biotin hair growth

Braydon

Awareness

Posted by | Uncategorized | No Comments

We do our best to be very sensitive and careful in how we handle and discuss race, class and gender in our family. We work on our use of language, our interactions, our alterations of existing materials, our own internal, built-in biases. We work on them, attempt to work them out, and be in a place of natural equilibrium and equality in our daily life. We are not by any means perfect, or even always good, but we are always working to be better.

With class, we have a very strong awareness of our privilege and success. We are also super aware of the fallacy of class as a means for stratification, but understand the vast reality that is does segment society dramatically.
At this point, Kyle and Owen know the word “Money” but don’t understand the concept much at all. They don’t get it that you have to pay for things, or that you have to have money to pay for things. They are starting to have some awareness of it, but their understanding is still very limited.
And, when it comes to our children, we put in extra effort to overcome external influences. But, as any parent can attest, there is much that is just simply out of our hands. And, as we near K & O turning 5, and Meera turning 1, we’re so poignantly aware of how quickly they are growing and changing – and becoming people with their own thoughts, feelings and intellect.
This morning on the way to school below was the dialog with Kyle that he initiated out of the blue. It was non-judgemental, just observational:
K: “Papi, do you like big houses or little houses?”
B: “I like houses that are just the right size. Why do you ask?”
K: pauses… People who don’t have a lot of money have little houses, people with a lot of money have big houses.”
B: “Oh, that’s interesting, who told you that?”
K: “Nobody, just me.”

Do we really knead this?

Posted by | Uncategorized | No Comments


While Heather is most definitely the chef in our house, I have liked to bake from time to time. And recently it’s taken a whole new turn…I received a sourdough starter from a friend at the River Valley Waldorf school. In truth I begged for it, and here I am now with it.  

For those who are sane enough to have not done artisinal baking, a primer: there are generally two classes of bread: leavened (eg: Italian loaf) and unleavened (eg: banana bread). And for leavened bread there are those that are straight dough and those that require a “starter”.  A starter is a portion of bread where you “pre-ferment” the yeast to it rises a little differently, thereby bringing out the sugar in the flour. And within the “starter” group of breads, there are those that you make from “old dough”, or things like Poolish, or Bigas, and those you make from sourdough starters.    PHEW – good times!
So, here we are with this sourdough starter, that… you have to feed daily.  Feed daily. Feed daily. With more flour. And more flour. And throw out the excess. And more flour. And throw out the excess. And pretty soon you have this crazy living thing in your fridge.
Owen named ours “Chupa.” We don’t know why or what it means, but the name stuck.
And I can’t stand throwing out the excess, so I have been making bread non-stop. I was making about 6 artisan sourdough loaves a week. I was also making about 5-10 baguettes/french bread a week. 
I played with the sour dough recipe that I had:
Original (loosely translated from the original)
1.5 C flour
2/3 C water
2/3 semi-firm starter
1 tsp salt.
Mix flour and water together, knead (in mixer) until gluten starts to form (IOW, turns to dough). Cover, let rest 20 min.
Mix in 1/3 C of starter, knead
Mix in 1/3 C of started, knead
Add salt, knead.
Move to oiled bowl, cover and let rise 1 hour.  Punch down (if it has really risen), turn and let rise 5 hours.  Shape into boule (round shape that is pretty), cover in a little flour, sit it in a towel lined bowl and let rise 2 hours.  Put it on a silpat lined sheet, score the top, sprinkle a little flour on it (for that rustic look and flavor) and pop in the preheated 450 degree oven (put the pan on top of a pizza stone if you can). Bake 20 minutes, until you thump it with your finger and it sounds hollow.  They also suggest dropping ice into a pan beneath the bread if you did not flour it.  It’s supposed to keep the crust moist letting the yeast do a hot rise until it dies. Nope, not doing that, using flour.
With some experimentation, I modified it to make it take less time and conform to my schedule:
1. Mix all ingredients together, knead for a while.
2. Let rise for 4 hours
3. Shape in to boule
4. Let rise for 2 hours
5. Bake as above.
Note:  this did not work. It tasted good, but was mighty dense.  Good to practice jaw strengthening, not good to give to friends or Heather’s colleagues (sorry Nikki!).  Oh well, stick with the first option above.
After we totally carb’d out a couple weeks ago, and Heather kept saying “I can’t stand it, there is flour all over the kitchen,” I put Chupa in the fridge, so I only have to feed it weekly. Now I make one loaf once a week and maybe some baguettes from time to time (those are our favorite).   These are coming out quite nice.

The boys, but Kyle in particular, say they like my bread better than the “Yummy Bread Store” (Texas Roadhouse for real).  Now, this is a real compliment, but I harbor suspicions that he is just trying to make me feel good, although  he does eat it all. But then again, this kid can eat.
Heather used to tell me that she liked to read cookbooks like they were fiction; I used to think that was crazy. Now I understand: I’ve been using two baking books that I love: The bread bible by Rose Levy Beranbaum and The bread bakers apprentice by Peter Reinhart. I have read them both at night and they sat on my bedside table for a while.  Good reads (if you can call them that).

In addition to the regular Sourdough (which is regularly being given away at this point), our favorites are the baguettes (and these are Heather’s top favorite) from the bread bible and the pain a l’Ancienne (this one is super easy to make and really good – although it does not seem to get as airy a crumb as I would like – any tips on that?) from the bread bakers apprentice.  The carrot bread (not a leavened bread) in the bread bible is really great too.  I find that where we live, in the winter, that I require quite a bit more liquid than the bread bible calls for (but I am also measuring and not weighing).
Who knew!?!?
 

The stuff of life

Posted by | Uncategorized | No Comments

I have always been a mediocre cook. And a terrible meal planner.  Maybe this is due to my upbringing as a man, or maybe it’s due to my experiences around food as a child, or maybe I am not that creative, or maybe food is not how I sustain my family. I am not sure, and maybe it does not matter. I am just not a cook – and definitely not a chef.

As I see it, cooks are people able to execute a recipe that has been prescribed, whether for macaroni and cheese, or tuna nicoise. Cooks can open Fannie Farmer and generally get dinner on the table. Cooks are who you call when you are hungry and you need to eat.  And don’t get me wrong, cooks make the world go round and without cooks we are lost.
However, a Chef is a person who have a sense of food as art, life and love. 
For chefs, food is more than what comes together at the end and that you put on the plate, the things that you bless at the dinner table. For a chef, food is creation. There is magic there; the essence of life as it unfolds.  There is a gift of the generous heart. The gift of love as the pan heats up, the oil bubbles, the garlic goes in, the lemon and parsley sizzle and shrivel and the air fills with an aroma to lift you up. 

For a chef, it’s not about making dinner, it’s about giving of themselves to the act of creation, about giving to the ones they love. It’s about the love for humanity. 
Heather is a chef. 
When we were first together, fresh out of college, as it related to food, at the time, I had only one simple request: that the fridge always be full.  There is meaning in that statement, and it did not escape her in the slightest. She could not cook, or even boil water, but that was a commitment she made to me. It was not that she was going to make me supper every night, or anything like that, it was a simple gift to me.
Years later, after she had learned how to execute a recipe, something amazing happened. I don’t know when it was exactly, and never realized it at the time, but food for Heather became something much more. And she took it much farther. It had become life, a gift of love, and a creative expression of her engagement in the world. And this is on top of her other work.

People loved to come over for supper, and Heather always made something they would love. Something filling in the deepest way. Something that fed more than their bellies. Something that built a relationship, that crafted a friendship, that opened hearts and enhanced spirits.  It’s what you wish for when you eat at a friend’s house.  In fact, there has been only one other person with whom we have experienced that kind of feeling.  Dinners at our house were nights to remember and nights of love and laughter and tears and hugs.
And then with K & O, food took on an entirely new meaning.   
Sustaining life, building life, feeding the soul. Feeding love, baby spoonful, by baby spoonful, attempting to fill up a bottomless pit in need. Attempting to remedy so much that needed help.  With time, thought, care a love, things got better. And although certain parts will never overflow, the shrinking bellies could sleep soundly at night, calmed, filled, loved and comforted.

Now in our life some of the gorgeous dishes of past have fallen to the wayside with the limits of time and energy. But in their place has sprung up something new.  A new kind of sustenance, a new kind of meaning in food.  The beauty of food has taken on a richer meaning, a whole life meaning.

In creating food, now with her children along side her, Heather has brought new meaning to keeping the fridge full. She is teaching her little boys (and soon will teach her daughter) how to give love through the creative expression of putting food on the table.

The essence of love in the full plate before us.

Drumming!

Posted by | Uncategorized | No Comments

It’s no secret that Kyle and Owen have a long and loving history with Marching Bands. If there is any doubt, just look: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here or, here. And, last night we had the best of all possible worlds for our pleasure….

Heather (who does almost all things good and wonderful for our life) bought 3 tickets to: “DRUMLINE LIVE“. We didn’t tell the boys until the day or so before, just so we could make it through the week with out going insane from the excitement. And, it’s a good thing – there was a lot of excitement.
We had talked about it, and decided that it made more sense for me to take them boys this time (as opposed to the last awesome event she set up for them) – oh wow, it was awesome.
Before the main event started we got to see the Lehigh Street Drumming ensemble go to town on their home made drum kit at 7 PM.  The boys were cool to it at first, but Owen meandered up and pretty soon the drummers had given both boys a set of drum sticks and the whole crew was unselfconsciously wailing away in front of 200 people! The Lehigh guys loved it as did everyone watching.  I had to let my normal sense of reserve go a bit since so many people were enjoying it so much.  After the street drummers stopped a lady came up to me and said “tonight either they are going to go right to sleep or they are going be up all night!”  No…this is really, honestly how they are all the time.  No, really.

Finally it was time to go into see Drumline live.  Turns out, Drumline live is far far far more than just some marching band drumming. It’s like seeing traditional African drumming and singing, Motown, HBCU marching bands,  New Orleans Jazz, swing and gospel through the lens of a high octane, dynamic HBCU marching band with dancers and all. Heather had managed to get us 4th row seats – we were about 6 feet from the trumpets as they blasted fortisisissimo and marched.  One of the best things about it was that although the audience at Lehigh was most definitely white, the production was not geared toward a white audience. I got the distinct sense that they played it straight up – and would do that for a white or a black audience (although the level of audience interaction with this white audience was pretty minimal).
To say that K&O were in their glory would not do it justice.  To really give a sense for how much they were in their glory – Kyle stayed on my lap for almost the entire time and did not budge (except to raise the roof for the band and be a witness during the gospel of course!) and Owen stood without moving the entire concert except for the last 20 minutes when his (and this is the true test) stamina finally gave out.  We walked out at 10:30 PM.  
And to top it off – coincidentally – we got to sit next to Calvin – extra wonderful!
When it was over, the band marched out into the lobby and the members were signing autographs.  The musicians were thrilled to have K&O come up to them, chat with them and let try to play their instruments.  That was Owen’s high point from the night.


On the way home Owen told me that he was going to dream about those girls dancing. Man oh man, what’s going to happen when he is a teenager….  We picked up commemorative drumsticks (real ones mind you) and both boys have been banging on everything in site since.
If you get a chance to go see Drumline live – for sure – go – it’s really fantastic.  

Guide to mothers with careers

Posted by | Uncategorized | No Comments

The very short Guy’s Guide to mothers with Careers: For any man interested in talking to a mother with a career.
Note 1: Although this may make you laugh or cry, I mean them seriously.

Note 2: This guide is intended for men, but I am sure anyone who needs it can use it
Note 3: These items relate to mothers with careers, not jobs.  (I won’t go into  the difference)
Note 4: I try and often fail to heed my own advice. Just do the best you can.
Note 5: This is just the tip of the iceberg.
Note 6: I respect the decision of stay at home mothers and people who have consciously decided to enact a traditional gender relationship. I also believe fully that women should be in the workforce in major career positions.  The seem mutually exclusive and I don’t deny that I live in contradiction.
Regarding working:
DO: Ask “How were things at work today?” And then listen. 
Note that listening may take a while and is likely to involve comments about you or men in general that tick you off. Just nod, be sympathetic and hold tight (I am rarely good at this, but when I am, it works out).

DO NOT: Ask, “Did your a**h*** boss say anything positive today?”  
This implies that her boss is the focus of her work – (s)he is not. She is there for the work, not her boss. And just because she calls the person she reports to bad names does not mean you can.  Remember, this is her career and is a major part of her identity, you want people criticizing you?
DO: Ask about her current “project”.  
Note that career women have projects and projects are an important part of her work. You need to remember something about the project. Just a single thing – it can be the last gory detail she told you. After you ask, DO NOT then compare it to your work (note that I often make this mistake).

DO NOT:  Ask “when are they going to give you the day off?”  
This implies that she is beholden to “them” and at “their” mercy. She is not, this is her career for goodness sake. And by the way, don’t you appreciate that she is working?  :) You should, since she’s contributing to the world and to the household finances.

DO: (For partners of women with careers) Figure out how you’re going to drop the kids off at school. Then do it.
DO NOT: Ask “can’t you get a raise out of them?”  
Remember, it’s only in part about the work for her. See “project” above. If you do bring up money, and you choose to use the “you deserve a raise”, be prepared to cite examples of her work that demonstrate her success, or qualify your comment with “I don’t really understand, but it seems to me that ‘xyz’.”  Otherwise, don’t bring up money – ever.

DO: (For partners of women with careers) Pick up one major typically woman’s chore around the house.  
It could be cooking, it could be cleaning, or laundry, it could be getting the children dressed in the morning, it could be dealing with the PTA. Just one will help, since it’s highly unlikely you could do all of them anyway.  Bear in mind this important fact:  she is not going to appreciate that you do it; more likely she is going to feel lousy and defensive that she is not a good enough wife and mother that you have to “pick up her slack” and still give you a hard time.  I do the laundry and it’s hard to get very little credit. Of course, women typically get no credit for what they do at home, so now you know how it feels.
DO NOT: Make her feel bad for:  hiring a house cleaner, or using day care, or bringing store bought cookies to the party.  
When was the last time you tried to clean, cook or raise the kids after a full day in the office?  Never done it? Not surprised, neither have I. So don’t pretend you can know what she is dealing with or how you would solve it. ANd, how would you like it if, when you came home from work the first thing you heard was “wow, maybe if you had not half-assed that report you would have gotten that raise” or “your colleague seems to really know his stuff, have you talked to him about advice?”   Wouldn’t you rather hear “I know it’s hard, you’re doing great with this stuff.”?  Just say that and you’re ahead.
Note: if you fall in to the camp of: “she should be able to do it all” then you are clueless. Just admit you are clueless, that will win you mega bonus points (for about 5 minutes).  Think about it – if you have staff working for you, pretend you fired them all and had to do all their work too. If you say “I just did that and I do it all now”, 1. you’re lying, a lot is slipping through the cracks and the sooner you bubble that up to management the better off you’ll be and 2. Now try going home and cook supper.

Note: if you fall in to the camp of “She should be in the kitchen cleaning and cooking and raising the kids” (which is no different that saying “I don’t mind if she doesn’t want to work” – empirically it’s just not, so don’t bother arguing it – see the last two below), then stop reading now, you don’t belong here. Sorry, it’s just that simple.

Note: if you fall into the camp of “child care is bad because only a mommy/parent [sic] should take care of a child”.  Um hello, are you a father? What happens when you go away for the day?  Um hello – do you know anything  about attachment and bonding? Um -hello – give your kids some credit for a change.  Moreover, mothers are NEVER replaceable. Every adoptive parent knows this, accepts it and most try to help their children with it. See “Recognizing her work” below for the real answer.
DO: Make sure you let her know that the money she is making is a good thing.
Note: you may feel threatened if she makes more, or is making money at all.  Don’t; just enjoy it and go out to dinner and buy a flat-screen tv for the bedroom.  She may not be doing it for the money, but it’s definitely a nice benefit! I also believe that women who make money are more self-confident (based on their sense of independence) and sexy. Note, be sure to turn off flat-screen from time to time and enjoy your partner.
DO NOT:  Say “Don’t you want to be full time mom?”  
This should not need to be explained, but…  Last time I checked, were you not a full time dad? Duh? She’s ALWAYS a full time mom. You think she goes to work and stops being a mom? By that reasoning, when she’s a mom, then she can’t also be your wife. By extension – what then happens if/when she goes out with her friends – not a wife or mother? Wow, you must be really worried about her business trips then.
Oh wait, I know what you mean, she can’t really dedicate herself to being a mom if she’s also working, right? Try saying that to a single mom – and good luck living through the results. 
DO NOT: Say “You know, you could quit your job. I will support you in whatever you decide.”  
This is man-code and really means “I don’t really value your work, respect your abilities or approve of your identity.”  Real nice – way to go.  Grow up, be a man, have an opinion that matters.  If you think she should stay home, then just say it and deal with the fall-out. Otherwise, get some courage and tell her you think it’s great she works, that she should work and that’s one of the things you love about her.  
DO:  Recognize that the work she is doing is valuable to her, you, your children and the world. It will inform how you behave.
I have hired and fired lots of people. I believe it’s a tragic brain drain and a detriment to the world when women are not in the work force. They should be, they bring tremendous value to our work as human beings.  Children who see their mothers in serious careers (I believe) are more confident, capable and mature. Men who are with women who work are better managers and are more self assured. The world is a better place with women committed to doing good work, and a TON more gets done with women working. Isn’t that enough by itself?

Lastly:
Unless you’ve been a mother with a serious career, then some how became a father (not sure how this would work), you can not understand it.  Don’t pretend you do, it just makes you look like a fool and embarrasses you in front of others. I don’t claim to understand it, or that I could understand what my career wife and mother of my children goes through.  All I can do it do my best to support her (which is never easy) and try to get out of her way when she’s in power mode.

My most practical advice: Genuine, honest and self-effacing questions are OK, but otherwise, you’re better off just listening than commenting if you don’t get it.

Since I missed 99% of the important points, I’d welcome additional DOs and DONTs from men with career wife/mothers and career mothers.  To everyone else whom I just angered and alienated, I am sorry, but it had to be said.

Drop off redux

Posted by | Uncategorized | No Comments

This morning we had a two hour snow delay for school.  We got about 4 inches of wet snow. In New England this would be a joke, but here it’s not. And honestly, I was slipping all over the road.  Of course, the boys had insisted we take the back way, so maybe that was it.  Or maybe it was that we were playing “On the road again” at full volume and singing along. Who knows.  

But on days like this, it’s extra, above normal, a little more challenging to get both of them into school, their coats off, their “indoor shoes” on, and kissed and into their classroom.  To be fair, it’s always challenging.   But on days like today it’s just a bit “more”. Here is a normal example in the hall way:
Me:  K & O, get your coats off, boots off, and in-door shoes on please [note that they are in different classrooms and down the hall from one another – adding to the fun]
O (acting like a monkey):  hooo hoooo ha ha ha ha (while toddling off like a penguin). 
Then he disappears into some other classroom.  I go and pick him up and his legs and he sticks his legs and arms out and says “Look!  I’m and ‘X’!”  His body in the shape of an X, while I walk down the crowded hall with people laughing.  Fortunately that was pretty funny – although when this kind of thing happens 10 times before you leave and every day you drop off, it does get a little tiring.
However, recently Kyle has been pushing that he wants to be dropped off at the front door of the school “like the big kids”.  Owen is right there with him on this one. They are really into it.
So, I have been using this as an incentive to help them get ready and into their classrooms. If they do a good job consistently, then they will be able to be dropped off and I will park and come in to check on them. In typical driven Kyle fashion, he is singularly focused on doing it.  To the extent that he won’t even let me help with his shoes, even when the tongues get stuck down into the toes of the shoes and he can barely put them on.
Owen does not remember as well what the stakes are.  So, today I reminded him while he was acting like a monkey.  And this is what transpired:
Me:  O – please get yourself ready now and go into class.  And remember, if you want to be dropped off like the big kids you need to do a good job.  
I go on to help Kyle a bit and return.  Owen is sitting doing an excellent job getting ready.  I sit down next to him.  He climbs into my lap and with just a little twinkle in his eye says:
O:  “Papi, my sillies are broken today.”  and then sprightly:
O: “Ok, Bye!”  and hops down and runs into his class.

The sweet boy

Posted by | Uncategorized | No Comments

Heather has been back at work for three days now. During the past three days, until our normal childcare routine sets in, I have been the stay-at-home taking care of the kids. Of course, not really a stay-at-home since it’s only been three days, not forever, or even the 7 months that Heather was off. But, I will say this – it’s been a really good experience.

Dropping the boys off, being with Meera in the morning (especially since she wouldn’t nap – poor baby – my guess is that she was worried about where mama was), picking the boys up, hanging out in the afternoon (we made cookies today, not much yesterday and made “Curious George Rides a Bike” boats on Monday) and getting ready for mommy’s return at 4:30. It has been really good bonding and has given me a deep appreciation for the importance of spending a lot of time with our kids.

Now, to be perfectly honest, for all the good it has been, and how short it is in reality, it’s been quite a bit for me. Call me wimpy or whatever, it’s tough. And when I picked up the boys at school today, I was pretty exasperated, particularly with Owen.

He is a handful. A big personalitied, kinetic, charismatic, million miles an hour, not-minding-his-papi, laughing louder than necessary, not putting his shoes on, handful. And when I was holding Meera, trying to get Kyle into his boots, coat, hat, sled (they each brought to school for sledding) and get his things ready to go, I was clearly showing the signs of a papi at the end of his rope.

Seeing this, his wonderful teacher then told me this story:

“Yesterday, when we were all outside sledding, I fell down and hurt myself. I was climbing up the hill and it was so icy, and every time I started back up, I fell down on my face. It happened over and over. Then I looked up and saw this hand outstretched to me. It was Owen. I took it, and he is so strong, and he helped me right up.

He was the only one who noticed. It meant so much to me.”

That is Owen.

Buoys, tops and beacons

Posted by | Uncategorized | No Comments

250px-Buoy_seal

We are 5 billion spinning tops careening into each other around the world.

We all feel it, we all know it; the horizon is moving perceptibly and more quickly everyday. The oceans are wild. We point to the things indicating that it is: global economic meltdown, decline of American prominence in the world, rise “of the rest”, a brand new Black president who is heralding in an era of hope for redemption and global recovery.

Deaths of loved ones, weddings of friends and holidays connect us in good and bad ways. Jobs lost, jobs started, the daily drop off at school and the car needing to be repaired remind of us stability and instability at all levels of our lives. The bounty of food on our table in winter, and the knowledge of our profound privilege just to eat is awakened by peering into eyes of our loved children.

Right now, at this time in this historic moment, our boat feels small; pummeled by the forces around us, afraid and powered only by our own will at the oars. We are impossibly charted to cross the sea-changes in a sea of small boats. All of us captains searching for lit beacons in the storm; looking for direction to a safe harbor. For a seamark buoy in the fog.

But revealed in the storm is the good work in the world to be done. Some are called to do it, some avoid it. Some are called simply to work, some by necessity, some by understanding the deep need of the world around them. Everyone knows that humanity is not perfect, yet some are compelled to make a difference. The work will never be done, but there are those who persevere.

Shortly now, after 7 months on-leave, Heather goes back to work. The good work she is compelled to do. But even in being compelled, being someone who works, and excels at making a difference, she faces fears.

The racing, the frantic paddling to keep ahead of the current. Not being able to do it all and do it all effortlessly perfect. Not being enough at any one thing. And now more than even that, the fear of leaving her baby and boys. The fear of loss, that some how she is abandoning them, the deep fear that she will miss out.

But as I sit across from her after dinner, and listen to her fears, I am unafraid. Unafraid for our family, for her or for our children.

I feel the rocking of our boat. I hear the storm howling outside and the fog closing in. I feel our sleeping children on the floors above us; we are spinning tops on the face of the earth.

Yet, at the quiet center there is the peaceful intimacy of our family. The imperfections, the confident love. The loss of innocence, the waking consciousness, the squeal of delight of a four-year-old making a 7-month old belly laugh. Macaroni and cheese after a long day, a warm bottle at 2 AM.

And in the intimacy of our family, there is the bittersweet realization that while things always, and inevitably change, our foundation is strong. And our connection, which we work so hard to nurture and maintain, is real. That while we will certainly miss things, and we will mourn what we miss, we are all richer when we grow with change then when we resist it.

That by embracing change, reveling in it, we are giving our children a tremendous gift; the gift of how to locate a buoy in the storm and how to get home.

DSC_0057

L’Union fait la force

Posted by | Uncategorized | No Comments

Every school in the history of education has had bullies. I remember for me there was one in the 7th grade – it was a kid named Cody.  At the time he was just big, a bit scary and did mean, stuff.  But now that I’m an adult, I recognize that bullies are most often children who are facing some kind of difficulty and are coping with it (wrongly) through dominating others.  Maybe it’s a question of the powerless making others more powerless to make them selves better off.  Maybe it’s an inability to express the problem in an effective way and the problem manifests as aggressive tenancies.   Whatever the (understandable) cause, bulling is never acceptable.

Even in a loving environment like the River Valley Waldorf school, there are bullies.  There is one in Kyle’s class.  He’s a normal sized child (smaller and lighter than K & O), but very aggressive, pushing, shoving, hitting, biting and attempting to incite other kids into doing the same. Heather often reports to me of his malfeasance on the front playground, but during morning drop off (which I do), I rarely see it.  Today I saw it.

Now, it wasn’t too dramatic, and in lots of places it’s far far worse, but in principle, it’s the same where ever you are.  Unprovoked, this boy raised his fist against Kyle. He held Kyle by the shirt in his left hand, and raised his right hand behind his ear to slam his fist into Kyle’s face.

Whether or not he would have done it, I don’t know. And honestly, I am not sure that the boy even knows what he was doing. My gut told me that he’d seen it as a threat, but didn’t know what the next step was. I could be wrong, but I hope not.

But here is the thing:  Kyle didn’t blink, budge or attempt to fight back. In effect he turned the other cheek. I suspect he knows he would hurt this kid if he went after him). Passive strength is how both boys handle this kid on a daily basis.  I am so proud of that.

Before the kid could hit Kyle, Owen came over and they stood shoulder to shoulder in front of this child, locked together without aggression, without threat, but with a clear signal that said "I wouldn’t try it if I were you."

While I was telling the kid that "we don’t hit other people", K&O went over to the window, sat on the sill, shoulder to shoulder, an immovable 100 pounds of strength.

Christmas Story

Posted by | Uncategorized | No Comments

The boys are extremely interested in the Christmas Story. Kyle is particularly obsessed in his usual theological way; he wants to understand everything. The most difficult question I’ve fielded so far is:  "What happened before Jesus was born?"

But there is something just so sweet about both their excitement about the Christmas Story.  I don’t mean Christmas the fun and exciting Santa holiday, I mean the Christmas story itself.  They seem to get it, they seem to revel in it, it feels like it has meaning for them.

And that is beautiful.

I found Heather narrating the birth of Jesus to our boys to the other day. The images tell it better than any words.

story of christmas 1

story of christmas 2

story of christmas 3

story of christmas 4