This First Friday represents the last of the first round of First Fridays for our us and the culmination of Heather’s spark of genius for something special for our close knit family. First it was Kyle and Heather, then Owen and Heather, then Meera and Heather. Then Kyle and me, Owen and me and finally Meera and me.
There is something very special about this ritual we have, something I hope we do for a long time. Heather and I were talking about it the other day – when we first met, she had thought she would want four kids (all adopted). But having three makes us realize how hard it is to give each one any dedicated 1-on-1 time.
That time is not just important for the kids to have with their parents, it’s equally important for the parents. We get to see and experience them in a way that we normally don’t. And seeing them – really seeing them in this way – and them knowing we’re seeing them, is really big.
Of course, with Meera at age 3, we don’t really need to do things like go to fancy restaurants or experience Bethlehem’s first Friday; she would be happy to do pretty much anything. For our night, we decided to go to Fresh Market, have picnic and visit the Promenade Shops fountains. As we got out of the car to go to the store, Meera said “Papi, this is soooo awesome!”
And awesome it was – shopping was a riot – Meera “pushing” and my taking her direction on what we should and shouldn’t get. I did have to draw the line at the M&M dispenser. Here is what we wound up with:
- Lollipops (they are right there when the door opens, how you can you resist?)
- Teriyaki chicken wings from the deli
- Light cheese (I am not sure what kind it actually was – cow’s milk, small batch)
- Herb encrusted salami
- Fresh bread
- Green grapes (she insisted on the green grapes)
- Chocolate milk (guess who picked that) & Root Beer
At the fountains Meera hit the fountains like a crazy woman, playing, running back and forth and loving it. She had to prop bunny up in different places so he could “watch” her and several times I had to make a mental note where he was so that we didn’t lose him. Meera and I both went to town on the food and enjoyed it.
She finally said “Papi, I am done with the fountain” and it was time to call it a good night.
We’re so lucky to live in a place where there are a wide range of food markets including amazing places like Fresh Market, and fountains with clean water running freely for kids to play in. I watch my daughter shop and play blissfully and am glad for it but also feeling sad that it’s such a privilege that we can have that bliss.
“Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.” ~William Wordsworth
Yesterday we had the pleasure of taking the afternoon off and treating Kyle and Owen to a golf outing. “Play Golf” was put on our Summer To Do List by Kyle, and play golf they did! In order for both boys to be able to go at once, we had to have two adults on the course (the golf course rules require it), so Mama went along as The Official Photographer. Thanks to Ryan (who stayed home to babysit Meera), the four of us had a luxuriously-toddler-free, totally enjoyable afternoon. I’ve been to the driving range with Braydon and the boys many times, but never to watch them play golf on the course (Braydon has taken each boy separately, but not both at once before yesterday). It was an unbelievably lovely afternoon and I think that all four of us savored every minute of it. It was a spectacularly beautiful summer day. Bright sky and warm breeze. The three of them had so much fun and it gave me so much joy just to be there with them. Kyle and Owen are really good golfers! (it was shocking even to me how good they are); Braydon is a really good Golf Coach for them; and of course it was a major highlight to get to drive the golf carts! They played 9 holes and K & O left the golf course proclaiming that “when they’re 8 they’re going to do all 18!” We’ll see what next summer holds. For now, we’re still soaking up the really good time we had yesterday.
In the summer of 2009 a blogging friend – Leslie Rollings – and I did a fun Haiti-U.S. synchronized blogging thing together (click for post here). For me, it was truly one of my most memorable blog-related experiences/posts ever. In my years of blogging, it was one of the most fun and interesting things I’ve ever done. For us J-Ms it also propelled us into what has become one of our favorite annual summer traditions: our “Annual Summer Haiti Dinner.” On Tuesday night, for our 3rd year in a row, we cooked “fancy Haitian dinner” (Steak Frites) – and it was just as special and memorable as the other two summers we’ve done it. This year, I purposefully had Kyle and Owen help me cook every step of the meal. It is a pretty complicated dinner (relative to most meals we make at home). And my hope (as I told them Tuesday night) is that by the time that they are in college they’ll know by heart how to make this meal, and that they will be making it some day for very special girlfriends or boyfriends that they want to impress for a date night.
There is something really special about this meal. For the third summer in a row, the night we made this was magical at our home. Some sort of wonderful energy flows when we come together around this dinner. The origins of our tradition are so unique; the food is so delicious; and the vibes the meal produces – mainly deep pride on the part of Kyle and Owen, and deep appreciation on the part of all of us – are just so profound.
The comments and questions and conversations that this dinner sparks are important to our family. Social class and who exactly would and wouldn’t be eating this meal in Haiti; global food shortages and food excesses; poverty and wealth stratification; the French-Haitian connection; missionary and NGO workers; blogging on the ground in Haiti; etc., etc., etc. These are all conversations that we’re having at this point – granted, at a 7-year-old-level, but still, we’re having them – around our dinner table. And to us, that is reason enough to make this meal and sit down and talk about all that is wrapped up with it. The magic, though, is that the dinner is somehow still ‘light’ enough to enjoy, despite some of the heavy thoughts it triggers. There is a glow around us as every single one of us eats every single thing on our plates.
And here’s another thing about Tuesday night— Lately I’ve been really struggling with how overextended I feel so much of the time. Trying to create a full and rich home life while still trying to hold down a full-blown career is just really, really, really grueling. But on Tuesday night there was one of those really rare moments when I was able to just sit there and truly feel like we really are on the right track and it is all worth it. Everyone had finished eating and there was some serious post-dinner cuddling going on across the table from me.
My family was in its sweet spot. I felt assured deep in my soul. That moment will fuel me for a long stretch… at a time when I often feel like I’m running on fumes. And for that reason alone (not even to mention all of the other ones) I’m deeply grateful that I had put “Annual Summer Haiti Dinner” on our Summer To Do List…. and that somehow, someway, after a long day at work and in the middle of a crazy week, at the height of summer when the laze-and-daze is starting to set in, that we were able to make it happen.
During Meera’s nap yesterday Kyle, Owen, and I were at the kitchen table. I was standing up folding laundry while the boys sat at the table doing their summer workbooks (I’ll post about their summer workbooks some other time). All was silent in the house (a rare occurrence); you could hear a pin drop. All of a sudden I heard Kyle hiccup. And then, immediately, another hiccup. I said, “Wow, Kyle, those are some crazy fast-together hiccups!” Without even looking up from his workbook he said, “That one was Owen.” Owen just kept working. Neither Kyle nor Owen get the hiccups often. I looked up from my folding and saw Kyle hiccup again. And then, immediately, Owen hiccup. And then I watched as just a few seconds later they started hiccupping in unison. I said, “You guys are hiccupping at the exact same time!” They just kept going in their workbooks— as if it was nothing. And then, after a while, I noticed that they suddenly both stopped hiccupping— at the same exact time. I pointed it out to them, and again, they acted as if it was no big deal. I can’t even imagine being a twin. But it is totally fascinating to be parenting twins.
Warning: this post very well may offend some people – particularly if you love The Jersey Shore (which many, many people do, particularly around where we currently reside). Please just skip reading this post if you’re a JSL (Jersey Shore Lover).
Despite the fact that we love the beach and it is the closest ocean/beachfront to us, we’ve only been to “The Shore” a couple of times (note: around our parts “The Shore” refers to ‘The Jersey Shore’). One was summer of 2007 when the boys were Meera’s age (click here). Another was in March of 2010 (click here). Both of those experiences were pretty good, but neither of them were on a weekend at the height of summer. We’ve always been too afraid to attempt a day at the beach in New Jersey on a weekend at the height of summer. It has a reputation. Not a good reputation. We were scared off. And for good reason.
That all changed this past weekend. We were motivated to go, and we went. To make a long story short (we had plans with good friends from Delaware to meet at the beach to spend the day together, one of their kids got sick and they had to back out, and we J-Ms decided to go it alone)… we spent Saturday (during a heat wave in the middle of July) at Sandy Hook beach on the coast of New Jersey.
One thing we learned: despite our valiant efforts to be glass-half-full/optimistic/bloom-where-you’re-planted/make-lemonade-out-of-lemons people in all circumstances, after our experience Saturday we could not find a way to put a positive spin The Jersey Shore (i.e., we are not always positive-happy-rainbows-and-unicorns people). Another thing we learned: despite our deep desire to not be snobbish about our love-affair-with-the-beach, we have – whether we like to admit it or not – become terribly spoiled rotten where all-things-beaches-are-concerned (i.e., after Turks & Caicos, Virgin Gorda, Anguilla, etc., and most recently, South Carolina… it is impossible to not feel a bit turned off by the contrast of those places with The Jersey Shore; it is sadly true that not all beaches are created equal and once you’ve walked a gorgeous white-sand-turquoise-water beach with nobody but your loved ones in sight, it is pretty hard to keep your chin up as you set up your umbrella amidst thousands of others all within just inches of each other on a not-so-postcardish-strip of designated-swimmable-seacoast). Within five minutes of arriving, Kyle was asking to leave (seriously). Meera wanted absolutely nothing to do with the “dirty rough water” (her words), and struggled to make due with the coarse and grainy sand. Owen was beyond miserable about the state of the horse-fly infestation and was totally annoyed by the fact that I wouldn’t let him eat raw the mussels he kept finding (he was also compulsively obsessed with picking up people’s cigarette butts and kept pointing out to us how many people were drinking beer out of cans). Braydon and I tried hard to make it work but finally admitted to each other that we basically thought the whole thing was just kind of gross. We put our best foot forward. We really did. But by lunchtime we were all very ready to call it quits and head home. We were so glad our friends weren’t there, because it meant we could just pack up and leave when we wanted to… which was much earlier than we’ve ever left any beach anywhere ever.
The day was still fun in a lot of ways— an adventure that we could bond over (our communal discovery that we really don’t like the Jersey Shore); a road trip (all five of us love a road trip); an excuse to let the bambinos eat Oreos and an opportunity for Dunkin Donuts iced coffee for Braydon and I; and a lot of food-for-thought which prompted many deep and important conversations over the course of that day and the days that have followed.
All in all, though, it was just sort of deflating. And more than anything it reinvigorated us to get planning for our next grand beach vacation—wherever that may be (we’re just sure it won’t be in Jersey).
We are in the middle of a massive heat wave. It is so hot outside that if we’re not out and about then our spoiled little selves are basically either outside in the pool or inside in the air-conditioning. We’re not complaining about this – it is summer after all, and we wait all year long for this stuff – but we do recognize that we’re spoiled as all get-out by having: a) a pool, and b) central air. Yes, we know we’re lucky. So, this morning Ryan shows up to babysit with grocery bags in hand. She tells me that her grand plan is to make cupcakes with the kids today, and she’s got all the ingredients. I looked at her slightly cock-eyed and told her that I thought she was “adventurous” and that I personally would probably never attempt such a feat (let alone on a record-breaking-hot summer day), but that I couldn’t wait to hear how it all turned out. The kids were beside themselves with excitement over this whole impending culinary adventure. I left for work wishing I could be a fly on the wall and wondering what my kitchen was going to look like at the end of the day. Later, at work, I got this email~~~
from: 
Ryan
to: Heather
date: Thu, Jul 21, 2011 at 12:11 PM
subject: Pictures of the day
Hello Heather,
It has been a hectic day. We successfully made the cupcakes and Owen is using everything in him to not eat them before they have cooled. I have attached pictures of the finished results. Additionally, Owen helped Meera tatoo herself with her name, there is a picture of that as well. I will wipe her down before putting her down for her nap.
Enjoy the day and pictures,
Ryan, Owen, Kyle and Meera
I knew that their plan was to frost and decorate the cupcakes after Meera woke up from her nap. I could only imagine how that was going to go.
I got home to some happy sugar-hyped kids running around like crazy maniacs, and Ryan with dust-buster in hand desperately trying to vacuum up sprinkles from the floor. Turns out that the marker Owen used to “tatoo” Meera was not washable, and she has her name stained into her skin in numerous places all over her body (I could plainly see this since she was running around happy as a clam and 100% naked upon my arrival home). She is thrilled about this. The cupcakes were over-the-top masterpieces of synthetic summer colors and the threesome could not have been prouder of their projects (both the cupcake creations and the tatoo artistry). Miraculously, even Ryan had a smile on her face and seemed – as usual – undaunted by the whole scene and unfazed by the insanity that defines the Never-A-Dull-Momentness of our existence. I’m still finding bits of frosting in the most random of places imaginable… and tiny cupcake decor in crevices and corners all over the place… but I am able to just kind of laugh inside with each piece of hardened frosting or sugary decoration that I find. This is exactly how I want their summer to be.
from: Heather
to: Ryan
date: Thu, Jul 21, 2011 at 10:09 PM
subject: just have to share
Ryan,
OMG, I just have to tell you— we always say prayers every night before bed. Tonight this was Owen’s prayer (I kid you not) — “Dear God, I really love my family. And thank you for frosting. Amen.”
I had all I could do to not bust out laughing. 😉
Goodnight,
Heather
Meera and Jewel, playdate yesterday, at Jewel’s house
There are some posts that are hard to write. This is one of them. Because how can I put it down in words? And what more can I say that I haven’t already said in years past (click)? This was our family’s 5th annual year of attending our “Haiti Families Reunion.” I want to re-name it: HAITI FAMILY REUNION. It feels like a family reunion. Except that in this family you always fit right in, no matter who you are, and no matter how different you are from every single other family/person there… because you’re all in this really special and unique boat together: this Haitian Adoptive Families Boat. This is a wild and wonderful boat—a boat that is tipsy turvy; a boat that sails on a tumultuous and thrashing, crashing sea; a boat that is hard to navigate; a challenge to keep on course; but this is a beautiful awe-inspiring life-affirming full-of-miracles boat that you wouldn’t trade for the grandest yacht ever made. This boat, while at moments crushing under the weight of the massive burden that it carries, is also brilliant and centered and somehow (amazingly, assuredly, unquestionably) on course.
This year what struck me most was what a treat it is to spend a weekend feeling “normal.” We always feel “weird”; we always stand out; we’re almost always “the only one” (because we can be in the most “diverse” place in the world—and we may even see many black-white bi-racial families there, yet we almost never see families that look like ours)… but… twice a year we get together with this very special extended family where we actually are just like everybody else in the most obvious way. That is a gift that each of us five J-Ms cherish in our own unique ways. It is a special, special, special treat. It is like your favorite kind of ice cream on a hot summer night (which, by the way, we actually have at the Haiti Reunion: ice cream sundaes on a hot summer night).
What also struck me this year was the reminder of just how amazing each and every one of the people is in attendance at this reunion. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Each family represents miracles. Each Haitian-American child a SURVIVOR and a precious gifted soul. Each non-adopted sibling is a rock-star! Each parent has moved mountains to make their family. It is amazing. It is awe-inspiring to be around. It is a reminder that it really is what it is, and it is special. Sometimes in our day-to-day we forget that. It is good to remember.
Kyle and Owen can be around Haitian people at other times of the year, but it is really only during our reunions that they have the chance to be around other adopted kids who lived part of their lives in Haitian orphanages. Meera can be around other biological siblings in adoptive families, but it is really only during our reunions that she has the chance to be around other kids whose siblings are the special dark-skinned-brown-eyed beauties that are the Haitian Sensations. And Braydon and I… well… we can be around lots of different people/parents/peers, but it is really only during our reunions that we can have that cosmic connection that comes only with others who have spear-headed a Haitian adoption (Haitian adoption is tough, it is gritty, it is a unique journey). This reunion is special. It really is. And it is so, so, so important to the soul of our family.
And so, we hope, that this one was our fifth of many.
Thank you to all of our dear friends who join us in this Haiti Family Reunion year-by-year. We’re together in this boat. You know who you are. We love ya! ~the J-Ms.
************************************
Each year I buy new Haiti t-shirts for the bambinos to wear to the reunion. This year, for the first time, K & O picked out the design and wanted Meera to wear the same. To mark our 5th anniversary of the reunion, here they are in their shirts, on the morning of the reunion, for the past five years!
2011 2010
2009
2008
2007
I am sorry it has taken me so long to post this! I made these muffins for Meera’s birthday party (there was a photo of them in this post – click). Several people have requested the recipe, I had promised I’d post it, and I’m finally getting to it. These muffins are the most delicious, moist berry muffins I’ve ever made. For the past couple of years I’ve been searching for a good strawberry muffin recipe to make around Meera’s birthday, and have tried several recipes for strawberry muffins… finally I found a real keeper! Try these and you’ll see what I mean!
STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM MINI MUFFINS
(a Nigella Lawson Recipe)
Makes 24 muffins
1 cup strawberries, slightly under-ripe, diced into quarter-inch pieces
1 squeeze of lemon juice
1 cup flour
½ cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
¼ cup vegetable oil
1/3 cup sour cream
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 large egg
1 tsp. powdered sugar
1. Preheat oven to 400. Line a 24-cup mini-muffin tin with paper baking cups.
2. Put diced strawberries into a bowl, spritz lemon juice on them and stir gently to combine.
3. In a medium-size bowl, stir together flour, sugar and baking powder.
4. In a small bowl, beat together oil, sour cream, vanilla and egg. Pour mixture over dry ingredients, stirring to combine with a wooden spoon. Fold in strawberries.
5. Divide batter evenly among the paper cups in the mini-muffin tin. Bake for 12 to 14 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean.
6. Place tin on a wire rack and leave for 5 minutes. Take out the muffins and continue cooling them in the paper cups on the wire rack. When muffins are completely cool, place the powdered sugar in a small sieve. Shake sieve lightly to dust the muffins with sugar. Serve.
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