Braydon

Hey, y’all –

That includes Braydon, Heather, Kyle, Owen and Meera Grace . . . . it was spectacular to see all of you this last weekend. The arrival began with gang tackling by the Boys, and softened by the joy of the introduction to the “small person” by Braydon and Heather. It brought back to me the powerful emotions of the welcoming of new people into the world. And the joy on the faces of the new parents, coupled by the power of the five of them as a family, was wonderful. There are times in one’s life, unfortunately too few, when one is stricken by what is just right, and this was one of them. Added to that was the arrival the next day of Sabrina (“auntie Sabrina”) who stepped in as parental support and looked perfect for the part.

Here’s a little side-light from Kyle and Owen. As we were sitting at dinner eating Lasagna, Kyle looked at me secretively and held out a small piece of broccoli. Asking me if I liked it, we exchanged a couple of whispers away from the table, and I acknowledged it was not my favorite. After that, whenever Kyle came across a dab of broccoli, he quietly placed it on the edge of my plate, and we swapped knowing glances. And, as if food times were a focus, the next morning Owen insisted on sharing with my shirt the syrup from the AM French toast. I thought being a grandfather to the boys was wonderful, but now there is even more for me to love and care about.

Thanks for inviting me and thanks for a wonderful visit.

Love,

Grandpa Robert

There really aren’t any words that adequately describe the joy of meeting a new grandchild, especially one as beautiful and wonderful as little Meera. Of course I’m biased and presumably most grandparents feel the same way. Still…..

And the boys are as amazing as ever. Honestly, how many just four-year-olds do you know who can hit a ball all the way across the yard (both of them), steal bases (Owen mostly—pretty funny), execute nearly perfect dives (Owen), practice the crawl (Kyle), and be incredibly gentle with a tiny baby? Perhaps just as remarkable, sit quietly in the back seat while grandpa and grandma spend over an hour lost in the countryside, never complaining for an instant? And then thanking us for taking them?! No kidding.

There was only one troubling moment while in a convenience store paying for cookies and encountering color negativity. Fortunately that was offset by distinct approval on the part of one who asked about the boys’ parentage and was told about their adoption. We can hope that seeing these boys with their parents sets such a good example that it will change the way some people think.

I simply don’t know how Heather and Braydon manage everything and manage with patience and grace. It is truly incredible. But I do know that it leaves me more determined than ever to continue working toward a sustainable future for all of them.

Other than what she heard when they rolled her by the stereo in the new born unit, Meera has not heard a lot of music. Here are her firsts:

Papi singing “Swedish Lullaby”. A beautiful version of this can be found here.

“Cherry” by Abdullah Ibrahim Trio, a great African inspired Jazz piece.

“Got the world on a string” Jazz standard by Diana Krall, apropos I think.

“Shake your tail feather” by the Cheetah Girls (with two wild K & O’s dancing like mad men).

“Stir it up” by Bob Marley. The original is still the best. This is our “Family Song” and it was exciting for K & O to play it for M for the first time this morning.

“Big brother song.” From the back of the “I’m going to be a big brother.” Heather and I did not even know this had a CD, so when Kyle got it out, put it in the CD Player, and started singing along with it and dancing to show off to Meera (he knew all the words, so obviously he has been listening to this for awhile now– unbeknownst to us), we were pretty suprised and delighted.

“Home can heal. There is healing in home.” ~Maya Angelou

We’re noticing many things about ourselves as a family in the first couple days that we’re home with baby Meera. Many emotional things. Many good things and some not so good; all just us.

There is an old Russian proverb that “only other people’s children are ugly.” And I suspect that is true. And I am sure that everyone who has had children, biologically or through adoption has felt what I heard Heather say a few minutes ago. But when you feel this way, it just doesn’t matter that every parent does:

Heather: “[sobbing] I didn’t expect to love her this much, I just didn’t. She is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I don’t want her to ever be more than five days old.”

There is infinite hope in the future for Meera, there is boundless love for this little being new to the earth. There is fear, there is joy, there is pressure and relief. It all happens at the same time. And so far, in the short years that we have been parents, we’ve realized this is what it means to love that deeply.

***

We adopted first by choice, we didn’t try to have a child biologically first. That was, and is, our belief and our philosophy (which are different things) and we do our best (not always successful) to live out our beliefs. We live our life in hope and it shapes our decisions daily.

Now that we have Meera, we’re reflecting in ways that daily life usually prevents. It makes us recall when we adopted K & O and how we felt then. It reveals our deepest inner selves about our inadequacies and wants. It makes us look at ourselves and see the flaws and strengths. When we adopted K & O I had the adoption blues and struggled, but Heather felt the same way then for them as she does now for Meera. Now we love Meera so strongly that we question our sanity.

It makes us notice the differences and the similarities in love for Kyle, for Owen and for Meera. It makes us aware of the strength of our own feelings and the power of love. I learned that love is not a zero-sum game. Heather now is remembering that as well. We have made a family in the most amazing of ways, and it has many different parts to its emotional life.

This family has newness and oldness, it has goodness and the remeberance of pain. It contains our hopes, our fears our passion, our love, healing, desires and needs. It’s also a rocking good time.

We have made this.

“Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.” ~Martin Luther King Junior

Mor mor and Mor far left this morning and we had our first day as a family. The boys had a great day at school and we played in the pool in the afternoon. Meera had her first pediatric appointment today and got her Hep B (we avoided this in the hospital and some would avoid it longer, but we’re fairly comfortable with it), which she hated. I mean, who loves shots? The boys rode their scooters around Hellertown.

We’re starting to settle in a bit and notice ourselves as a new family.

Things are going great! Here’s a run down of the first 60 hours:

• Heather has figured out Meera’s cries: Low pitched and throaty is hungry, high pitched and breathy is other “bodily functions”, middle pitched and more subtle is “Papi, you’re changing my diaper again?!?!”




• Meera is a very good baby. She communicates a lot, eats well, sleeps well and loves to be held. She slept for 4 hours in a row last night!



• Owen loves to hold his baby sister. He always wants to take her out of the blanket and remove the onesie. If she was a toy, he’d try to take her apart to see how she works, but that’s not happening, since he’s extremely gentle and careful with her.
• All on his own, Owen included Meera in nightly prayers.



• Kyle doesn’t want to hold her. Why? Because he’s afraid he’ll hurt her. He gets very very concerned when she’s crying and tells mommy that baby Meera is hungry.
• Yesterday when Meera was crying, all on his own, Kyle went and found the pacifier and gently put it in her mouth.
• Kyle understands Meera has different cries and is pretty good at identifying them.



• The staff at St. Lukes is wonderful.
• The staff at St. Lukes pretty much takes it in stride when K & O “walk” around the place (walking = skipping as to avoid “running”).
• K & O both love the adjustable hospital bed.
• K & O are both super sensitive with mommy’s belly.
• Meera has the sweetest baby smell and her skin is so soft.

Heather is truly a wonder. And I am not just being subjective. Heather labored for 9 hours on pitocin without any pain killers. No epidural, no codeine, no nothing. Just breathing and relaxing. During labor, the nurse asked her what her pain was from 1-10. Heather said a 6. Both the Doctor and the nurse looked askance and the nurse said: “I can’t tell you what you’re feeling of course, but most women right now would be screaming.” Heather replied: “I am waiting for it to get really bad.” The Doctor chimed in “well, I think this is about as bad as it will be.”

She wound up going to plan C (where plan A was natural, plan B was induced): cesarean. I witnessed the whole thing, and it was something no words can describe. Note, I am not posting those pictures here.

Heather is recovering beautifully. She’s up and about, dressed in her own clothes and we’re hoping to be discharged today.

So – we’re here at the hospital! The plan is for Heather to be induced tomorrow morning, and they have things starting tonight.

The next time we sign on – it’ll hopefully be with news and a picture!

No baby.

We have an OB appointment today, so we’ll see. It’s only two days until it’s 42 weeks.

Poor Heather is in a state of misery. She is beyond ready for the baby to be here. We all are, but she is the one with the baby in her belly and no control over getting this show on the road.

Still “in mommy’s belly” with no signs of emerging any time soon.

9 days overdue and counting.

Now that Heather is overdue by 6 days, we’ve been hearing lots of great comments and suggestions around why the baby is late, the state of the baby, what other people’s experiences have been and suggestions on how to bring on labor faster. A few are below. Would love to hear any others too!

1. She’s very comfortable in there
2. She’s going to be well baked
3. The full moon induces labor
4. If you eat chicken Parmesan from a specific restaurant in Brooklyn it induces labor within 30 minutes [that seems a bit risky to me]
5. Sex will induce labor
6. Hiking will induce labor
7. Turns out that lots and lots of people were “late”. [Which makes me wonder, if so many people are late, does that mean that really other people are early?]
8. Don’t listen to the doctors
9. Listen to the doctors
10. Take a hot shower, or get into a bath.
11. Girls are always late
12. Girls are always early
13. Using the breast pump will start labor / stimulate the nipples
14. Jump on a trampoline
15. Ride on a bumpy road
16. Drink castor oil [yuck!]
17. Drink raspberry leaf tea
18. Drink rose hips tea
19. You’re going to have to be induced
20. You won’t have to be induced

The doctor said it’s a complex interplay of hormones between the mother, the placenta and the baby. They all have to work together to start labor. Needless to say, while informative, that does nothing to help with getting the ball rolling.

Every night we say prayers and we all repeat it together.  We’ve recently started adding a little personal prayer where each person talks to God followed by Amen.  Heather starts, then me, then Kyle and last is Owen.  In our little 1-time-is-a-ritual family, that’s how we do it now – every night.  For this little personal prayer at the end all kinds of things come out:  “Thank you for school, I love it”, “I love my Mommy and Papi“, “Thank you Dear God, it was a beautiful day.”

Tonight, after Owen rambled and said his prayer, he also said the following, completely unprompted. In fact, we’ve never used this phrase with him and are pretty sure no body else around here has either.

“…and please have the baby come out, because it’s hurting in my heart. Amen”