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Meera and Jewel have birthdays just a week apart. Despite the fact that these two BFFs have gone to different schools for the past year, they remain about as tight as two 4-now-5-year-olds could possibly be. It doesn’t matter that they are so young, their connection is the real deal. Here they are at Sweet & Sassy for Jewel’s 5th birthday!
(I think my longest series of posts ever)
7 of 8Â (Close-Ups of the Fairy Houses!)
And, Follow Up Posts:
The Fairy Forest in the Winter
When we moved onto campus we knew that a major perk would be having 1,800 acres of woodland right outside our front door. We imagined that Kyle and Owen would love mountain biking with Braydon (which they have), and that we’d spend lots of time exploring the walking/hiking paths (which we have). What we had not anticipated was that Meera would instantly develop a love affair with the woods.
In our first weeks on campus, Meera (at age 4) found that her favorite thing to do was to go on walks in the woods. These woods are 100% natural, preserved woodland, filled with all sorts of deer, birds’ nests, wildflowers, and trees of many varieties. It is vast, and devoid of people, and loaded with nooks and crannies to discover and explore. Meera was convinced, right from the start, that these woods were an enchanted place where fairies lived. She’d see a hole in a tree, and exclaim it was a “fairy’s house!” She’d discover a small crevice in a rock filled with rain water, and announce it was a “fairy pool!” She’d collect acorn caps and explain that they were “fairies’ bowls!” Right away she began calling the woods behind Sayre the “Fairy Forest.” And the name stuck. Walks in the Fairy Forest became a regular thing for us, and it was always her choice of activity whenever it was her turn to choose. Soon enough, we all sort of started to believe that the woods behind our new home were enchanted with fairies and woodland creatures and all sorts of magical happenings.
So, as we approached Meera turning 5, it was an easy choice to plan her birthday party around the theme of the Fairy Forest. She was so excited at the idea of having her friends see her special place! And I was so excited at the idea of making the Fairy Forest come alive in a most magical way that even Meera could not have imagined!
We sent out the invitations to Meera’s classmates and a few close family friends. Meera doesn’t want huge blow-out parties like her brothers do, and the smaller size of her parties allow me to go into a great depth of detail that I couldn’t if they were larger. Meera also notices, and appreciates, everything. She is very detail-oriented. So going into great depth of detail is a joy to do for her.
And this time around — boy of boy — did I ever go into a great depth of detail!
Readers know that I go all out for my kids’ birthday parties. Meera’s past two birthday parties have been incredibly glorious (her 4th birthday party click here; her 3rd birthday party click here). I wanted this one to be too.
And on that note, here, before I go any further, I want to write a disclaimer.
PREFACE: Before proceeding please read the following fine print—
DISCLAIMER: There is lots of chatter these days on the internet and everywhere else about the downfalls and pitfalls of mothering in the modern era of Mommy-Blogs and Pinterest and Facebook and Google. I am totally sympathetic to a lot of this in the sense that I do think it is outrageously awful for us moms to compare ourselves to what we see online. We will always come up short in our own assessments (or, at least, most of us will– myself included– especially if we’re even the slightest bit perfectionist-oriented, competitive, or self-critical). Thus I feel compelled to explain, just a bit, about the motivation and inspiration behind my CRAZY party-making. See below.
NOTE: I do these parties as much (if not more so) for me as for my kids. I love doing it. It is important, I think, to acknowledge that. This is not an wholly altruistic, selfless, “all for the children!” thing going on here. And this is definitely not a one-up, or ‘keeping up with the Jones’s’, or trying to out-do all the other kids’ birthday parties thing. All year long I work ridiculously hard at my job as a Professor of Sociology at Lehigh University. My job is intellectually challenging and requires intellectual creativity. But I don’t get any chance to pursue very many of the other aspects of my creative self. And it just so happens that the end of the academic year (when I’m most burnt out from my job, and when I finally have a chance to take a breather for the first time in 9 months), and the month of K, O, and M’s birthdays (which I want to mark and celebrate in a big way), all collide right smack in the one little month of May. It is like a whole academic year of pent up creative energy suddenly explodes in May. I also will admit: I love being a mother and I love kids and I love throwing parties and I love bringing people together for any kind of large or small celebration (thank goodness for my career or else I’d surely be one of those crazy ladies on Pinterest who makes the rest of us look bad with her endless outflow of creative-over-the-top-mothering-crafting-entertaining-to-the-9th-degree; my career is enough of a distraction to guarantee that I’ll never be one of them). So, for one month each year I let myself go wild. I take off the reigns and let it all go. I try not to think too much about what everyone else thinks of me (because I know they think I’m ridiculous with this stuff!). I just let myself go nuts. And so, May is insane. I become this totally insane birthday-party-creating mother. But it is insane in a whole other different way than the rest of our year. And by the end of May I’m totally completely 100% done. It is all out of my system and life resumes to normalcy. This is all just to say that the process of making the parties is a therapeutic, cathartic, good experience for my own mental health.
SPOILER ALERT: If you are prone to compare-and-contrast, where being a mother-or-woman-or-person-at-all is concerned, then you should know in advance that this set of posts about Meera’s birthday is not in any way meant to make you insecure or questioning. Only the opposite: this is just me being crazy-old-me and shouldn’t ever be compared to or contrasted with you being you. I want to be sure to say the following, especially because I know many young women [in particular, female PhD candidates who hope to be Professors-and-Moms someday] are reading this: 1) This crazy-birthday-party-throwing aspect of me is highly unusual [possibly unique?] for academic women. That should go without saying. 2) Please see this as an example of ALL THAT CAN BE. Not an expectation, or a bar set, or a standard to strive for. My hope is that this will be interpreted simply as I mean it to be: As proof that we can fill our lives with the things we choose. We can be mothers and professors and we can be intellectuals and party-planners. We don’t have to do it all. And we can’t do it all all the time. But we can do bits of it all some of the time. We can find ways to choose to be ourselves. And we shouldn’t have to apologize for it.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: I could not do this without my mother. I have the vision. But she helps me to actualize it, and we work great as a team on things like party throwing. I also could not do this without my husband who accepts this ridiculous part of me and puts up with me to being just this insane. I also want to say thank you to everyone who sees these parties (in real life and online) and doesn’t judge me. Thank you for having my back! xoxxo
And now, without further ado, Meera’s 5th Birthday~~~~~~
{artwork by Tracy Kane}
Meera and I had spent many hours this winter with the Tracy & Barry Kane books on fairy houses. MorMor had given us the story book, Fairy Houses, which Meera loves. Then we bought a Fairy Houses photo book, which we were both totally taken with. I have fond memories of cold nights with Meera on my lap in her bedroom rocking chair, just studying every detail of the fairy houses in that book. We were awed and inspired! Meera spent much time throughout the winter and spring building very rudimentary fairy houses — often with Braydon — in the woods behind our home, and all over campus.
My idea for Meera’s birthday party was to build a handful of very elaborate fairy houses in our ‘Fairy Forest’ in advance, and to have a party where the centerpiece would be a walk in the Fairy Forest where Meera and her friends would discover fairy houses that they could never have imagined. I wanted to build the houses ahead of time, and without Meera knowing, so that it would be as magical for her as it would be for our guests.
As soon as Kyle and Owen’s birthday party was done with and all cleaned up, I got straight to work on Meera’s. First I had Braydon help me clear some spaces in the woods and set up some basic frameworks for the construction of fairy houses. We also had to deal with the rampant poison ivy problem in the Fairy Forest. Once that part was under control, for about a week straight, I spent every spare minute I had making many, many detail pieces for the fairy houses.
The glue gun became my best friend.
There were a bunch of very late nights, there were cups of coffee drank at 5pm, there were several (8 out of 10) of my finger tips covered in blisters from the glue gun… and there was great fun had by me. Let me reiterate: I LOVE THIS STUFF.
Braydon would come check on me at 11 or 12 at night and see what I was doing and just shake his head with utter befuddlement. I sat there for hours making fairy beds and chairs and swings and tables. I loved every second of it.
The bambinos caught on quick to what I was doing. K & O just shake their heads and grin and bear this about their mother. But Meera loves it more than you can imagine. In the mornings Meera would want to check what I had done the night before. In her pajamas, in the morning light, she’d play and play with the fairy beds and chairs and swings and tables. It was like I was making whole play-sets for her pure enjoyment. She could not possibly have conceptualized that I was putting together whole houses for the fairy forest. She definitely did not have any idea that up in New Hampshire, MorMor was doing the same.
I was very, very into it. For about a ten day stretch it was all fairy houses all the time. The bambinos (and Braydon) started to realize that Mommy was a tad little bit off her rocker when they noticed that I had a new phone case:
(FYI: I got it for $4.99 as an add-on when I ordered the party invitations on Vistaprint.com)
So, yes, I went a little CRAY-Z.
By the time my mom arrived I had bags and boxes of supplies and fairy house accoutrements all ready for assembly in the forest. She arrived with her car trunk stashed full of pre-assembled fairy houses. We had one night together before we had to set up the houses in the woods. We spent that night hot glue-gunning like crazy and laughing at our selves every single step of the way (well, mostly us laughing at me). I hope I’ll never forget these times with my mom. I hope this post will tell the story to Meera of how MorMor and me had such a good togetherness. I hope we are setting an example so that Meera and me can have that one day too.
The next morning Papi and MorFar took the bambinos out to run some errands. MorMor and Mommy got to work making magic in the fairy forest. By later that afternoon MorMor and I called it quits in time for our Third Annual Pre-Meera’s-Party Trio of Pedicures.
This year we all got the same color… pink, of course, for Meera. Note: a color that MorMor and I would never ever choose independently. We do this for, and in honor of, our girl (a girl who is — in many ways — much more of a gender-stereotypical “girl” than MorMor and I have ever, ever been.)
That night we got the bambinos to bed and put the final details on the party room (the lounge of our dorm! a great space for a kid’s birthday party!!!) My dad and Braydon partook in their bi-annual ritual of blowing up about a million balloons and determining the physics of the best way to handle the piñata set up. We called it a night early so that we could be ready for the morning party the next day.
These three woke up on Memorial Day ready for a party that was just perfect for Meera.
They got it!
First and foremost, it was a morning party — which we’ve never done before — but which I wish we had always done for younger kids’ parties. Little kids are at their best in the morning. And, come on… who are we kidding?!… grown-ups are at their best in the morning too!
We had fruit, bagels, cream cheeses, lox, and mini powdered-sugar donuts. We had sparkling water, plain water, chocolate and vanilla milk boxes. And that was that. And it was perfect! Why did I not always throw morning birthday parties?
Our guests began arriving at 10am sharp. The kids played and painted fairy houses and ate donuts and drank milk. The adults talked and ate bagels and wondered what the “fairy forest” thing was all about.
And then we were off!
OFF TO THE FAIRY FOREST!!!!
“Have you ever seen a real fairy house?!” “Have you ever seen where fairies live?!” “Have you ever gone for a walk in a fairy forest?!”
As it turned out, we all soon discovered, the fairies left a “map” at the entrance of the fairy forest. Meera told her friends all about the map– “see! look! they made a map of the path! and I think they wrote my name here!” It was insect trails etched into a log we had leaned up against a tree.
I think it was then that the kids started to realize something special was going to happen. They caught on to Meera’s sense of wonder, and it was contagious.
We entered the fairy forest and began our walk along what had truly come to feel like a genuinely enchanted path. Meera led the way, looking for the nooks in trees and crevices in rocks that had caught her attention many times before. Quickly, however, early on the path, and to the left, she discovered something new. Oh my gosh! A fanciful and very elaborate fairy house!
As much as I loved the lead-up to this party, the preparations, the making of fairy house furniture at midnight, the glue gun blisters and the collecting of acorn caps… as much as I loved all of that… seeing my turning-5-year-old’s wondrous eyes blew that all away. Watching her was my gift. The icing on the cake was watching her friends, and our friends, discover the fairy forest. Even her brothers were overcome with the mystical nature of it all.
It was pure magic.
And then she looked up. And realized it wasn’t just one elaborate fairy house there in the woods. Up further along the path was another.
And thus began our walk in the fairy forest for Meera’s 5th Birthday Party. It was a magical experience for everyone there. There is wonder and inspiration in the idea of magic created. Even when we know who made it (even when we know we made it), we can still get caught up in it. The magic is in the concept of the creation of it — something good and special made real, out of thin air, for another. And there is something truly special about experiencing magic with others.
My favorite photo of the day:
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Somehow, in the best of situations, magic feels like love. I think everyone there knew that this was a crazy expression of my crazy love for Meera. And love — like magic — is sort of contagious sometimes. People were awed by the wonder of it all. And for a little bit of time that fairy forest was really a lovely magical place. It was a break in time from everything else. Where just for a moment we could be caught up in it together. Like all good magic, there was an amazing quality about it that forces our minds to question the realities we thought we knew. For a moment professors could be fairy-house-makers, five-year-olds could be experts, and genuine relationships could cut across every sort of traditional line.
Our walk in the fairy forest was done. (Although many guests did return later to re-visit it before they went home!)
It was time to head back for cake!
It was ice cream cake this year for the birthday girl (ice cream is her favorite food). And, as is tradition, she was flanked on either side by her twin brothers. Who, once again, had to help her blow out her candles (I do wonder what year that will no longer be necessary).
It was a really great birthday party for Meera.
(And I have to slip this in: her brother got to hold a tiny baby for a good long stretch of time, which is one of his favorite things on earth to do. But it was a bittersweet thing for him– he told me later: “I can’t believe Meera is five, sometimes I just wish she could be a baby all over again.” Yeah, buddy, I know just how you feel.)
No time to get too weepy over that thought though. It was time for the piñata! (She had very specifically wanted a piñata, but did not want to smash it, so Braydon and MorFar fashioned a pull string for it.)
It was a party of great fun~~
And somehow, in there, amidst her grand 5th Birthday Party, in true Meera style, she made time for some sweet moments. She is very good at that.
Most importantly, Meera thoroughly enjoyed every minute of her special day. For these five years she’s been the happiest kid I’ve ever known. My hope for her is that she’ll always keep that pure joy as her core and essence.
Her light is infectious. She is a blessing to all who know her. And she has an incredibly interesting and rich and unique life, full of wonderful people who are a great gift to her.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEERA GRACE!
That night we drank lots of chocolate milk (some of us) and lots of gin and tonic (others of us), and we grilled and ate outside (one of Meera’s favorite things to do). Meera played for a long stretch with her favorite present from the birthday party — a hobby horse from our good friend and Head Gryphon from this past year at Lehigh, Sarah.
The next day was May 28th, Meera’s actual birthday. It was a very low-key and dreary day at home (while her brothers went to school). Just perfect for unwinding from such a big day. Meera spent most of that day playing with her favorite present from her actual birthday — a Barbie RV (complete with hot tub, flat screen tv, and full kitchen!?!) from MorMor and MorFar (note: for the record — they would NEVER have given that to me when I was a child! Nor, would I have ever wanted it.).
It is something I’ve been thinking about a lot — the way my girl is just like her mama — a walking contradiction in pretty much every way. Example: her favorite gifts were a simple, wooden, old-fashioned hobby horse… and an elaborate, plastic, new-fangled Barbie RV. Example 2: on her birthday MorFar said he wanted to take her out for lunch, he asked her what her favorite lunch place is, she said “McDonalds!” (I was shocked!), that is pure Meera — she’s grown up a gourmand, a foodie-gourmet, who’s been eating in fine restaurants since she was born… and who also loves McDonalds.
She’s pretty and strong. She’s sweet and willful. She’s baby sister and boss. She loves mud and pedicures, fairies and barbies, hobby horses and plastic RVs, sushi and McDonalds. She’s complex, hard to define, impossible to categorize, inherently contradictory. She refutes the traditional boxes and labels.
Meera will struggle — she’ll get backlash from the confusion caused when confronted with someone who defies expectations and categorizations. It is hard to wrap our minds around the reality that sometimes — when given a chance — people will become what nobody could have predicted. They’ll become very attentive and hands-on mothers with very self-motivated and ambitious careers. They’ll become professors who create fairy forests. They’ll become girls who are strong and smart and who love pink and frill. They’ll make us question our pre-conceived notions. They’ll choose lives that don’t line up with our expectations or predictions. It is not going to be easy for Meera (believe it. I know it.). But she’s guaranteed (at a minimum) to have a very full life if she stays true to herself. And that’s what we’re hoping for. We’re hoping to encourage her to be whole, and fully her.
We are so excited to see what the future holds. If the past five years are any indication, it is going to be awesome.
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P.S. Meera’s end-of-the-bed present (our one birthday present for her) this year was a photo book of her first five years. I loved making this book and was so, so, so impressed with every aspect of the site/company I used to make it. I can highly recommend Blurb for photo-book-publishing.
A Walk Through The Fairy Forest
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~ The Greeting House ~
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~ The Tiny Houses ~
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~ The Rocky Hollows House ~
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~ The Pink House ~
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~ The Tree House ~
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~ The Beach House ~
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~ The Garden Fairies ~
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~ Some Other Fairy Houses ~
We have been back to the fairy forest many times since Meera’s birthday party. It feels different each time we see it. In the rain it is different than in the sun. In the cold it is different than in the heat. In the wind it is different than in the still. In the early morning it is different than in the dark. We’ve re-visited it during all those times, and it is magical in all of them.
Meera had a great birthday. But I surely enjoyed it most of all. More than anything it took out of me, it filled me up. I loved doing it.
“That’s what I consider true generosity: You give your all, and yet you always feel as if it costs you nothing.” –Simone de Beauvoir
Hi My Dear Blog Readers,
Well, you all sure do know how to cheer up a girl. Thank you very much for your very uplifting comments to my last post. Honest to God: I did not post it in order to fish for pep talks. I swear, I truly didn’t. But my goodness gracious, you all definitely have picked me up when I was down.
I know I often make it seem like life comes easy for me (that is a blessing and a curse of my personality that I’ve always lived with). But let me assure you: life doesn’t come any easier for me than for anyone else. I have my fair share of bumps in the road. But one thing I’m good at is keepin’ on keeping on, with a smile on my face that is (for the most part, most of the time) genuine. I am always one to plow right through it (even when I just want to crawl up in a ball and hide). So, don’t worry about me. But, for real, thank you sincerely for your words of support.
Love going out to all the blogosphere (even to the haters),
~Heather
p.s. I am working on Meera’s 5th Birthday Post(s). Get ready for a loooooong one!
p.p.s. Today was K, O, and M’s last day of school! Here we are right after I picked them up (to swoop them away to what I’m determined to make the very best summer of their lives)~~~
Hi My Dear Blog Readers,
So, I’ve been MIA. The truth is, a lot has been going on (what else is new?!), but that really isn’t the main reason behind my lack of blogging. On Meera’s birthday (May 28) I posted a short post. I got a horribly nasty mean comment to that post from an anonymous person who used a fake email address to post the comment. It basically eluded to what a terribly spoiled little brat Meera is, and how awful it is that we have a racially diverse group of folks at her party. Of course, I trashed it immediately. But, unfortunately, sometimes these things hit me hard, and stick, and my feelings were bashed, and it took the wind right out of my sails. It is hard to blog knowing that very aggressive and mean-spirited people are out there scrutinizing every post with 100% anonymity.
People who don’t blog probably cannot imagine what this aspect of blogging is all about. We put ourselves out there, make ourselves so vulnerable, and then every once in a while we get slammed hard by someone out there in the universe who simply wants to hurt us. Granted, we have thousands of readers, who post positive things MUCH more often than the rare nasty comment. But still, those comments do come, and for me it is hard to get back up over and over and keep on blogging in spite of it. I’ve posted many times on this blog about this dilemma. And then I just keep going. I’ll do the same this time. But I’m just being honest: it ain’t easy.
Luckily I have my mom. She’s my #1 Blog Reader. And honestly, whenever I truly consider giving up the blog, I think of her, up there in New Hampshire, with her iPad, checking in to our site, and I decide to keep blogging. It is hard to have a long-distance mom-daughter relationship. It is even harder to have a long distance grandchild-grandmother relationship. One of the things that I think have contributed to having it work out a little tiny bit well for us so far, is my blogging. That’s the honest truth. The blog is for me, it’s for my bambinos, it’s for you (readers of all varieties, who get all sorts of things from reading here). But the honest truth is: the blog is in large part for MorMor.
She’s chomping at the bit to see a great big blog post showcasing Meera’s 5th Birthday Party in all its glory. I’m trying hard to get up the gumption to get over that horribly mean comment, force my creative juices to get flowing, and blog it. It is hard to put it out there knowing that the mean nasty person (the one who wrote such hurtful things to the May 28th post) is probably out there reading. But I’ll choose my mom over that person today and everyday.
So, today, while I’m sitting at Meera’s weekly 1.5 hour gymnastics class, instead of reading the manuscript I should be reading (I have a big review deadline looming), I will instead put work aside to begin to sort through the many, many pictures of Meera’s festivities. And I’ll start formulating how I’ll post about that amazing day in our lives. I know my mom, for one, will love reading it and pouring over each and every photo.
Thanks for hanging in there with me,
~Heather
And now… a whole new backseat scene for the three!! Meera, upon turning 5, has officially graduated to a carseat BOOSTER! After 9 years of having at least 1 real carseat (many years of 2), we now have just one simple booster– and three very comfortable, happy-with-the-spaciousness, “big” kids!
p.s. lots happening here, thus the blog dry-spell. hoping to get back to blogging soon. lots of catch-up to do.
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