves of some of our material overhead is a tacit recognition of our place in the world and what’s right.

That said, we still have a couple cheats (a small storage area in the basement for living items and a Units/Pod storage unit for stuff we think we’d want when eventually move on). So it’s with that acknowledgement and admission that I reveal our downsizing effort.

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All in all, we gave away around 3/4’s of our material possessions. And we went from 3,200 sqf to 700 sqf of living space.  After 9 years of living in a large house and going from 0 to three children and the baby years of their life, we had collected a vast amount of stuff.

It was weird though. If you’ve looked at photos of our old house on this blog, it didn’t feel like we had a ton of stuff. We worked hard to reduce clutter and keep things very clean and clear.  We didn’t have lots of knick-knacks around and we continually got rid of outdated, broken or otherwise unused items.  But, it turned out, we had vast amounts of stuff.  Just stuff.  And more stuff.  Stuff that defies definition, but some how accumulates where you don’t realize it’s hiding.

Stuff, stuff everywhere and not a notion how. And ours was not extreme stuff either.

So, after we had mapped out exactly what we would be moving into our new space (down to the inch, the placement of decorations and the items that would sit on shelves and everywhere else, we had to go through and get rid of things.

The first wave was the hardest by far. There were many many waves, but the first felt like a real barrier to walk through. Or a mountain of stuff to climb.  We did that first wave in full spirit of doing it but later realized that it was only half-hearted. We meant well, but it was just not easy.   And that was just mostly the “junk”.  Things that were broken, or old electronics (which I had a real tendency to keep and keep and keep and horde), or old clothes (like 2o year old college t-shirts – what’s up with that?) or broken toys (which we had kept since the boys had played with them for a while when they were 3).

Maybe it’s because I am inherently a packrat. I have always really struggled with getting rid of things. I have kept every card that Heather has given me since the very first one she gave me when we were dating in college (which could be sweet, but when it takes up a box, it’s just kind of weird). I kept notebooks from high-school and college. I kept old clothes. I kept old guitar picks. I kept old patches from awards and paper awards themselves. I kept old books and magazines, and maps and notes and trinkets and my old toys (that sadly I never let the boys play with because I was worried they would break them, only later to have them not be interested and find myself donating them to someone else – I really regret that). I kept nuts and bolts and screws and wires and cables and everything.  And yet somehow it didn’t seem like too much.

But then after wave one, we looked around and realized we had a looooong way to to. So we embarked on Wave 2.  Then Wave 3, and Wave 4, and 5 and 6.  And I don’t know how many waves we really did, but it went on and on for months.

We took the seats out of my minivan (aka the “Rox Box”) and filled it 9 times. And donated it all to a local charity/thrift store that serves the local community. Then we rented a 14′ U-Haul and filled that and made a huge donation (although 2 couches did go to my office).  Then we set up a day for anyone who wanted to come and take anything else that we had not earmarked to keep ourselves.

It was like a tidal wave of purging had come over us.

And as we went, it got easier. And it made more sense. And it felt lighter, and clearer and more focused.  And a few waves into it, we looked back at the first few waves and almost laughed at how we had wanted to hold on to certain things.  I remember going through the closet in our bedroom (again) and finding things I thought I couldn’t part with, that now I couldn’t believe I would have ever held on to.

***

The very last thing we did was go through the closet in the basement. The one place that had all family items, memorabilia, photographs, momentos, collectables and things we felt we couldn’t part with them. We had been saying that we needed to get to it, but I think we really did need to do that one last.  Had we not gone through all the waves previously, we never would have been able to go through that last one.

We sat on the floor for several hours, pouring through memories and picking things that we wanted to keep.  We supported each other on what should go and what should stay.  Things from our parents, grand parents, great grandparents, and great-great grandparents. Things from own childhoods, things we remembered, things we didn’t. Lost friends reappeared, lost achievements and hopes and dreams floated by in a sea of paper and cardboard boxes. Our lives seemed to unfold before us as we pared through the chaff.

***

And then we were done.

And the moving truck was packed, the storage unit was packed. Then the home we had became a house and was empty.

It felt weird. Giving it away felt weird. Seeing our friends excitedly take away our furniture felt weird.

And it felt really good.

And although we can recall some of our material possessions and memories along with them, we have not missed our stuff at all.

I believe we are now different people than we were before, and it feels right.

Model train set in the lounge.

Play tent, unicorn, and princess girl ready for a tea party in the hall.

As we’ve discovered this winter, one of the best parts of living in Sayre is the sledding! We’ve only had a couple of bigger snow storms, but both times we took full advantage of the hills outside our residence hall. The first big snow was during Winter Break — students were all away; we were the only people on campus; so we had the sledding slopes all to ourselves. It was amazing to have the entire campus all to ourselves, and we savored every minute of it. The second big snow was just a couple of weeks ago — students were here and many more than I would have imagined were excited to play in the snow on a Saturday morning! It was amazing to see my kids sledding, and playing, and just having so much fun with some pretty incredible students.

Our life on campus is a mix of alone time (just our family), and together time (interacting and engaging with students, staff, and faculty). Sometimes we do things alone; we have a lot more “alone time” and privacy than many might think (and more than I had imagined we’d be able to have); we do not have an “open door policy” and students have greatly — with no exceptions (knock on wood!) — honored and respected our families’ boundaries, personal space, and need for “alone time.” And sometimes we do things together with students or other members of the campus community. At times our “together time” is planned and organized (events, etc.), but a lot of the time it is very spontaneous and casual (for example, after sledding with the students in the photos below, we invited them over for hot chocolate… which turned into a memorable and deep conversation at our kitchen counter). There are so many times that the “together time” brings such a rich layer to our experience — our kids, especially, benefit so much from it. For example, in keeping with the Sayre sledding theme, that day while sledding, students built a huge sledding jump that we would never have been able to –or at least not have had the energy to– build on our own– the bambinos loved it! Then later that day some other students helped the bambinos turn the jump into a snow fort– which the students soon abandoned, but which K, O, and M played with for days. And another example from that same day: when we were making hot chocolate and the whistle on our tea pot sounded, Braydon and I could not answer the boys’ questions about why/how the whistle whistles when the water boils. I said, “Oh, that’s what these students are for! Just ask them, I bet you at least one of them can give you the answer!” And sure enough, they got a full and lengthy explanation — which, I must say, was very child-centric and age-appropriate — about the physics and chemistry of tea-pot-boiling-whistle-sounding… an explanation that their Sociology Doctorate and Music Composition Doctorate parents would never have been able to give!

Although family life on campus is definitely not for everyone, it works for our family. While we value a lot of “alone time,” we are also a group of five extrovert-oriented people who really appreciate the multiple dimensions of the “together time” too.

{By Braydon!}

I thought I would do a “Top ten awesome things about living on campus”. Then I thought it would be “Top ten things about radically downsizing”.  Then I realized that I could have sliced up a Top Ten list about 100 ways (logistic improvements, finance changes, community engagement, environmentalism, work life balance, etc).

I guess that’s just how life is – refuses to be easily categorized.

So, here are the 10 Ten things I love about our crazy living situation.

1. Yard work and Maintenance – better than I could ever do:  In our old life, I had to worry about grass mowing, spring/fall clean up, gutter cleaning, snow removal, tree issues, pool care, weeding.  Door hinges, window screens, fence repair, garage door issues, water system problems, heating and cooling systems, pool pumps, roof repairs were concerns. Basically everything that comes with owning a house – and in our case a rather large house. Of course if we rented an apartment that would mostly go away, but here on campus it’s all done by professionals who do better than either I  or the people we used to hire could or even in an apartment complex.
2. Massive financial savings. Mortgage, utilities, services, repairs, reduced driving, overall reduced stuff. Do I need to elaborate?
3. 9 vs 110 lightbulbs.  In our old house we had 110 lightbulbs. Now we have 9 light bulbs. Incredible electricity reduction. Granted, we don’t pay for it, but that’s not the point.  Have you counted how many you have lately? And it’s not just that, it’s heat, air conditioning, cable tv, etc.
4. Three washing machines and dryers.  Family of 5, being able to do 3 loads of laundry in the time it takes to do 1.  Awesomeness.
5. A vibrant, living community.  You might not think of students on campus as a community per se, or if nothing else a transient community, but it really is a community.  We live here together, we play together, we work through challenging world issues together.  After having lived out in a country setting with little interaction in our community and honestly, a bit of lonlieness, it’s incredible to have an engaged group of people around who you interact with daily and build meaningful relationships.
6. Proximity to lots of things:  work (2-5 min drive or 15 min walking), restaurants (2-5 min), shopping (2-10 min), airport (12 min), lots of other activities (2-20 min). It’s less drive time, less gas and less of an obstacle to life.
7. Overall reduction in all material things.  Not only did we get rid of 2/3-3/4 of all our earthly possessions when we moved, we also just buy less now. A lot less. It’s not just that we don’t need to fill our space with stuff, it’s that we actively have to keep at bay the purchasing of things. I went into a Lowes a couple months ago and said “gosh, there is nothing here I could buy even if I wanted to”.
8. Eating in the dining hall and having it be fun.  It’s not just that Heather’s cooking load is lower. When we eat in the dining halls, it’s like being at a restaurant with 100 of your friends.  There is no pressure to be on your perfect behavior, you get to have great conversations together or with others all over a really good meal.
9. Living in a smaller space is just good.  Everyone is closer together physically and emotionally. Our rhythms are more noticeable, how we dovetail into each other is more pronounced and it feels good.  When our kids are playing around us they don’t feel far away and that feels really good.
10. Reconnecting to my wife and kids.  All that logistical and financial overhead and stress, the missing social interaction, the energy it required to sustain our own little community, the energy it took to psychically fill a large house all took its toll. Heather is much less stressed, I am much less stressed, our kids are much closer to us. This unique solution has brought me back to my family and I deeply appreciate it.

In the months leading up to moving, we noticed over and over again, that our whole family would all be in one room in our large house.  We’d all be in the kitchen, or the living room, or the family room, or the bedroom or the dining room, or the garage but we were always in the same 200 square feet within a 3200 square foot house. That is, except when we put the kids to bed – then they were upstairs and we were downstairs. They seemed so far away. Now our life is tightly together in so many ways.

Now our family feels tight and mightily alive. There is a lot that contributes to that sense.