Important Question for our Blog Readers: One of the comments below mentions that our blog loads slowly. We want to know about this because we’re trying to work out some things for our newer-better-soon-to-come-best-ever revved up ramped up J-M BLOG! Please tell us~~ does this blog load slowly for you? do you have a hard time getting all the photos to show up? does the blog load slower for you than other internet sites load? PLEASE tell us by leaving a comment here! The more we know, the better. Thanks!
We are — once again (!) — in the midst of planning big renovations to the J-M blog! We could really use your help. Will you please leave a comment here, telling us what you’d most like to see more (or less) of as we move onward and upward into our new-bigger-better–never-a-dull-moment–family blog?
Your Tree photo is beautiful!
It’s hard to say what I value most in your blog, but I can tell you that it is my absolute-#1-must-read blog. I found you two or three years ago when we first started thinking about adoption and thinking international. We opted to try to adopt from the foster system (no matches yet, nearly 2 years in…), but I still value your blog immensely. Your insights and observations are so well-written, which I attribute to your skills as a sociologist, that I learn something every week.
The one thing I’d love to read more about you may feel reluctant to share (and I wouldn’t blame you for that at all) is more about the effects of early deprivation on your boys, plus attachment stuff. I often think about your couple of posts about how the boys were when you found them (one took their deprivation inward, one outward, and how their caretakers responded to each) and how that sometimes still plays out now, years later.
Thank you, thank you, J-M’s, for letting us into your lives. It is such a gift, and one that we readers can never repay.
I love your family, hearing your stories, listening to your wisdom, and being envious of your life in general…lol.
Selfish me- is going to be the rare voice out who might vote (if I had a vote in this…clearly, I don’t) to stay private. Why? Something changed in your writing. I don’t know if this is the proper way to explain it.. but … you became .. unapologetic? I can totally understand that when,people were being so hurtful- that intense instinct to justify – or explain.. but… you don’t need to. And that was so refreshing to ‘see’ you leave behind. I’d like to encourage you all- to remember- you’ve earned this. You are qualified to comment and publish what you say, do, think, feel, theorize etc. Of all the unintelligible (intelligent?) people that have blogs (me being one) YOU are one of the few smart- learned- interesting- engrossing- motivating places on this here internet. So thank you. What ever your choice. Thank you!
One thing I would personally love is the ability to connect with your other readers and commentators-right now there are all these awesome comments above and I would looooove to be able to click on their names and see their blogs/sites/info-grow the community of people with progressive families. Is that a possibility?
“Travelingsistertms”– Braydon is working on this!!
Hi Heather (and Braydon & kiddos),
There are so many wonderful things about your Blog; lots of others have already commented about those things, and you can be sure that I wouldn’t still be reading after all these years if I didn’t enjoy every single minute of it!
I’ve been thinking long and hard about what I’d like to see more of on your site, and here’s what I’ve come up with: I was a Sociology grad student of Heather’s, and therefore had the pleasure of seeing Heather as a professor in action several years ago. In fact, (if I may brag about you just a little, Heather), Heather was my most inspiring, most challenging, and all-time-favorite professor and it was her FIRST year as a professor- and she was only 29 years old! We’re talking Doogie Howser, MD… haha. As a teacher myself, I know that teachers’ methods, lessons, assignments, etc. improve each year, so I can only imagine what an incredible teacher Heather must be now. From many of your posts (and just thinking about the ‘Leaves Falling” poem you posted a few days ago), I can see that you’re constantly putting on and taking off hats- from All-Star Mommy to All-Star Professor- and that it’s a continual struggle to know how well you’re balancing these two sides of yourself. What I’d love to hear about is not the ways that these aspects of your life are different, but how the two skills overlap- how your Sociological Imagination helps (or hinders?) in your role as a parent, and vice-versa… how seeing the world through a deeply trained sociological lens carries over to raising children, or being the best partner you can be, or making decisions about choosing schools (I know you could write a book on this one- oh wait, you already did, haha), planning vacations, planning summer “To Do” lists, planning birthday parties, etc.
I guess what I’m saying is this: What do you think about incorporating a few more Sociology lessons into the Blog? Maybe a Sociology Q & A section along the side, so the main posts don’t get bogged down in sociology jargon? Would that be fun and interesting, or just feel like more work for you during your much-needed and very well-deserved downtime?
Thanks, Heather, and a big hug to all of you! I continue to be absolutely inspired by all of the incredible things that you do each and every day.
Fondly,
Marsha
Hi Braydon and Heather,
My favorite parts of the blog are pretty much everything! The posts about your vacations and food probably rank up the highest. From one two career family to another, I also like reading about the balancing act you do–makes us feel closer to normal. As a fellow adoptive parent of two children from Haiti, I also like reading about the trans-cultural aspects of parenting.
I did not know, it but I think Marsha hit the nail on the head! I am way way outside the sociology spectrum- but find the comments and ancedotes you weavemake me w ant to know and learn more. I am an a-mom of a Somali-Italian sweetie pie who loves to see the pix of your kids and hear the stories you tell of their exploits.
In addition adoption, attachment, loss and grief are all part of our life, off and on. Being able to share that in a community would be great.
chancesmom
As an adoptive parent of three-year-old virtual twins, I love reading about your adoption-related experiences and the challenges that come with parenting two highly energetic children who are the same age (the recent post about grocery shopping hit home – only 2.5 more years until that feels easy…) I tend to only read blogs that are on my Google Reader blogroll, so I haven’t been following yours since you made the switch – I just never get around to checking for new posts when it requires that I have to remember to click on the address and then have to remember my password.
All the best,
Betsy
http://lifeinthebend.blogspot.com
I didn’t have time to read the other comments so I may be repeating (just started a new teaching job and way overworked at the moment). I appreciate the posts about your perspective on raising strong black men as white parents and all the stuff that goes with it. We have an adopted biracial girl and boy and our son is so much like your boys – active, athletic, busy and just so in your face with all of his enthusiasm for life.
I like reading about your parenting style, I have two boys around the same age and it gives me a lot of ideas – I love the food, the blueberry goats cheese salad is still my favorite, I like the travels, reading the blog almost always makes me smile.
I love the way you blog! As someone who works in child care, it is wonderful to see a family that truly cares about their children and wants nothing but the best for them, and most importantly, a family that strives to spend as much quality time with their children as they can!
I love reading about a family going through normal days. I read recently that merging cultures is like lake ice. It can be jagged and sharp, or smooth as glass. No family, even without merging races or cultures, is smooth as glass. You have much wisdom for a country that has lots of mergers going on. Thank you!
Love your perspectives on race, culture, gender and identity, which are complimented by the stories about your kids’ growth and experiences of these topics as well… will be sad if your writing becomes more safe if you go public– but i do think your blog is wonderful and should be experienced by many. Also your kids are gorgeous- so keep up the photos and stories!
NLG
I thought about it…. and I’d like to be able to click a link to all the ‘vacation’ posts. Although i have to agree with the sociology insight everyone else says that is much more deep… but I’m shallow and want to go on vacation and.. well… it’s nice review!
I love how you write, I am a working mom of two and feel connected to your work vs. mom dilemmas!
My favorites are (1) everything about balancing working and parenting; (2) general parenting/child-related issues; (3) cooking; (4) travel. While I am thrilled that more people will be able to benefit from your blog, I am concerned about you opening yourself up again for criticism and pain. You just don’t need that on top of everything, and I feel protective of you!
I’m a longtime reader and always enjoy your writing and photos. From reading the above comments it looks like your blog is going to have to be about everything! My favorite topics are posts unique to the twin bond (I’m a mom of 7-year-old twins) and adoption (my twins are adopted, too). And, I know you don’t post them often, but I almost always try your recipes, too!
Hi again!
Since you’re re-formatting your blog I just remembered a couple of other things. I loved how your Party of 5 blog had the annual tree photos. Also I loved the link to the favourite posts, looking forward to contributing to the Readers’ Top 10 Favourite Posts.
Thanks!
Kate
I love how you keep it real. It is refreshing to hear honest stories and honest discussions about parenting in this very complex world. (I love reading that I am not the only parent whose emotions swing wildly in any given day of parenting!!)
I love the sociological perspective, of course. Also, the more I parent, the more I realize how sociology often cannot explain things in parenting. (Here I thought sociology was perfect! ;))
On a personal note, I appreciate reading about the road not traveled. Had John and I stayed in Milwaukee (away from family) and had we both kept up big academic careers, our lives would look a lot more like yours than they already do. It is easier to fully experience the choices we made (what we gave up and what we have) since I can live vicariously, even a little bit, through reading your blog.
— Laura
I’d like to read more from Braydon on being an adoptive father… so that I can pass along this info to my husband. Heather does a great job detailing her life as a professional mother of three thus I feel more comfortable with the decision to follow her footsteps. I’d also like to read more about attachment both parental and sibling.
In response to your question about your blog loading slow- it hasn’t ever loaded slow for me before. I use Firefox on a PC with Vista. Hope that helps
Hello JM’s!
I love the variety in your blog and check in daily (sometimes more if I am procrastinating at some task ;), and enjoy all you write. I love travelling and thinking about the world and the places we have visited. We spent 6 weeks in SAfrica, Namibia, Botswana and Zim, which affected me so much (as did Uganda in 03). The racism that still exists in SAfrica in particular is horrid, and both hubby and I felt it strongly!
My husband in biracial (Filipino and Caucasian) but looks ‘white’ enough. He reckons he has not suffered discrimination, which surprised me a bit as he grew up in a very small town in Australia. Adoption is something I have thought a lot about, P is much more the quiet thinker….
Work wise, I really enjoy your posts Heather about maintaining the balance. We have no children (yet), and my job (I am a vet) does take long hours and currently lots of on call which sucks. I have a masters and Africa revived my interest for a PhD, possibly targeting the interface between human populations and wildlife. Travel to Africa has changed my perception on wildlife conservation hugely. I may be doing PhD research in Zim, which could be very ‘interesting’!
To sum up – I love the honesty, the look at ‘real’ life with you guys, the gorgeous photos of the kiddos (and the family). You guys remind me of our family as far as closeness. I love the food posts (I love to cook adn to eat and to drink wine!!), I love it all!
Thank you guys for sharing, and I haven’t had any issues with loading…..
Cheers!
Nif
The blog has never loaded slow for me. I guess maybe once or twice it took a little longer for the pictures to load, but nothing really super slow.
Your blog loads at a completely reasonable speed for me. I use Google Chrome on a PC with Windows Vista, on a standard DSL connection. I hope that helps!
I love your blog! You both write so well, and I love following your story. In terms of what I’d like to see more of– the excellent, heartfelt writing, and MORE recipes!!! I have had some awesome ones from your blog, in particular the Sweet Potato Burritos, now a fan favourite at our home. Thanks for sharing your life with us!
Your blog loads at a reasonable speed for me as well. I use a MacBook with ATT wireless connection.
Blessings
No problems loading the site. Once or twice it has but I then I think it may be because you are downloading a post at the same time so I wait a minute and that’s what it was.
More of the same, please. Sometimes it loads slowly, especially pix.
Amy
I have no problem with your blog popping up right away and I read it on two different systems – work and home. Hang in there. You are doing a great job!!!
I have no trouble loading your site, ever. I am a mac with ATT wireless. I have accessed from places other than home, too, with no trouble.
i don’t have any problems w/ your blog loading, i love pictures!
I never have issues with your blog loading
The only time I ever have slow loads with any site is when I need to clear my cache, cookies, and browsing history. Cleans things up and everything returns to normal 
Regarding the site–yes on the slow. I don’t know how they’ve done it over at dooce.com, but I love the mobile version. I can only read my ‘fun stuff’ in odd places like the elevator these days, which makes mobile-friendly sites my friend…
As far as content–I love the funny kid stories and also Heather’s thoughts on family + career.
I like so much about your blog! And I agree with someone else above (below?) who said that your writing seems more relaxed/unapologetic since the blog went private. Or maybe that’s just my perception…Anyway I really enjoy the serious stuff about interracial families (mine is too), poverty/worldview/Haiti and making it all work but I also enjoy the photos (your boys are the only twins I have ever been able to tell apart), the sharing of joy/rituals, recipes and just fun stories about the kids. I also think more sociology references would be interesting. I learn a lot from your blog in general! I don’t have any problems loading the blog using firefox but I will, reluctantly, admit that it loads slowly or not at all on the blackberry. I swear I’m not a stalker! I just often read blogs while out and about waiting for things.
Love your family and appreciate all the sharing you do with us!
JM Family Greetings, continued to enjoy reading your blog.
I would like to answer to the question about the speed of loading of the website. I really takes about 5 minutes, more than other sites I visit, but I do not think too much and is loaded well and without problems.
Greetings from Sevilla, Spain
No problem loading here!
I haven’t read all the comments. Sometimes, it takes a few seconds for the pic heavy posts to load but nothing major.
As far as going public or private, is there an option to go public but maybe have some of the more personal posts or pics be password protected?
I, like many others, enjoy your food posts (we are using laptop lunches this year!) and hair posts. Also love reading your travel adventures!
Hi Heather and Braydon,
I love all aspects of your blog. I love reading about daily moments, funny stories about K O, and M, family rituals, vacation, spirit of family, work/family balancing act, recipes, seeing photos, top 10 lists, posts on what games, toys, music, and books the kids are really into at the moment. I also like the “this is what we did today” posts…it all makes me feel connected despite the miles.
xo jen
PS–When your blog first went private, I noticed it took a while to load. But these days it loads really quickly.
OMGosh.
There has never been time required to log on for photos or otherwise.
I guess , maybe, everyone should consider broadbank. Perhaps….
I’ve been reading your blog for about 2 1/2 years now and I wouldn’t have stuck around if you guys didn’t always manage to talk about the issues that interest me most (adoption, adopting from Haiti, transracial adoption, families with a mixture of both adopted and biological children, working and motherhood, raising twins, cooking and baking, Waldorf Schools, etc.)! I will miss the openness that came when you went private with your blog but still look forward to great thought provoking posts to come!
Will your annual Open Book be returning this year? Or was it always there and I just missed it last year?
Oh, and I don’t have any problems loading your blog on my work or home computer. It did seem a little slower when it was private but it still wasn’t slow enough to be a problem (7 seconds v. 3 seconds now to load).
Cheers! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, honesty, and insight with us.
Yes, it does load more slowly than others and often times I cannot look at all the photos because it goes so slow
I’m most, most interested in “how you do it.” How you manage the daily lives of 3 kids, how you plan your trips, how do you ever find time to talk/relax (do you? because we don’t!). Logistics of it all. I can’t believe you’re revamping your blog – and I haven’t posted on mine for a month!
No problems with the blog loading – and I have a slow connection! In addition to your beautiful reflections on parenting, children, family, balancing career and family I love your travel stories! You’ve provided a lot of ideas for our family! Oh, and I love how you all celebrate with traditions…….Lovely family!
Sorry to be so generic, but I love it ALL. I love the anecdotes, parenting advice/experience, food (love the food ideas!), travel talk, photos, career vs. mothering, adoption, etc. Your blog is a one stop shop for me. It truly is a labor of love…for your family, but also for your readers as a result.
Love it all.
Yes, your blog has been loaded slowly. It’s a recent thing.
Erin
I don’t have a problem with it loading. I use Windows 2007, PC, laptop, wireless connection. I really relate to, and appreciate, the work/family balance posts. Those seemed to be the ones that generated the negative comments, from what I could tell, when you were public. I would hate to lose those insights and support!