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(yesterday was her birthday party!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEERA GRACE!

Lehigh’s commencement was on Monday morning. I thought it was really important for Kyle, Owen, and Meera to be there. They’ve been living on campus, they’ve formed real relationships with lots of students — including many graduating seniors — and I felt strongly that they should see the year through and have the closure of attending commencement. I also thought that — given their immersion in a college campus — they should see firsthand what a graduation is all about. This would be the first time attending for all three of them. So, I kept them home from school for the day, and we went (Braydon was away on a work trip).

They were pretty impressed with the football field transformed into a graduation site. They were pretty impressed with the thousands of people in attendance, swarming the stadium.

They were pretty impressed with the 2,000 graduates, the robes and hoods, the music, the procession, the pomp and circumstance. They were pretty impressed with the thick program listing the names and degrees and awards and honors.

They spent quite a nice long chunk of time searching the program for names they knew.

And then…

But we saw it through. And I’m glad we did. Because then they got to see the best part: the graduates as they first walk out… so happy, so emotional, so sure and unsteady at the same time. A once-in-a-lifetime moment for a person — that we get to be a part of just simply because we are their friends.

And Kyle, Owen, and Meera learned that a big part of commencement is the post-graduation-celebrating.

The hugging and “congratulations”-ing, and the meeting-the-families, and the photo taking with the graduates. Those parts were pretty cool.

That afternoon we attended Sarah’s graduation party at her parents’ home in North Bethlehem. We had been so honored to be invited. We were even more honored to be there, to share in her family’s celebration, and to enjoy a sweet and lovely afternoon with the Thomsons. (Sarah is a student we became especially close with this year — she lived in the apartment diagonally across from us; was our head Gryphon; President of Lehigh’s Student Senate; brought Meera to visit her sorority house more than once; and was/is an all-around really good friend of our family. And she is one of the rare Lehigh students who grew up locally — so her family party was something we could logistically very easily do.)

So, Kyle, Owen, and Meera got the whole experience– attending commencement, and attending a graduation party. Now they know what that whole thing is all about. And it did what I hoped — it brought some closure for us. We were able to end the year of full immersion, with a full immersion in a very important book-end day.

P.S. Thank you to Shalinee for Meera’s dress and matching doll dress. Shalinee saw this in a store a few weeks ago and just had to get it for Meera (knowing she’d love it). She was right– Meera loved it (as did what felt like — literally — many hundred graduation-goers who commented repeatedly on how cute the matching outfits were). xo to Shalinee for knowing my girl so well.

It has become a tradition for us that for Mother’s Day I always receive the gift of some fancy shmancy new kitchen gadget from Braydon and the bambinos. I send explicit hints as to which precise gadget I’m most desiring each year. This year was a biggie: THE VITAMIX. I’ve been coveting this thing for years. And I’m thrilled to announce that the J-Ms have been drinking kale smoothies every morning since (except for Meera, who refuses to drink them). Last night at their baseball game, Kyle and Owen each hit the ball so hard that it hit the fence (a first for them; and there is only one other boy on their team — who is 2 years older than them — who has done that). They are truly convinced it is because of the kale smoothies. 😉 Love, love, love the Vitamix. If you have one, you know what I’m talkin’ about— the thing is AMAZING!

Kyle and Owen’s 9th birthday was May 8. Cousin Sadie’s 10th birthday was May 10. The three of them got a special birthday present this year from MorMor and MorFar: a weekend away — without the parents and little siblings!!! The five of them spent last weekend together in New York City. Two nights in hotels, and lots and lots of fun. The highlight of the trip was seeing Wicked on Broadway. They also went to the Museum of Natural History, Central Park, FAO Schwarz, and the Empire State Building at night. They ate great food, had loads of fun, and really bonded. According to Kyle and Owen, it was “AWESOME!!!” (Since I was not there, I don’t have loads of pics, but I do have the one above, that my mom sent me from the lobby of the play.)

Meanwhile, back at home, Meera got to have her parents all to herself for a whole weekend. That was pretty special too. According to Meera, it was “AWESOME!!! But. I missed my brothers.” (They did not have that same sentiment regarding their little sister tacked on the end of their statement about the weekend. Lol!)

Very early on Sunday morning Braydon left for a work trip to Dallas, Texas. So, I was on my own to pick up the boys in the city. I decided my best bet was to take the bus. The bambinos thought that was “FANTASTIC!!!” So, their first bus trip in-and-out of the city capped off an all-around “AWESOME” weekend!

Owen & Kyle, just before guests began arriving for their 9-Year-Old Birthday Party

Kyle and Owen’s birthday party is a big deal to me (backstory can be found here). I do it up big. In a big way. Always have. And for as long as I can, I always will. It is an honor and a privilege for me to throw a huge bash for them. It is what they want. And I love doing it. This year was no different — except, for the big difference being that it was our first K&O birthday not in our old home; our first big family party on campus. It was very different than having their birthday party at our old house, and there was a part of me that was sad to not be there. But it was also very awesome in whole new ways.

These things are a lot of work. This year we had 80+ guests, and that’s a crazy big bash for what amounts to a whole bunch of people, including a huge slew of kids. A lot goes into it. And I question my sanity (numerous times in the days and weeks leading up to it). But in the end it is always, always, always worth it for the smiles on everyone’s faces and the really good, good times had by all.

Some year I’m going to have to try to document the planning and prepping process. This year, I only have one photo from that — Below: here we are, Braydon and me, one Saturday morning, stuffing envelopes for the invitation mailing.

This year’s theme was “Family Festival.”

We had hoped for a sunny day with lots of lawn games and many icy drinks. It turned out hot and humid (many icy drinks!), but with scattered downpours throughout the afternoon. Lucky for us, we had a great back-up venue right in our backyard! — Sayre Lodge (the community building right where we live). What lucky ducks we are! Before guests had even begun to arrive, these Birthday Boy lucky ducks were eating hot dogs and having their own little dance party for two. Watching that, alone, would have been enough to make the whole thing worth it to me. I love these 9-year-old boys so flipping much.

And then, guests started arriving, things got rocking, and the “Family Festival” really got rolling.

At some point, mid-way through the party, the rains stopped and the clouds cleared out, and blue skies appeared. So there was volleyball…

… and whiffle ball…

… and parachute games.

But still, the thing that really stole the show was the bouncy house that we had set up in my classroom inside the Lodge. The slide, especially, was the big hit. There were two 9-year-olds in particular who went nuts for it.

One nine year old went really nuts for it (he practically never left it for the entire duration of the party. And yes, looking at these pictures does make me contemplate the future of this party-loving girl-magnet).

And there was one special party-goer, The Sister of The Birthday Boys, who — in her classic style — was most happy slightly removed from the chaos and the crowds that her brothers love so much. She tolerates their birthday parties (as they will tolerate her’s). But Meera has a sense of grace about her that seems to help her glide right through. She also always seems to find ways to make a good time for herself amidst just about any scenario. She spent a long stretch of K & O’s party just sitting on the steps outside, eating popcorn and drinking lemonade, with her friend Isabelle. That is just so perfectly Meera.

And then, before we said goodbye to all the revelers, we had cake. Two cakes, to be precise, as is our twinny tradition.

In addition to virtually all of K & O’s classmates (from both classes), and a bunch of other friends from school, some additional VIPs were with us that day.

(Above: some of our most very favorite extra special super duper most adored students — Dana, Kathryn, Josh, and Rawle eat birthday cake. Below: some of our most beloved family friends — Stacey takes a pic of Ben and the boys.)

And then, once everyone was gone, the boys got to open their massive pile of gifts. It really warms my heart to know how well their friends know them– so many gifts were so perfectly chosen for K & O. It is sweet to see it.

And then we all zonked out for the night, exhausted from another great big birthday bash.

*

I do need to acknowledge the most VIPs of all: my parents. MorMor and MorFar have always gone way out of their way to be with us for the bambinos’ birthday parties. This is such a huge blessing to Kyle, Owen, and Meera. But, even more so, (honestly), this is such a huge blessing to me. They both help so much with the party-throwing. We truly could not do it without them. And in addition to being here for the actual party, they were here for the stuff on either side of it too— a couple of baseball games, a few great meals, and lots of time just being with us (the most important gift of all). I feel so grateful for them in our lives in this way. It is a rare thing: this kind of bond — especially when it is a long-distance situation.

Also, I feel so grateful to Lehigh University Residential Services and Conference and Special Housing Services. They have allowed my parents to use the apartment across the hall from us while the students are all away for the summer. This is huge for us! Below: eating dinner together in “MorMor and MorFar’s apartment” (where we are able to sit around an actual dining table).

We had to wait for the right weather (low wind, no rain) to do our traditional sky lanterns. But we made sure to do it. As I wrote last year: “sky lanterns, in honor of Kyle and Owen’s birthparents, sent out to the universe, from us, to them, with so many wishes, so much gratitude, and such depth of mixed emotion.” It is an important ritual for us.

An amazing celebration of our now 9-year-old precious boys. These little souls are growing and thriving. We thank all involved in that. Those of us who get to be around them– we are the lucky ones.

Kyle and Owen yesterday. (Not at all sure why, but for the first time in months they wore identical matching outfits. Today, they were back to different attire. Who knows?! One thing I’ve learned in these past 9 years: don’t question the twinny stuff too deeply… non-twins, like me, just can never truly understand it. It is just that special.)

Dear Kyle and Owen,

Here are just a few things that I want you to remember about your 9th Birthday.

• Before your alarm clock went off, you woke up at 6:09am (I thought that was interesting… the :09 on your 9th birthday!), excited to find your end-of-the-bed-presents.
• You came running into our room, Meera woke up in the excitement, and the first thing she said, groggily and half asleep, was “Happy Birthday Kyle and Owen!”
• With all five of us in Mommy & Papi’s bed, you two were completely surprised when you each unwrapped your present, to find iPods, each loaded with 99 (get it? 9! – 9!) of your favorite songs and musical pieces.
• As happy as the iPods made you, you were even happier to discover that they were the red ones (proceeds go in part to fight AIDS in Africa).
• You brought birthday treats to school for your classes. Kyle chose blueberry muffins. Owen chose mini powdered doughnuts. Untraditional birthday treat choices (according to you, “everyone always brings cupcakes”), but all reports were that everyone loved them. I was proud of you for going out on a limb and choosing what you truly wanted despite the break from the mainstream. I was really happy to find out that it went over fabulously with your friends and teachers!
• You chose to go to After School Program today — I gave you the option, and you chose that, for your birthday afternoon.
• When I picked you up at After School Program you were playing basketball with your friends and having a great day.
• At home you rode your bikes until it was time to go to dinner.
• Dinner was your choice. The two of you together chose for us to go out to dinner at Alando’s Kitchen. In case someday you don’t remember: Alando’s Kitchen is a Kenyan Restaurant. How many 9 year-olds (who aren’t Kenyan) choose to go out to Kenyan food for their birthday dinner? Probably not too many. That makes me super proud (you know I get quite a kick out of my twinny foodies!).
• You were so precious and charming at dinner. It gave Emily, the owner of Alando’s Kitchen, great joy. She brought you extra chapati and — because she knows you love it — she also brought you a big bowl of masala sauce to dip it in. When it was time to go, you both hugged her with big strong full hugs. I’m sure people in the restaurant thought she was a close relative or friend of ours… you don’t typically see 9-year-old boys hugging restaurant owners so vivaciously.
• It poured rain on the way home. Which meant we couldn’t do our traditional sky lanterns on your birthday night. We made plans to do them another night, and you took it all in stride (which was a big relief to me, because you could have thrown a huge fit given how tired you were at the end of such a big day).
• At home we had ice cream cake. Your sister was beaming as she carried the cake to you. You took your time, and were both very serious, about making birthday wishes before blowing out your candles. I don’t know what you wished for, but I hope your wishes come true.
• We got Meera to bed, then let you stay up late — ’till 9:00! — to watch the Red Sox on tv.
• Kyle was so exhausted that he practically fell asleep when his head hit the pillow. But he stayed awake long enough to tell me that “this was the best birthday ever.”
• Owen cried in his bed because he was so sad the birthday day was over — “it only happens once a year, and it was so good, and now it will be a whole other year until it is our birthday again.”

Kyle and Owen: you were happy and content and your heart was over flowingly full of love and happiness on your 9th Birthday. I hope the next nine years are as absolutely astoundingly amazing as the past nine have been.

Love, Mommy

(I’ve become fascinated with what will be on the white board in our dorm lounge each morning when I wake up)

Throughout this year we have often felt like strangers in a strange land… living on a college campus as a family of five… living amongst them, and with them, but being not entirely one of them. I’ve often felt like we’re foreigners in a new exotic culture; just like when we travel to distant places– we try to watch and observe, try to pick up on the nuances of the behaviors and the subtleties of the interactions, try to follow along as best we can, interpreting and translating, trying to make sense, attempting to understand what and why and how everything that is happening is happening. It is intriguing, and fascinating, and curious — we’re living, fully immersed, in a new culture — we are in it, but not wholly part of it. So we see it with a confusion and clarity that can come only from being semi-outside it while also in it.

There is no time during which this sensation has been more profound than during the final exam periods.

At the end of the fall semester, when the final exam period kicked in, we were truly stunned by the dramatic shift in the entire tone/feeling/culture of the campus. Having been to college ourselves (granted– 20 years ago, and granted– at a much different college), and having both been through PhD programs, and with me having taught at Lehigh for the past eleven years, Braydon and I thought we knew a bit about what to expect. But no. We had no idea. And now, at the end of spring semester, as we are finishing out the second final exam period of the year, we are once again completely stunned by this strange land we find ourselves in.

If I had to narrow it down to one word, final exams at Lehigh is: intense. Classes end, and then, according to university policy, “quiet hours will be in effect 24 hours a day beginning at 1:00 a.m. following the last day of classes each semester.” This may (or may not?) have been the official rule where I went to college– even if it was, nobody actually abided by it. So, I never anticipated that it would truly be honored here either. But I was so wrong. Here, at Lehigh, people take it completely seriously.

Classes end on a Friday. The students party it up that Friday night. But when we wake up the following morning, BAM!, it is like a whole different place. It is quiet. All the time. All day long. All night long. Everywhere. The tone drastically changes. Students are solemn, serious, sober (literally, and figuratively). There is studying going on everywhere, all the time, all day, and all night. They sleep irregularly, and only in short 3-4 hour chunks of time, but not necessarily during the nighttime. A campus normally very focused on health (typically lots of exercising and relatively healthy eating habits) suddenly becomes barren of these things; Dominoes delivery goes into full tilt, protein drinks become some people’s main form of sustenance, exercising reduces dramatically, alcohol consumption plummets, the illegal taking of prescription stimulants rises exponentially, Red Bull and coffee and cases and cases of bottled iced tea are consumed.

It is a pressure cooker. We watch as students we know and love — who are usually quite steady and relatively healthy individuals — grow pale in the face and bloodshot in the eyes. They have a hard time carrying on a conversation if it is about anything other than school work and exam schedules. They study so hard. All the time. It is truly astounding. It is also disconcerting.

While it is amazing (truly, awe-inspiring), to see these young people be so driven, eager, and focused, it is also troubling. What has made them so fixated on the seriousness of, and cramming for, exams? I worry about it. Because of the particular historical period of time during which they’ve been growing up, they’ve been socialized in a culture that has been high-stakes testing them since they were five. They’ve been taught that the test is end-all-be-all. And then they reach Lehigh, and their professors here keep ratcheting it up, higher and higher, the sky’s the limit as to how much pressure is layered on. Their parents call them to inquire about their classes, their grades, their exams. Graduate schools up the anti with constantly escalating prerequisite test scores to get in. Employers want to see GPAs. Students absorb it. The emphasis on the test become all consuming.

Some of them have developed coping strategies that are scary and devastating (popping Adderall; obsessive compulsive Facebooking; binge eating and purging). Most of this goes on in private, behind closed doors, so I only hear about it and don’t directly witness it.

What we see much more is that (thank goodness!), some of them have developed coping strategies that are healthy and good. It has been during the final exam periods that we’ve seen the bambinos’ toys be played with the most; on sunny days this past week we’ve seen many students taking a break to listen to music through their earphones and sit for a few minutes on the lawn with their faces tilted toward the sun; our piano, which is always in our building’s lounge, is played more during final exams than the rest of the year combined. The music pouring from that piano is sometimes the only sound we hear early in the morning.

It is a hard balance to strike: to study hard, to be ambitious to compete and achieve, but to also honor your whole self. I’ve been trying hard to talk through this with the bambinos as they too have been fully immersed as strangers in this strange land. “It is important to work hard,” I try to tell them, “but it is also important to keep a hold of yourself.”

Kyle and Owen, especially, have become fascinated by it all. “They study so much!,” they keep saying, “Why do they study so much?” We try to talk about it. They are particularly intrigued by the athletes– the fact that these guys, whom they worship on the field and on the court, are just as much accountable for their classes and exams as any other student, is mind blowing (honestly, it is mind blowing to me just as much as it is to K & O; knowing what some of these students pour into their sports, it is beyond my comprehension how they manage with the full academic burden too).

The other day after school I told the bambinos that we were going to take a little field trip to one of the libraries. We’ve been to the libraries many times, but never during final exams. But we’ve been hearing constantly, “I’m going to the library to study,” so I thought we should go take a look.

Intense. It really comes down to that again. The place was absolutely packed. We walked through a couple of the floors to get a good look– every seat taken, every study carrel inhabited, every computer in full use. The silence — and just the sheer intensity — was astounding.

They have a program here at Lehigh during final exams that takes place in the library: They bring puppies in (dogs being trained to become service animals), and encourage ‘Stress Reduction Study Breaks’ to play with the puppies (numerous studies have shown that pets significantly decrease stress). As we walked through the library, the bambinos caused a little commotion. The reaction from students seemed to me mixed: Many seemed very perturbed and annoyed by the presence of children walking through, many were so focused on what they were working on that they never even looked up, and some took a breather and smiled ear-to-ear at the simple sight of them (no kidding). I had 3 different students stop me to ask: “Is this part of the stress reduction program? Like the puppies? You’re bringing the kids through to break up the stress?” “No,” I said, “we’re actually just taking a look at the library scene during finals.” “Oh,” they all responded flatly, “ok.”

While we were there we saw one of K & O’s basketball idols, Gabe Knutson, studying at a cramped table full of notebooks and laptops and textbooks. This was a powerful experience for my boys. Gabe is a good guy, and he knows the boys. He stopped studying for a few minutes to fool around with them and make their day. “Wow,” they said afterwards, “Gabe was studying super hard.” “Yes,” I said, “he was.” He’s about to graduate, and will then most likely go on to play professional basketball in Europe.

Later that night, after dinner, K & O had homework to do. They wanted to “study hard” and — in their words — “train for when we’re in college having finals.” We found them on the 4th floor of our building, in a small study lounge that is rarely used up there, with their spelling words for the week, working harder on those words than we’ve ever seen them work on any homework before.

Strangers in a strange land, that is what we are.

24 hours a day, during a 10-day period, twice a year, we shush our three kids round the clock, we have to remind them incessantly to “respect the students’ studying!,” and we watch and observe as everyone around us goes into this intensive mode of operation. We watch and we learn. All that we’re learning, I do not know. I just know that we are learning — all of us.

(after school today: one caramel, one strawberry, one vanilla)

Two very special once-a-year occurrences always collide annually during this week of May…

K & O’s Birthday Week = 1/2 Price Frappuccino Week!

When I first started blogging in October 2006, Kyle and Owen were 2-years-old, and Meera was not even on the horizon yet. I always thought that when K & O turned 5 or so I’d quit blogging for the sake of their privacy. But as time went on, and as blogging became such a big part of my own mental health, and as blogging became our primary (and, really, sole) form of memory-keeping, I abandoned my commitment to quit. There were other reasons too: blogging became much more popular, social media became the “norm” instead of the exception, and people have become much more accepting/tolerant/understanding of using public spaces for personal voices. Also– and probably most importantly– as my kids have come to understand more and more about our blog (and about my blogging, and about blogging in general), they’ve actually encouraged me — in their own ways, both implicit and overt — to keep on blogging. Rather than shying away from it, or feeling exposed by it, they have surprised me by being all for it.

However, for quite a long time now I’ve been struggling with how to move forward, in a child/age-appropriate way, that will incorporate my kids’ perspectives of situations, not just my own. And recently I’ve latched onto this idea: what if we experimented with the kids blogging from time to time? I’d never push it on them, but what if they wanted to do it? What if they wanted to post — for the exact same reasons I usually want to? They love going back and looking at memories on the blog, we often turn to it as a family to help us remember certain events or experiences, and the kids are starting to see the value of both the journaling aspect of the blog and the memory-keeping aspect of the blog.

So, I’ve been waiting for the right time to introduce this new thing: THE BAMBINOS BLOG. And tonight is the perfect night. We had a huge day today, and it is a perfect example of the sorts of things I’d like to let the bambinos — themselves — post about.

Tonight, it is Kyle posting. He’s posting about a momentous day in his (and our family’s) life. By allowing Kyle to blog about it, we’re allowing him to share the story— but only the story that he wants to share. Lots of details are left out. But that is ok— that is how every blog post always is— and at least this way, I can rest assured that the details in and out are the details that Kyle has selected (and in the case of tonight’s post, that Owen, too has approved).

I’m not sure how often the bambinos will blog. We’ll just experiment with it and see how it goes. It may or may not stick– but for tonight, I’m really happy to have the bambinos post this one. (See Kyle’s post below.)

Kyle, Patrick, Owen ~ May 5, 2013 ~ Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

* * *

We have the most wonderful maintenance guy at Sayre. Kerry keeps all of Sayre in tip-top-shape, and he’s been such a huge help to us in so many ways this year. In addition to making sure everything is in perfect order for us, he’s also become a good friend to our family– often taking time to stop and chat with me and/or Braydon, and even more often taking time to stop to play one or two minutes of hoops with K & O… which goes a long way in making two boys feel very much at home and cared for. He’s been great. And we’re ending the academic year on a very high note with Kerry– he went way above and beyond to provide us with not just an outdoor faucet hook-up, but a hose and sprinkler too. We used it for the first time this weekend! It made the five J-Ms very happy (especially a certain 4-year-old-girl).

I am so glad that living on campus doesn’t have to mean sacrificing this simple spring/summer childhood pleasure.

And who says it is just a “childhood” pleasure? Turns out… yup!… our Sayre (20-year-old) friends enjoyed-the-heck-out-of-it too! (a great study break during final exam week!)