Braydon

Q: Cate said…
I’m a former Big Sister in Big Brothers/Big Sisters and there’s a strong possibility I may end up with custody of my Lil’ Sis. I adore her, and her grandmother, who has custody, is in failng health.
She’s African-American. I’m white, and now live in a very non-diverse community in Oregon. Okay, bluntly, it’s almost all white. She visited recently, and we were eating out. A lady at another table shot us dirty looks our entire meal. I wanted to scream, “WHAT?! Have you got a problem?”
Have you run into situations like this and how do you handle them?

A: Hi Cate, sorry to hear that happened to you, the sad truth is that it happens a lot. We also live in a predominately white area (something we struggle with and are trying to figure out what to do about), and experience lots and lots of looks. Now, to be fair, we get lots of different kinds of looks, some curious, some encouraging, some attempting to ignore us and some that feel hostile. I believe that black/white relationships (whether that is parent/child or adult) in the US are still very touchy for a lot of people, so that’s what generate the looks. And for us, we can deal with the first group of looks, it’s the hostile ones that we struggle with. We find that generally, we get an immediate sense if someone or someplace is friendly to our family (keep in mind that when either Heather or I are alone, we are protected by our white privilege and don’t experience this) and if it’s not, then we just avoid it in the future.

As for how we deal with it, I tend to take the long view – that most people are just ignorant and curious, so I either ignore it, or I try to just smile and acknowledge that they are people who are interested in our family. Other times, I wear a protecting veil which says “don’t bother me, don’t even look at me.” Heather tends to take the “when in doubt act dumb” approach (which always cracks me up since she’s so intelligent) and if someone gives her a look she looks back with a quizzical “whatcha looking at?”

Good luck with your Little Sister!

Q: Life in the Bend said…
Thank you for your blog. My husband and I adopted our two children from Ethiopia in February. We have our own blog at http://lifeinhebend.blogspot.com
Do you feel that most people treat K., O., and M. equally now that M. is here? I ask because I worry about the effect having a biological child could have on our first two children.

Do you feel like you treat Meera differently than K & O? Do others in your family or circle of friends treat her differently? We have noticed that people treat our twins differently simply because they are twins and have that unique twin thing going on. My oldest has said she wishes she were a twin because the twins get all of the attention. My heart breaks a little when she says that.

A: Congratulations on your adoption – that is great news!!! Oh, this is such a hard question, and not because it’s hard to come up with an answer, but because it’s so emotional. I will say that it’s a little hard to know right now since she is younger than when we got the boys and also because they were twins and she is a singleton. When she hits 8 months, maybe I can offer a better comparison, but maybe not. And it’s also hard because she is the “second” (really third) child, and as anyone with more than one kid can attest, the second is qualitatively different. And maybe there is gender stuff in there too.

All that said, I do notice subtle differences in our friends and family. I can’t say if there is favoritism of any kind, because for everyone K&O are so special and M is so special.

Q: vy said…
I haven’t commented much before so here’s my intro. I am a mother of a soon-to-be 4 year old adopted from China. We are currently waiting for our second child from China. (Hubby and I live in Denmark. He’s a Dane, I’m American.)
My questions…will you share your tips for preparing the boys for the arrival of their little sister in an upcoming post and will you include any good books on the subject matter?
I don’t recall you ever mentioning any sibling jealousy and they just seem so loving and sweet with Meera. I would love to hear any tips.
Violet

A: Hi Violet – good luck finishing your adoption and thank your for reading! We did a LOT of prep for the boys prior to Meera arriving. We talked to them about where babies come from (age appropriate – but literally also). We talked to them about how they came from their Birth Mother’s belly. We talked to them about how their skin is brown like their Birth Mother’s and that Meera’s would be like ours. We read books like “I’m going to be a big brother”. And “Baby makes 5” (Berenstain bears). We talked to them about how she won’t be able to do much, that they have to be super gentle. That they will be role models and she will want to do what they do.

From a jealously standpoint, we continue to be amazed by how sanguine they are about it – they are just not jealous. All we can think is that other than their generally sunny dispositions, the twin factor is in effect. They have just never known any other life than sharing their parents with their brother, so this is just another little thing in the mix.

Q: Have any of your colleagues offered unsolicited advice about the blog (i.e, be careful what you post; aren’t you worried about security?; etc.)? ~Gooch: Surprisingly not! But then again I don?t do anything to make it public. I only have one colleague that I know of who reads the blog. A lot of people tell us we should be worried about security, etc. I am not concerned about it, but I am going to have Braydon answer that part of this question in one of his Open Book posts.

A: I think that in today’s media and online world it’s futile to restrict your privacy; any reasonably talented software developer (and reasonably is a pretty low bar) can build an application to find out basically whatever they want about you – not even by hacking. Almost anyone can develop an application for Facebook or MySpace (and lots of other social networks) and access any of your data, Google makes lots of hidden pages available and tracks your browsing and search activity and reams of credit cards are stolen all the time from the most secure of electronic settings. All your private information with the exception of what you ate for breakfast is accessible online and even that is suspect with people uploading camera phone pics and video to YouTube all the time these days. And while not always easy, it’s not impossible to retrieve.

That is, unless you live off the grid, which you don’t, since you own a computer, have an ISP to access the internet (which you pay a bill into their system which is online in some capacity), you have a telephone number found in the phone book, against which anyone can do a reverse look up and find out where you live, not to mention, just using Google analytics tells me exactly when and where you were when you read this post. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. Credit card companies track where you spend, what your habits are, what your trends are, where you like to eat. They respond by selling that information to other marketing companies, with employees who are not screened by any government agency (not that that will make things more secure necessarily), who can also use that information in other ways that might not be so friendly. I forgot to mention that if you use a loyalty card at the grocery store, they track that information and trend it and can tell you not only what your purchase habits are, but what you are likely to buy over the course of this month and when.

Sorry to rant, I get fired up about this, because if you believe for a second that your privacy is safe, you are sadly mistaken; and most people believe their privacy is safe. A much better thoughtful reaction to our overall lack of privacy, is that most nefarious people in the world just don’t care enough about you to action the data they can access.

So – while you won’t see us putting out SSNs our there or our credit card numbers, we generally take the view that you’re safer in a crowd in the light than in a dark room wearing a blindfold with a stranger standing next to you.

The last thing I will say is, that while much information is in the public, some is much harder to get than others. It’s not trivial to get a credit card number. It’s not trivial to get a social security number (it’s easier to pick it out of someone’s trash can than off the internet right now). It’s not trivial to access someone’s bank account. There is value in obfuscating certain information, but it’s also pretty shocking how little people actually work to protect their privacy.

Q: Anonymous from Evansville Indiana What type of camera do you own? It takes such beautiful pictures!

A: Thank you – you’re so sweet (I suppose we have to take some credit)! It’s a Nikon D40 with a 18-200MM lens. And yes that lens is awesome (thanks Jon for talking me into it). You can see my thoughts on it here.

Q: memphislis said…
Hi, I am a daily reader and total fan. I teach 6th grade science in Memphis, TN. I taught for 6 years in a predominantly black school (I’m white) and notice differences in movement, stance, etc between the white children and black, even knowing that a few are being raised by white parents. My question: Do you notice things about K and O that are “nature” and not “nurture”?

A: That’s a really interesting one. We are often told that Kyle and Owen are just like us, although we certainly don’t feel like we’re as crazy and active as they are! They both have distinct personalities, ones that seem to be what might be called very strong predispositions. Kyle is internally focused, thinking, sensing; Owen is externally focused, enacting, experiencing. These traits do really seem to be innate, but it’s hard to say, since we also foster it.

Q: Paige Mann
As another half-parent adopting from Haiti—seemingly a different adoption animal from any country out there—If you could sum your adoption of K&O up with a song, what would that song be?

A: Oh that is tough! I am not typically fond of Christian music (although Heather is), but I gotta say that Sara Groves “Less like scars” just about hits the nail on the head.

Q: riversnake said…
Hello J-M Clan! I haven’t been a reader for very long (since April of this year) but I absolutely LOVE to read your blog! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with everyone! My husband and I are adopting our first child domestically and then want to try to conceive naturally and eventually adopt from Haiti.

Okay, so my question is open ended but I was very curious so I thought I’d put it out there anyway in hopes that maybe one sentence could sum up your answer… What one piece of advice would you consider critical for parents planning on adopting from Haiti (or transracially in general)?

Thanks! Can’t wait to read your responses to all the great questions that have been posted!
~Jill

A: Hi Jill – In terms of adopting Haiti, there is only this we believe: Hang in there and work to make it happen. You are this child’s parent and nobody on this earth is going to go to bat for them…you have to make it happen. Do whatever, whatever, whatever it takes and don’t wait, you are the only one who is going to rescue this child.

In terms of transracial adoption, I don’t think we really have the answer, but maybe it lies in not just empathizing but working to give them meaningful roots in their race and heritage; which is tough to do.

Good luck and rely on others to support you through it!

Q: Hello Heather and Braydon.

I’m a lurker and I love it. I don’t even have a bona fide blogger name. Perhaps that’s the next step. I found your blog through my sister Chandra and it brings me a lot of happiness when I read it.

I’m 29 years old and I’m in graduate school studying biochemistry. I am married to a wonderful man who enjoys computers on a level I have a hard time fully comprehending. I am one of 11 children and it enriches my life. They bring me happiness, peace, security, and lots of laughter.

Thanks for the smiles and keep up the great work.

My question is for Braydon. I often send your posts to my husband. You have no problem (seemingly) articulating your thoughts and feelings. Your posts are sweet, well written, and so loving (so are yours Heather).

My question is this….do you find it hard to be the same kind of man (big hearted blogger) around other men?

Thanks again for allowing me to see and read about your amazing family.

Keely

A: Hi Keely, thanks for the question to me, I feel so special! And it’s a good one that I am not really sure how to answer. I think that in general I don’t have difficulty being open with my feelings around other men. And frankly, men (and women) seem to open up to me and tell me things (that sometimes maybe they shouldn’t). BUT, I will say that I also don’t always hang my feelings out there. For me, it all depends on the context, the company and the conversation. Meaning, if I am having lunch with a friend at a comfortable restaurant, then it’s pretty likely I will lay it out there. But if I am at a ball game with a few guys having beers, it’s less likely that I will. And some people tend to quiet it in me, while others make me feel more comfortable.

Then again, I tend to just spit it out and people tend to just seem to take it from me for some unknown reason. I will also say, that I tend to embarrass myself quite a bit with what I have to say, for good or ill, even if people respond to it. In all cases, I am fairly comfortable with who I am, my attributes and my flaws and accept them about myself. But I still don’t take criticism well!

Q: Anonymous said…
My question is for Braydon! I have been a proud reader of the JMBlog since March ’07! My x-girlfriend first got me hooked! Now she’s gone but the blog remains! LOL!! I love it when Braydon posts. It is hard to find blogs with men who post on things that really matter. Thanks Braydon! And your photos and videos are awesome! My question is how do you make it work doing the big time career thing and the big time father thing? I hope to do it too some day and like the females who see H as an inspiration I see B as an inspiration. But there arent many guys out there who are doing it (at least not that I know). What are the tricks you’ve learned to make it work? What advice do you have? And most important (for me right now) how do you find a partner (female partner) that can really make it possible? If you guys ever come to Seattle I want to meet you ALL (dinner on me!)!!!!!!!!!!!
Jose in Seattle

A: Hey Jose – thanks for the question and compliment, that makes me feel so good! It’s great to have a like minded guy reading the blog – and we’ll take you up on dinner if we get out to Seattle! I have thought about this quite a bit. Ladies reading, this is really a guy to guy thing, so please please please don’t take offense:

I find that some women have a spark, but not all. A spark in their eye, a rebellious sensibility. Rebelliousness that transcends appearance. This rebelliousness is a deep seated anger at the world that is so strong because there is such deep love for the world. This spark is a true treasure. I don’t see it too often, and when I do it stands out and almost screams. I believe that lots and lots of women are born with this spark, but sadly over time its extinguished by their life experiences. By the time men like us are in a position to think about it, desire it and seek it, they are mostly gone; which is tragic. But I lucked out and found it. Now don’t get me wrong, when I met Heather at age 22, I was not thinking about it like this, I just thought she was a super hot ticket and I was really into that. My sense of it didn’t come until later.

One of the things I believe about women who have this spark is that it’s our obligation to defend it and keep it lit. Make sure it does not go out.

I don’t really know how to do that honestly, and sometimes I am the one who threatens it. But I always try to remember that the spark is the key to Heather, and one of the things I treasure most of all.

So when we fight, and we do get into some nasty ones, over balancing career, family, chores, social life, etc – we all know the pain points – even in the worst ones, if I realize that I am encroaching on the spark, I try to back off and ensure it doesn’t get crushed. Frankly, it’s been too close a few times, and those are some of my darkest memories.

That’s my big big tip. Keep the spark alive. You might get in awful fights, you might both think it’s over, but keep the spark alive, the rest you can work out. And look for the spark, but don’t be deceived by the appearance.

Q: Anonymous said…
Will you send your kids to a private or public school?

A: Hi – we actually already do send them to private pre-school. They are entering kindergarten at a Waldorf school this year. Last year they were in pre-school at the same place. Heather and I are both proudly public school kids, and had always thought we would send our kids to public school, but we have realized that Kyle and Owen are not suited for the schools around us (or more accurately the schools are not suited for them – read between the lines here please).

Q: My question is, as they getting older do they imaginary friend often comes on their talks? Just curious. God bless your family.
~Selly

A: Well, June still seems to be a regular contributor to their lives. Right now they both have “many Junes”. June also seems to have taken on some rather amazing super powers recently, although she can be quite disempowered from time to time too. June’s splash in the pool goes above the roof, but another June can’t have the treat jar because she had a time out….

Q: Erin
At this point in time, what do you think your children will “be” when they grow up?

A: Funny question! By “be” I think you mean career or profession, so here is the list as I see it at the moment (and Meera is not in the mix because she is just too young to show a predisposition to anything other than nursing right now).

Kyle: Author. Filmmaker. Composer. Golf star, Philosopher, Theologian, Governor
Owen: Doctor, Actor, Lead singer, Swimming star (watch out Cullen Jones and Michael Phelps!), Senator, Chef

***

Q: laurafingerson said…
Ooo ooo ooo! I have a late entry to your Open Book Challenge! (And here I never accept late assignments from my students….) What one summer Olympic sport can you imagine each of your children excelling in? Meera might get a waiver on this question until she is older….what about Kyle and Owen?

A: Hey Laura – how timely (so to speak)!

Owen: Swimming or diving, or gymnastics
Kyle: Pole vault, high dive, referee for beach volleyball (does that count?)
Meera: Sleeping through the cheering when her brothers win the gold.

Last thing I wanted to add, is that I read around 40 blogs daily – but almost all for work. If you’re not using Google reader, you should try it!

The birth of Meera Grace Johnson-McCormick

After Meera was born, I took two weeks off from work to spend with my family and it was wonderful. On the eve before going back to work full time, I stood at the crib downstairs and was changing Meera’s diaper. She was loving it – she loves hanging out with no diaper on and was kicking and waving her arms. Then she looked up and me and saw me. And I started crying in a deep, deep way.

There is no mystery to life when you stand there like that, your totally dependant baby looking up at you. Life is just that, the love you feel for your family when everyone is at the most vulnerable.

***

In August 2007, when I ran into the grocery store to get the pregnancy test, and event when it came back positive and we were so excited, I never could have imagined standing there in that moment.

In early May the Doctor had said that the baby might come any time, but that Heather might also go up to her due date. Heather had really really wanted to get past the boys birthday before the baby came. Not just the party, which was great, but also their birthday. She wanted it to be their birthday and not overshadowed by the baby’s arrival.

When we got through May 8th, we were all ready. All of us. It felt like the baby would arrive any second. Heather started to have some more Braxton Hicks, but nothing. Then the due date came and went. We were all starting to feel very anxious and ready for the baby to come, We went out to lunch at Panera on a Saturday and the boys made friends with a little boy when we were sitting outside. Heather started to have more consistent, but weaker contractions. We thought it would be that night. It was not.

On May 20th, we had an appointment with the Doctor who told us she was not dilated or anything – nothing. We went ahead and made an appointment for the next week, thinking that it was silly to do so. The week came and went – some minor contractions, but nothing really. The boys were struggling with waiting. They expressed over and over how they wanted to baby to be there and why wouldn’t she just come out. Heather and I could totally understand. The house was ready, we were ready.

It felt so surreal. Almost like we were not going to have a baby. We went about our life, on hold. Everything on hold. We didn’t go anywhere, we didn’t do anything. We didn’t even go an hour away. But it also didn’t feel like it was going to happen.

And we wanted it to be natural. That her body would kick into gear on its own. That the baby would be delivered vaginally that Heather would labor like women throughout history.

***

The weekend before, Don and Janet had decided they couldn’t wait any longer and they came down. The plan had been for them to get the call and make the 8 hour drive, but with the 2 week wait, it was time. And it was good they did.

On May 27th we went to the follow up OB appointment. Nothing was happening. They put Heather on a NST (Non-invasive stress test), where they monitor the baby’s heart and the contractions. Heather’s were about 20 min apart, but not too strong. And they would stop; it wasn’t the real thing.

The Doctors determined that it was time to move things along, that we couldn’t wait anymore. In the OB practice there are several Doctors and we had been playing them a bit against each other to keep from them insisting that Heather be induced. They were actually surprised it had gone this far. We were told to be at St Luke’s at 8 PM.

We went home and got ready. It felt so strange. That the baby was coming, it was sure now. There was no stopping it. We were excited, but Heather was a little sad that she was going to be induced. We talked about it and she started to feel better.

We had a great dinner with the boys and got them to bed.

***

After everything was ready – Don and Janet at the house, everything packed: clothes, comfy stuff, snacks, pillows, computer (for blogging) and camera, we got in the volvo and drove off around 7:30. We arrived and 8 and went straight in. At 42 weeks, Heather was so big and uncomfortable, she kind of waddled in. It was a clear, beautiful night and we went from the little parking garage into the main lobby and to the 3rd floor for the baby center. The hospital seemed so quiet.

But the maternity ward was full, so they sent us to overflow. The nurse took us down the hall. It was an older section of the hospital and weirdly quiet. There was another couple being admitted as well – they spoke only Spanish, but we could tell they were nervous too. We were in a private room and they were in a different private room. We sat and hung out.

The nurse made Heather wear the hospital gown, Heather didn’t want to, but put it on, and rebelliously put on a sweat shirt over it too – you go girl!

We waited for quite some time, it was a full moon and the ward was totally full. Finally around 1 AM, they were ready to get rolling: give Heather some medicine internally to soften her cervix and maybe even start labor. The discomfort was almost immediate – and it was pretty intense. It was time for Tylenol with Codeine to help. I slept a bit, Heather dozed a little, but not much in general.

In the morning, we were moved back into the main part of the baby center – into our labor room. The nurses were great – so nice, so helpful – so thoughtful. Heather’s first Doctor, Chris wanted things to start slowly – the first round of medicine, Cervidil, had not done anything – Heather was barely 1 CM dilated. Around noon, he started the pitocin to induce labor at 2 ml/hr.

A little while later, Dr. Ron Kriner took over (shift change) and wanted to get things rolling much more aggressively. He ramped up the IV drip. The contractions started immediately and were pretty intense. The nurses had the external baby monitors on. They increased the dosage every 15 minutes from 2 ml/h all the way up to 28 ml/hr.

The thing about pitocin, is that since the labor is artificial, the body does not create endorphins to reduce the pain – which is a long way of saying that being induced is really painful. But Heather took no pain killer – no medicine at all. That is really incredible. At one point the nurse looked at her and asked her if she wanted anything for the pain. She said no and the nurse said “Honey, I can’t tell you what to feel, but most women would be screaming right now!” Heather was totally focused. We worked on the Lamaze breathing to keep her loose. I held her hand and coached her to relax and breathe.

The only thing she ate the whole time was Italian ice (the lemonade, not the red stuff). There was a little fridge in the main room of the baby center. They had that in there. Don and Janet brought me Panera for lunch, but Heather did not have anything. For supper Don went out and got Red Robin – I had a bacon cheeseburger – but I didn’t taste it.

Since St Lukes is a teaching hospital, and Heather was definitely the most interesting thing going on there that night, there were a number of residents and medical students coming and going. And in addition to that there was a new computer system being installed. Now – some people would have balked at that – but we like having all the extra attention!

Alex took the boys for the day and Janet and Don came to the hospital. They were so supportive the whole time. Janet would standby with Heather while I took a break or ate something.

After 9 hours – yes, 9 hours of pitocin induced labor without drugs of any kind – the Doctor was pretty sure it was going to be a Cesarean delivery. I checked in with him – with the anesthesiologist, residences and medical student in tow – and grilled him on why we should or should not. Nobody should take surgery lightly and I wanted to make sure it was the right thing. His concern was that after 9 hours there had been NO real progress in the labor, and that counter-intuitively to me, the baby’s heartbeat was too stable, meaning she was getting tired – and that was not good. It was a round 10 PM on the 28th. Things moved very fast once the decision was made.

Heather was unbelievable, totally amazing. I knew she could do it, there was never any doubt in my mind. And she was glad she had labored, but now it was time to have our baby.

***

After Heather got ready and they gave me scrubs to change into, they jokingly asked Heather if she wanted to walk down or ride down to the operating room. She didn’t realize it was a joke and told them she wanted to walk. They were kind of taken aback, but went with the flow. What a crazy entourage that was! Heather leading the way, pushing her IV stand with several nurses, residents, medical students tagging along pushing the gurney.

They stopped me outside the operating room and gave me a hat and facemask to put on. Heather disappeared into the OR. I waited for what felt like forever. A janitor walked by pushing a mop and bucket and cheerfully said hello and wished me good luck. I was worried they had started with out me.

Finally the nurse ushered me into the OR. I hadn’t been able to figure out how to get my facemask on, so she helped me. It was all hurry hurry hurry. When I entered the room the tone was very serious – all business. The lightness and relaxed atmosphere from before was gone.

In the center of the room Heather lay on the table with a large blue screen/shield just below her chin like a fan, blocking her view. She had a operating hair net/hat on. Above her head the anesthesiologist stood a few feet away talking to his resident. There was a little stool for me on Heather’s right side next to her head, also behind the screen. There was Dr Kriner on the left by Heather’s abdomen, Dr. Puja Gupta (a resident) on her right by her abdomen, and Carl the medical student by Heather’s right leg. There were several nurses around as well.

I sat down and said hi to Heather. She looked up at me. If the moment hadn’t been so intense and fast, I would have been thinking about how lonely she looked. But I also felt so incredibly connected to her, it was amazing. Although she was the one being operated on, I felt like we were really there together, doing this together.

It was 10:19 PM. Within maybe 20 seconds of my arrival I heard the Doctor say “start” and they were off. I stood up to look over the screen. I bent down to ask Heather if she minded that I look – I didn’t want her to feel left out. She just told me to tell her what was happening. I also took out the camera. They told me to wait to take pictures – apparently they did not want me taking pictures of the incision. I watched them make the incision. They pulled up on the one side and down on the other. I heard the doctors calling out instructions to each other. One hand, two hands, four hands.

I kept bending down and telling her what I saw. I kept saying it was incredible. She couldn’t move anything and she was so calm and doing great.

I saw Meera’s head. It was just sitting inside like she was napping. It was perfect. They tucked their hands under her head and began to pull. They pulled her pretty hard and she started to come out. Then she was all the way out and they were cutting her umbilical. They held her up and the Doctor told me to take a picture. I had already taken about 50 before he said that. From the time of the first incision to the time she came out it was 55 seconds. She was born at 10:21.

***

Meera’s body was just a full blown baby. It was incredible. She was a little blue. The Doctor held her up by her neck and body. Her little arms and legs shook a bit. And then she cried. She was alive and here! It was the most unbelievable sound I have ever heard. Pure and perfect. I heard her draw in her breath and let it out announcing her arrival. She drew short little breaths and cried. I told Heather she was perfect. I will forever remember the exact sound. Her cry sounds different now than it did then.

They handed the baby to the nurse and she rushed her off to the warmer, I conferred with Heather and went after her. I felt bad leaving Heather there, but I felt like I needed to be with our baby. Heather felt the exact same way.

Meera was under the warmer, crying and crying. And when I got there, and talked to her, she stopped. The nurse had me cut the rest of the umbilical (not for any medical reason) and got her toweled off. I took pictures of this perfect little baby. I put my hand on her little chest and reassured her. They swaddled her and we went back in to the OR with Heather.

The nurse handed me Meera and I held her for the first time. I sat on the stool next to Heather and asked the nurse to take a picture of us. Heather started to cry when she saw the baby. It was incredible. I did not cry, but am starting to as I write this.

They took Meera back out and put her in a little incubator/warmer and started to roll her to the nursery. I went with her, and they finished sewing Heather up and took her to recovery. We rolled out into the main hallway, Meera, me and the nurse. We saw MorMor and MorFar who were thrilled to see the baby. I went into the nursery with my baby girl.

***

They rolled Heather out of the OR and into recovery. I saw her go through the hallway, but I was with the baby. I ran out and met her in recovery. When I got there, it was weird, her whole body had the shakes and she was so pale. It was a little unnerving except that Heather was in a great mood and was doing great. I held her hand and kissed her. She had done great.

It was around midnight when she had stopped shaking enough that they brought Meera in. She was crying and Meera nursed for the first time, it was amazing to see mother and daughter in that moment – the first time for her to eat. They both did it perfectly. Even with the wires and the exhaustion, Heather was incredibly beautiful in that moment.

During labor, I had talked it over with the nurse and they gave us the best, most private, largest recovery room in the ward. And it had a nice view of the back – all trees and green. It was perfect. Around 2 am we rolled in there and they took the baby back to the nursery and Heather got a little sleep and so did I. Turns out I can sleep through a lot, because they brought the baby in for a couple feedings and I slept through it.

It was wonderful and magical, even though our dreams of a natural childbirth had not come to pass. And it’s just as well that we were in a hospital since it turns out that Heather’s pelvis is misshapen and the Doctor said she would never have and will never be able to have a baby vaginally.

***

The next day Kyle and Owen came in and saw their sister for the first time. They held her and loved her from the moment they saw her – it was incredible.

A couple days later we were discharged. We rolled out of the hospital – Heather in the mandatory wheel chair and went home, a family of 5.

***

The birth of Meera Grace is one of the most incredible and wonderful things I have witnessed and one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Different than adopting Kyle and Owen and no less powerful and wonderful. We are so lucky that everything went so well and that everyone is healthy and happy. We have the best family in the world.