BAMBINOS

Julie, Dan, Kyle, Jon, Meera, Owen, Kelsey

As a family, we give a lot to our Lehigh-friends-neighbors-students. We sort of pour our hearts into them, and fully embrace them into our lives. From all outside appearances, you might think we’re providing some sort of student-centered “service” or “outreach,” and, in fact, what we do (through living on campus) is often referred to as that. But when I hear comments about the “service” we are providing by doing what we do, it rubs me the wrong way. Not because I don’t think we are doing a lot for students (trust me, I know more than anyone just how much we are doing for students). But, rather, because in calling it that, it devalues and misrepresents what is actually happening.

People who think what we’re doing is uni-dimensional “student service” are truly misunderstanding what is going on here. What is going on here is a real reciprocal relationship between us and the Lehigh students with whom we interact. We’re building relationships that are genuine. There is give and take, and back and forth. There is community. There is reciprocity. For all that we give, we get back tenfold.

This Saturday, four of our Lehigh-friends-neighbors-students came to Kyle and Owen’s basketball game. They spent the afternoon with us, off campus, at the Bethlehem Township Community Center, cheering from the bleachers for their two favorite 9-year-old-twin-basketball players. Then we all went out to Red Robin, where Braydon and I treated these kids (the bambinos and the students) to a non-dining-hall meal complete with lots of rambunctiousness and goofing off at the table.

This is — dare I say it? — quite unique. I can say with 100% certainty that this is unique at Lehigh. But even I, who went to a small liberal arts college, with an uber-dedicated faculty devoted to out-of-classroom-interaction (where professors are actually encouraged and credited for spending time with students)… even I, who took full advantage of that situation and formed life-long relationships with some of those professors (and sometimes babysat for their kids and/or was invited to their houses for dinner)… even I, who really made the most out of that sort of collegiate residential experience… never experienced anything close to resembling what our Lehigh-friends-neighbors-students are experiencing with us. Although I was in some sense “close” to some of my professors (a fact for which I will be eternally grateful; and a fact of which I’m very proud), I never ever ever would have been hanging out at the local community center on a Saturday afternoon watching their kids play basketball. Voluntarily. Just because I wanted to see one of their games and cheer them on.

We are taking the relationships to a whole other level, I think, in large part because we are doing it as a whole family. We’re giving of ourselves and each other, and in return, we get so much.

Do you know how much it meant to Kyle and Owen to have Jon, Dan, Kelsey, and Julie come to their game? It meant the world to them. My guess is that they’ll never forget it. My guess, too, is that Jon, Dan, Kelsey, and Julie will remember that day long after they’ve forgotten much of the rest of their college experiences. That afternoon will make a much larger impact than any physics lecture or required reading or frat party or extra-curricular-club-event.

I’m betting that the impact will be huge for all involved, in ways that go far beyond what any of us could now imagine.

Saturday there were these special fans in the stands at K & O’s game. And when I say, ‘special,’ I do mean special. These friends-neighbors-students are amazing (them taking a Saturday afternoon to cheer on the Residential Fellow kids is just the tip of the iceberg). I stand back and marvel at these young people, and at the honor that it is for us to know them and have them in our lives. We get the privilege and joy of seeing these students in such an honest and real way. We live with them, we teach them, we learn from them, and we cheer each other on. We’re not doing a service. We’re receiving a gift.

Meera. Gosh do I ever love her. This girl is nothing like anything I ever would have imagined to come from me. In an unexpected twist, my only biological child is the one who challenges all of my preconceived notions of nature vs. nurture; she’s so much more dissimilar from me than her adopted brothers have ever been. This girl is full of grace, twirl, sparkle, and pink; she’s entirely centered in who she is, and has been that way from the start; happiest at home coloring or painting, surrounded by her little family; no need to be top of her class or “best” at anything… it is remarkably stellar the person that she is. I stand back and watch, and am overwhelmed by admiration for her, and by relief for the path that she’s on. I adore every part of her, respect her, and am awed by her. She has fundamentally challenged me more than any other person on this planet. Somehow I got matched with the most perfect daughter for me.

Owen. Gosh do I ever love him. A foodie after my own heart, this boy made it his New Year’s Resolution to “learn to really cook” (Penne Alfredo & Roasted Broccoli is the meal he’s determined to master first.) And he doesn’t just cook, he gets completely into it and makes me laugh the entire time. This is a kid who has always engaged fully in life — everything he does he does fully. Including making my heart overflow. Somehow I got matched with the most perfect son for me.

Kyle. Gosh do I ever love him. Runny nose, snowy ice, and all. Seriously, I know I’m biased, but this kid is the soulfully sweetest and soulfully strongest boy I’ve ever known. He has a genuine passion for social justice and he is a real conversationalist. I feel like he and I are in a never-ending conversation about everything important. Somehow I got matched with the most perfect son for me.

Longtime readers might recall me complaining about Valentine’s Day in past years. Well, not this year. We are finally at a school that does not require intricate and numerous and unique homemade and from scratch valentines! Hip-hip-hooray x3 for us. Hip-hip-hooray particularly for me. This year we could be like so much of the rest of America and just buy the dang valentines at Target and be done with it. I have got to tell you: It was AWESOME. All three kids loved it. And it was truly painless. It made me a very happy mother.

Due to snow days, and snow delays, and President’s Day, and snow days, and snow delays… did I say snow days? and snow delays?… due to all that, V-Day got a tad bit stretched out this year. But, as of tonight, all three bambinos are finally officially done with Valentine’s Day. The school class parties and valentines exchanges are finally complete, and we can put another V-Day behind us. It was the best yet… because of the lovely simplicity. I think even Kyle and Owen enjoyed it this year. Which is really saying something.

The true love, however, has come in the form of snow removal. In the days surrounding Valentine’s, I have watched my family — all five of us in our own separate ways — step up to the plate and help many-a-Lehigh-student shovel out. It has been a really sweet thing for me to see. And the love has come back ‘round too. Last night, for just one example, a student that Braydon, Kyle, and Owen had helped shovel out came and brought us a whole batch of scrumptious, oozy gooey, warm, straight-from-the-oven, homemade chocolate chip cookies. All of this is the kind of thing that makes my heart just melt… even when it is frigid cold and we’re surrounding by mounds and mounds of ice and snow.

Now that we live in a tiny apartment, in a dorm, on a college campus, it is much harder to have my parents visit. Gone is the guest room, and the guest bathroom, and the three floors, and the loads and loads and loads of space to stretch out. Gone is the ease to have visitors. A year and a half in, this is the thing I miss most about our old house.

You’ve gotta really love someone, and be willing to let a lot go, in order to spend overnight visits co-existing together in a space as small as ours. It is sort of like spending a few nights on a sailboat together… except, there is no vast open sea all around you, boat deck to sunbath on, or the adventure of yachting to justify the cramped corners. I appreciate my parents’ sheer willingness, and our family of five’s emotional capacity, to allow for us to still have visits despite our current home being so non-conducive to guests. It is a joint effort and a reciprocal relationship that makes it in any way possible.

And then… for this particular visit… add to it all…. SNOW. More and more and more snow just keeps piling up this winter. Keeping us stuck inside. And I’m about to lose my mind. Having overnight guests (even if they are your own parents), in a 750 square foot apartment, during yet another snow event… well, it takes ‘cabin fever’ to a whole other level.

MorMor arrived Tuesday afternoon. MorFar arrived Friday morning. They both left Saturday afternoon. The snow dominated pretty much the entire time they were here.

I had been greatly anticipating my mom’s visit, and had planned so much fun stuff for us to do. Almost none of it actually happened on account of snow. It is enough to push a hostess over the edge. (I consider it no small feat of victory, and also a testament to my unusually good relationship with my mother, that I only came close to — but did not, in fact — go over the edge).

The visit was bookended by two things that actually went as planned. And, glory glory hallelujah, those were the two most important things where the bambinos are concerned:

1. I had planned for MorMor to be Mystery Reader in Meera’s kindergarten class. It happened Wednesday, and it was absolutely such a sweet, sweet thing. Meera was so thrilled and surprised to have MorMor show up, and MorMor did a fabulous job with it. It could not have gone more perfectly.
2. We had planned the visit so that MorMor and MorFar could go to one of Kyle and Owen’s basketball games. It happened Saturday, and it was such a thrill for the boys to have MorMor and MorFar see them play. It was such a thrill, in fact, that they actually played the worst that they have all year… and even confessed later that they had been so distracted by trying to impress their special audience in the stands that they “totally flubbed it up” (their words). But it was very special, for all involved, nonetheless.

Everything in between those two good bookends was all about the snow. School was cancelled. Plans were cancelled. Everything was cancelled. We basically hunkered down with SNOW snow SNOW. My mom got to experience a real live string of J-M snow days. She also helped ease the pain of it all by making us a rare and special treat — a delicious homemade almond coffee bread. That is something only a MorMor would do. And it was much appreciated by all five J-Ms (and a couple of lucky students too, who got to help eat the leftovers).

Toward the end we did manage to get out of the house. On Valentine’s Day we had the bambinos’ favorite— Kome Hibachi lunch (for K & O), and YoFresh dessert (for M). The picture below totally cracks me up— you can barely see it in the photo, but I looked over and saw that my mother and my daughter were unselfconsciously sitting in exactly the same precise positions — perfect posture, ankles crossed, hands together in their laps. If my grandmother had been there she too would have been sitting in exactly that same precise position — I’d bet my life on it. I don’t even know how to fully process that tri-generational-fact.

The highlight of the visit, for me, was a lot of quality downtime with my mom and dad. Nothing went as I had planned it. But I got everything I wanted out of the visit.

The bambinos, in the back seat, on the drive home from school (I know there will come a day, far too soon, that I will desperately miss having this crazy crew in the backseat of my car):

Meera’s dinner (or, in this case, dessert!), at Rathbone Dining Hall,with her very own, hand-selected, cherry-picked, babysitters for the night:

Kyle & Owen, out for a night on the town, alone with Mommy & Papi (no little sister!), dinner out, and then… The Harlem Globetrotters!… which, of course, they loved, loved, loved, loved, loved:

At 3:50 this afternoon I got a text from one of our friends/neighbors/students, the gist of which was, ‘Tell the boys: snow football in 10 minutes!’ Ten minutes later K & O were out there, on the icy-snow-covered lawn, with a whole bunch of students, playing a hard-core game of Snow Football. They’ve been going strong for two hours and counting. It is now 5:55pm, and they are still out there (now in the pitch dark), playing football in the ice and snow.

Meera and I made this cornstarch “clay dough” for the first time today. It is so cool! It is like a cross between silly-putty and play-doh. The making of it was fun. And the playing with it was even more fun! If you’ve never made it, I highly recommend it. Click here for link to directions.

{photo courtesy of Liana, one of our favorite friends/neighbors/students}

Major revelation today!!! It turns out, snow days don’t have to be stressful-frantic-blood-pressure-rising experiences! Today, we had the best snow day ever!!! It was awesome from beginning to end. There was one simple difference between this snow day and every other snow day: it wasn’t just the bambinos’ school that was closed, it was mama’s school that was closed too! In a shocking rare twist, Lehigh closed for a snow day. And the entire day was, thus, pure bliss! No kidding! Say it with me folks, ‘When the mama’s happy, everybody’s happy.”

It also helped that we were actually prepared this time. The forecast was giving every indication that we’d be snowed in for a couple of days. So Braydon ran out to the grocery store last night with a solid and well-planned list. We had everything we needed to make today run smoothly (which made a huge difference in the day). Bliss, I tell you! Pure snow day bliss! (Papi even surprised us all with cinnamon rolls this morning, which has got to be just about the very best way to start a snow day.)

The beginning~

The cinnamon rolls~

Facebook status from this morning (this struck a chord with a few people!)~

Morning walk in the woods~

Sledding with students~

The Middle~

So, so, so, so, so much snowy fun~

An afternoon text from our friends in the fraternity house directly behind us~

And a big surprise looking right up at us when we looked outside our windows!!!~

Afternoon popcorn & a movie~

The End (of the snow)~

Dinner had been crock-potting all day long (and it was so delish! one of Braydon’s favorites: beef stroganoff!)~

It was the best snow day ever. The end~

Adoption Day 2014.

We always make a big deal of our Adoption Day. We celebrate it as a whole family, and while there is a special emphasis on Kyle and Owen, of course, it is a huge day of celebration, remembrance, and reflection for all five of us. This year was our 9th.

The days leading up are always a bit rocky. Adoption is nothing if not complex. And for us, this marker in time brings it right to the surface: the good, the bad, the joy, the sorrow, the elation, the grief, the pride, the humility, the beauty, the challenge, the connection, the isolation, the rich complexity of adoption.

Each year is different for us, and we sort of take it as it comes and try to plan what feels right year-by-year. (For some posts on our past Adoption Days, click here.) This year, Kyle and Owen wanted to have a celebration in school — specifically, they wanted me to read their adoption story book to the third grade, and then have “a big huge cake!” So, that is what we did yesterday afternoon at the Swain School.

Braydon and I went in, we pulled Meera from class, and the five of us told our story and answered lots of questions from Kyle and Owen’s third grade friends. Then we ate the “big huge cake” and drank milk, and — I think — made quite a lasting impression on a bunch of very sweet and very curious 8 & 9 year olds (oh how I’d have loved to have been a fly on the wall to hear what they all told their parents at home that night!!!). It was pretty awesome.

Last night we went out to dinner at a very nice restaurant that Braydon and I love (but had never taken the bambinos to until now) — Blue Grillhouse and Wine Bar.

The only other time we’ve gone to such an upscale restaurant with our kids was six months ago, in South Carolina, when we took them to Saltus. That was a very amazing night, so I was worried a bit about the bar being set way too high. But we pulled it off, and the bambinos were absolutely in their element with the high-end food and over-the-top service and fancy-shmancy everything.

They loved it. I loved enjoying it with them. For me, there is something just awesome about seeing Owen eat with abandon his “Crispy Calamari with Honey, Ginger, and Soy” (his choice for an appetizer, he found it himself on the menu and requested it); Kyle devour his “Classic Caesar Salad”; and all three of them discover the very real difference between a wonderful wet-aged ribeye with herb butter, and an exquisite grilled dry-aged bone-in filet mignon. Suffice it to say, Braydon and I ended up eating the ribeye. 😉

It was such a fun, and delicious, night.

This morning we woke up for the grand finale of this year’s celebration: a trip to Sky Zone, where we all jumped on trampolines for a couple of hours of non-stop, high-intensity, high-energy, jumping fun.

We had never been there before, but Braydon and I had planned this knowing it was just perfect for this year. The closest one is about an hour away from us, but it was well worth the drive. This was the bambinos’ kind of place, let me tell you, they were in heaven. Heaven heaven heaven!

And, as an added benefit, Braydon and I got quite the workout.

It was so much fun jumping together.

A highlight for Kyle and Owen was the basketball hoops—

And a highlight for Meera was the foam block pit (she must have jumped in there 100 times). Although, toward the end, our 5-year-old just couldn’t keep up with her brothers any longer, and we caught her lying down several times, just out of absolute pure exhaustion!) —

~ ~ ~

Our server at Blue last night was an adoptee. He told us that right away (I suspect, in fact, they might have purposefully placed us with him; Braydon had notified the restaurant of our special occasion when he had made the reservation). The server a really nice guy, and he was very inquisitive about our family, and we bonded with him right away. He told us that his family had never done anything special to celebrate, or even acknowledge, his and his sister’s Adoption Day. He had nothing but wonderful things to say about his parents and his own adoption story, but he admitted to me that he was pretty envious of our kids “having a mother who makes this happen for them, a mother who makes it a big deal” (his quote, not mine). At one point, when the boys and Braydon had left the table to go to the restroom, I said to our server, “It is funny that you say you wish your family had made a big deal of your Adoption Day, because my only worry is that someday my kids will tell me that they wish I hadn’t made such a big deal of it.” He stopped what he was doing, leaned down and put his hand on my shoulder, and said, “That’s not going to happen. Trust me.”

It was a really touching moment for me. I feel like I kind of needed to hear that, and it meant a lot to me that he said it. I hope he’s right. At this point, I have every indication from K & O that he is.

~ ~ ~

Adoption Day 2014 is now coming to a close.

We’ve got three exhausted bambinos on our hands tonight. And slowly but surely the leftovers of the “big huge cake” are disappearing from the table in our dorm’s lounge. The Lehigh students who live around us have discovered that they, too, love Adoption Day! — they get some good cake and organic milk boxes out of the deal!

Yup, we make a big deal of it. Because, after all, you know what? It is a big deal. When you’re a family like ours, when you have all the tough stuff that comes with the reality that is adoption (and there is a lot of it, and it is a daily part of it)… well, then… you’ve gotta take every chance you can to celebrate the beauty and joy that is adoption too. Once a year, I think it is ok for us to go all out to place emphasis on the truly awesome aspects of adoption.

Yes, adoption is tough.

And, adoption is love.

Today was the 3rd Grade Science Expo at the kids’ school. This was a humongous event for Kyle and Owen. Humongous (I don’t think I’ve ever used that word on the blog, ever. So, that should tell you just how humongous this was.)

The theme was “Simple Machines” but… let me tell you… there was nothing simple about this. The 3rd graders had worked on their projects for months (literally), the pressure had been mounting for the past several weeks, and it all culminated in today. The lead-up, anticipation, and drama that was the 3rd Grade Science Expo was beyond belief. There were tears shed, there were projects done and re-done, there was a lot of Duct tape, and many glue sticks, used. For a whole variety of reasons, that I won’t even go into, it all got sort of big… instead of simple.

Everyone (and I mean, everyone: students, teachers, and… probably most of all… parents) could not wait for this day to come and go. But let me just say this: none of them — and I mean, none of them — have anything on us. Because none of them have TWINS. Twin boys. Twin boys who hate anything that could possibly in any way be conceived as even slightly artsy-crafty. And trust me, a ‘Science Expo Project’ is conceived (no matter how much you intend it to not be) as a little bit artsy-crafty by this category of kid. Because it involves, at a minimum, scissors and glue. So, use your imagination to conjure up what the past few weeks have been like for us. Times two.

This morning, from 8:10-9am, parents, grandparents, and several of the younger classes, visited the 3rd Grade Science Expo. It was wonderful. The place was alive with science and chock full of proud, confident 3rd grade boys and girls. It was brilliant young minds at work. It was a delight to witness. You could have easily never realized the weeks of agony that had been behind it.

Meera’s kindergarten class attended, and the highlight of the whole thing for me was seeing her bring her whole posse of little friends straight to her big brothers’ projects. There was something awesome in seeing her so proudly show off her brothers (and their science) to her friends. Her friends were looking up at K & O with idolizing, amazed eyes, and Meera was the proudest kid in the whole place (including the 3rd grade kids who were actually presenting). And, of course, Meera did what we are all known to usually do: she stood tall and smiled genuinely proudly, and never mentioned to any of her friends the fits and sobs and hours-of-doing-and-re-doing and the out-and-out-tantrums that she’d observed over the past few weeks from her brothers.

The 3rd Grade Science Expo is now officially over. And I’ll gloss over it and move on (it is kind of like childbirth— you have the baby and then sort of forget everything that led up to it). But… really… it was a big experience, and we learned a lot. Mainly, I learned what we’re in for in the foreseeable future. There’s no stopping it — the projects will keep coming, and coming, and coming, like waves on a shore. And we have two kids on our hands for whom anything even verging on crafty (and definitely anything that involves scissors and/or glue and/or magic markers) is… well…. kinda sorta painful. And… well… they don’t really seem to be outgrowing that anytime soon.

MY POST-EXPO PRAYER: “Dear God, Please help me to get through the next ten years of school projects with these twin boys. Please give me the fortitude and the double patience and the double stamina that are gonna be required to get them —and me— through it. And please God, please help them to learn the foundational concepts that the more Duct Tape isn’t necessarily the better, and that just a little glue goes a long way. Amen.”