Our last night was at the Magic Kingdom. We had dinner at Tony’s Town Square (the Lady and the Tramp restaurant), and Owen ate more calamari than you could ever imagine (we actually ordered him a second order after he devoured the entire first one in about 3 minutes flat). After dinner we watched the Electric Light Parade from the front porch of the restaurant, then found the perfect spot to watch the castle light show and the fireworks. The boys rode Space Mountain once more, and then we stayed until the park closed (9pm), riding Big Thunder Mountain over and over until they officially shut it down for the night. As we were walking out of the Magic Kingdom we had one last chocolate-covered-Mickey-ice-cream-on-a-stick.
It was a great time.
But here’s the best part: by the end, we were ready to go home. The end is always bitter-sweet. This trip seemed especially so. It was especially bitter for it to end (it was so so so much fun and a dream come true and just such pure pleasure!), but it was especially sweet too (we are in such a good place in our lives right now, and were so happy to be coming home to our “real life”).
The next morning we set the alarm clock so we could get up early to fit in one last swim. We were the only people in the pool at 7am on a very brisk, beautiful, early February, Florida morning!
We quickly packed up, had our last Disney breakfast, and headed for the airport. All of that day felt like part of the Disney trip. It didn’t feel like a sad “ending” day, it felt like another adventure day.
Our kids have the travel bug real bad. It is all our fault– Braydon and I know that. There is truly nothing that Kyle and Owen love more than traveling. And there is nothing that Meera loves more than vacation (or, in her words, “when we don’t have to go to school and Mommy and Papi don’t have to go to work and there are no babysitters and we’re hanging out with just our family”). For the bambinos, an airplane ride is just as awesome (if not more so) than Big Thunder Mountain, Everest, or any other Disney ride (which is saying a whole heck of a lot).
We could not change our original flight home. For those who have been reading along (GOD LOVE YA!), you might remember that our original flight to Orlando had been cancelled and we drove to Newark to catch a different flight. The upshot of this was that our car was parked at the Newark airport, but we were flying into the Lehigh Valley airport on our return flight. You might also recall that I noted how Braydon has, in recent years, become The Master of Trouble Shooting. He had the whole thing figured out before we left Florida– he had made reservations with an airport shuttle service to pick us up and drive us home. Because we are five people, with lots of luggage (we do not pack light!), he had asked for a van. Well… apparently a van was not available at the time of our arrival, so they sent a… LIMOUSINE… instead. (!!!)
So, our trip ended on a very, very, very high note!— with the bambinos getting their first limo ride! Never ever a dull moment with us. Never ever.
So the end was not that bad. The post-vacation re-entry blues set in big time the next day, but that is just to be expected when you come home from a trip like that to the dead of winter and a whole half-a-school-year/full-semester ahead of you and a snowstorm brewing. But you know what? It sounds so corny, but it is so true: we have a whole bunch of memories to last a lifetime. Hopefully these posts will help remind us of just how much fun we had that time we went to Disney when they were 8 and 4.
I do a lot of research for every trip we take. This post is the post I always wish I could find when I’m researching and preparing for a family trip. There are tons, and tons, and tons of sites/message boards/blogs/books/informational resources devoted to Disney. For me, it was overwhelming– to the point where, basically, I ended up using none of them (it was simply too much information). I am no expert on Disney (obvi!!!!), but here are the things we did, our trip tips, and little tidbits that might be helpful. For anyone planning a Walt Disney World trip anytime soon, this post’s for you!
- We booked online directly via the Walt Disney World site. We did some searching to find a nice package for a decent trip.
- We did 5-day “Magic Your Way” tickets. We found that online you can go into the system and take off the “park hopper” option (which was great for us because there was no way on earth we could have ‘hopped’ parks… we were exhausted each day as it was!). It was also too cold in January for a water park, so we took off the “water park” option too. This made the trip much more affordable than if we had left those options on and made it a 7-day (instead of 5-day) pass. We found 5 days to be perfect. Enough so that we weren’t rushed, but also enough so that we were ready to be done with it by the end of day 5. We did Magic Kindom on Day 1; Animal Kingdom on Day 2; Epcot on Day 3; Animal Kingdom on Day 4; Magic Kingdom on Day 5. We’d do it exactly the same if we were to do it again. Hollywood Studios was not appealing to us because our kids don’t know enough about the films/media/Disney characters/etc.
- We used Disney’s Magical Express for airport transportation. It was great! Tip: pack your bathing suits and essentials in your carry-ons. It takes about 3 hours for your luggage to be delivered to your room. We were prepared for that, and it worked out great: upon arrival we checked in, quickly changed into our bathing suits, and hit the pool! We then had dinner at the resort. And by the time we were back in our room, our luggage was there.
- We stayed at Disney’s Port Orleans Riverside. This place is considered a “moderate” resort. We liked it for the price. But we also really, really liked it because the basic rooms allow for five people. They have little pull-out beds in the rooms– it was perfect for Meera! The resort was nice. I’d recommend it. One downside: we had to wait for the bus (Disney Transportation), and the resort was a good 20 minutes from each of the parks. It would be nice if next time we go we can swing a “deluxe” resort on the monorail track!
- We booked the Disney Deluxe Dining Plan. This made our trip, basically, an all-inclusive vacation. This plan gave each of us 3 meals a day (any meal; very flexible), plus 2 snacks a day. It covered everything but alcohol. For us, this was well worth the cost for two reasons: 1) convenience — we absolutely loved not having to worry about paying for each and every single meal/bottle-of-water, and 2) our boys eat a LOT — so a dining plan is value for us [i.e., may not be for families with kids who eat less]. Here’s how it worked out for us: the adult meals were way too much food for Braydon and I, but the kids’ meals were way too little food for Kyle and Owen (just right for Meera). We would order meals accordingly (basically ‘family style’) and all share. Doing it this way, we had just the right amount of food at meals. As for the snacks, we loved being able to “spring” for snacks whenever the kids wanted them (we had already paid for them!). The kids felt like they were living it up BIG TIME because they could get a Mickey ice cream or a bucket of popcorn or a Gatorade or a bag of Cheetos whenever they wanted. This made it feel like a huge splurge of a vacation, when really… it was all part of the dining plan.
- Our princess breakfast was the Akershus Royal Banquet Hall. It is located in “Norway” in Epcot. We HIGHLY recommend it!!!
- Hoop Dee Doo Musical Review is located in Pioneer Hall in the Fort Wilderness Resort. We HIGHLY recommend it!!!
- Now, granted, we are ridiculous foodies at this point (embarrassingly so), but we can also enjoy a good dose of McDonalds from time-to-time. We found Disney food to be pretty good (but we went into it with our expectations realistically set). We chose carefully. Our 3 favorite meals (in terms of actual food) were (in this order): 1) Flame Tree Barbecue (bbq ribs and chicken) in Animal Kingdom, 2) La Hacienda de San Angel (Mexican food and shockingly good margaritas!) in “Mexico” in Epcot, 3) Yak & Yeti (pan-Asian food) in Animal Kingdom.
- We rented a stroller for Meera. It had never occurred to us to do this, but on New Year’s Eve we were talking about our upcoming trip with our good friends the Slavins (who had just gone to Disney this fall), and they recommended that we get a stroller. So so so so so glad we did that! Meera hasn’t been in a stroller since she was 2, but man oh man did she (and we) LOVE having it at Disney! We rented ours (a really nice one!) online from Orlando Stroller Rentals. It worked out easily and perfectly. I highly highly highly recommend bringing or renting a stroller! In addition to giving Meera lots of rides (which avoided an unknown number of meltdowns and tantrums!), and giving her some shade from the direct sun, it also was a place for us to store all of our stuff (so that we didn’t have to carry it all around with us on rides, into restaurants, etc). We must have said to each other, “Oh my gosh! I’m so glad we have this stroller!,” at least 50 times a day!
- Don’t miss the Lion King show at Animal Kingdom!
- We were celebrating our Adoption Day on our first day at the Magic Kingdom. If you tell someone at your resort, or at the park entrance, that you are celebrating a special something they’ll give you pins to wear. Kyle and Owen LOVED having the pins and loved telling anyone and everyone that would listen that we were celebrating our Adoption Day.
- Several people have asked about our luggage. The bright carry on luggage is awesome, and is from LLBean. We have had our eyes on that luggage for awhile now, but it was pricey. We ended up buying it for half-price during a great sale right after Christmas. I just checked their website and they don’t seem to have it anymore. I guess it was a clearance sale. It is awesome rolling, carry-on luggage, perfect for the kids. Keep checking their site… knowing LLBean they will bring it back even better than before.
- Little tip: bring a container of WetOnes. We brought one, and I was so glad we had! One container was the perfect amount for the five days (we literally used the last one on the plane coming home).
The Hoop Dee Doo Reviewwas a major high of our trip. I had been to the show twice before — once as a kid, and once when Braydon, my parents, and I went to Disney with Maria (she was 8 then, which means that was about 15 years ago! whoa!). It is super fun. But this time around took it to another level. This was Kyle and Owen’s first experience with live slap-stick comedy, and it would be a major understatement to say that they enjoyed it. They absolutely LOVED it. They thought everything was so totally over-the-top hilarious, and they laughed so hard that they had everyone around them laughing at them laughing. I swear, I spent more time watching my boys watch the show (and laugh ’till they almost peed their pants), than I did watching the show on the stage (and I wasn’t the only one– K & O kept every table around us, plus our waitstaff, entertained for the whole night). The meal was really good too– we were hungry that night, and the bbq ribs, fried chicken, and all the fixings seemed to really hit the spot! (The huge pitcher of beer for Braydon and me, and the endless soda and chocolate milk for the boys and Meera, helped too!) This is the best part of Disney: the focus on having a genuinely really good time together. As soon as the show ended, one of the cast members got off the stage and made a bee-line to the back of the room straight to our table. I couldn’t imagine what she was doing, but when she got to us it turned out that she simply just wanted to meet our kids. She hugged them and chatted it up with them, then asked if we wanted a photo with her (who would say “no”?). The kids were thrilled (Meera had adored her throughout the show, and K & O had little boy crushes on her). I was once again pretty blown away by the special attention. We left on Cloud 9. And then — thrill of thrills for the boys!!! — we rode a Disney ferry, across the lake, in the pitch dark, to get back to our room for the night. That Hoop Dee Doo Review night was magical.
Other highlights:
The jumping fountains at Epcot.The bambinos could have spent a whole day just playing at those jumping fountains. Braydon and I sat on a bench and watched them play for almost an hour. It is one of my best memories of the trip. And luckily I knew enough to have brought an extra set of clothes for them everywhere we went (oh, I know these three waaay toooo welllll).
Haitian friends everywhere we went. At Disney all of the employes (“Cast Members”) wear name tags that identify where they are from. Kyle and Owen quickly caught onto this, and also quickly realized how many Haitians work at Walt Disney World. Every time they spotted someone from Haiti they stopped to talk with them. “We’re from Haiti too!” Some of these stops lasted just a few seconds, many of them turned into lengthy full-blown conversations, and some of them became whole-life-story and profound-words-given-and-received. (One of them resulted in the Cast Member giving us 10 Fast Pass tickets to any rides of our choice, and then personally escorting us straight into the very front of the line for Peter Pan’s Flight). The Haitians were all eager to give Kyle and Owen lots of words of wisdom. They also were apt to drill one specific piece of advice/admonition into Kyle and Owen over and over and over — “RESPECT YOUR MOTHER!” This thrilled me to no end– In part because any mother would love to hear this advice given to her son (obvi!), and in part because I felt so honored to have these Haitians honor me simply by calling (and not questioning) me as their boys’ (yes, their boys) mother. The Haitian connection that Kyle and Owen have with others from Haiti is so deep and strong. Braydon, Meera, and I are outside of it. But I love watching my boys connect through it with others. It was a major highlight of our trip.
Everest.The boys’ favorite ride. They rode it many times. Braydon and I have a hard time stomaching it. And Meera was too short to ride it. We finally let K & O ride it on their own– dropping them off at the end of the line, and picking them up where the ride let out.
Big Thunder Mountain. Meera’s favorite ride (she takes after her two parents). We rode it many times as a family of five. Fun!!!
Presents. There is so much stuff to buy at Disney. People go crazy there, just buying stuff. We are so lucky that our kids don’t ask for much and are super appreciative when we do buy them something. On the last day, when K & O were riding Space Mountain (again!) with their Papi, I took Meera into a toy store and told her she could pick out anything she wanted. She picked two princesses and I bought them for her on the spot. She acted like I had just given her a trip to Disney (!!)… 😉 …the staff working in the store were so blown away by Meera’s appreciativeness that they pulled her aside and gave her all sorts of extras for free– a hand-printed princess pin, a bunch of stickers, etc. It was all very sweet. As soon as we got out of the store, Meera asked me to take a picture of her with the new dolls. She set them on the sidewalk just so, and posed with them, making sure I took the photo exactly as she wanted. It was really precious. We then found a bench where we were able to sit and unpackage the dolls. Meera set them on the bench and asked to take a picture with my camera. The photo she took of her princesses on the bench is below. For about 30 minutes, right there, in the center of the Magic Kingdom, Meera was lost in her own world with those two dolls. It is random, but the whole scene was such a memorable highlight for me of Meera, at age 4, at Disney.
Basketball in the Magic Kingdom. Kyle and Owen, on the other hand, want for nothing. Seriously, they virtually never ask for anything. They are probably the only two kids in Disney World who go for days without ever asking for a thing. Even if offered to them, they’ll usually turn it down. Crazy kids. They did, however, one day spot small Disney World basketballs for sale. And that was something they couldn’t pass up! They proceeded to dribble those balls all over the Magic Kingdom like little basketball loving maniacs. It gave me such a chuckle… you can take the boys out of basketball, but you can’t take the basketball out of the boys…
Living It. There are so many spaces to just be and enjoy at Disney. If you let yourself not rush to try to get to everything (which is a challenge for us, but we were really conscientiously trying to give ourselves the luxury of living it and not rushing through it)… it is just so pleasant and charming and enjoyable. Our kids are so good at taking time to smell the roses… we are learning from them. A major high was just living it.
Next up: Family Bonding (a Post of Pics)
Two major highlights for all five of us: princesses & parades.
This was my first time at Disney with a Princess Lover (Meera). It really changes the experience of Disney (or, at least, it did for me). I used to think that all those people who “chased princesses,” waiting in lines for hours for a 2 minute meet-and-greet, prioritizing the photos and autographs above so many other possible experiences, were just absolutely nutso. I still kinda think that, except now I kinda get it.
For Meera, at age 4, these were the REAL princesses. These are her superheroes. This is a major part of her world. It was such a complete thrill and delight for her to meet them in real life. I cannot relate (I was never that kind of kid); Braydon cannot relate (he wasn’t either); and Kyle and Owen cannot relate (they aren’t at all). But, because we all love her 100%, we can totally go there — to that Princess Place — with Meera, if we have to. And for all of us — in a strange twist of the unexpected — it turned into a major highlight.
For Braydon and I it was the looks on their faces, their reactions, the thrill we could see in our kids’ eyes. And for Kyle and Owen, it was the fact that they too got all caught up in it (they have, after all, watched every single princess movie with their sister). What began as something they needed to do for their sister, turned into something fantastical for themselves. They got 100% swept away with the thrill of it all. When the trip was over, in fact, Owen unselfconsciously reported that his favorite moment of our Disney trip was “meeting the princesses.” And for Meera, it is obvious: the princesses are huge, and were a huge part of Disney for her.
In anticipation of the Princess Thing, I had planned for a Princess Breakfast, in hopes that we’d get it all done in one fell swoop (and avoid those hours in lines). Booking a Princess Breakfast was the best thing we could have done; it worked completely. And we had an awesome breakfast to boot. In addition to that breakfast we met a few other princesses around the parks too. We never waited in line long, or felt like we were sacrificing other grandiose activities. And now these photos with the princesses, and the memories they represent, are prized possessions of the three bambinos and their two parents.
I have to admit, we got a lot of special attention from the princesses. They lingered with our kids a lot longer than with others (yes, they are very good at giving every kid attention, but believe me, they gave some hefty extra time to the J-M kids… proof of that is the sheer fact that their handlers were often pushing them on to the next group and politely reminding them to ‘move along’ because they were spending way too much time with K,O,M). I am not aloof enough to think this is coincidence, or arrogant enough to think this is because my kids are so special; I am sure it is because our family is so different. In our five days at Walt Disney World, seeing literally thousands and thousands of families, we noticed only 4 other families there that looked anything like ours. The princesses would have to be blind to not see it. At times I felt awkward about the amount of time we got (thinking to myself, “ok! it is time to move on to the next kids!”), but I tried to let it be what it was, to let the princesses be in control, and remind myself that this is just a small token my kids can receive in exchange for having to be so different in the great big world. If the princesses want to shower my kids with special attention, for whatever reasons (maybe they are trained to notice and give extra attention? maybe they do it out of their own personal curiosity?)… I am not going to stand in their way.
And so, Braydon and I stood back, and watched, grinning, and snapped some photos along the way.
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And then there are the parades. There is just nothing like a Disney parade! We are suckers for the Disney parades!!!
Coming up next: Hoop Dee Doo Review and Other Highlights!
I cannot imagine that anyone — regardless of age, background, political persuasion, or any other variable — could enter Walt Disney World and not be impressed with the magic of it all. To be an adult, and to know that this is a constructed reality, purposefully fabricated to be magical, intended to be uplifting, and to know that one man’s imagination sparked it, and hosts of thousands of “Imagineers” and “Cast Members” have concertedly — and continue to — perpetuate it… it is just plain mind-blowing and awe-inspiring. You can’t help but to be overcome with it, even if you don’t want to be. The only other place that Braydon and I have experienced something similar is Paris, France. When you go to Paris, you fall in love with it, even when you conscientiously don’t want to (I speak from firsthand experience on that one). Walt Disney World is pure magic.
Seeing it through the eyes of a child adds a whole other layer to it. If you’re as lucky as me, and you got to go there as a child yourself, then you recall so easily what it was like to be there as a kid. And then you see you own kid there. And you can’t help but to be overwhelmed with it all.
Our three children have always been people who are right at the surface. You can easily engage them. They are open to the world. They connect to people and places freely and easily and quickly. Experiences are really deeply experienced by them. That is something I’ve always admired about my kids, and I try to learn from them how to be better at being in the world like that.
Life is lived to the fullest with the bambinos. So Disney — a very rich and full experiential place — is taken to the max with them. Being in the world of Walt Disney with Kyle, Owen, and Meera is magic in and of itself.
Here is Owen at Disney at age 8:
Here is Kyle at Disney at age 8:
Here is Meera at Disney at age 4:
Here are the J-Ms at Disney in 2013:
Up next: Princesses and Parades!
“If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens.”~Fay Weldon
After much discussion and deliberation, one night, in early December, Braydon and I finally bit the bullet– we got the kids to bed, set up our laptops on the kitchen counter, and got to work booking our Disney trip. We picked the end of January to go, mainly because that is one of Disney World’s most least-busy times of year, and it also coincided nicely with our Adoption Day.
We vowed to each other that we would keep it a secret, and make it a total surprise, for the bambinos. That part of it — the secret of it, our conspiratorial plotting and planning, the wink winks and nod nods, the hiding of plane tickets and Disney mailings and To Do Lists, the only-us-knowing — all of that was, ultimately, just as fun for Braydon and I as Disney World was for the bambinos. I’m serious. We so, so, so loved surprising them with this trip! It will probably be one of the best gifts we ever give. And there’s not much I love more than thoughtful and generous gift giving.
We told very, very few people about our plans.
The nights leading up to our date of departure were crazy-fun! Braydon and I would get the kids to bed then stay up late with the prepping, packing, and planning. We were hiding everything in a corner of our basement storage area. We went up and down the stairs about a million times. All while the bambinos slept unknowingly. As any parent who has ever travelled with young kids knows, these sorts of trips involve a ton of organization, preparation, and packing. I love every minute of it. When I’m doing it, often at midnight, exhausted from a long day of work, and strung-out from all that needs to be done to get ready to leave for a week, I am smiling inside and consciously thinking: “Gosh, I am going to miss these days so much when they are grown up and off on their own.”
The day before was busy (we wrapped up work, finished last minute errands, and — amidst everything else — did an Adoption Day celebration for the boys at their school). All the while, Braydon and I were just bursting with excitement. That night we finished packing, loaded up the car (hiding everything under a quilt), and somehow in there I also managed to attend a 10-11pm Lehigh Gryphon meeting (!! so crazy! but something I like to do to stay in the loop as a Residential Fellow). We got to bed very late that night and hard a very hard time falling asleep because we were so excited!
And then the long-anticipated morning came. And everything went according to plan– We had turned off the boys’ alarm clock, and when they woke up we told them there was a school delay. We also told them that we had to go to the airport to pick up a friend who had been away on a trip. They went along with everything. And as we secretly snuck our five toothbrushes into the luggage and shoved the kids’ lovies into my bag on the sly, Braydon and I tried to not even look at each other for fear that we’d somehow accidentally let the secret slip in the 11th hour.
We arrived at the airport, parked the car, and told the kids to get out– explaining that we’d all go in to greet our friend. As soon as we got out of the car I pulled them together and told them: “Guess what?! We have a big surprise for you!”
“WE’RE GOING TO DISNEY!!!!!”
“We’re getting on an airplane and going to Walt Disney World today! Right now! We’re going to Disney!!”
If you’ve never done this for your kids, and you have the capacity to do it (which means you are — as we are — extremely privileged and fortunate), then I highly recommend that you do it ASAP. It was one of the best moments of my life — giving my kids that gift. Their reactions were everything I’d imagined them to be and utterly priceless. Just priceless.
What I got from that moment was worth every penny we’d saved and every minute we’d planned for that trip. And we hadn’t even left the airport parking lot yet.
It was awesome.
An hour later we hit a snafu (there are always snafus, right?!)… every flight was cancelled due to extreme fog. Flight cancelled. With no departure at any point in the next several hours. We were determined to get to Florida that day, so that we wouldn’t miss one of our 5 precious days in Disney. Braydon, who in recent years has become an absolute Master of Trouble Shooting, worked his magic and in no time had us re-booked on flights out of Newark, had us and our luggage all back in the car, and had us to our gate in the Newark airport just in time to catch the flight. The excitement of all of this unexpected re-arranging-of-plans just added to the thrill and adventure of it all. And we arrived in Orlando just one hour later than our original flight would have landed.
Coming up next: The Most Magical Place on Earth!
We just returned from a most fantastical trip to Walt Disney World!
When the bambinos were 6 (K & O) and 2 (M) we went to Disney (those posts starting here — click!). We had travelled quite a bit with our kids, but that trip took top place for them as a most favorite destination. We promised them then that we’d go back in two years– when they were 8 and 4.
There were many moments in the past couple of years when Braydon and I really were not sure how we were going to pull off the promised Disney trip. It isn’t just the money (although that’s a big thing— Disney is expensive!). It is also the time and energy that go into a trip like this, and most of all — for Braydon and me — it is the choosing of Disney over some other fabulous destination (we can only do so many trips, and there are so many places we want to go).
But we had promised them. For better or for worse, we had given them our word. And we aren’t ones to break our promises. We had to pull it off. And we did.
This past week we went to Walt Disney World when our kids were 8 and 4. We made it happen, and we did it all the way. This time around we were determined to give them the full Disney experience. It was rich and full and over-stimulating and exhausting and absolutely amazing and everything that Disney is cracked up to be.
It was a once-in-a-lifetime trip. It will only happen once: Disney when they are 8 and 4.
(Those ages are perfect for Disney as far as I am concerned.)
I have managed to narrow down our 1,000 photos to about 100. But instead of waiting to do one huge travel post, this time I’m going to make it easier on myself and post in bits and pieces over the next several days. If you are not our kids’ grandmother or grandfather, and/or if you are not an incredibly loyal/unusually-interested blog follower, and/or if you’re not a Disney fanatic, then you might just want to just skip the next several days of posts! Seriously, I’ll probably go a little overboard with the over-documentation of our fabulous Disney adventure. And I might get a little sappy and sentimental (Disney does that, and I’m still not fully down from my high). And I might post an over-abundance of photos of my kids having the time of their life. And I might be a little proud about the fact that we managed to pull this trip off, and a little weepy over how much the bambinos adored every single minute of it. It was an extraordinary experience from start to finish.
Coming up in the next post: The Bambinos Get Every Child’s Fantasy Surprise~ “We’re Going To Disney!!!”
First there were these two:
Then there was this one:
We are going somewhere special to celebrate our Adoptive Family!
Adoption Day 2013 is going to be super duper extra special for the J-Ms! We’ll be back in a while! 😉
January 31 is our Adoption Day. This year it is our 8th! One thing I’ve learned is that every year it is always the same: the days leading up to it are hyper-emotional for me. It is hard for me to let that be what it is— I tend to be someone whose knee-jerk reaction to emotional things revolving around events in my own life is to push them aside in an irrational attempt to accommodate other people (the logic in my own mind is typically: ‘yes, I’m experiencing this, but Person-X-Y-Z has it soooo much worse!’ or ‘yes, I’m experiencing this, but Person-A-B-C has it soooo much better!’… which leads to pushing aside my own true emotions in order to shift the focus to someone else… I’m very good at it). If you don’t know me extremely well, this may come as a surprise. But trust me on this one: this is my Classic Mode Of Operation.
With our adoption, though, I have consciously and purposefully tried to change that in myself. In becoming a mother something shifted in me and the emotions of it all were so overwhelming — and the importance of it all was so intense — that I deliberately worked to not force my own emotions to the side. For the past eight years, especially, I’ve been working on this. It is becoming easier and easier as the years progress. To the point where now, in my 8th year of mothering, I am actually pretty comfortable with admitting that our Adoption Day puts me 100%, full-on, completely, and utterly, over the edge. I am an emotional wreck and I’m not afraid to admit it.
There are so many emotions for all of us who are intricately linked with adoption in one way or another. There is loss and gain, love and pain, joy and devastation, beauty and horror, relief and grief, hope and desperation, and all of it is together at once, and it is so intense if you let it be. I am trying to let it be. But it is hard to do.
The only thing I know for sure is that after everything I’ve been through on our adoption journey — and knowing I’ll go through so much more in the years to come — I am still a true believer in the pure miracle of adoption. Yes, it is hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. But for many of us — lucky for me, I am one of them — it is the most beautiful and good and right thing we’ve ever done with our lives. I count myself the lucky one for having had the chance to experience all that it is. It is a wide range of emotions, that is for sure. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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We are so fortunate to have our kids at a school that identifies strongly as progressive. It was such a pleasure for me (particularly because it was initiated by them) to receive an email from Kyle and Owen’s teachers expressing that they wanted to make sure our Adoption Day was acknowledged and celebrated in whatever way we saw fit. I asked the boys this year, “What do you want to do — in school — for our Adoption Day?” and they responded quickly and easily with their true desires. It makes me so proud that my sons are able to say what they want for themselves, especially around an emotional and deeply personal event.
Here is what they wanted— they wanted to combine their two classes for one school Adoption Day Celebration; they wanted me to come in and read their Adoption Day book (must read here for backstory on that) to all of their friends; and they wanted a “big huge cake!” It was clear, simple, and very easy for me to implement. It was awesome.
I made arrangements with their teachers, ordered a full-sheet-cake-size cake from our regular grocery store, and that was that. And today was the day. And it was one of the best little events in the lives of Kyle, Owen, and me. For real.
When I showed up with the cake all of the kids went wild. It doesn’t even matter if they like cake, just the idea of a big huge cake is enough to make a monumental impression. It means: a big huge deal celebration! I had made sure to ask the bakery department at our grocery store to put the words in bold print (not cursive) so the kids could easily read it. They read it. And they read it aloud over and over to each other: ” Celebrate Adoption! Adoption is Love!” I didn’t have to say a word, I just watched and listened to Owen and Kyle’s friends all ooooh and aaaaah over their Adoption Day cake.
I read the book. It is hard for me to read it — ever — without getting teary. I did a good job of not breaking down into sobs in front of all the first and second graders (K & O have combined 1&2 classrooms).
We all ate cake. I cut it and Kyle and Owen got to hand it out. And that was that. It was everything that Kyle and Owen wanted it to be. And then school was over, and we took the leftover cake home to give to our friends/neighbors/students in Sayre. It was — dare I say it?! — perfect. Perfectly exactly what my boys wanted… and, I guess, needed.
They needed to share that story and that celebration with the people in their lives who they spend every day at school with. In the same way that I need to share our story ( I blog it), they have their own ways of letting themselves be known. It is good.
They were beaming from start to finish, and I loved — and was able to truly feel — the beauty in their emotions. For them, at this point, adoption is complicated — yes — but more so it is simple: adoption is love. It is something to be celebrated.
They are not without truth, grief, sorrow, abandonment, questioning, always anchoring them. Yes, that is real. But — at least for now — it is even more real that adoption is to be celebrated. For all that it is good and hard and joy and pain, adoption is love.
Today was a really great day in the lives of my boys. I hope this post will help us remember it.
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Dear Kyle and Owen, I tell you often that January 31st 2005 was the single best day of my life. It is entirely true. You made me a mom, in exactly the way I wanted to become one. You are my dream come true. Happy Adoption Day to us! xoxoxo ~Mommy P.S. For the past five months you’ve dressed in un-matching outfits everyday, but this morning you came out of your bedroom dressed, very purposefully, in identical outfits for the first time since August; I am so glad you have each other; Today you did something brave in telling your story — and you did it together — and I am so very very very proud of you both for it.
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